sex, clothing, and coffee

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Mon Feb 23, 2009 8:45 am

I was thinking about how when I was younger wearing overtly womens clothing was an intensely erotic experience for me. This doesn't include wearing my girlfriends flannel shirts and jeans, which I wore in public without attracting any attention and without any feeling except a warmth and closeness to her.

As many here have said, with time the sexual aspect of this fades, although for me it has never really disappeared. I've posted about this next idea here before but I had more thoughts.

We tend to think of sex as all or nothing. It's either sexual or it isn't. But I am thinking that this is a false dichotomy, and I find the analogy to another basic need, food, to be helpful.

If we are really hungry, eating is about meeting our bodies needs. Go without eating long enough and we die. Go without sex long enough and we do not reproduce, a death in another way. At that level sex is just a biological need.

But then we get into love and affection. And there is a lot of scientific evidence that without affection bad stuff happens. Sex and affection can be intertwinned although not always. We may be looking for one and accepting the other. The classic case is the person needing affection and getting only sex but the reverse is also true.

Then we get to where our needs have been met but there is more. At this point we are talking about eating being about more than nutrition. A well fed person eating in a fine restaurant with good friends is doing a lot more than obtaining nutrients. In another vein fishing is usually about more than catching dinner. And sometimes we don't want a whole meal, just a snack. Sometimes we just want a relaxing cup of coffee.

On to sex. We can compare an hour of passion with someone we love with a fine dinner with that same person. I guess we could compare sex with a prostitute or masturbation as fast food when we are hungry. We can compare sexual compulsions to eating disorders. What is the sexual equivalent of a snack? Of a cup of coffee?

And that's where the CDing comes in. Because although it's not sexual in the way that it used to be, there is still a sexual component. I don't masturbate much when I CD anymore. One reason is that it sometimes removes the desire to dress, which I like doing. Another reason is that I just don't do it that much any more. But I am left with the feeling that weeding the garden in a skirt is in some way the sexual equivalent of a cup of herbal tea on the porch. It's not just about the tea, it's about the porch and the sunlight and the quiet and they all go together.

Let me know what y'all think......

Absaroka

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Mon Feb 23, 2009 10:42 am

I'll go along with that, Absaroka. It's not about sex so much, but there is a quiet hum of sexuality underneath some of the activities that I do as a woman when I'm out and about.

Carol Ann · Post by **Carol Ann** » Mon Feb 23, 2009 3:23 pm

Oh gosh sex is long gone out of my life but there is still a ton of affection with in my life. My CDing was never about sex from the get go at age 14 I just wanted to dress up and look like a pretty girl. Now on the other hand my CDing was nothing but a huge turn on for my wife and we have 4 kids to prove it.
No for me dressing wasn't about sex just a feeling I need to fill in my life as I was not a happy boy growing up.

Dalindra · Post by **Dalindra** » Fri Sep 04, 2009 1:48 am

I have to go with all 3 of you on this though from a different angle.

I was 6 when I tried on a pair of panties and loved them. Nothing sexual there. Or at 8 when I asked my sister if I could try on her dress.

However at 14 when my sister did dress me up as a possible haloween costume I found that truly exiting in a sexual way.

now 30 years later and having done it at night alone for ohh 6 months straight there is a somewhat sexual though more a sensual thing but it isn't the truly erotic thing it was at puberty.

Anyways just my 2 cents on this topic.

Christina Huffman · Post by **Christina Huffman** » Fri Oct 23, 2009 1:24 am

I wouldn't feel bad if some things have a sexual component. The reality is our culture infuses gender roles overall with sexuality, especially for women. Dressing has never really been sexual for me with one exception: I get a little excited by wearing leotard & tights, That clothing is not exactly the most erotic or fetishistic - I think it's because I connected that with gender and sex differences at a very early age.

I say have fun with it!

Kinks overall just make sex more interesting.

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Fri Oct 23, 2009 4:32 am

Me to! Me too!

I think I know what Christina is saying that society places certain gender designs on "their two aspects of human"s" but I think we all know and accept that there are more than two varieties of human existence. Some of us choose not to be "piegeon holed" so to speak. I choose to be me! If I want to dress in whatever statement I want to make, I do! If I want to go out amoung "the great unwashed" and present in whatever format I am in I made that choice. As one of my sisters here said recently, we have to love ourselves or we are going to live a miserable existence.

As for the sex part, Absaroka, it is the fine (your choice) dessert after a good meal, a good cigar, a fine brandy or even that relaxing nap on the couch on a week-end.

I'm loving my "Magical Mystery Tour."

Virginia

London · Post by **London** » Fri Oct 23, 2009 8:55 am

For me the cross-dressing at an early age (my teen years) was purely a sexual fantasy. I looked at myself in the mirror as if I was a peeping tom watching a real, half-dressed girl. When El & I rediscovered CDing a couple of years ago, it was, once again, purely sexual and is still largely that today, for both of us. (PS: I got my silicone breast forms yesterday and El enjoyed copping a feel or two -- or three)

Now I am thinking about dressing completely en femme and we are both looking forward to going out as a female couple, in the near future. This for me, I believe, will be more sensual and less sexual. I have always had a feminine side to me, a sense of style different from most men and a different sensitivity and sensibility. My mother thought I might be gay until I started dating girls, in my teens. A female boss asked me, in my mid-twenties, if I was gay (I was always fashionably, well dressed, well-groomed, well-mannered, well-spoken and extremely helpful to a mostly female staff - guess that makes me gay). None of this insulted me as I assumed they looked at the aspects of my personality that are more feminine that I have described above and that I am proud to have. So I think this new phase is new & improved way of letting out the woman in me.

This is all a wonderful experience and I just love being a man, but being able to experience a little bit of what it feels like to be a woman. El enjoys being loved by a man and a woman. It is all very cool.

London