How can I just accept this and move on!

[Michelle Miller]

I guess what I am saying is that I still love my hubby with all my heart, and I know now that nothing will change the way I feel about him it is what it is.

This is the kind of thing we like to see in SO's.

Everyone's different, like Tara said, if he liked to grab his horned helmet and go bash other guys over the head with giant hammers & swords & such, would that make him a Viking? I used to like wasting weekends at a time at places like Road Atlanta, when they'd have trackday weekend events and such, but it didn't make me a race car driver...it didn't make me that great of a driver at all, now that I think on it...

No one else but your husband can tell you what he wants, whether it be SRS, hormones, Pepsi or Coke, red or blue, first class or business, etc...that is, until someone can read minds, but I'm not holding my breath for that one. Point is, we can share similar experiences, but to be so pretentious as to say "this will happen, that will happen, and you'll be left married to a post-op t-girl" is a bit preposterous.

[Sammy C. (SO)]

Michelle, THANK YOU !!! That is why I joined the forum for support!

[Davita]

Sammy,
Why do I feel guilt?

So in your support... any bug you want us to sneak into hubby's ear? A simple reminder to slow down?

BTW, I'm glad you two keep talking, trying to work it out. It's tough; been there done that. If you need other support stuff, I have a section on my web site with links for you. just let me know.

[KimberlyS]

Sammy I am glad that the both of you are still trying to work through things. You said the best thing that you could be doing. Talk, Talk, Talk. The second best thing is shut up and listen to what the other person has to say. In other words communication, communication, communication.

If both of you are honestly communicating and trying to work through it you will. If one of you is not honestly and openly communicating it will never work. I hope the best for both you and Fran.

kimberlys cd
joe in a skirt

[Absaroka]

Sami the folks here are very nice, and very supporting, but this forum does have a high percentage of folks who are at least partly transgendered, to the point of wanting hormones and that sort of thing. The majority of crossdressers do not want to be women. We just like to pretend. I would try not to worry to much about will your husband become your girlfriend unless he brings this stuff up.

If he is one of the 1 or 2 % of crossdressers who really do want to become a woman, then of course it would be very different. You would be mourning the loss of the man you married, and him replacing that man with a woman who loves you would not change that. If you read the biographies of people like Jenny Boylan they will speak of the anguish their need to transistion has caused those they love, and it is a real issue that can not be dismissed with "but I'm the same person, just a different gender" After all if it was not of extreme importance no one would have the surgery in the first place. But I shouldn't even be speaking of this, since statistically speaking that scenario is so unlikely.

I hope that you and your husband are able to figure all this out and assign it a rightfully small place in your marriage, and if it suits you maybe you'll even be able to have some fun with it. If not, well lots of spouses don't participate in some of their spouses activities.

[Susan]

This is a forum for cross dressers.

As one myself I know the difference between CDs and transgendered people. I am lucky in that I have friends in both camps. There are other sites that cater to TG people. I am not saying TG people are not welcome here, they are very welcome here as this is not a black and white thing.

I absolutely HATE discrimination based on anything other than ability. I welcome all here as long as they keep to our rules.

At this time I am a CD - who knows where I will be when I die.

Please be tolerant, this is confusing enough on its own.

[Amanda M]

Sammy, first of all, well done for coming on here and expressing your doubts and worries. The only thing that will give you clarity and understanding of your needs and your hubby's needs is discussion and openness.

People on various fora will tell you " Oh, he will want this, or do that", but the fact is, they are only speculating based on their personal experience. What you two are dealing with is unique to you as a couple.

If I may offer some little advice it is this. Don't allow YOUR needs and wishes to be put aside simply to accommodate his. When you are clear in your own mind, make sure he understands what YOU need and want, so that he can compromise where necessary. Finally, take it VERY slowly.

I wish you both a happy and fulfilling future.

Amanda.