I wish things could be different

[CharLee]

Like many of you my Cding stated at an early age but i denied my true feelings and suppressed them for a very long time. I went about my life doing what was expected of me as a man, joined the Army, got married, had kids, etc. etc. But all the while my desire to dress as a woman, which I did whenever I could, even after I married and had kids kept getting stronger.

This among other things lead to my divorce from my first wife. When I met my current wife I told her before hand that I was a crossdresser and she was ok with it as long as we kept it private and the kids ( hers & mine ) never saw me dressed. Well that lasted for awhile but eventually I was caught dressed by our kids at different times. They didn't seem to mind and we let it go from there as we kept it in the family.

Fast forward to 5 years ago. I joined a support group and went out as a woman in public for the first time. Although scared out of my wits, I eventually relaxed and enjoyed the experience. As time progressed and I dressed more frequently I came to realize that it was more than dressing as a woman that I wanted to do. When I finally realized that I would rather be a woman, or at least live as woman, and I told my wife this, as you can see she wasn't too happy about the idea.

Over the years we have had our ups & downs about my dressing but she has never tried to stop me from dressing or going out. We have come to a compromise on my dressing that we both can live with for now. But I wish that I could live as a woman 24/7 as that is what I truly feel I should be. I know this goes against all reasonable expectations of my my because she didn't sign up to be married to another woman and she wants her husband to be there for her. But I can't help the way I feel.

When I am en femme I feel so right and natural in the way look, in the clothes I wear and the way I behave and interact with people. it's not just the clothes, but my whole personna changes to where I am more gentle, more engaging and more sociable. Even our kids like me better when I am en femme than when I am in male mode and accept me as a woman when I am dressed. If only my wife could be as accepting of me that way as our kids are life would be wonderful for me.

I hope some day I will achieve my desire of being a woman, or living as one, but for now I have to be satisfied with what I am able to do and cherish the time I get to be the REAL me.

[DonnaT]

Some day maybe. But it sounds like you get to spend a good bit of time as CharLee, if your kids can see the difference.

[Carol Ann]

Hang in there sweetheart our day will come as all good things come in time.

[Amanda M]

I am sorry that things are so hard for you, but sad in a sense that you seem to dismiss your wife's needs so easily - or have I got it wrong?