Been for a while since i posted, right?

[Tiana]

I feel like the longer I wait the more stories I have to write later on. It had been forever since I last post something on this forum.
So excuse me, this post shall be a long post, but, it contains a lot detail about my life.
Let’s travel back in time, long time ago. Let’s start at summer last year. I remembered posting a topic about my summer, about me and my family went camping. Summer was a horrible time; I will not go in detail, because it reminds me of sadness. I cut myself 3 times during the summer, leaving me with 3 small scars on my arms. But other than that, nothing else interesting happened.
Move on, school year begin. I went to FV high school. I was so nervous before school started. Although, I looked forward it. School started off easy. I enjoy my class. I took Japanese, World Geography, English, PE, Intergrated Science and Accelerated Geometry. Out of all, I enjoyed Japanese the most. I made several friends, and after several weeks, I eventually started my own programming club.
Nothing interest happened until the 23rd of September, the club rush day. On this day, every single club display themselves outside to recruit people for their clubs. Here, I found Gay Straight Alliance club. I joined the club. And that is the starting point of my story in high school.
Wednesday next week, I went to the first club meeting, lots of people were there, well yeah, fun, but after like 5 mins sitting down listening to the supervisor of the club, I was surprised to find a friend who sit behind me in PE, come to the meeting. I was scared, I wasn’t ready to come out yet, but, after talking to her, she revealed that she is straight, and just a supporter, and I revealed to her that I’m a transsexual. Later that night, we had a talk, and she encourage me to come out.
As the story go on, she helped me go out, and eventually, about 3 weeks later, 6 people know about it. They are all supportive, and I hang out with those 6 people everyday. But, this isn’t the raising action yet, it just the starting point. After Halloween, I decided that I wanted to cosplay as an anime girl, and I talked to a friend, who became the most important person in my school life.
I talked to her as lunch time, talking about getting me fabric and sew it. She told me “wow, you are a boy and you can sew? Nice”, and I told her “Yeah”, and after showing her some of the cloths I made for my stuffed animal, when she got home and talked to me on facebook, she asked me if I was gay, I didn’t say anything much, until she told me it is fine, because she herself is bisexual. And then I revealed to her that I’m a transsexual. She said her new goal is to help me become a girl.
After that about 3 weeks, she went to the store and bought me some female cloths. And on the first day of the next week, I received those cloths and crossdressed in public.
Now people starting to question me. But, thank to her, she said that if anyone ask me why I’m dressing like this, just tell them that I lost the bet. It work! And I gained some supporter, and eventually, some close friend. But then… 3 days after that, my parent found out that I still haven’t stop crossdressing, they grounded me and lecture me,… horrible time, but I won’t give up.
Winter time, winter break. 2 weeks break, happy time for other people, but for me, it was the worst Christmas that I had.
On the Sunday of the first week, my parent and my mom’s brother (yeah my parent starting to tell other people in the family now) teamed up to preach against me. They state that it a mental disorder, blah blah blah, saying I must stop because it will lead me to no where, such and such. No matter how hard I tell them this society accept it, they wont hear me, saying that they are Medical doctor, + surgery specialist + psychologist, they think they know more than I do and they only want the best thing to happen to me. And eventually, they threatened me that they going to switch me to homeschool, put me to mental hospital,… I shut up to avoid those.
Wednesday, New Years eve, I gave another attempt to convince them, but this time, I tried my best to “not making them mad”, and… after 3 hours talking, no matter how hard I try, I’m left with 2 choice: 1. Keep being this way and go to mental hospital, switch to homeschool, etc, or 2. Obey them and going to school. Fml. Of course, I don’t want to drop out of school, that place is where all of my support come from, I pretended to go with choice 2.
Back to school, I secretly went to the school psychologist (my parent wont let me to to counselor and told me not to). Surprised to me, instead of getting useful information, after about 30 minutes of talking, she told me “The best way for you to get over this is to keep talking to your parent, I will call you sometime next week”. And I walked out of her office, angry, told myself “I wasted my time, I came to there because I already gave up on convincing my parent”…
She never called me until atleast a month later.
I talked to my friends, they helped me relieve my stress. But eventually, I feel so bad that I cutted myself another time. But of course, I won’t give up. I stopped crossdressing out in public for a while, because I think my parent will spy on me, and also because they cut my hair short, so now if I crossdress, people are going to be like “wtf are you wearing” (well my hair was short when I first crossdress in public, too, but it is wayyyy shorter now).
Thing go like that until 3 weeks ago, when I gave up that I can’t go on living as a boy. I talked to a friend of my, and she let me borrow her Japanese school girl outfit. I crossdress out in public with short hair, again, and was super happy. And then, my friend got me a wig, I started to crossdress again. And my friends said that I look really pretty as a girl. I even made a youtube channel [Link deleted; contact Tiana via PM for same. - SL] with myself playing piano as a girl. I was so happy. And of course, my parent doesn’t know about it.
The psychologist call me up when I was crossdressing in the Japanese school girl outfit.
She said it been awhile since she last see me, and use “she had been busy” as an excuse for why she didn’t call me up. She asked if I had talk to my parent, and I told her I just cant because if I talk to them they might drop me out of school, and such. After talking for a while, me and her agree that we need to find a place for me to change for PE (before that, whenever I crossdress I have to ask my teacher to leave early so that I can run to the bathroom and change). And she sent an email to all my teacher saying that I would prefer to be treated as a girl.

…
Oh well, I don’t know what else to put. That is like my story. It might seem short to you, but, to me, it feel like a century had passed.
Right now, I have lots of friend who accept me as a girl, I have 2 friends who willing to go to the store to buy me cloth, and of course, my teacher treat me like a girl, too.

Excuse my bad English, I’m not a naitive English speaker.

[Photo deleted; Tiana may add it to her gallery album. - SL]

[Anita]

Hi Tiana--
I liked your video—that’s a very nice outfit you have on. I liked your playing, too.

That is a hard situation that you’re facing, and my heart goes out to you.

[Tiana]

added a picture of me.

NOte: i had long hair thank to the wig

[Photo deleted; Tiana may add it to her gallery album. - SL]

[DonnaT]

Good to hear from you, Tiana.

Doesn't sound like your parents are ever going to change, so don't lead yourself into despair by trying to change them and coming up empty. The more you come up empty the worse you'll feel.

Enjoy the time you do get, especially with your friends.

Seems you school psychologist didn't get back to you very fast because she had to read up on trans and trans children.

Not sure if she can do anything, but find out what kind of plan has she might have to keep you from being removed from the school and being home schooled.

PM me the link to your video, please.

[Caith]

The psychologist call me up when I was crossdressing in the Japanese school girl outfit. She said it been awhile since she last see me, and use “she had been busy” as an excuse for why she didn’t call me up. She asked if I had talk to my parent, and I told her I just cant because if I talk to them they might drop me out of school, and such. After talking for a while, me and her agree that we need to find a place for me to change for PE (before that, whenever I crossdress I have to ask my teacher to leave early so that I can run to the bathroom and change). And she sent an email to all my teacher saying that I would prefer to be treated as a girl.

It sounds like your school psychologist has your best interests in her heart. That she e-mailed all your teachers was a highly significant step. Don't under-estimate the significance of her actions. Continue to make friends in school who will support you, and you will have those friends for the next four years, and even into college. Social support is critical to your personal development. Don't ever give up.

[Davita]

Tiana, it's good the counselor was listing after all. I'm afraid you will need to rely on her to be that sensible voice at times when you can't think straight. It's good you have all your friends too, but they may not always give you an honest answer where the counselor can. It's not a bad thing about your friends; you know how it is, we all try hard not to hurt friends even when a little hurt would be the best answer.

Good to hear from you, be strong and prevail. One day you will not be relying on your parents; you will be on your own.

[Tiana]

Caith, remember when I asked you if it is okay to post a picture of myself in the forum or not? XD I was right. SL removed my pic, as well as my YouTube channel link.

Well, doesn't matter x3 I expected that, so

Anyway, thank for the reply.

Donna I will pm u in a moment

[SilverLady(SO)]

Tiana -

I will remind you that we have had this discussion previously, and my decision has not changed:

A. You may post your photo(s) in the photo gallery, but not in any of your posts; further, links to the photo gallery are not allowed. These rules apply to everyone, not just to you, and they have always been enforced. Perhaps you misunderstood Caith's response, or she misunderstood your question?

B. Regarding the link to your YouTube account, I deleted it due to the fact that you are a minor. If you were an adult, at least 18 yrs old, then I would have left that link remain.


If you have any questions regarding these matters, you may contact me via PM.

- SL

[Absaroka]

Wow Tiana, a lot has been going on. It sounds like your school counselor may wind up being a big help, even if she has gotten off to a bit of a late start. I hope she will continue to be helpful to you.

It's very difficult when your parents aren't able to understand and have such great power over you. It may seem like a long time, but in a few years you will be 18 and they will no longer have authority over you. Of course there will be the subject of money, paying for college and so forth that will still give them a hold on you. But they would not be able to have you locked up.

Which brings me to another thought. You can in fact be put in a mental hospital if you are considered a danger to yourself or others. You don't sound like you are about to hurt anyone else. But cutting yourself, should they decide to do such a thing, would give them arguements in that you are dangerous to yourself.

I realize you probably do this to relieve your feelings. However my mom did the same thing, and accidentally cut herself in a place she shouldn't have. She almost died, and driving with her to the hosptial is one of the worst memories of my life. I really hope you will listen carefully to this and not cut yourself anymore, no matter how discouraged you feel.

In the meantime, it sounds like many things are going well. You have friends at school who are supporting you and a counselor who now seems to be on board with what is going on with you. This is all good. You may have to let your family go their own way on this and just not allow them the chance to know the daughter they are lucky to have.

Hang in there and keep posting.

Zari

[Kyra]

Hi Tiana,
First, thank you for letting us know how you are doing. It's good to see you are making new friends.

The high school my children went to had a Gay/Straight Alliance as well. Both of my kids are straight, but they know dad is a crossdresser. They also know that whether you are gay, straight, or whatever, you are still a human being. It's important to remember, not everyone will understand your feelings, but they should respect your choices.

Parents have difficulties when raising children. Sometimes the choices we make are not the best, but most of the time we do what we think is best. Some parents often recall experiences in their childhood and use that as basis for raising their children. It's not always correct, but it does happen. It sounds like your parents could use some education on raising transgendered children. I wish I had a good book to recommend.

Absaroka is correct, cutting yourself does no good. Please, please be careful.
As Davita said, "Be strong!" You have more courage than you think.
I hope the rest of the year is better for you.
Hugs,
Kyra

[Ralitsa]

Hi Tiana,
it's good to hear from you again. I was wondering how you have been doing.
So it sounds like some things are going well, but others are really pretty discouraging. Actually, all of life is that way, so don't despair too much.

It is difficult to hear that your parents treat you this way. Of course they want what is best for you, and to some extent their argument that crossdressing will bring you pain and suffering, is true. It does do that, I can personally confirm that. On the other hand, lecturing and yelling about it will not change who you are, or your desires or nature. I'm pretty sure, from your earlier posts, that your parents love you very much and want you to be happy and successful. Their only fault is that they do not have accurate knowledge of what this is all about and their reactions are driven by their fear of the unknown. Do not think that your parents don't care about your happiness, I am willing to bet anything that your happiness is their first concern, they simply do not realize what this means to you.

We all know that this is not something that we can just make go away, it doesn't work like that. I suppose, if it were your choice, that you will not have chosen this. But we don't get to choose. So try to be patient with your parents and the others who do not understand, and try to appreciate their concerns for you. Certainly you should refrain from cutting yourself, or otherwise harming yourself. Please don't feel like nobody understands, because we all do and we are all here to help. And do not feel like nobody cares, your parents care a great deal, and so do the rest of us. I hope that this counsellor you are speaking with is able to help with your parents, it sounds like she is already helping with your school. Perhaps you could ask her to help you explain your feelings to your parents, often it is useful to have a third party present to keep the conversation on-subject and prevent emotions from getting out of control.
Clearly your parents are of very traditional beliefs, but I think there is a good chance they will come to understand and appreciate who you are. I have no doubt they already love you as you are.
Just one other crazy idea, maybe you could suggest to your parents that they visit this forum to discuss their concerns. We all would be glad to answer any questions and help them understand this particular habit.