the real reason many of don't tell our wives

[Lori Q.]

I have a question for any CD. Why doesn't CD's tell their wives when they are still dating? I never understood that. I told my wife when we first met.

[Leeza]

Why doesn't CD's tell their wives when they are still dating?

For me with my first wife I didn't think it was anything important I didn't realize that it was such a part of my life and thought I could walk away from it.

It was later that I realized it was not something that I could leave behind.

My second wife knew of my CDing before we started dating.

Leeza

[Lori Q.]

Why doesn't CD's tell their wives when they are still dating?

For me with my first wife I didn't think it was anything important I didn't realize that it was such a part of my life and thought I could walk away from it.

It was later that I realized it was not something that I could leave behind.

My second wife knew of my CDing before we started dating.

Leeza

Please don't think I am being disrespectful. I'm not. I'm just trying to understand. Why would you want to "walk away from it?"

[Leeza]

At the time I thought it was just a phase of growing up as I had not CDed for 3 years. It was later that I realized CDing was a part of me.

Leeza

[Lori Q.]

At the time I thought it was just a phase of growing up as I had not CDed for 3 years. It was later that I realized CDing was a part of me.

Leeza

You mean you just didn't want to dress anymore at the time?

[Drea Lynn Stewart]

I have a question for any CD. Why doesn't CD's tell their wives when they are still dating? I never understood that. I told my wife when we first met.

While I can't speak for others, I didn't tell my wife because I naively thought it had just been a phase and that I had moved on. It was only after we had been together for years that the urges returned, and I started educating myself on who and what I am.

Hugs,
Drea

[Lori Q.]

I have a question for any CD. Why doesn't CD's tell their wives when they are still dating? I never understood that. I told my wife when we first met.

While I can't speak for others, I didn't tell my wife because I naively thought it had just been a phase and that I had moved on. It was only after we had been together for years that the urges returned, and I started educating myself on who and what I am.

Hugs,
Drea

You mean you didn't want to dress for a while?

[Miss Joanne]

I'm new here, and am finding it fascinating and comforting to see the many people who have so much in common with me! I explained the whole CD thing to someone a few days ago like this:

I'm an engineer, and I work with electrical circuits. If something doesn't work the way I want, I can change how it's wired up. However, you can't do that with people. We are who and what we are. There's no means to change that.

[Gina]

Absaroka (love that name),

Yes, exactly.

Bravo.

And may I add for me: plain old fear of conflict, tears and anger.

[Hope]

Lori, I guess I'm with Leeza, although I told my first wife before we were married. The fact of the matter is I too thought as soon as I was
married, the urge to dress would simply go away somehow...magically? Crazy?

Why don't most tell their wives? Well, you sort of have to have been born male I guess to really understand. We've got this strange wiring
that makes us believe (for the most part, not all of us) if we ain't 110% macho, then we aren't squat! I don't know why...it just is? So telling
the woman you are madly in love with is sort of like trying to explain to her you aren't what she thinks you are? It's complicated.....

[Sandy K.]

I been with my wife for 18 years and i told her in the beginning .I believe she always in-between supportive and tolerant.I was scared to death and didnt want to tell her but took a leap and landed well.I can see why others dont tell but it not healthy to something as big as this.

[Lori Q.]

My wife was completely understanding. I told her before we started dating. We had no problems with that part of my life. We had a set of twins together. I started growing and eventually was on hormones and went to counseling. We also as a family went to family counseling. Anyway, in November I lost my wife of 26 years. I am devastated to say the least. I am so depressed but little by little it's getting a tad bit easier. My wife was my best friend, my lover, my world. There wasn't a day that went by we didn't tell each other we loved each other. We hugged and kissed everyday. There wasn't anything we didn't know about each other. The holidays that just passed were so hard on me especially Christmas. Now I walk into stores and see Valentine's Day stuff out and that depresses me. The next big holiday will be Easter. It's early this year in March. That will be hard as well. Even though our kids are grown up, we still made them Easter baskets. Well, we haven't done that for our daughter in some years but that's another long story. But my wife and I always did things together and making up the Easter baskets were one of them. I can't wait till there's a long stretch between holidays. I can't talk very long about my wife because it makes me depressed, shake and I cry sooo hard I have trouble breathing.

[Denise Douglas]

I didn't tell my wife before our marriage, I was in another of my "this crossdressing will go away" phases that I'd been through so many times. When I did over time gradually let her know the other side of me, she was very supportive and caring, even agreeing a few years later that HRT for me would be OK with her. Like Lori, I recently lost my best friend and loving wife that supported my gender journey, she passed away on Sept. 18, 2012. So other than one very good online friend, I have no one that really "knows" about that journey, yes Christmas was difficult, I'm currently in a grief support group that meets weekly. And I have days coming up that will be tough, Feb.13 was her birthday, Valentine's Day the next day, and March 17 St Patrick's Day was also our wedding anniversary. If I ever have another chance to have a close relationship or marriage, I'll be "spilling the beans" right up front, I feel it's only fair to do so and will allow both to move ahead with all the known facts on the table. Anyway, I don't forsee any situation like that any time soon, I'm a very long way from being ready for something like that.
DeniseD

[Lori Q.]

I didn't tell my wife before our marriage, I was in another of my "this crossdressing will go away" phases that I'd been through so many times. When I did over time gradually let her know the other side of me, she was very supportive and caring, even agreeing a few years later that HRT for me would be OK with her. Like Lori, I recently lost my best friend and loving wife that supported my gender journey, she passed away on Sept. 18, 2012. So other than one very good online friend, I have no one that really "knows" about that journey, yes Christmas was difficult, I'm currently in a grief support group that meets weekly. And I have days coming up that will be tough, Feb.13 was her birthday, Valentine's Day the next day, and March 17 St Patrick's Day was also our wedding anniversary. If I ever have another chance to have a close relationship or marriage, I'll be "spilling the beans" right up front, I feel it's only fair to do so and will allow both to move ahead with all the known facts on the table. Anyway, I don't forsee any situation like that any time soon, I'm a very long way from being ready for something like that.
DeniseD

I'm sorry to hear about your wife Denise. Looks like there a lot of important dates coming up for you. I'm kinda like you as in the way I feel now I don't ever want to get married again. My wife was my one and only. That's great though that your wife supported you. You hear so many stories that their wives don't support them. Are you full time Denise? I'm not in a grieving group. Does it help you? I am in counseling but where I go they don't offer any kind of groups. Do you have any children Denise? I know this is hard for you because it is hard for me but I think everyone has their own experience they go through. I try to keep busy so I won't think so much about her. I don't know how else to deal with it. People tell me to remember the good times but that's what makes me sad because they aren't here anymore. They will never be here. We did talk a lot and now there's no one I can talk to like I talked to my wife. She was the only one that really knew me. 26 years was a long time but I wish we could have had a lot more. I really enjoyed her.

Ok I have to go for now.
Good talking to you Denise,
~Lori

[Denise Douglas]

I lost a lot of relationships over the years when I brought the subject up in the slightest way early on, so I guess I was fearful of losing the relationship I was starting to build when my late wife and I became friends and then started going out, we had so many things in common that I did not want to tell her prior to the marriage and end up losing her. Hindsight is 20/20, it looks like I could have told her up front and not wasted some valuable time. I'm not full time and still struggling with how to come out, guess I'll get to it one of these days (though I can't wear sweaters or tight shirts as the "girls" are starting to show). I have a daughter from my first marriage many years ago and I have a step daughter from Janet's first marriage. I started going to the grief counseling group five weeks ago, I think it is very helpful to me, makes me aware that other people share many of the same feelings/responses to their loss of spouses or loved ones. It gives me a place to honestly say what is on my mind with people that understand what I'm going through, sometimes "friends" just really don't want to hear it, it's been a few months and "you should be over it". The truth for me is I don't think I'll ever be over it, it was the best 16 years of my life, I will just do a better job of accepting it. I have two close friends that I can openly talk to and part of the group process was to have a one on one with the group counselor prior to entering the group. And the counselor is available for one on one at any time you need to talk one on one.
DeniseD