A question or two

[Judith(SO)]

Anthony, if I may call you that, I get myself into trouble sometimes for my use of names.
At this point in time the thought of seeing my hubby dressed up makes me somewhat uncomfortable, that’s just how it is, if it changes or not I can’t say, but just as he says he can’t change, then it’s just as hard for me to change how I am, maybe with time I will change what I think and how I feel, who knows, but also he doesn’t want me to see him dressed up, so that’s ok for now.
I’m not sure what you mean when you say, “If you don't intrude on your husband's privacy in this way you're always going to be denying yourself essential information.” I don’t know what more information there is for me to know.

Elly, the fact that he never told me did rock me when I found out the extent of it, because, before we got married we spent so much time delving into each other’s thoughts and beliefs, so much so that I always thought there was nothing we didn’t know about each other, and I think that all that soul searching and delving went a long way to a making a life together for over twenty years without any issues arising which caused any disruption of any note to our relationship.

The thing is, now that I know as much as I do, I have a better knowledge of why he didn’t tell me, it must have weighed very heavily on him because he well knew the high value I placed on honesty and trust. I’ve tried in my mind to exchange places with him and I can’t say for sure if I’d have done anything different to him if it’d been me, but then I’ll never know that for sure, will I, but what I now know tells me that he must have been scared to death of anyone finding out and the repercussions it would have brought for him. I’m glad I’ve now been able to move on from berating him in my mind for not trusting me and I’m determined to never bring up the deceit thing again, it’s in the past.

I quite realize that no one is without blemish. And it’s good t see you say that fundamentally your hubby is still the man you fell in love with, I can see that with my hubby too, but also I have the thought that if I saw him dressed up in women’s clothes then that may well paint a different picture in my mind of the man I fell in love with, but I can’t say that with any conviction, maybe I’m just letting my imagination run away with me. Also, right now I’m reluctant to see any ‘her’ in him, maybe I’m hoping to hang onto the man and not let anything else intrude, who knows.
Thanks for your input anyway, it was valuable.

Denise, Do you think it could be the case with some women that if the man told her on his own accord it may be more likely she will accept it or at the least make more of an effort to open her mind to it, it’s just a thought.
I would suggest from my personal experience, no matter how deep the love of the man, it shakes a woman up to have what I may call a double whammy, where she finds out the man she loves likes to dress up as a woman and whatever goes with that want, and couple that with a feeling of mistrust from not being told, then that may well exacerbate the situation, and once a mind is closed it may be difficult to prise it open, if you follow me.

You’ve certainly had your share of issues in life with one thing and another, I hope things are much better for you now, and I’m glad you took the time to share some of your experiences and thoughts, I find it very comforting people are prepared to take the time.
We are dealing with it all in our own way, it doesn’t make it any easier with having to drag everything out of my hubby, but then he’s always been that sort of a person, very private and the silent type, it can be frustrating sometimes, but then I knew about that part of him well before we walked down the aisle 22 years ago, and so far we’ve been a good mix, and as I said before, no one is without blemish.

I suppose sometimes we look for a quick fix, but life isn’t like that is it, I can’t say what the future holds, none of us can, we can only do the best we can at any given time and try to always be positive. My belief is that if at the time when you make a decision you believe it is the right thing to do, then that’s ok, you can be excused if things go awry, but if you make a decision thinking it may well NOT be the right one then that is a completely different scenario, there can be consequences.
Thanks again.

Judith.

[Paulette]

I've just noticed that now that I have a partner who accepts me fully and would be perfectly happy if I transitioned to full time en femme, I don't feel nearly as much urge to do so. Dressing is an aid in the bedroom for us, but that's turning into pretty much all it is. As Raven Kaldera notes, I may have to find a new fetish!

At the same time I have come to believe that those who dress and learn to successfully pass, seem to become more and more likely to fully transition. It's as if extended practice makes the persona or that aspect of oneself more natural, and eventually a more dominant one than one's male persona or aspect.

So, Judith, it may be that if you want to keep your guy as a guy, you may want to encourage him to share that portion of himself with you in the privacy of your bedroom, and not simply go off dressing without you, by himself alone.

This is just a theory, a supposition. Try reading some of Raven's articles and see what you think. I highly recommend them even though I have zero interest in his spiritual concerns or thoughts. His web site is http://www.ravenkaldera.org" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;.

[Anthony Simon]

Anthony, if I may call you that, I get myself into trouble sometimes for my use of names.

Hi Judith, Anthony is fine. Sometimes people want me to have a female name here, but most of the time I don't feel like "her" here.

At this point in time the thought of seeing my hubby dressed up makes me somewhat uncomfortable, that’s just how it is, if it changes or not I can’t say, but just as he says he can’t change, then it’s just as hard for me to change how I am, maybe with time I will change what I think and how I feel, who knows, but also he doesn’t want me to see him dressed up, so that’s ok for now.

I do understand that.

I’m not sure what you mean when you say, “If you don't intrude on your husband's privacy in this way you're always going to be denying yourself essential information.” I don’t know what more information there is for me to know.

It's along the lines of what you've said about how things would have been different if you'd known about your husband's CDing from the beginning. I mean like that's 25 years ago. So, let's say you look 25 years ahead - like when you're 70-odd. I'm just wondering if you'd regret not having seen what goes on in this part of the man you'd then have been married to for 50 years.

[Judith(SO)]

Anthony,
How dreadful of you reminding a woman of my tender years that one day she may be 70, that’s my day done (and also I’m just joking ha ha )

Yes, I hear what you’re saying and I do think that one day I’m going to have to face him dressed up, and btw, there are times when in a quieter moment I find my natural womanly curiosity makes me wonder whatever does he look like. I suppose one day I may find out, but right now I’d rather not. I suppose I’m being a bit of a squib, but what’s the rush, everything is pretty good with us at this time.

Paulette, I went into that site and started reading a few of his articles but found them a bit heavy for me at this point in time, There are some things I’d rather not have to think about for the present, but thank you for sharing it with me, it’s much appreciated.

Judith.

[Anthony Simon]

Sorry!