Lingerie for men

[Judith(SO)]

It seems sometimes that every time I think I’m getting somewhere, something arises which throws me right out again.
You see, my husband has said over and over again that he does not have any feelings of wanting to be a woman, or indeed wanting to be anything other than the man he’s always been, he says that from time to time he has a battle to control his desire to dress up in frilly lacey clothes, but when he does it makes him feel like all his stress and problems have been soothed away.

Well, what is confusing me at this time is that in a conversation quite removed from anything to do with my hubby, a girl friend of mine told me recently that she’d come across a company which exclusively made frilly lacey bra’s, panties and lingerie etc for men, and that the business was booming, especially in the US, but also growing rapidly all round the world.

What I did was, I looked up the website http://www.hommemystere.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; and then mentioned it to my hubby and showed him the site and his remarks staggered me.
He said the clothing didn’t interest him because it was made for men, and although it looked girly, it would never mean the same thing as garments made for women.

I confess I am confused more each day. One day he says he has no female feelings or desires, it’s just the clothes which he needs to interact with, but more and more I’m beginning to doubt he’s being as upfront and truthful as he says he’s being.

I’ve got to the stage where I’m saying to myself well if something is going on inside him which is taking him down a different path, then so be it, all I want is something definite and not being in this state of confusion.
If that’s his path I would never jump up and down about it, disappointed as I would be if I lost him, because what will be will be, and many things we don’t have complete control over, at this point in time I feel it’s not something which I could embrace, but I wouldn’t completely abandon him if it happened either, I guess it’s something I’d rather not be confronted with right now either.

I don’t know how some of you folk feel about this and what he’s saying about the men's/women's clothes, or if it’s unique to him.

Judith.

[Martina H.]

Hi Judith
I have to agree with your hubby that it is not the same as womens lingerie and I would not buy any made for men, I have looked at shops on the internet that sell clothes for cross dressers and just think that they are trying to exploit men that are not able or open to shopping for womens clothes for fear of shame or radical. Also when you compare the prices are so much more from these outlets to most womans shops. It took me some time before going shopping on my own to feel comfortable in what I was doing was not wrong in buying womens clothes for myself.

[Karin]

Hi Judith,
What you're describing doesn't sound very surprising to me really. Your hubby says that dressing for him is just escapism where he destresses. If he's doing this by stepping out of 'male mode' into a perception of something softer, then it makes absolute sense to want 'real girl' items to do it in? Lacey and frilly are very stereotypical of the softer side of female really. Using this site would mean that he was using guy clothes and would therefore keep him in the male mode he's trying to take a break from? It's a bit like the Japanese trend of cosplay maybe? You may find answers there as thousands of people do exactly what you're describing, its fun and relaxing and not a replacement for real life.
It makes sense that this would be of interest to him, as if he were wanting to 'be' female for real, I think there would be more focus on an ' everyday' image, in keeping with gg that are out and about (ie dressing practically)

[Carol Ann]

Well hon I looked at the site and I will tell you it's a rip off. I can go to anystore and buy two good bra's for the price of one there, also stocking are way over priced.

I myself prefer the real stuff as that is all I have ever worn from teenage to old lady ,. Sweetheart get him the real stuff and enjoy it with him.

[RebeccaF]

Yep I looked too and tbh I found it made me feel jolly uncomfortable. It demonstrated for me just how very strange crossdressing could look from an 'outsiders' point of view. It's pretty easy to understand how what we 'do', or 'are', is seen as weird, by those who don't know or don't care.

Personally I wouldn't shop there in a month of Sundays because, ok the clothes are frilly, but they're for guys and that misses the whole point of it for me. I don't really 'do' frilly anyway.

I have recently bought my first pair of girls jeans and I LOVE them and it's not because they're pink (they aren't), or have frilly bits anywhere (they don't). It's because in the label it says '10', the zip does up the other way and there is fancy stitching on the pockets. This means they are girls jeans, and it's that what makes them a bit 'special'.

[Gillian]

Quote; "I confess I am confused more each day. One day he says he has no female feelings or desires, it’s just the clothes which he needs to interact with, but more and more I’m beginning to doubt he’s being as upfront and truthful as he says he’s being."
I have tried these other "clothes", from sites like the site that you have mentioned, and they did nothing for me. I agree with another responder, they are way more expensive, and they also didn't come off a womens wear rack.
How can one explain it to another person? The only thing that comes to mind is this. I love ice cream, I mean I really love ice cream, but it tends to bother my stomach. So my wife has started to buy frozen yogurt for me instead. It is close, it will do, but it is not the same, its a lesser replacement. When it comes to lingerie, why would I settle for seconds, when I can have the best. Better selection, better prices, and I not not afraid to shop in person, even my wife shops with me and helps.

Quote; "You see, my husband has said over and over again that he does not have any feelings of wanting to be a woman, or indeed wanting to be anything other than the man he’s always been, he says that from time to time he has a battle to control his desire to dress up in frilly lacey clothes, but when he does it makes him feel like all his stress and problems have been soothed away."
I can totally believe this. So this is my point, do you have a problem with his frilly clothes? I would speculate that his battle has alot to do with what others will think about it. You are the most important person in his life, so your acceptance will be very important to him. Then, if you have no big problems with it, then encourage him, for what he says is quite true, it is a stress relief helper for him. Or would you rather have him use alcohol, or drugs for his stress relief, like so many other men do? I am just pointing out that we all have tools that we use for stress relief, my bias is toward the "frilly" clothes.

[DonnaT]

Another company eying the trans market is http://www.chrysalislingerie.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; although the online store is yet to be launched (May 1?).

Lingerie made for men is supposed to be a better fit (shoulders, proper placement of of forms, wider gusset to keep the bits in place).

I reckon if I didn't know the products were made for men, I could find them desirable, except for cost.

But knowing it was made for a man changes things.

Of course, it shouldn't, since it is feminine looking and made of nice material, however there is a mental block which can't really be explained, because it is not logical.

Trying to make sense of it can be quite difficult, and problematic.

It's as mysterious as the need to crossdress is mysterious.

I don't even get any crossdressing relief when I wear a t-shirt made for a woman, and have no desire to try jeans or other trousers made for women.

Thus, as you can see from the other responses, your husband is not alone in his thoughts.

[DonnaT]

Relayed to me:

Likewise, I've never understood the appeal of that kind of marketing. I'm trying to create a state of mind here. I'd be perfectly happy to forget about the being-male thing and am not looking for reminders from my bra. Tailor it for "an athletic build" and say so, sure, but spare me the M-word.

But there are other crossdressers much more invested in making sure that their manhood retains its credibility... even, I think, to themselves. Maybe they're the target audience. After all, if you are wearing lingerie and you want reassurance that your maleness isn't in danger of slipping away, it might take some intensive reassurance.

[Anthony Simon]

I confess I am confused more each day. One day he says he has no female feelings or desires, it’s just the clothes which he needs to interact with, but more and more I’m beginning to doubt he’s being as upfront and truthful as he says he’s being.

I’ve got to the stage where I’m saying to myself well if something is going on inside him which is taking him down a different path, then so be it, all I want is something definite and not being in this state of confusion.

I don't think your husband is on a path to anywhere else with his CDing. He seems to be relatively at ease with where it is. There is nothing in what you've said in your posts that indicates he's changing his relationship to it.

A high percentage of CDs, including me, experience guilt about their desire to dress up. Like it creates conflicts for us because it runs against what we're supposed to be doing as men to want to dress up in women's clothes.

I have a hunch that a conflict in your husband is creating this state of confusion in you. Like he doesn't just feel one thing about his CDing, but more than one - and his way of dealing with this conflict is think up stuff that doesn't really hold water under pressure.

"The situation is perfectly clear. We have not, as yet, made up our minds" - apparently said by an Australian politician (so my brother says).

[April Rose]

What Anthony says makes sense to me. I really only found peace with myself as a cross dresser when I stopped trying to explain it or defend it logically, and accepted that it is actually all about feelings, at least for me.

And I am in general a pretty logical an objective thinker in all other ways.

[Carol Ann]

, one must first except the fact I enjoy "crossdressing" then embrace it and peace of mine will follow

[Paulette]

No, frilly stuff for men doesn't cut it for most cross dressers.

But this is interesting to me because it points to cross dressing as a symbolic activity. It is inhabiting the female spirit, the kachina, the goddess, etc., by putting on her clothing. No substitutions, please.

For those of us who have no interest in passing or transitioning, but rather wish to inhabit a female persona for a short time, only genuine female garments will do.

Cross dressing is tremendously relieving of stress, anger, and tension. It is, I believe, a form of Dionesian ecstasy, and you don't dance for the Gods by wearing something They would not be caught dead in.

[Sandy K.]

I agree with carol ann

[MariMar]

I Dont Think lingerie For Men Would Do Anything For me.

[Carla Michelle]

When I see a site that offers lingerie made for men I don't stay long. If it's not made for a woman it's not made for me.