Is dressing a sexual or stress relief for you?

[Paulette]

At the moment I have two theories, neither of which are original with me, which when combined seem to account for me as the adult cross dresser that I am. YMMV.

The first part has to do with masculine roles and expectations of manliness. The pressure to "be a man" is quite strong when you are a child, and only increases as you get older. Putting on the appearance of a girl is a release from those pressures and has a distinctly sensuous quality that is easily but not always linked to sexual release. But masturbation is condemned, as is feminization, so dressing is both seductive and disgusting. Feminine and masculine at once. Something both terribly desired and terribly forbidden, and therefor secret.

The second part is that it's a displacement of the object of sexual desire - to oneself. This displacement or mis-targeting becomes combined with the initial desire to relieve the pressures of family, society, and self-expectations to be masculine. For a few moments you become the object of your fantasy, adopting the role of the submissive female, and temporarily relieve yourself of that burden both physically and mentally.

No wonder we often speak of the person we become as if she were separate from us, a separate person as well as a separate identity. No wonder there are so many variations in the expression of cross dressing! So many degrees of identity expression. From performing transvestite to Sissy, to closet queen, to femskin or Doller to perfectly ordinary person who looks, sounds, moves, dresses, and lives as a woman, full- or part-time, with greater or lesser success at blending in; or to an apparently hetero Dad with wife and kids who quietly under-dresses.

The problem lies in being both oneself and the "other." And then there are the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, pointing out the absurdity of sexual expression by dressing in female clerical garb, wearing outlandish makeup and full beards, and who identify and orient along the entire spectrum of gender and sexuality. It's a hilariously radical political statement and parody that allows one to meet the most extreme example of "other," and still see oneself - the lesson being "it's all good if it harms none." (Lots of YouTube clips, most of which try to explain too much.)

[Ginny Jones]

Not sure that for me its stress relief or a sexual thing - the only way I can put it is that I feel like myself when dressed, whereas in male mode I feel somehow incomplete. Now true - you could say that the stress of this drives me to dress ... but I must own that I can be completely relaxed in male mode and I still want to dress.

"I'm feeling stressed so I think I'll dress up in women's clothes, mince down the high street and try some dresses on in the local boutique!" Not an obvious choice!

It also occurs to me that dressing is a hotbed of potential anxiety the further you climb out of the closet. Now clearly, once you get past the anxiety - the de-stressing aspect kicks back in .... but the motivation to extend what you do certainly gets you wading out into a sea of risk taking.

As for the sexual motivation - I'd have a sexual motivation irrespective of what I'm wearing! Though I have to own a preference for being dressed / undressed in femme mode - I tend to feel more sensual some how.

Hugs Ginny xxx

[Karen KC]

It may be a stress reliever,
But its just me!

[Anne Bonny]

Or is it just our gender? All three play a role though the sexual component and stress component are decreasing for me as I am able to dress for more extended periods daily and at different times of day, even went out for a drive fully dressed last night with my purse of course, no pockets in my dress and ladies do not keep things in their pockets if they have them anyway.

[Requal Jo]

Due to my very masculine employment and hobby, dressing has always been about stress relief.

[Eileen (SO)]

I don't see much response from a partner's perspective on this subject. My guy rarely visits this forum anyway. We did have this conversation more than once, and he was embarrassed to give details, some of which I'd rather not know.
He started dressing way too young for the urge to be sexual in nature. As a teenager, he said, 'Everything is sexual!' That's the part I don't need to hear details about. Which ever gender though, guys call it release, I'll call it the big 'O', it is a stress reliever. And with a partner, not a bad way to get in some cardio workout!
At this point in life, his dressing is an emotional need to 'feel right' and in doing so, relieve stress.

From the GG perspective, getting dressed up is stressful. Favorite dress or skirt doesn't fit right anymore, the pressure of getting ready on time. Hair is not cooperating, broke a nail. But when it all comes together, a woman feels pretty, sexy, desirable. Few woman want to live as a just a housewife all the time. Going out to dinner is not all about the food. It's looking like an attractive woman in public. In that respect, we have the same goal. Looking pretty is a sensual feeling.

When I go with my dressed up honey to meet CD friends, I understand he wants to look sexy. That's in his own mind, a sexy lady is well dressed. Not just a short skirt, which doesn't look good at all on a 50+ yo CD.
I may be wandering off subject a bit. But guy's sexual urges are so like cave dwellers.

Eileen

[KimberlyS]

Eileen thank you for an SO's perspective. I would like drawer out two things that you and others have brought up.

First I believe that stress relief and sexual are two different things but can over lap. I think some times a person really needs to look within ones self to figure out which it is actually happening for a person.

Second Eileen you mention that getting dressed up nice and feminine and going out can feel very sensual. IMHO I think many of us guys mix up sensual and sexual. And again they can over lap but there is a line between them.

kimberlys cd
joe in a skirt

[Ralitsa]

I will agree that it is very sensual. I like to look good, I like the way a nice dress feels on me, and when I feel like I look good then I feel good about that also. So that does help relieve stress somewhat, it gives one a sense of satisfaction and happiness, perhaps fulfillment.

And I also agree with the point about escaping from the pressures of being a man. There are many male behaviors I don't like, that seem to be, in one way or another, showing off or competing with other men for the attention of women. So I can just skip all the stuff that men are expected to be, without taking on all the stuff that women are expected to be. It is very liberating. It's also quite understandable that women should resent me for it, viewing it as sort of cheating on societally assigned gender responsibilities. Because, it is essentially a complete rejection of societal pressure to conform to the norms. Of course that attitude can be quite dangerous if taken to the extremes of deciding that bank robbery, murder and the like are more convenient than living an honest and respectable life.

My ex-wife expressed that fear, that crossdressing was the first step on the road to becoming the next Hitler. People don't like it when you refuse them control over your life, but letting them have that control will always result in extra stress for yourself. So one must decide how much, and in which areas, one will allow societal pressure to influence their choices. And dressing is something of large personal significance which at the same time is almost totally irrelevant to society at large. Which makes it seem to be the obvious choice for protesting traditional norms.



*** Post edited to insert spacing between paragraphs (that makes it so much easier for everyone to read!), as per: http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 65&t=10059" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; - SL

[Vera]

I think it is sexual, I have no desire in male mode to be with a man, and don't care to be with a woman. When I am dressed, I want a man to take advantage of me, and very eager to have him get what he wants. Yes I will do a Monica but I don't mess my dress. Then there is the other it feels so wonderful.

[Alexandria]

when I first dressed it was all sexual and then over after I had my release. Now it still has sexual elements to it. but now there is some real stress relief. I now can sit and just look at my lipstick for a couple hours in a mirror. I have a real fetish towards lipstick and very sexy underwear. I would love to try beautiful finger and toe nail polish on, but I am too scared to be found out. I fantasize about a weekend alone where I could really dress up. I would especially like some "liberated" woman to dress me totally up/

[SilverLady(SO)]

Hi, Alexandria, and welcome to the forum!


Just a suggestion, but you might want to wander over to the New Members... section, introduce yourself and say 'hi' to everyone.


- SL

[Kelly]

I've thought about this off and on for a while.

Right now, I think that it is totally stress related. As some may recall my 'Peggy Lee' post, I have been in a low point in my desires for a while. Well, this month brought didn't bring just the pleasures of summer, it introduced a lot of stress. And guess what? I am again distracted by thoughts of dressing up, swinging my hips, checking out the make-up section in the stores, trying on shoes, and imagining wearing what is on the mannequins in the windows.

So there is a definite stress trigger.

I do wonder if it is an unhealthy escape. After all, I have to keep the cars humming, make sure the roof doesn't leak, keep the bills current, and so on and so on. Before I retired, I main daily decisions that had impact on my company and on the lives of the people I managed. The escape is imagining a reality where I am totally opposite of the role I am suppose to fulfill. Kind of a 'grass is always greener' kind of fantasy.

I do struggle with this dilemma.

Kelly.

[Anthony Simon]

I do wonder if it is an unhealthy escape. After all, I have to keep the cars humming, make sure the roof doesn't leak, keep the bills current, and so on and so on. Before I retired, I main daily decisions that had impact on my company and on the lives of the people I managed. The escape is imagining a reality where I am totally opposite of the role I am suppose to fulfill. Kind of a 'grass is always greener' kind of fantasy.

It could be "a change is as good as rest".

[Jenny M.]

It is stress relief for sure, sometimes, but not always it ends up being sexual. Quite possibly the 'guy' seeing the girl I've become needs to take her and have his way with her. Almost always after the 'act' I feel great remorse and ask myself why I'm doing this? This makes it extremely difficult to dress or even to act girly for anywhere from 30 minutes to a couple of hours after that release has subsided. I always come back to Alexis tho.

I was like that to when I was younger,now I like to set around the house dressed, skinny tight fitting jeans and a tight tank top. other nights I were tight , short dresses. It arouses me and some times leads to sexual release. Just walking around the house turns me on... and going out side for a walk too.

[Sandy]

For me its a bit of both. With certain garments I get sexually aroused when wearing them. It used to be that I would get sexually aroused and then take the clothes off and be over it, its to the point now where I am somehwhat aroused I will get off and then continue to wear the clothes. My ultimate dream is to be 100% female but I know that it will never happen but at least I can come close with the way I feel and my outlook on myself being a female.