Procrastination

[Sinjoy(SO)]

OK, I'll be the first to start the "real posting"


Hmm, what to talk about....

Most of you around here I have already met (and you all have been wonderful) and there are some new faces, who I can't wait to get to know.

OK, here goes the first post ( Jean-p forgive me but I have to ask) Why is it that I'm in more of a hurry for Jean-P to but some shoes than he is??

Could it be that I'm just get up and get it done person? I love you with all my heart Jean-P but lets face facts... you do procrastinate!!!

I know it will be hard if we do it today or in 3 months, so why wait?? Why not just get it over with?? The first time is the hardest, right??( please notice I said WE, I would never make him do it on his own)

Jean-p please feel free to answer, scratch that please answer.
And ladies, any thoughts??



Hugs,

Sinjoy(so)

[Honey(SO)]

Hi Sinjoy,
I have to say that I am the same way! After we got over that first month from Hell and made it to a happier place one of the first things we did together was go out shopping. Some because I knew that he did not have much in the way of fem clothing and I just really wanted to keep him out of my stuff!
And I really feel that you wanting to go out and shop with or for your husband and his Fem side, well you are showing a big leap of acceptance on your part.
And truth be known I just like to have control......LOL.

We have gone on many shopping trips since and always have a good time and sometimes don't even buy a thing. My husband says he now understands what it means to go shopping for several hours and come home with nothing, it is just the adventure of it all.

Honey (SO)

[GalicianGirl(SO)]

Shannon and I rarely go out to buy him anything. He does all his own shopping online, mostly on Ebay. And boy does he love to shop!!! He really doesn't like to go to the stores for things. Every now and then when I'm out shopping I'll pick something up for him since I know all his sizes. The only time we do go out is if he's looking for a wig. He'll pick out the ones he likes then I'll try them on to see if he likes them....

Maybe it's not procrastination on his part. Could it be that he's a little embarassed about actually going out in public looking for clothing and shoes? He may feel more comfortable, like Shannon, just shopping on line at least till he feels more comfortable. Just a thought...

It could also be that he feels a little uneasy shopping with you. He may still feel somewhat embarassed about his CDing. I found out about Shannon over 5 years ago and he still feels uncomfortable about it sometimes.

Sharon(SO)

[Jadeanne]

Hi all,

It looks like I'm the first CD to respond to this thread.

I buy some items for both my wife and myself online and through catalogs, usually ordering online. She sometimes marks things in catalogs and I check the website clearance sections to see if the same or similar items are there, then we both look at what I find.

I'm more of an enthusiastic store shopper than my wife is, but she does shop with me and advise me (especially in thrift stores where her sizing ability is much better than mine), also sometimes pointing out something she would like for herself. I try to keep the shopping to manageable doses with a break (for a meal or just sit and talk for a while).

I was used to buying my wife an occasional gift of lingerie or other clothing since we were married, so I'm not unfamiliar with buying female clothing when I'm shopping on my own, with a list of items, sizes, and colors jotted in my pocket notebook (kind of my security blanket).

This is what works for us.

Jadeanne

[CJ]

Hi all,

Well, I had something to say about this topic... but it can wait.

Love,
CJ










Just kidding.

I think Sharon and Honey have a good point, Sinjoy. It may be because of Jean-P.'s embarrassment or "stage fright" (le trac, as we say in French). Here's a question for you: does he procrastinate in other areas of his life?

As a man, I'd like to add another element. Generally, men are not only not savvy or eager clothing shoppers, they're not clothing shoppers, period. A notable exception, of course, is when that man is a crossdresser and finds it thrilling to shop for beautiful finery and that perfect pair of pumps. But "natural" inclinations (in this case, for a man to muster any enthusiasm at the thought of shopping) are hard to combat, it seems. That you're willing to "take his hand" like this, Sinjoy, especially at first, I think is awesome. Anyway, personally, I'll always trust my SO's sense of fashion style much more than my own. Maybe, many men are like this as well, so it may not be a bad thing that you're "shadowing" him a bit in this regard, eh? You just need to make sure that he can stand on his own two heels, at some point.

Love,
CJ

[Jean-P]

OK, here goes the first post ( Jean-p forgive me but I have to ask) Why is it that I'm in more of a hurry for Jean-P to but some shoes than he is??

Why would I need to forgive you?? It's a valid question.

Could it be that I'm just get up and get it done person? I love you with all my heart Jean-P but lets face facts... you do procrastinate!!!

I know it will be hard if we do it today or in 3 months, so why wait?? Why not just get it over with?? The first time is the hardest, right??( please notice I said WE, I would never make him do it on his own)

Well first, it scares the hell out of me for some reason?? I would rather face a hungry grizzly bear in a cage then rush out and start buying fem attire.. Which also bugs me, because I normally don’t care what people think or say most of the time.. I think also that knowing that it will more then likely upset you and put you into a more "angry at the world" mode bothers me to no end.. It would be one thing if I could fit into a pair of 9's but having to seek out 13's just makes me feel more out there and I don't know if I am ready for that.. I would like nothing more then to be able just to walk into any store and buy what ever I want, but when my mind starts to play that "EVERYONE KNOWS" theme I get worked up.. I was so excited to go the other day and get shoes, but when we arrived my mind and my body acted against me...

[RikkiOfLA]

Dear Sinjoy and Jean-P,

Your love and gentle acceptance of each other is beautiful to watch!

I can't tell you, of course, why Jean-P feels the way he does about shopping. I used to feel similarly, however, and I can share why I felt that way, and how it gradually changed.

First of all, when I was a kid growing up, the least little bit of crossdressing always seemed to be a Big Deal. Cartoons could get huge laughs by having some guy's pants fall down, revealing polka-dot boxer shorts. As I got older, that joke got old too, so now to get the laughs, instead of boxers, he had to be wearing a garter belt and stockings. So I was taught to feel that because I might actually enjoy wearing what everyone else thought wildly funny, I must be pathetically sick.

As I became a teenager, I discovered that even the thought of crossdressing could be wildly stimulating. This is of course quite common for teenaged CDs. And there is no one to talk to about this. Adults won't talk and they won't usually tell kids why they won't talk about it. It's just the Big Taboo, which makes the kids think even more that they are unique freaks. So the kids dare not tell other kids--they are sure to be laughed at.

When I grew up and met the woman who would become my wife, I really believed that finding true love and having sex on a regular basis would "cure" my crossdressing urges. This was a great relief, and it was true. Until we'd been married several months. By then, the ink on the paper was quite dry. And there was nothing to do except admit the urges to her. (If I had tried to hide them from her, I would have felt even more ashamed.) I didn't know what she would say, of course. It was a great surprise to me that, after the initial questions, she was amazingly accepting.

At first, that was hard to deal with. I constantly feared that she would turn on me, that her acceptance was just a ruse to get me to embarrass myself enough that she could laugh at me even more! Fortunately, it didn't take long for me to see that her acceptance was genuine. No, it didn't take long--only about ten years or so!

In the context of all this fear, guilt, and shame, shopping was especially difficult. Until I accepted myself, shopping for me was more like shoplifting, with the added challenge of paying for the merchandise! I would literally plan my shopping raids, taking into account when the store would be least busy. I'd dart around the store like a nervous animal. I'd wait until there was a checkstand with no line.

Most crossdressers I think feel similarly. The advise I give most often on line is that shopping is legal. I am constantly asked where are the "friendly" stores, even in a place like Los Angeles!

Shopping for shoes is especially difficult. The big advantage of shopping in a real store is that you can try stuff on. But if a man puts on a woman's shoe in the store, he's admitting to the entire world that he's a crossdresser. And most shoe stores are full of little kids and their moms. All the old guilt, shame, and fear issues come back to bite us!

You've probably noticed that in size 13, most stores carry nothing. And when you do find something, it's likely to be one of the following:

1. Athletic shoes that look just like men's. (Why would we want to buy these--our "guy" athletic shoes look just as good, and fit fine.)

2. The dullest women's shoes around--black loafer/pumps with 1/2 inch heels and rounded square toes. (zzzzzzzzzzzzzz!)

3. The drag queen nightmares--the hot pink thigh high boots made of shiny plastic and perched on 5" stilettoes. (Yeah, right!)

Jean-P and Sinjoy,please be patient with each other. Keep showing each other that your love is real. Nobody's procrastinating. Gradually it will sink in, Sinjoy, that your acceptance is real, and Jean-P will begin to actually believe that crossdressing isn't the crime of the century.

Shopping will only get easier, for both of you.

[CJ]

Hi all,

Jean-P.,

Pleased to meet you. I don't know where you are in Canada but I know that, here, in Montreal, there's a chain of shoe stores called Payless Shoes that offers sizes up to women's 13. They're not Prada or Manolo Blahnik fare, of course, but their variety and fairly low prices are good for a CD. I once talked with one of the sales clerks and he admitted that most of the size 13's are bought by men. He doesn't care so long as he can hear the Ka-ching! of the cash register as he makes the sale.

Have fun shopping, you two! It's supposed to be fun, eh?

Love,
CJ

[Sinjoy(SO)]

Thank you all for the great ideas!! (CJ that first post of yours wasGREAT!)

Let me clarify some things,

First as I said in the first post he procrastinates about EVERYTHING!!!

Second, the angry woman act at payless you miss read. It was the protective pissed off Israeli Redhead act (which just come naturally most times hehe). I figured if the sales people saw I didn't need help they would leave US alone in the WOMANS SHOE DEPARTMENT. That way there would be nobody around, and we would have some privacy.

Thirdly, "shadowing" is the last word I would use. I bought him the nail polish-alone. When we went to buy the nylons(and knee highs so he could later try on shoes) he was completely uncomfortable and trying to hide behind me!! I am 5'3" he is 6'4" and then some.... needless to say, I don't make a good hiding spot! hehehe

The funny thing about the nylon purchase was that he never had a problem standing there when they were for me. Nobody knew we were shopping for him, I guess it was the sharp knives those darn butterflies were carrying....



Thanks again for the great ideas,


Sinjoy(so)