Sex and the CD

[Ridge]

Sounds like one of my topics doesn't it. New twist though.

One of the main objectives of this forum is for the CD and SO to relate better to the CDing. I hardily concur. And one of the ways they can relate better is in the bedroom. Why not integrate the role of dressing into the sexual relationship? I am not talking kinky, although where you go is up to you.

In persusing other sites, I am shocked, and enlightened, as to what people do in the bedroom while he and she wear panties, bras and other items. I wish had known some of these activities many years ago. They sound to be of as much interest to the female as the male.

So I say go for it all. SOs if you want something inthe bedroom, remember to ask for it. And if he can do it while dressed, both are satisfied in many ways.

Here' s to better lovemaking.

Ridge

[Lorna(SO)]

Well my dear Ridge,
What a topic to start off....I would like to state that if, as I do, a SO has an issue with CD then the bedroom is the last place it will take place (or take place with both feeling really happy about it). Especially if this is the main form of CD, as for getting what you want out of it aswell......well chance would be a fine thing!

I hope for you who enjoy this side of your partner that CD in the bedroom works for you...no doubt we will hear about it! The rest of us will avoid the issue, it causes too much distress....

Lorna (SO)

[Dixie Darling]

Ridge,

It's none of my business what anyone else does in the privacy of their own homes. I will, however, offer my opinion about bringing crossdressing into the bedroom and mixing it with intimacy.

First, if BOTH parties are absolutely comfortable with it, there's no problem. However, problems can develop over a period of time as I have spoken with MANY who have emailed me after visiting my web site. IF the crossdressing and the sexual activities are integrated it often becomes NECESSARY for the CD to be dressed (sometimes partially, sometimes fully) in order to function sexually. It's this dependency on the clothes, makeup, etc. that then becomes a problem and where many SO's begin to have second thoughts about if their previous opinions (being OK about it) were sound judgement. I've heard time and again where this happens and it's NOT good for the relationship. Whether it might be true or not, the SO begins to wonder if her man's fantasies are: that he's a woman in the bed, he's dressed (whether he is or not), he's wishing he WAS a woman, she's not sufficient for him or there's something wrong with her, she's not sexually desireable to him, he's rather dress than to share intimacy with her, etc.

Most heterosexual women report that when the two things are mixed (crossdressing and sexual activity) they FEEL like lesbians and they are very uncomfortable in feeling that way. Those SO's who are accepting might be fine with their man dressing to his heart's content and it not having any effect on them at all as long as it's kept away from the sexual aspect of their relationship. But they want no part of this 'other woman' coming to bed with them. Most feel VERY strongly about this and are repulsed by even the thoughts of such an idea.

I'm only relating what I have been told numerous times here by women who have contacted me about just such a problem. Everyone is different and some may NEVER have a problem with it. But as the husband of a nontolerant wife I can assure you that those of us who have NO acceptance at all would be VERY cautious to safeguard any we might ever manage to gain in the future by not placing it in serious jeapordy by pushing things too far.

Dixie Darling -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[LeftyRainbow(SO)]

Wow, it sounds like we are all at different points and I do believe that every couple has to decide this for themselves.

My stance is that I encourage it and enjoy it and when it is missing (the dressing) I find it is not as fun but it is still the same people underneath no matter what we are wearing and that's what matters.

[CJ]

Hi all,

Speaking strictly for myself, I've been in relationships where my CDing became part of our bedroom games. This openness on the part of my SOs to explore this side of my sexuality had an interesting corollary: they expected me (and with reason) to want to explore with them their own sexual fantasies and desires in return (this sometimes led to places a million miles away from any "vanilla" conception I might've had about women's sexuality!).

Both Lorna and Dixie bring up good points, though. With Lorna, I agree that the bedroom isn't the ideal "workshop" for fixing an ailing or floundering relationship, especially if it's precisely what goes on in the bedroom that's causing trouble; the desire for intimacy will increase once the emotional and psychological rifts between two people are well on their way to being bridged. I'm not so sure this can work the other way around; although I do know of some people who swear by this relationship-healing technique, still, I'm skeptical.
Dixie mentions the experiences of SOs becoming frustrated and disenchanted with their partner's CDing being a necessary aspect of the couple's sex life. I see their point; the fact is, it takes two to tango. And if one person don't like the music, she ain't gonna go to no dance. This, I think, was also the point Ridge was trying to make in a previous post. In my earlier relationships, I actually recognized this tendency to "perform" poorly whenever crossdressing was absent from our bedroom games. My solution? Throw the doors wide open. Experiment. Try. Explore. Be inventive. Be creative. And, well, if crossdressing became part of the picture in some of those explorations, so much the better! Above all, talk, talk, talk about what you both like or don't like, about where you see your sexual curiosity taking you, about your fantasies and desires. They're not shameful or freakish; they're to be celebrated as a genuine expression of your own humanity. Nature has devised sex as a way for flesh to span the gulf between two souls who want to be in the same space at the same time. However, you first have to know that you actually want to be there. So, talk. Listen. Communicate. And, if need be, compromise.

This is an interesting (and, yes, potentially controversial) subject. Thanks for bringing it up, Ridge. I'll tell you one thing, though: "sex and the CD" might be a complex issue, but "sex and the single CD" is no simpler, trust me!

Love,
CJ

[Curly(SO)]

I'm at the same place as Lefty, on this one. I think I actually am more accepting of CDing in the bedroom, than out, as it's fun, and of course, what we are doing, reaffirms that my husband is very much male!

Curly(SO).

[Kay(SO)]

Some women feel that the bedroom is the last place they want the "other woman" in their lives to intrude. Especially if they are accomodating in other ways to their husband's CDing. I personally do not have a preference either way. It has brought our relationship to a more intimate and erotic level I think. There are times though when I just want my hairy man, without the lipstick. I think balance is the best route on this one. If both people are comfortable with it. And SO's, if you're not comfortable, for pete's sake, speak up. I hear so many women who don't say anything and this is the only way their husband's will have sex with them. It's about compromise and both people getting their needs met.

Kay(SO)

[Love (SO)]

Ridge,



IF the crossdressing and the sexual activities are integrated it often becomes NECESSARY for the CD to be dressed (sometimes partially, sometimes fully) in order to function sexually.

This is my fear is too. I had my DH read this and he is now starting to realize how I'm feeling and why.

this dependency on the clothes, makeup, etc. that then becomes a problem and where many SO's begin to have second thoughts about if their previous opinions (being OK about it) were sound judgement.

I totally agree... it started to be a everytime we were intimate thing. I was starting to think that my Dh was looking more forward to the CDing part, and I was just an added bonus. I don't want to ever feel that way, it wasn't a good feeling.

SO begins to wonder if her man's fantasies are: that he's a woman in the bed, he's dressed (whether he is or not), he's wishing he WAS a woman, she's not sufficient for him or there's something wrong with her, she's not sexually desireable to him, he's rather dress than to share intimacy with her, etc.

I wonder about all of these too , and working on these feelings I now have.

Most heterosexual women report that when the two things are mixed (crossdressing and sexual activity) they FEEL like lesbians and they are very uncomfortable in feeling that way.

I agree, I am not a lesbian. I do think that the woman's body is very beautiful and attractive, I'm just sexually attracted to a man's body. I find it uncofortable and even awkward at times.

But as the husband of a nontolerant wife I can assure you that those of us who have NO acceptance at all would be VERY cautious to safeguard any we might ever manage to gain in the future by not placing it in serious jeapordy by pushing things too far.

For me, I don't think of it as that I'm non-accepting...I would never tell or ask my DH not to CD. It's his life, to do/be what he wants with it. I want him to feel he can be his own true self. ( I don't think that he has even been able to be honest and truthful to himself, about his CDing for the first half of his life.) I want him to be comfortable and content in this next half of his life, just as I want to be too. I just have to try to find a way to have us both feel that way... together.

Love

[Beauty]

Hi Love,

I kind of talked about this in another post. (I hope you don't remind the repeat)

You are ok with your DH dressing because you accept it's who he is. This is incredibly cool. I think though, since he's not allowed to watch TV all day everyday. The same should apply for CDing too. You're his wife. He must be attentive to you and continue to grow. Please don't think I'm saying CD'ing is like watching the tube. It is every husband's duty to take care of his wife to the best of his ability. If you want to feel feminine again then get to it and ask him to help. This new life is a give and take thing. You should feel more open to tell him what you want, when you want it and how you want it. You are among the rare couples that talk openly about personal things.

You are going to need to be his shut off valve. By you telling him, "No, not today honey. I'd like to dress up and you treat me like a woman tonight." you're not hurting him. You're growing in the relationship.

It's good to love someone enough that you give them the freedom to be who they want to be. It's another when their happiness becomes more important than your own.

I still think you're doing everything right and you should keep up the good work.

I hope this made sense.

Beauty

[Josey]

Hi Ridge,
Interesting topic. I have read of many who feel CD'ing enhances bedroom activities. I wonder if this is primarily the opinion of the CD'er rather than a shared feeling. My wife was always very supporting but the bedroom was not the place. If I came to bed in a nighty, that was a sign that there might be no more that evening but perhaps cuddling. From my side, I would have loved to have it go farther but that was where she drew the line. This was one of very few restrictions she put on me so I certainly couldn't argue and not pushing it made life a lot more pleasant for both of us.

[Kyra]

Wow, good points all around!
I don't have much to add, except that Amber and I have enjoyed bedroom antics with both aspects of my personne. Either is fine with me...and I'll not go into details!

Hugs to all,
Kyra

[CJ]

She is so coy.

[Ridge]

I respectfully disagree. Let me clarify why.

1. As author of this thread, I suggest that if the CD and the SO are okay with it, then they can introduce CDing into their sexual relationship. If the SO is not okay with it, then they should not.

By definition, sex is (should be) an integral part of a relationship. If there is a CDer, then at some time this needs to be addressed. It may mean the CDer never tells his SO, which is okay.

2. Look under "CDing is a sexual pleasure" for additional thoughts, both supporting your position and opposed to it. Personally, I believe CD has everything to do with sex. In most instances the CD started with some form of sexual gratification. That may not be true as the CD matures, but it is true to an extent at the beginning. And for many (most) sexual gratification continues to be an integral part today, either with the SO or otherwise.

What makes this world great is that we are all different, individual in our beliefs and thoughts. And we can agree to disagree without being disagreeable.

[Tammy(SO)]

Actually for us it started in the bedroom as fantasy role playing. And it has been a very healthy part of our relantionship, and has helped me become more comfortable with myself.

I must be honest, I do wish that was all it was, but hey, I guess you can't have your CD and eat it too(or maybe we can), squeeze the pun(if I stick around long enough, you'l have to get used to quikiness)

But really, we are entering a new phase, where it is not just role playing anymore. II do have reservations about it. And Trying to figure out what exactly I want my needs to be in this. I don't realy want to have him hold back, because thus far it has been healty for us. But I do need to let him know, that my needs are very different.

[Loretta Ann]

Hi Fairyfly(SO)

We are all different so there is not a lot common about us, other than the fact that we are in one form or another all cross-dressers. If that were me I would be in my glory.