Crossdressers-Haven.com

Hi all,

Fairyfly,

Yes, I've been there; that's happened to me, too. My suggestion is this: don't try to incorporate your DH's "complete" transformation into your intimate games right way. See if it would put you both more at ease if you just started out with selected items of clothing in your loveplay, but with him remaining very much his own male self.

What may be happening, here (and I've had to think about this, myself), is that your DH "slips into" a different persona when he's fully made up and dressed; so much so, in fact, that he may subconsciously feel as though you were meeting "her" for the very first time (or just getting to know "her"). Maybe this is what's making him feel uncomfortable. So, go with some basic clothing (lingerie, whatever) at first and see what happens.

Above all, talk with each other; share your feelings about this. If he hesitates to do this, insist (while still providing a gentle, open atmosphere conducive to his opening up).

Enjoy yourselves, Fairyfly, and, above all, love yourselves.

Love,
CJ

my very supportive so of many years likes the feel of satin and nylon against my body. she doesnt want to make love to me as a woman. dressing at home we may start with me in fem. but when some or all the cloths come off,it's her man she wants.

I agree totally with Ridge:

2. Look under "CDing is a sexual pleasure" for additional thoughts, both supporting your position and opposed to it. Personally, I believe CD has everything to do with sex. In most instances the CD started with some form of sexual gratification. That may not be true as the CD matures, but it is true to an extent at the beginning. And for many (most) sexual gratification continues to be an integral part today, either with the SO or otherwise.

LexieJayne wrote: In most instances the CD started with some form of sexual gratification. That may not be true as the CD matures, but it is true to an extent at the beginning.

I wouldn't say most.

Many, like myself, started CDing well before the idea of sexual gratification even became a seed in one's mind. I had the urge to CD when I was 6 yrs old.

LexieJayne I would disagree with you also. My CDing did not start out sexual and wasn't until my upper teens. Then at upper teens I would say everything is sexual so I would not say it was specifically my CDing that was. My ex made my CD sexual as, IMHO, that was the only way she could deal with it.

You should be careful about generalizing statements. We deal enough with generalizations with the general public, we do not need to be doing it within out TG community.

kimberlys cd
joe in a skirt

My earliest memory is aged seven. It wasn't sexual for me then.. and it never has been since.

Not even a tiny bit.

I no longer consider wearing womens clothes to be crossdressing. I may not be physically female, yet, but that is how I see myself. So me wearing womens clothing is just me wearing clothing appropriate for my gender.

*edit*
Of course I can only speak for myself. That is all anyone can do.

My first assumption was that of course CD has a strong sexual component for everyone. Then I found that this was true for some but not for others.

Then I thought it might have something to do with when one first became attracted to female clothing - before or during/after puberty. But no, not necessarily.

And then I thought it might be related to ones degree of gender dysphoria. Whether one was always conscious of being at gender variance with ones body, or only felt that at some times and not others.

Now, I really don't know. I just know what my own experience has been and that, while I'm hardly unique, many cross dressers simply do not share my experience or perception or conclusions. So, there's a reason it's said that, "if you've met one cross dresser, you've met one cross dresser."

And then there's the First Rule of Sociology: some do, some don't.

There's probably research data published somewhere, but we're such a small and secretive group, and each person's childhood and self-awareness has so many variables that I would question the validity of its conclusions no matter what the roll out* showed.

*A term from Backgammon, in which all possible (or at least several thousand) results of a given throw of the dice from a given board position have been analyzed through the end of the game.

So no matter what you think, you're probably right, and you're probably wrong. You really have only your own experience and the stories of others to go by.

But hey, we don't have a clue as to why there is such a thing as cross dressing, anyway!

Guess we're rather boring, my Cd hubby and I. Out in public, there is friendly flirting, a slight turn on for me. Role play, and maybe more for him. Intimate times, I don't wear make up and neither will he. Clothing is not an option to consider.
There is one man and one woman in our bedroom.
'She' dresses nicely, better than I on occasion, but not sexually attractive to me.

Eileen