the tri-ess CDSO e-mail group.

[Jacqueline Manesis]

I am posting this because I have a few concerns about that group. When I came out to my SO I pointed her in that direction. I suggested that she seek support from other SOs. Maybe they can help her when it comes to expressing her own feelings or understanding how others deal witht he fact that they are involved intimately with one of us ( CD's). Now I have not joined that group for obvious reasons but this is my understanding.

98 percent of the 60-100 emails a day she gets from that group are negative. She has since told me she does not wish to engage with those in that group anymore as she feels like most are bad mouthing everything about the CD lifestyle and very few have anything good to say at all, most of the post directed toward her specifically have been things like watch out for this and that, he is going to lie, cheat etc.

I was blown away. She and I both thought it would be a place where she could meet others who are tolerant and not closed minded. She expected some negative as with all things in life but she can't believe how bad that group is........and there are several hundred members. Have any of you SO's had this same experience with that particular group and how did you deal with it? Where can she go to make friends who are understanding, sympathetic and tolerant of CDs? She is blown away by how negative the women in that group are.

[Jenney Love]

My wife is a member of the CDSO list and she gets much out of it!

I have asked her in the past about negative posts on the list and she says they are there, but most of them are deserved. She gets positive information from the list and can tell when someone is just blowing steam off for some stupidy and when it really is deserved.

Why should'nt the bulk of the emails be negative when the SO's are dealing with things like cheating, lieing and public sexual exibition, to name a few. It is hard to deal with these subjects in a positive way.

Wife to crossdressing husband.

"You went out to a club dressed, where my co-workers hang-out,without telling me? You met an admirer there, who you let kiss and fondle you, and you gave him a blow job? You say this should be ok, because you where EnFem and this makes you a girl, and girls do these kinda things."

CDSO is a SO support group, most of who never asked for this in there lifes and most of who wish it would go away. It is not a life style for them, for many it is a nightmare.

[SilverLady(SO)]

I have not joined the Tri-Ess CDSO email group for several reasons, one being that I have heard a lot of negativity going on from the SO's - even though some of it is justified, as Jenney described.

Jacqueline - Please ask your wife to check out our forum. Although she would not have access to the SO-only section (until she joins), she will discover the SO's here are nowhere near as negative or hateful, even though they may have varying degrees of acceptance or tolerance. The difference, then, is how those issues are discussed - intelligently, and without flaming.

No two forums are alike. . . and I like to think that we are the classiest of all CD Forums available . . . thanks to all our members.

- SL

[KimberlyS]

I am not sure if this is the case, but when my wife started looking online all she could see was the bad. We never talked about the good information or posts, it was like she did not see them. She would only get the bad stuff out of it, most if not all of which was not me. It took her quite some time to let me help her weed out some of the better information. The information that I could relate to and was more me. We are each different in this world, and CDing included. Some of the things she would get upset over or go on and on about were just not me. It would be like comparing me with an avid sports fan, a golfer, a rapist or killer.

Try offer to help her sort out the good stuff and the stuff that relates more to you.

Or if you can, get her to join this forum or the crossdressers dot com site and get into the spouses only areas. Your wife needs to find a forum that is helpful to her and one she can relate to.

KimberlyS-Cd

[Lisa(SO)]

I am a member of that group and that is how I found out about this forum. I find that yes there is negativity but mostly with the new members feeding off of themselves. Imagine 2 people trying to have a conversation about a topic they really know nothing about except that they resent it in some way. I get really mad at some of the posts but choose to ignore it or let some of the more tenured ladies handle it. I find that they are put in their place in a nice manner while educating them correctly. I have found that there are a lot of loving spouses that are very supportive. I stay in the hopes of sending out a positive message to these ladies that yes it can be hard but wth love and communication it can be worked out like any other problem in a relationship. There are quite a few ladies that do have more than cding issues to contend with and they need to learn to seperate those issues from the cding and deal with them one at a time. There has been abuse, drug abuse, lying, etc. but unfortunatly they are blamed on the cding. Most try and get these woman to see that and help them cope with those issues seperatly. If I hear a woman is being abused yes I will suggest to run dar away and fast as this has nothing to do with the fact that her SO dresses.

I hope this helps a little but I do agree the negativity is draining. I entered the group as a lovng and supportve spouse so I was able to let the negativity roll off my back. I do feel for those just joining though. I would not want to hear what they do sometimes. Please have her join here if she has not already. I have found that we have mostly loving and supporive spouses on this journey together.

[Jacqueline Manesis]

I hear what you ladies are saying. I am only relating what my wife has told me about that group. She says she gets well over 60 e-mails every single day. She said that almost every one of them is NEGATIVE and when she does post a response it seems to just go un noticed since the women there would rather continue to spout green spew on every aspect of CDs. She says that she can understand some of the anger and some of the CDs do have some bad behavior but as was mentioned this behavior is not relevant to the guys being CDs it's more those particular CDs seem to lack respect for the relationship they are in.

I have asked her to read some of this forum and I am sure she will, but she also feels an obligation to read any and every email she gets so belonging to that group takes up most of her computer time. She also mentioned to me that one of the SOs recommended this forum and was immediately reprimanded for site promotion. The fact is that is exactly how I found this site. It was referred to her and she told me about it. She just has not found her way here yet.

She thought that she may make some friends with other supportive SOs and instead has found nothing but anger and resentment from the SOs on that site and she wants nothing to do with people who are that closed minded. How can I not love this woman?

Jacqueline

BTW her name on that site is MLF_Fair so if you see an email from her please respond. She feels like her words are wasted at times.

[Lisa(SO)]

That was me that recommended this site! I was not really reprimanded but remnded to not post about other sites unless it is preapproved which this site is. It is to keep the newer ladies from doing so.

Have her do the digest format only. It comes once a week. She can also check the digest at the yahoo site. I can relate to what she is sayng as there are a couple of new woman who keep saying the same negative thing over and over lately with no real attitude towards acceptance or resolving the matter. I get quite upset and tend not to pay attention. I have to keep in mind that this may be the only place for a SO to vent as she feels she can't go to anyone else. Have your SO email me I m sure she has my e-mail address from the site. Let her know it is the pregnant one who is now 2 days overdue.

[Jacqueline Manesis]

Thanks Lisa. I forwarded that information on to her.