Why I Purged - Demon Lover

[Paulette]

I purged from shame, anger, guilt.

Shame at, once again, not being able to overcome
The compulsion that so overwhelms and drives me,
At, once again, being weaker than my demon
Nine-year-old-girl; and knowing that I always will be.

Anger at being abandoned when she has used me up.
At standing there, alone, in a tattered black slip, ashamed,
Exhausted, semen smeared on my clothes and hands; dirty.

Filled with guilt that my mind and body is my own
only when she doesn't want it; that I was her sexual puppet,
A flesh-colored dildo with decorative ripples and veins,
A soft head, firm shaft and sweetly sensitive glans, now old

And yet, and yet. And yet . . . things change.

I have met the embodiment of my demon lover.
And, wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles,
She loves me and has become my wife, my life.

She suckles and nurtures me. She roars and screams words
Not remembered as she gives herself up to my hands and tongue and cock,
Drenching me in her most vital bodily fluids,
While we merge though my damp, silken gown,
And become one.

I honor, and worship, and for a time
Embody, and become her:
The Goddess, the child, the mother,
As she becomes me. And we are replete.


A life-long atheist, I now know that
I have always been her lover,
And she mine, throughout all time,
And always and forever, will be.


Eric Bagai
June 27, 2013
Hammond, Louisiana

[Anita]

That's got a lot of power, Paulette. Thanks for posting it. I remember those feelings from teen years, and they were not welcome. As an adult, I processed it better.

[Ginny Jones]

I'm with Anita on this one - that's very powerful Paulette! Seems like there is real depth to the maturity you have developed!

Hugs Ginny xxx

[Kyra]

As we grow, we seek to understand.

A powerful work, indeed.

Thank you for sharing, Paulette.