Here is a piece of prose I wrote I wrote all those years ago as I tried to come to terms with the abuse I suffered from my mum over my crossdressing and femininity. Its called "Enuff"
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I can remember sitting in my bed at night praying for acceptance.
My first prayer was: Oh God, if only she'd let me wear nail polish ... on my toenails. No one would know. I'd never embarrass her or bring shame to our family.
But then after several days of thinking about this prayer, I prayed: Oh God, if only she'd let me wear nail polish ... on my toenails. And God ... If she'd let me wear panties too. Oh please God. I'd never embarrass her or bring shame to our family. I'd help around the house and do chores.
But that wasn't enough and after a day, I prayed: Oh God, if only she'd let me wear nail polish ... on my toenails. And God ... If she'd let me wear panties too. Oh please God.... oh, and a training bra like the other girls, please. Oh, God if she would let me ...I'd never embarrass her or bring shame to our family. I'd help around the house and do chores. I'd be the best kid ever and would never get in trouble like the other kids in the neighbourhood.
You see the pattern here? Soon I was praying: Oh God, if only she'd let me wear nail polish ... on my toenails. And God ... If she'd let me wear panties too. Oh please God.... oh, and a training bra like the other girls, please. And if only she'd let me wear a skirt or a dress .. around the house and after school. I'd never embarrass her or bring shame to our family. I'd help around the house and do chores. I'd be the best kid ever and would never get in trouble like the other kids in the neighbourhood. I'd always obey what sister says at school and do all my homework and get straight A's in school. Oh, and nail polish on my fingernails too, please God.
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Maybe after all these years, because my wife loves me as I am -- I now have -- enuff
Hugs
Toni-Lynn
Enuff
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