THE OFFICIAL: Blonde Jokes Thread
Moderator: KimberlyS
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THE OFFICIAL: Blonde Jokes Thread
Okay. We all love - or hate - blonde jokes, so I thought we'd have one thread for all of them . . . haven't decided yet if I'll copy or move previous blonde joke threads into this one, but here's one that I haven't heard before:
The Longest Password Ever
During a recent password audit by a company, it was found that a blonde female employee was using the following password:
"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"
When asked why she had such a long password, she rolled her eyes and said,
"Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least 1 capital!"
We laugh, but her ID is safe!
- SL
The Longest Password Ever
During a recent password audit by a company, it was found that a blonde female employee was using the following password:
"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"
When asked why she had such a long password, she rolled her eyes and said,
"Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least 1 capital!"
We laugh, but her ID is safe!
- SL
SilverLady(SO)
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- Native Motor City and Wolverine gal . . . GO BLUE!!
- Molon Labe - Saepius Exertus, Semper Fidelis - Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum
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Re: THE OFFICIAL: Blonde Jokes Thread
Verry safe password
A blonde goes to the garage and says that she has lost cap No. 710. The clerk doesn`t understands her and sends her to the workshop and there telling them that cap 710 is lost. Also he has no idea what it is about and transmits it to the Director of the garage. After half an hour he ask: "what does that cap look like?" "Well I'll give it a draw" says the blonde. She draws a circle on a sheet with 710 inside. Coincidentally, the director sits opposite her and reads upside: OIL.
And i am BlonT to
A blonde goes to the garage and says that she has lost cap No. 710. The clerk doesn`t understands her and sends her to the workshop and there telling them that cap 710 is lost. Also he has no idea what it is about and transmits it to the Director of the garage. After half an hour he ask: "what does that cap look like?" "Well I'll give it a draw" says the blonde. She draws a circle on a sheet with 710 inside. Coincidentally, the director sits opposite her and reads upside: OIL.
And i am BlonT to
The eye sees faithfully, but our brain's image processor lies.
- DonnaT
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Re: THE OFFICIAL: Blonde Jokes Thread
Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"
The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder.
Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth."
So he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"
The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a side profile of his face! You're dismissed!"
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said,"What about you? Notice anything unusual or Outstanding about this man?"
"Yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is side picture profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear! You're excused too!"
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but...." He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual features about this man?"
The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Hellooooooooooooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses???"
The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder.
Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth."
So he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"
The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a side profile of his face! You're dismissed!"
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said,"What about you? Notice anything unusual or Outstanding about this man?"
"Yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is side picture profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear! You're excused too!"
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but...." He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual features about this man?"
The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Hellooooooooooooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses???"
DonnaT
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Re: THE OFFICIAL: Blonde Jokes Thread
. . . even Virginia laughed at that one!!
- SL
- SL
SilverLady(SO)
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- Native Motor City and Wolverine gal . . . GO BLUE!!
- Molon Labe - Saepius Exertus, Semper Fidelis - Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum
- Proud Military Family - Navy, Army, Coast Guard, National Guard
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Re: THE OFFICIAL: Blonde Jokes Thread
A blond inherits an lot of money and decides to buy a speedboat. After a while she find the boat is not to her expectations: it is not fast, not responding to the helm, lies deep in the water, etc., no matter how much gas she give. She decides to take it to a nearby marina . Once there, she tells what the problem is and one of the employees scuba up to see if there might be something wrong with the screw.He dive in and within 10 seconds, he come up , coughing and spluttering and said: "Miss, next time you should take it off the trailer.
The eye sees faithfully, but our brain's image processor lies.
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Re: THE OFFICIAL: Blonde Jokes Thread
>
> Frozen Crabs and the Blonde Flight Attendant
>
> A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him.
>
> She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.
>
> He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.
>
> Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?"
>
> Not one hand went up, so she took them home and ate them.
>
> Two lessons here:
>
> 1. Many lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
>
> 2. Many blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think.
> Frozen Crabs and the Blonde Flight Attendant
>
> A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him.
>
> She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.
>
> He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.
>
> Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?"
>
> Not one hand went up, so she took them home and ate them.
>
> Two lessons here:
>
> 1. Many lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
>
> 2. Many blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think.
Leeza
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Re: THE OFFICIAL: Blonde Jokes Thread
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return. - Leonardo DaVinci
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Re: THE OFFICIAL: Blonde Jokes Thread
He: "Have you slept with another man?" She: "I've only slept with you darling, I was awake at the other ...."
The eye sees faithfully, but our brain's image processor lies.
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Re: THE OFFICIAL: Blonde Jokes Thread
Friday night. A young attractive young guy ringed . Yes, asks the blonde. I I I stammered the young man, I come for the Red Cross - Well then your a week late for that, I had it a week ago, says the blonde.
The eye sees faithfully, but our brain's image processor lies.
- Zephyr Lily
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Re: THE OFFICIAL: Blonde Jokes Thread
A blonde and a Brunet were walking along the sidewalk
The brunet looked down and said " aww look at the dead bird "
The blonde looks up at the sky and says " where, Where. "
The brunet looked down and said " aww look at the dead bird "
The blonde looks up at the sky and says " where, Where. "
If at first you don't succeed,
Skydiving is not for you.
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Re: THE OFFICIAL: Blonde Jokes Thread
Guy sitting at the bar says to the bartender, wanna hear a blonde joke? The bartender says see those two guys at the bar well they're navy seals and both 6'6' 275lbs. See the bouncer he's a a former wrestler and he's 6'8 325lbs. And the guy talking to the bouncer is a pro football player 6'3 260 lbs. they all are blonde and you see my hair color is blonde do think you really want to that joke now? The guy says you're right I don't want to explain it 5 times.
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Dumb blonde joke
I pulled into the almost empty car park of my local shopping centre and rolled down the windows a bit to give some air to my newly acquired dog to make sure he had enough air.
She was stretched out on the back seat as I stepped onto the kerb so I turned and said "stay, STAY,STAY!!
The driver of a car that had just pulled in nearby, a pretty young blonde, gave me a puzzled look and said,
"WHY DON'T YOU JUST PUT THE HANDBRAKE ON?",
She was stretched out on the back seat as I stepped onto the kerb so I turned and said "stay, STAY,STAY!!
The driver of a car that had just pulled in nearby, a pretty young blonde, gave me a puzzled look and said,
"WHY DON'T YOU JUST PUT THE HANDBRAKE ON?",
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Re: THE OFFICIAL: Blonde Jokes Thread
Woman Blocks Traffic With Naked Cardboard Men.
What She Tells the Cop is Priceless . . .
Yesterday a woman had a flat tire on the interstate, so she eased her car over to the should of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk. She took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of her car facing oncoming traffic. They looked so lifelike you wouldn't believe it! They are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers.
To the woman's surprise, cars started slowing down to look at the lifelike men. And of course traffic started backing up. Everybody was tooting their horns and waving like crazy. It was not long before a state trooper pulled up behind her. He got out of his car and started walking towards the woman, and she could tell that he was not a happy camper.
"What's going on here?" he bellows.
"My car has a flat tire," she said calmly.
"Well, what the heck are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?" he asks.
She could not believe that he didn't know, so she told him . . .
"Helloooooo, those are my emergency flashers!"
What She Tells the Cop is Priceless . . .
Yesterday a woman had a flat tire on the interstate, so she eased her car over to the should of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk. She took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of her car facing oncoming traffic. They looked so lifelike you wouldn't believe it! They are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers.
To the woman's surprise, cars started slowing down to look at the lifelike men. And of course traffic started backing up. Everybody was tooting their horns and waving like crazy. It was not long before a state trooper pulled up behind her. He got out of his car and started walking towards the woman, and she could tell that he was not a happy camper.
"What's going on here?" he bellows.
"My car has a flat tire," she said calmly.
"Well, what the heck are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?" he asks.
She could not believe that he didn't know, so she told him . . .
"Helloooooo, those are my emergency flashers!"
SilverLady(SO)
- Native Motor City and Wolverine gal . . . GO BLUE!!
- Molon Labe - Saepius Exertus, Semper Fidelis - Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum
- Proud Military Family - Navy, Army, Coast Guard, National Guard
- Native Motor City and Wolverine gal . . . GO BLUE!!
- Molon Labe - Saepius Exertus, Semper Fidelis - Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum
- Proud Military Family - Navy, Army, Coast Guard, National Guard
- DonnaT
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Re: THE OFFICIAL: Blonde Jokes Thread
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but
I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was...
'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
I'm like...Helloooooo?
It's only 25 cents!!!!"
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but
I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was...
'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
I'm like...Helloooooo?
It's only 25 cents!!!!"
DonnaT