Why are you hiding?

[Davita]

I come into the forum and it looks like I am the only one here. Then I see the count of hidden registered users. Why? What's wrong with letting the rest of girls know who's visiting? What are you worried about? Silverlady has explained time and again certain information, pictures etc are not available to the unregistered public.

Come on girls; at least come out to your own community. Share with us not hide from us. Be bold and stop hiding or help me understand why you hide. BTW, I was hiding because I didn't realize I had a setting wrong in my profile. Duuuhhhh me.

[SilverLady(SO)]

Hi, Davita -

You're right, the members can adjust their visibility or hidden status in their UCP. The default setting for all members is 'visible'.

I'm usually 'hiding' so I can get work done behind the scenes without interruption. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy chatting with my members and respond rather quickly to their PMs . . . but when I need to get time-consuming work done I prefer no distractions, so I'm 'hiding' my presence here.


I hope that our American members had a great Independence Day yesterday!


- SL

[Carol Ann]

Davita my dear,
I agree with you all the way, I sign in all day long and all I see is hidden members. Guess no one loves us anymore

[Kelly]

It is kinda lonely when I log in and the only other known registered users that are on are the Google Bot, Bing Bot, and occasionally the MSN Bot. I am glad when I see that there is another non-bot person on, when I log in. That is why I am let my presence be known.

So why or why not show your presence? I for one am really paranoid about preserving my privacy, but am willing to let the world know when I am logged in. That happened after a lot of vetting of the site and some introspection.

Nothing is really private on the internet. Even here. It is just a matter of how hard someone wants to work to figure you out. I think that here someone would have to work pretty hard. (I was on the periphery of the figuring out business in the early days, thus my paranoia). So that was one factor. The next is I have enough surfing history that would pretty much pinpoint my dispositions. Said another way: My gender identity issues are inferable by anybody that would care to do the inference - just based on my behavior on the net. So why hide behind an anonymous log in to a site that helps my feel comfortable rather than ashamed of my feelings?

Yes, my logged in name is a pseudonym. But it is doable to associate the pseudonym, to the same IP address that is used my certain email names and bank account logins that uniquely identify me. All the pseudonym does is not call me to the attention of an old high school classmate that accidently finds this site or does a search on my real name.

So this is probably the only place on the internet were I am totally willing to declare my memberships and activity. At least under the guise of a pseudonym. And hopefully so that when some sister happens to login during the weird time window that I am here, she see somebody that is not a Bot.

Kelly.

[Noeleena]

Hi.
Hide...ing me ..... don't know the meaning of the word, plus when your so ....well... known how could I.

...noeleena...

[OliviaM]

I really have no idea how to hide. So when I log on everyone should know. Like Kelly I find it weird when I log on and it's just me and the bots. Hey that sounds like a music group- Olivia and the Bots. Sorry about that. But it does seem like there are only a few people really involved. Look at the number of views and the number of responses. It seems people want to look but not say anything. I was a little disappointed when there were no responses to the pictures I posted. But I talked to Carol Ann, which helped, and on browsing the photo gallery I noticed some of the older pics had more comments. Davita and Carol Ann, you have been here longer than Kelly and I. Do you see any difference in the number of people who get involved? Thanks to all for being here.

Olivia

[Davita]

Olivia,
I still see girls coming in and talking about getting involved and ...... still waiting. I never defined "getting involved" as "reading" but maybe my definition is wrong *sigh* I think "involved" would be nice if it included being seen while not being heard at least.

Now let me cooment on Kelly's statements. Yep, if people want to know something or find something they can. The Internet is not much better than a locked convertible car. BUT the thing is with the Internet, the things one stumbles across are usually purposely set in the way for you to do just that -- find them.

I have a web site totally open to the world. Not a single person I know has ever came up to me and mentioned seeing it. Oh, I take that back. One friend overheard me talking to another and he did a search. Yeah -- you can do a search and find my site, but again -- no one has said they stumbled on my site. For a site to hide it's content, it means it doesn't want its content stumbled across. It means that if people are going to find anything, they have to be specifically interested. How you say, "it takes one to know one". BTW, "Davita" doesn't even hide her last name on the Internet.

There is a lot more porn to find that us girls. I think the forest of "stuff" makes us individual trees fairly hard to discover without a specific purpose with specific knowledge to look for us.

[Anthony Simon]

To me, it's not a big deal. I mean people have all sorts of ways of interacting and thinking about the site. I don't let on I'm a CD in public and I can understand how that desire for privacy might morph into a desire not to be seen here. Mostly what I care about is that people post.

it's just me and the bots. Hey that sounds like a music group- Olivia and the Bots.

I was a little disappointed when there were no responses to the pictures I posted.

FWIW, I think your photos are OK. It's kind of difficult to respond when you have reservations. It took me forever to get anything bordering on a decent picture. You've got a kind of frozen face in them, that was my major reservation. They looked kind of passable - like you really just need to keep going.

Davita and Carol Ann, you have been here longer than Kelly and I. Do you see any difference in the number of people who get involved? Thanks to all for being here.

Olivia

We've had problems with lack of posts here before. It's not that big a group and when you get really prolific posters dropping out... It's also the summer, which may or may not make a difference, but it's come back before.

[SilverLady(SO)]

True, Anthony . . . we are both a much smaller forum and it's always been cyclical for posts, especially during the summer and holidays.

I think we have fewer members here for several reasons: (1) user name rules - you should see the names on some of the registrations that come through (2) we keep things as civil as possible here; (3) those that want to join just to get their risque photos online for anyone to see are quickly discouraged; and (4) it's well known that our rules are enforced.

I've been relaxing some of the rules that the former owners had - especially about the number of posts required in order to keep your account active, and the frequency of logging in when a member has fewer than 10 posts. While that rule is still there it is one of the few rules that I am not enforcing at the present time and I plan on rewriting that rule in the near future. Honestly, I never did understand some of those rules and I think they served to drive potential members away.


Oh, well . . . back to shooting targets!


- SL

[Carol Ann]

I am sorry my long time friend but Carol Ann disagrees , this is a great forum and you know as well as I do the rules keep it that way.

How many time's have you taken me to the wood shad because I broke the rules but I still love you anyway.

No I believe it is time to weed out the member's who only join and are long gone never post or what ever.

But it is only my $.02 worth as I know the future of this forum is in your hands.

[Kelly]

When I first joined I explored the user profile and played around with some of the settings. There are a lot of them, and they all come with defaults - i.e. the initial value.

I remember thinking that the defaults were appropriate. I don't remember what they were.

I am pretty sure though that the default for "Hide my online status" is yes; which means that even though you are logged in nobody will know it. [By the way, anybody looking for this will find it in the "Board preferences" set of options in the User Control Panel.]

My guess is that most folk don't change their initial setting, either out of inertia, not realizing that they can, not being able to find the option, or not understanding what the option means. Simple as that.

Kelly

[SilverLady(SO)]

I am pretty sure though that the default for "Hide my online status" is yes; which means that even though you are logged in nobody will know it. [By the way, anybody looking for this will find it in the "Board preferences" set of options in the User Control Panel.]

Hi, Kelly -

Actually, the default setting is that no one has their online status hidden.

Hide my online status: Yes No

Members must make the decision to hide their status and then make the change.


- SL

[Kelly]

Wow. I stand corrected.

The fact that so many users then, are explicitly choosing to hide their online status is pretty remarkable. Soon after joining the newbie is finding the option and changing the value. Now, each individual has her own reasons; in aggregate, though, is suggestive of closet dwelling behavior of not letting anybody catch you.

Instinctive (??) survival behavior is hard to overcome. If, as a community, we fell it is important to come out to one another, then we each have to put up or shut up. Edit your user profile and allow the rest of us to know when you are here.

Kelly.

[Anthony Simon]

The heart has its reasons and many of them are not accessible to rationality in a straightforward way. I have massive great conflicts about being a woman in part of me at all. A lot of that, probably, has to do with the fact that part of me doesn't want to accept it at all.

This probably relates to the internalized conflict that the outside world creates for a CD, but it doesn't make it any less of a problem for me. Sometimes you can't fix a problem and just have to let it sit there - at least that's the way it is with me. It probably means that I'm hiding the truth from myself, but if that's the way it has to be, I guess I'll take it.

Hiding is so much part of the CD experience - in multiple ways - that I'm disinclined to draw any hard and fast lines over where, why and how people hide. Or indeed to push them much at all. I'm hardly a moral paragon on this, so why should anyone else be?

[Requal Jo]

While I may hide my dressing from the general public and closer persons I feel secure and free at this home.

As this site affords security, I feel free and supported to be open and sharing about Requal with all you lovely, friendly and knowledgeable persons at this site. So why the need to hide?

(Please do not get my wrong as I do understand that not all persons experience the same as I. I am only expressing my freedom not judging others).

A forum where I can be open is the whole principal for my being here.