Why,part time vs full or Trans?

[Anne Bonny]

Why are some of us episodic, some full time, and some transsexual? Sure there are different reasons...but not that many. Could it all come down to the degree of gender variance? 50/50 vs 40/60 vs 20/80???

I am episodic or part time...if I felt that way most of the time I bet I would find eventually I'd be full time or if my gender felt feminine most all the time perhaps I would feel the need for permanent physical changes...

[DonnaT]

I don't think we'll ever know the answer to that.

All I know, if it feels right and good, and ain't illegal, do it.

[Anne Bonny]

"like" Thumbs up...

[Lacey Hadley]

Anne,

My crossdressing is mostly part time if its to be full crossdressing with clothes, makeup, wigs and stuff. My life currently does not afford me the ability to dress full time. If it did I am not sure if I would as I never have had said luxury. I do partial dressing 90+% of the time.

When I do a full dressing session, I love every minute of it. I at times find doing my makeup a bit tedious but try to enjoy the journey of seeing my rather typical male face become more and more feminine. I believe I feminize well. My skin is soft and relatively blemish free for a dude. I was for one never much a sun worshiper, nor did I smoke and do heavy drinking or any drugs, all these things often affect one's skin and visual aging. I feel I look much younger than I am as a man and much more so in makeup I give blessing for this. I look at pictures of me as Lacey from 10-15 years ago and more current pics and see I have appeared to not have aged much. Just as you, I see your Avatar pic and I do not see a 60 y.o. I trust your image is fairly current. You look great.

As I said in other posts here at this forum am I trans? Not sure, I have not felt a need to change my gender, but what is said feeling? I love seeing myself as Lacey and not just a guy who puts on some women's clothes, though I do that too. I've imagined living as a woman, what would my life be like? Would my relationships be different? Would I be a 'lesbian' so to speak? When I was younger in my 20's and 30's I'd say I'd be living en femme more so as a lesbian if that happened. But today oddly I often wonder about being desired as a woman by a gentleman. I see myself done up, my almost narcissistic level of photos taken by myself of Lacey in all her outfits shoes/boots, wigs and makeup. I imagine if a gentleman would want to be with me. This is something more new than not. It is not as if I never imagined being with a man back in my more immature days of discovery about me as a cder and developing of Lacey as my femme persona. But as a dude in drab I have zero desire to be with a man, as Lacey I do wonder though.

I have taken to write short stories for myself to ease my mind and place me into fantasy land and often my stories as a full CDer have me being swept off my high heeled feet by a man. ODD I SAY! But this was not so vivid years ago. I think maybe it's more due to my desires to be more refined and feminine when dressing full. To be better at dressing completely and not so goofy 'guy in women's clothes'. I was for many years a guy who was rather goofy at dressing en femme. But I also really have gotten better at doing my makeup to a point where I feel Lacey is attractive (thanks much to Wayne Goss Youtube videos ). So this and just time and maturity has led me down a path of wonder about what being with a gentleman may be like as Lacey en femme. I have not acted on such, not sure if I would but it's all a part of my full dressing ideals and persona as Lacey at now at my 1/2 century life.

I can binge dress fully done up at times, but then go weeks and weeks without much full on dressing. I love though having time and feelings to full dress as Lacey.

[Diana Michelle]

I don't remember who posted it or how it was exactly worded but someone in another thread somewhere asked in essence "When is enough enough when it came to her dressing. She said she has reached a point where she was comfortable with her dressing and the balance in her life. The answer to her as well as you, enough is when you say it is enough!

Why part time versus 24/7 versus TG is a case by case of the individual, their circumstances, and resources. Most are happy part time and that is great. Others want to be 24/7 either with or without HRT and if that is right for them great! As for TG, well that first takes a special person with the help of a qualified team of professionals. Then beyond that it requires dedication, understanding, patience, and a strong will. Finally it requires resources. Financial yes but also a support network and the proper circumstances.

You and only you knows what is the best path for you to pursue. Look deep inside and I think you already know the answer. Also remember what is right for you today may change with time and circumstances.

[Anne Bonny]

Thanks Diana couldn't have a better reply...I'll take that and carry it away...

Oh...Missed Lacey. Thanks the Avitar is probably a year or two old so could have been 58...I have not changed much, like yourself I have never smoked, do not drink, and have never done drugs and I do all I can to stay fit and at my weight, vitamins, water, portions and balance...Quality of life mainly.

Yeah...we are all different Lacey...Myself I just imagine being with a woman who has strength and confidence who is laid back loving and who loves me. My fantasy is that she would be able to be ... well have no problem when I am in the mood to defer to her lead...don't know why but I do feel that desire to be loved and looked after by a "Joan of Arc" from time to time...not all of the time because my masculine side can be quite strong so that I am perfectly able to be a man for a woman as any woman would desire it...but sometimes I really want a woman the way a woman wants a man just part of my make up.

I am part time gender fluid does fit and over the years I do believe my feminine skill set has improved over time but I never fool myself into believing .... well I can see in the mirror I may look close to passable from some but not the majority of angles..knobby knees, no subcutaneous fat...etc unlike Charlie Martin - she is so lucky and amazing but in a million years I would never be that pretty.

[Martha G]

Well basically a part timer. I enjoy my feminine side and enjoy and dressing as a woman. I feel so relaxed and good.

However, I have been developing into a transgender woman. I have become effeminate and have developed many feminine mannerisms.

I couldn't realistically do it now but would love to dress and be a woman for 24/7 one day.

But for transitioning, I would be happy dressing and acting as a woman full time.

I feel so good and relaxed and love my feminine side.

[Anne Bonny]

We seem to be alike in this...our femininity comes and then goes as our masculinity comes like the rising and the falling of the tide... I share the experience and at an older age I too believe I am where I will always be.

I do want pierced ears..those dang clip on's fall off. I do believe it is not impossible that I could find a woman so positive and accepting and encouraging that I may find the balance flipped over to the point that George is the one who comes for only a short part of each day...who knows.

[Amanda R]

Anne, there is nothing wrong with you and your bouncing back and forth between masculine and feminine. It is not as uncommon as you think and to be honest the fact you recognize the differences is healthy and refreshing. Way too many CDs believe that their love of the clothes make them a woman and some go as far as trying to jump through hoops to convince others. You on the other hand have a grasp of and are comfortable with both sides of your psyche.

Diana gave you some excellent advice. The secret is not trying to fit inside the box society wants you to but rather finding the box that fits you best. As she said circumstances change and your current situation with your wife makes things appear hopeless I am sure and this weighs on your mind and influences things. That will change eventually and then you will have the opportunity to rethink your circumstances. I am not saying this will change things because no one can predict the future. As long as you are comfortable now that is what is most important for Anne. Let the future happen when it arrives.

As for your "Joan of Arc" yes they are out there and for your sake I hope and pray you find yours when the time is right. I have seen many relationships were the female takes the dominant role and there is nothing wrong with that regardless of how society sees it. I have been with my BF over a year and our relationship is one of equals with one being more than the other equal in certain situations. In other words when his 3 year old daughter needed a new dress for Easter it was me who took her shopping. On the other hand winter is coming and I needed new tires for my car. Chuck took the lead there and not only picked out what was best for me in my price range but also took it to get them put on so no one tried to take advantage of the girl buying tires.

As for wanting pierced ears, go do it! Lots of men have pierced ears, either one or both. I had a professor last year who had his pierced just because he wanted to and he is straight and probably 60 years old. Don't let the stereotypes run your life. You and only you have that right.

[CathyAnn]

I'm a part time crossdresser. Having to run in and out of the house a lot limits how much I can dress. My wife doesn't mind how much I do as long it's in side. we live in an area where cross-dressing isn't tolerated very well. I would like to sit out on our deck but our neighbors are very close.

[Anne Bonny]

Of late I have made even more progress in that I have come to recognize we hold ourselves back there can be residual shame at some level or even fear uneasiness or cognitive dissonance.... yet I have always been this way I place my awareness of this back to around the age of 9 meaning it could have started even earlier but I was too young to be aware or to understand. I think back to earlier ages and see it which is why I say this. And it has carried on through my teens, 20's, 30's, 40's 50's and continues on today.

I am now finding myself at ease and comfortable so comfortable that I have been dressing every day and for longer periods of time and I am beginning to wonder about myself am I really on balance more of a woman? Where is this going? I am not worried about it though...it has become kind of a new revelation to myself...I am here because I want to be here and because this is who I am inside. It is important to allow myself to simply flow and be wherever I happen to be and prefer to be it is not something you do...you cannot force yourself artificially living as a woman has to come because it is simply who you happen to be inside and who you feel a connection with and identify with and it happens of late that is with women. Other things being equal and having absolute freedom I am here and have even been jogging in all women's attire covert though it be..it is not obvious. I find a state of mind and see it is possible I may find myself comfortable and because this is who I am that I have every right to be out and go anywhere ...anywhere because as a TG woman I have every right to live and to be whoever I am.

Due to the long term sole caregiver role extending on and on and on an my having no one...it is possible I have been depressed...I have 17 months of money built up unspent...when I go out after coffee I am just lost I have no desire to do anything there is no motivation or interest in doing anything. I am isolated and I am alone in a groundhog day after groundhog day existence over and over and over again. I have no one but professional staff who come and are physically present and I have lost the only person who helped to balance me - the ying and yang no one to talk things through with. I come here, I message a couple people but even my sons do not come, one sister is wrapped up in her own life, the other hers though she did come for a few days. Between 2007 and 2011 I suffered a series of losses, Father, Grandmother, a huge brother in law, my mother, my wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2009, I retired in 2010 and suddenly I was the tent pole holding everything up and I became a clueless sole parent to two rebellious teenage sons...wow! My entire world has crumbled about me...except for my finances...proving you can have everything you ever wanted nice home on the bay, pier, sailboat and yet find having no one to share experiences with or to enjoy life with anymore other than being comfortable and secure like a silk pillow...if you have no one things are not really very important and that you really do not much of anything at all really. Hospice staff told me they believe I am showing signs of depression...gee told the nurse I had worn the same clothes for about a month...well except for my female clothing. So I am not entirely convinced but once my wife goes I will be at a complete loss what woman that I would desire feels attraction for a semi feminine man? So I did phone and have an appointment booked to go talk to the local counselor but while on the phone to check the process and ensure he is in my network still I asked if there were any gender therapists...closest as I suspected at least 60 miles in either direction so I have that filed in my head until I am on my own again. ... Lots of things going on circumstances with the love of my life now near the end, difficulties with my son...really both as they do not like to come here and never contact me unless they need something...My gender...finding a new partner....yeah that's a mess so Counselor will be a good thing I think.

Could be I have been a loaner...have failed to make friends except for my wife and her friends and now all of that is gone, I want nothing to do with those in her family because other than our names on the document of marriage there are no blood or genetic ties to any in her family and her Mother has been a thorn in my side for years...borderline personality meaning she believes the world revolves around her and everyone must do as she desires or they are wrong, she even placed expectations pay for her to have a new house, commandeer and insist on coming along on some of our vacations, demands we come for reunions, barbecues etc and that I do things for her like a grunt laborer laid flooring in her old home and painted her living room...until I realized what was going on then I became the enemy but no I was not about to sign any documents, pay for, do or make anything for her anymore I was not going to ever be taken advantage of ever again. Oh well all too long and detailed suffice it to say...

Could be the thread of my gender is what things have been related to in someway over my life. That is pretty big...no it is huge! I have I believe chased people away...I was never promoted In the Navy nurse corps...Ensign, LtJG...moved to Airforce...Lieutenant and then Captain obtained a contract to complete my 20 years and then retired, could not chew into people when needed and other ...I wanted to get along with people and manage myself and do my job not herd cats...I did not have a chess game of drive and ambition and game playing in my head focused on advancement other than just doing my job to best of my ability. I don't though believe that we as cross dressers or gender expansive people realize the extent to which all these unresolved issues and problems can accumulate for us and it is possible because we have not dealt with the issue we have with our gender may be related to a lot of things that are going on in our lives...not that Alzheimer's or other problems would not exist if we were at peace with who we are and fully out in the open to the world but...realizing this and making peace with ourselves might go a long way toward resolving some issues, and may even mitigate others erasing all the inner turmoil and discomfort and hiding and friction. Hum.

[Ms. Erin]

Some of our members of our local transgender society are... identify 100% as a trans women, but chooses to remain partly closeted and are only out in public part-time. They choose this way because of possible issues with family and or work. Some are on HRT though.

I do want to add that no one is more or less transgender, or crossdresser, depending on "medical and social" state.

I started out as a crossdresser, which at the time I thought was my "label", but it was more of a safe zone, partly closeted. Until I realized I was just hiding myself from true happiness.

[Anne Bonny]

Thumbs Up! We are all on our own personal journeys making progress...

[Eileen (SO)]

My CD husband as Terri is definitely a part timer. Fantasies of being a 'real' woman are just that. She jokes that if born female, she would wish she were a man instead.
Venturing out of the house is still a scary episode but confidence is growing. With this wife's blessing, she has done some shopping away from our neighborhood. With Halloween coming up, we are attending a cd party together at a hotel where she will be Terri from check in to check out. A new adventure for both of us.

All you gals on this board have different needs and personal situations. Consideration of your spouse, family, or work, makes each case unique. Compromising your desires can make everyone else more comfortable. My Terri would rather have a happy home life with the ability to dress as needed. Anyone visiting our home, and garage, it's evident a man lives here.

Eileen

[Anne Bonny]

I agree with that. We are all on our personal journey and we are all unique. I am also a part timer. For myself there is something beyond fantasy or dressing or "cos-play" playing dress up a younger person I correspond with introduced me to that term. Eliminating everything I only have left this sense of who I am and part of that is entwined with and shares identifies or holds things in common with women that most all other men do not. There is something deeper here that has held me here nearly my whole life as long as I can remember which cannot be shaken and from which I cannot escape or ever get away from so that I can be like other men and have none of it. I cannot because I am held by a femininity that is all my own and that I would never give up because it is so wonderful otherwise I would be able to never think this way or desire to be this way ever again. In this sense we are female and are not able to do anything about who we are.

Yes believe me you can tell that a man definitely lives here...guns...a shop with tools...cars, boats, books and movies which are not romance novels or stories about human networking and belonging...

Compromising our desires....hum. Well sadly, sometimes not I do that for my sons, and for a sister, and for others. Consideration is hiding any outward appearance but no one can see femininity that exists inside our head that is always there even if it is not foremost in our mind at any particular moment.

We can be side by side with anyone as we admire and desire things only women should as we experience similar feelings and emotions and with envy as we desire to be connected and accepted as any woman would by other women, no not all the time but it does come and go.

Even not having a female system for some reason we seem to have inherited a partly female sense of ourselves which has absolutely nothing to do with men who are fully male and masculine.