I really am a male lesbian!

[Anne Bonny]

I first heard this comment by a wonderful crossdresser with a great attitude on a documentary dedicated to crossdressing. It is true! I do want to be attractive to my girlfriend (when I eventually have one again for now I continue to care for the love of my life who is suffering a horrible decline from Alzheimer's). But to be upfront with my tendency to be and to feel feminine (while mostly based in my male gender most of the time). I would be thrilled to know my woman likes to see my figure and legs and is attracted to me when I am feminine as well. For me submission to her advances would be sheer rapture hitting all the bells and whistles of my sexuality that is how I prefer intimacy most all of the time. Anyone else like feminine sleepwear most nights?

[Jacqueline]

Anne, I feel the same way most of the time. I wear nighties every night and my wife never bats an eye. We have been together for 26 years and she has accepted this side of me since day one. She has never once treated my cross dressing in a negative light. She has always been supportive. So sorry that you are dealing with Alzheimers disease....this has got to be really tough.

[Erica S]

Feminine nighties!!!! You are so right, they feel so good on.

Hugs,

Erica

[Gillian]

Quote; "I would be thrilled to know my woman likes to see my figure and legs and is attracted to me when I am feminine as well. For me submission to her advances would be sheer rapture hitting all the bells and whistles of my sexuality that is how I prefer intimacy most all of the time."

Is this not really summed up by saying that we all just want to be accepted for who we are. The thought of being seduced is a turn on because of what it is saying. It is saying that the person being seduced is wanted, desired, loved, and handsome/attractive! So who doesn't want that?

The problem with living on the fringe of what many consider "normal" is that we as people seem to want to be in the middle, or main stream of the group. We are on the fringe for a reason, we don't fit into the main stream. But, is that bad? Where am I going with this, we come up with these justifications for why we do what we do, thinking that this will put us back into the middle. Hence we make statements like, " I really am a male lesbian", AKA hetrosexual, so does calling oneself a male lesbian justify anything? Or does it give us a reason to dress up in girl clothes?

There are many things that I have had to come to accept about myself, my taste in how I like to dress being a big one. It has helped me tremendously to have an accepting wife, and I wish all could have accepting wives. Before your wife can accept you... you have to accept yourself! I can not get over this simple fact, the more I accepted myself, the more accepting my wife became.

However someone wants to see themselves is up to them, but we all have to do realize that some things are beyond our control. We have to try to change the things that we can, accept the things that we can't, and have the wisdom to know the difference. We live on the fringe of the herd, so what, we are still a part of the herd.

[Carol Esme]

Early in my visits with my counsellor as we worked out where I was heading (womanhood) and my attitude to my wife (and other women). He said "So you are going to end up as a lesbian?". I thought for a while and said "Yes, unless something else changes". It hasn't yet but who knows what is round the corner.

[Absaroka]

For another perspective on this I always liked Jenny Boylan's comment. She remained married to her wife after she transitions from James. However she said that there did not seem to be a word for their relationship. At least immediately after transitioning, she did not consider herself to be a lesbian, although she was in fact now a woman attracted to another woman. An interesting idea.

[Anne Bonny]

I had another thought why do women wear pants and shirts and shoes and socks and we still see them as women and love them? Why is the reverse not true for men. Though I have to admit that those who I have shared my secret with have been very understanding and supportive. You know...I may have my eye on our sitter because few women seem to be as accepting as her even so, it is just an eye to a future possibility because I love my wife and am caring for her.

Today the Social Worker and the Hospice Chaplain came for a visit (my wife has hospice), both women, I had told the hospice chaplin - no problem. Today I was wearing a bra under my T shirt and under my brown polo which was not all that tight but as my wife told me once my chest was a little curvier, still I did not think it was too obvious. I was feeding my wife as we talked and when they were through as they were leaving the Hospice Chaplain put her hand on my shoulder and slid it over the area of the bra strap - no other reason for her to do that than she wanted to see, that's fine. Perhaps on their next visit I will just go ahead and tell the social worker as well, wish I had done so seems to come easier on occasion to just say yes, I like to wear women's clothing sometimes, well seems to be most days counting the under dressing.

[Judith(SO)]

Anne, speaking for myself, if and when I wear a shirt, pants of whatever fashion, shoes and socks, I never have any thought that I'm wearing those clothes to alter my gender appearance, and I always wear feminine underwear, I've never worn male underwear, and there is never the intent or thought to try and appear male, and I think that would go for the majority of heterosexual women who wear similar clothing. Those shirts, pants, socks and shoes I wear at times were all made for females, I think that is the difference when it comes to a man wearing clothing made for women. For me, it's simply clothing which most all women wear these days, and it's readily acceptable to do so, it's fashion befitting our times, whereas it's a rarity to see a man in public dressed in women's clothes and accessories, wearing make-up etc, those times haven't arrived yet where it is the norm, but hopefully the time will come where those who choose to do so will be able to without fear of embarrassment or reprisal, but I believe that time is very distant.

Some time back when I brought up the topic about lingerie made for men, the collective responses were that even though that lingerie be made of silky lace materials, and of feminine appearance, all said they wouldn't wear it if it was made specially for men, it had to be originally made for women. I think that is the difference, it's the intent, the man is trying to create a female appearance, a feminine aura etc and uses the clothing and accessories to stimulate the creation, whereas whatever shirts, pants etc I wear, there is no attempt or thought whatsoever to associate them with anything male, I'm always pure female, be it physically, mentally or psychologically, and I believe this would be the case for the majority of heterosexual women.

I'm making a point of not being self absorbed about it all, and lately the talks my hubby and I have been having are proving more fruitful for us both. It's becoming easier for us to talk about it, and it hasn't been easy because he is so introverted. It's very difficult to see someone you love going through such torment, so what I suggested to him is that maybe it would be of some comfort to him if he, as you folk put it, underdressed, but he didn't seem to jump at that idea, he says that there are times when he just has to discard all male clothing completely and dress in women's clothes, and if he can't do that, then he becomes very depressed, so I guess we just have further to go to find the time and space to provide the opportunities for him, which isn't that easy because he desperately wants to prevent our three teenage daughters from finding out.
Even though I'm quite uneasy about what he does, I'm prepared to live with that for the greater good, I can feel it in your words that you know what it is to genuinely love someone and whatever needs to be done, will be done. I wish you well.

Judith.

[Leeza]

Anne, The people I dealt with in hospice never showed anything but respect and care for me while we were dealing with my wife's terminal illness.

I can say it was the chaplain acceptance of me that got me going back to church. She knew me as a cd for awhile before my wife went on hospice.

I was really thankful for the support of the hospice team in helping my wife and also on making sure I was staying ok to deal with her.

[Anne Bonny]

I hear you and I accept that. I do think that my dressing is giving outward expression to what I am feeling inside. I am not dressing to affect a feminine appearance, my personality does not change I am more a guy who is feeling feminine and expressing what I am feeling. I think that is close to any woman who sometimes wants to be more feminine or not. A woman does not change if she is wearing pants etc, and I even have women's pants and polo shirts, and shorts. I do agree however that heterosexual women like men do not wear clothing made for the other sex. The difference for cross dressers is how our gender shifts. Mostly I am masculine but due to our fluctuating gender we want to dress in feminine clothing, and feel female at times though our body is male. Yep, we are dressing for a reason that most people do not experience. We are just made this way, and cannot help it. Yeah, I accept that. I think society is changing because people are learning about us and at some point we will be able to leave the house with out fear I hope I live to see that day.

[Anne Bonny]

Jacqueline, you are very pretty.

[Judith(SO)]

Thanks Anne for what you said, I've thought about what you said regarding dressing for reasons that most people don't experience, and I know that is something which is a block for me with my hubby, because I'll never be able to experience what he feels I'll never be able to really understand why he does what he does, it's just something which time will hopefully fix it for me and I have to live with.

As for what you said about dressing to give an outward expression to what you feel inside, and you being a guy who is feeling feminine and expressing what you're feeling, and you think that's close to any woman who sometimes wants to be more feminine or not. Pardon me if I seem a bit slow, but I can't quite grasp the comparison you're getting at there.

I've always believed that the most feminine aspect of a woman is her body, not what we're wearing, but that may just be a difference in how men and women see it. I know that irrespective of how I'm dressed I never feel anything but feminine, but of course I don't go about my day consciously thinking of how feminine I do or don't feel at any given time, it's something I've really never had cause to think about before.

I just know that the differences between men and women are the attraction, and those differences are many, I suppose that is a big part of my problem, my hubby in a dress narrows those differences, that's something I have to get over, I love to wrap my arms around him and hug him, but it's not something I could do if he was dressed as a woman, as I said once before, broadly speaking, opposites attract and likes repel, and it's always been what I perceive as his manliness which was and is a big attraction for me.

I hope too that one day you'll be able to move about in public without fear, but I can't see that happening in the near future because there just isn't sufficient numbers of you who are able to get out there so the community can get used to you and see there is nothing to fear. I think it'll have to be a long slow education exercise, starting with the very young so they grow up knowing about you and see you as just ordinary people like everyone else, it's said that major changes in society generally take two or more generations to have a major effect, and that's a long time, unfortunately if that's the case.

Judith.


***Post edited to insert spacing between paragraphs (makes it so much easier to read!), as per: http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 65&t=10059" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; - SL

[Jacqueline]

Thank You Anne. Blushing....

[Anne Bonny]

Not a problem, I am hetero it was just a comment that you do look nice in that picture, very pretty in my opinion. Anne

[Anne Bonny]

Judith...I do understand women like their men and to see them when they are dressed is not a turn on because you are not attracted to women. Not many women are able to still feel an attraction, I suppose you would have to see your man in there somewhere but I know that does not help. Well...we are not dressed or feeling this way all the time, take advantage of those times I would say.

It is also true too we do not know what it is to be a woman, to feel like a woman feels, think how a woman thinks. We do know what it is to be a man, feel like a man, think like a man while women have no clue about that. We can only say that what we believe to be feminine - that is what we feel, and this leads us to want to be in sync - as a complete person and for some reason when we are feeling whatever it is that we are feeling that we believe is feminine we feel complete when we are able to dress and it brings relief, and joy. Oh well these things are hard to put down in writing.