I really am a male lesbian!

General talk about CD/TGing and gender topics that aren't necessarily fun things we do while en femme, or for gender-driven discussions.

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Gillian
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Re: I really am a male lesbian!

Post by Gillian »

Anne Bonny's quote; "It is also true too we do not know what it is to be a woman, to feel like a woman feels, think how a woman thinks. We do know what it is to be a man, feel like a man, think like a man while women have no clue about that. We can only say that what we believe to be feminine - that is what we feel, and this leads us to want to be in sync - as a complete person and for some reason when we are feeling whatever it is that we are feeling that we believe is feminine we feel complete when we are able to dress and it brings relief, and joy. Oh well these things are hard to put down in writing."

I whole heartedly agree that it is difficult to put these things into words. Hence I would like to add my comments and either muddy the water, or help clear it. Yes I do not know what it is to be a woman, but I have lived with one for 40 years. In that time I have some clarity as to what it might be like, but it is still a mystery to me at times. I can then say that I would not know how a woman feels, or thinks either.

Do I know what it is to be a man, yes would be the convenient answer, but I may be short changing myself and others. I do know what it is like to be me, I know how I think, feel, and how I act, but am I a typical male? I do many typical male things, sports is the best example, but I also know girls that take the same interest in the same things. I do have an idea of what I consider to be feminine and that is based on my observations, as well as how my thinking and feelings dovetail with those observations. If there is anything that I want to be in sync with... it is me. All I am saying is this, if my mood says get dressed in a skirt, then I am wanting my clothes to fit my mood. I would liken it to some guy putting on his favorite sports jersey before sitting down to watch the game, whether alone or with others.

What I know to be true. I don't get along with most men, but I do get along with most women. Funny thing, most of the men I do get along with are left handed, like me, why, I don't know. I could get into the alpha male thing, I did at work, but it wasn't totally me. I still do get competitive when it comes to sports, but I also have played sports with some competitive girls also. So, to sum it all up, I am a left handed thinker who's behavior is not typically male, or female. I do things that can fit into either category, my body parts indicate that I am male, but who knows when it come to what is going on between my ears. My wife says I am a guy, but what does she know!
So I concluded that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to enjoy themselves as long as they can. People should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of there labor, for these are gifts from God.
Judith(SO)
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Re: I really am a male lesbian!

Post by Judith(SO) »

Thank you Anne for providing such deep insight into your person, it's been most enlightening the last couple of weeks, not just on this thread but others too.

I agree with you that it's hard to put some things in writing, especially describing different feelings, naturally we live our feelings, but finding the right words to aptly describe them so someone else can know and feel them is another matter.

I believe that on one hand the differences between men and women are many, but apart from the obvious physical and biological differences, there are many similarities also. Often there is much talk about differences in things like brain wiring, empathy, aggression, verbal fluency, reading maps, reversing cars etc, but I do feel it would be erroneous to prejudge anyone's abilities based on their sex alone.

I'm quite sceptical about all the talk regarding men's and women's brains working differently to any marked degree. We do know that on average a woman's brain is smaller than that of men, but there is no credible evidence to support any theory that it effects a woman's intelligence, it's more to do simply about our skull's being smaller.
It depends on which scientist you read, there are many scientists who are prepared to say there is very little difference between how the brain of a man or woman is wired.
I'm a firm believer that, on average, nurture and culture has more to do with shaping the life of a boy or girl than nature does. I've not seen any credible evidence which would convince me otherwise. Theories yes, but theories are just that, at this point in time I prefer to go with my own experiences and knowledge.

I also believe that if you put ten women in one room and ten men in another, and asked them all to write down what their interpretation of 'Feminine' is, you would get a good mixture of different answers, it's a matter of semantics, interpretations of meanings can vary greatly, but what is important is that a person is comfortable with their own interpretation, and that interpretation fulfils their needs. I don't see it fills any useful purpose to dwell on what others think, we are each our own unique person, and in the end, we alone know what suits us best, how we feel and how best to deal with those feelings.

Thank you once again, it's all been very beneficial.

Judith.
If I was pressed to say why I love him, it's simply because he is he and I am me.
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Anne Bonny
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Re: I really am a male lesbian!

Post by Anne Bonny »

It is mutually beneficial and I was trying to relay with accuracy my personal feelings as a man whose sensitivities shift around and acknowledge that I am different from other men like myself. We are all different but I do think there are some common or shared experiences between us. So I am glad if it has helped you in some way or given some insight into how your husband might be feeling but I cannot speak for him only for myself. In the same way your responses (real genetic women are cherished especially when they are willing to honestly share and help us as we try to understand so many things on this site). So thank you. Anne

Gillian, I am Left handed do you think there is a connection or have you come across some information? I am very comfortable with women, but find when men start talking local sports at state, college, or professional levels I have no knowledge or interest and so there are times when I am out of the loop. But if things turn to tinkering, or other topics it is better. I agree we are an in between group being males who have varying sensitivities (sensitivities my term of the moment) and that we are definitely NOT typical men, and while we love our women and femininity we are definitely not women let alone even being "typical" women which is a ridiculous nonsensical thought but we are at times feminine woman wannabes at times at least I would enjoy experiencing that if it were possible but not on a permanent basis because I am centered on the male side of the spectrum more often than not.

Just had another thought...I remember my wife years ago during the time after I had told her and she was adjusting to it all told me "you are changing how I think about you. I can never think of you as being fully a man" of course these are not exact because of time and memory but pretty close to exact quotes. It's true I am NOT fully a "man" or that I am "less" of a man - it is accurate to think of it that way but it does not make me less of anything as a person. I am not a typical man as you have said, and I think it is most accurate to say that we are something in between and that we are fully whatever that is - transgendered, shifting gendered, perhaps I prefer mixed gendered. Hard to nail it down but even when I am a male and in masculine mood there is still that part of me on a mood shift that sends me into feminine mode....and I continue to chase my tail even so it is all helpful as I am approaching some consolidation of who I am as I grow and open up hoping to live more openly with others as an individual and willing to say this is who I am. Take it or leave it.
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Absaroka
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Re: I really am a male lesbian!

Post by Absaroka »

Anne it sounds like the situation with your wife is deteriorating. Please accept my condolences.

I've lived with my wife happily married for well over two decades, and watched both my daughters grow from infants to adult women. That's a way of saying that I have had the opportunity to know some women very well. What I get from that is no, I am not a lesbian in a mans body. I'm a man who likes to wear women's clothing.

I suspect that if I was suddenly struck female, I'd want very much to return to my natural, slightly feminine, male state.
everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
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Anne Bonny
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Re: I really am a male lesbian!

Post by Anne Bonny »

I agree with that I am attracted to women, and happen to like wearing women's clothing on occasion. we play with ideas and words and sometimes I am delusional.
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Marissa Mae
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Re: I really am a male lesbian!

Post by Marissa Mae »

Yes, an uninformed section of the public seems to feel CDers and even TGers must somehow be attracted to their own sex. While in reality I would say just about the same percentage of us are gay as in the larger population.

In other words an overwhelming majority of male CDers, perhaps TGers as well, are attracted to women. This seems borne out by statements here, and such articles as I've seen in the press.

I too am a male lesbian, devoted to my beautiful wife, and sorry, general public, but I don't feel any little tingles for men. In fact men are pretty boring (my personal view only, of course).

Gee, I wish that myth would die.

Love, Marissa Mae
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Ms. Erin
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Re: I really am a male lesbian!

Post by Ms. Erin »

I think this bring up some more confusing to some of us. Yes I first was thinking I was gay, before realizing that I am not. (I am talking 15 some years ago) However as a "woman" I can see myself being with a man, sexually speaking. But I do have to admit I might be lesbian or at least bi-sexual. I have been asked by both male and female friends, probably 4 times so far, after coming out, if I like man or am gay.

My answer has been, and still is, that I am not at all thinking about sexual relationships while transitioning, it's all about me. But I am "observing" woman more than man, but more in a sense of "that's what I want to be, do or like".

Also I do have to admit "I like it a lot", when man open a door or say compliments. And also when woman compliment me, so... yeah... I guess I am bi-sexual in a sense. I have been kissed briefly by a man when I was "hit" on in a club, right after coming out. And I was constantly thinking as me being a woman, so did that make me gay or not? It has been confusing for me at times, but that moment I was pure thinking feminine and I was "delighted".

The more I think about it I think I am a hetero transgender woman, thus not gay.

(confusing right :) )

PS I have just been watching Dumb And Dumber to, that's where I picked up the "I like it a lot". :lol:
I am a woman of trans experience.
Toni_Lynn_P
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Re: I really am a male lesbian!

Post by Toni_Lynn_P »

This entire concept is kind of interesting to me from several angles.

First is that here is something incredibly beautiful when my wife and I are spending intimate time together and we are both totally femme'd out with matching bras, panties, garter belt etc. The is a wonderful mix of sensations in the way she touches me and speaks to me. In my mind are we two women together, yes. But -- it is with the shadow of the fact that I am also male but in a sense acting a part.

Equally interesting is when my wife cross-dresses as a guy, particularly men's underwear, for said some times. At times it becomes her being the guy and me being the girl with all the expected verbalisations, but at other times it transcends that and a world is created where it is "normal" for men to be feminine, have breasts, and wear bras and panties etc, and for women to be masculine and have flat chests and wear y-fronts/ tighty-whities -- yet still have otherwise standard issue parts (if you catch my drift).

I suppose it all goes beyond sexual-orientation for us, because we are in a circle where her pleasure gives me great pleasure and vice versa

Hugs

Toni-Lynn
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