Why Crossdressers?

General talk about CD/TGing and gender topics that aren't necessarily fun things we do while en femme, or for gender-driven discussions.

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Gina L.
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Re: Why Crossdressers?

Post by Gina L. »

Interesting questions which have made me reflect again on my beginnings pre puberty. My mother insisted on me wearing school girl knickers after a serious illness to keep me warm, I was aged 10, hated it at first but learned to love the feeling of them.(still do occasionally). I wonder was this what made me a life long closet CD or would that side of me come out anyway?
ArleneMcCarthy
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Re: Why Crossdressers?

Post by ArleneMcCarthy »

To me it is genetic. I have wanted to be a female is the age of six. I live as a woman 24/7 & love it. :)
Proud LGBT Supporter. I live 24/7 as a non-transitioned woman.ArleneRaquel - My lifestyle is very important to me & I love it and I love the opportunity to meet fellow CD's, & LGBT folks.
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Re: Why Crossdressers?

Post by Sandy »

1. Is there a genetic component for crossdressing? ( not talking about gender identity). I haven't heard of any genes but do some of us know of clustering of cases with in some families?

Answer - I am not sure if its a genetic thing with me because I don't know anyone in my family that is male that struggles with the same things that I do and I have never heard anything about it, yet I am not that open about my cross dressing or my transgender feelings.

2. Are most crossdressers are tender and soft and loving people? Is it because of their feminine feelings?

Answer - I am very masculine on the outside and I have a beard and would consider myself to be a mountain man, I am loving towards my family but with people that I don't know I think I might be a little more scared and aprehensive. Though inside I am totally feminine and want that to come out but it never does, so dressing is a way for me to be feminine without people knowing. If the people that I work with knew that I was wearing panties and a slip under my clothes I am not sure how they would respond.

3. Do most crossdressers like satin and silk ( please take satin and silk as separate fabrics not same)?

Answer - I love satin and silk, I have silk sheets and love laying on my bed when I am wearing panties or a nightie or etc, it just feels so right.

4. If yes to question 4, then why?

Answer - I just love how it makes me feel.

5. Do most crossdressers like shiny and soft garments? if yes, why?

Answer - Yes I love shiny and soft garments because they are so opposite of male garments that I have worn all my life. I just recently bought a shiny leotard online and am looking forward to wearing that under my clothes and to bed.

6. Why for most crossdressers, the first target is garments of their mother or sister? Is it because the house we live in and accessibility?

Answer - Yes I think I started to wear my sisters clothes was because it was easy and she wouldn't be around alot so I could easily dress up in anything of hers that I wanted just as long as nobody knew.

7. Why for most crossdressers there is always excitement linked with getting caught to the extent that later will find ways to get caught? If agree to this, do we agree that getting caught is linked with further sexual excitement? If yes, why?

Answer - I never worried about getting caught and I never did which was weird cause I spent lots of time in my sisters room dressing in all of her clothes, perhaps she knew but didnt say anything to me in fear of upsetting me and having me be scared.

8. Do most crossdressers start from rubbing with feminine garments? if yes, is it because of achieving sexual orgasm?

Answer - To this day I still get very excited sexually when wearing some articles of clothing that are female, but other times I feel nothing and realize that it just feels so much better than my male clothes and that its so natural. It all depends on the garment for me. I can get so aroused in panties one day and then the next day i won't.

9. Are there any crossdressers who have not started with sexual orgasm with female garments and never had sexual orgasm in women's garments/clothes/undergarments? I do know from lovely stories from this forum, that some might have started earlier, but one is capable of orgasm in teenage yrs.

Answer - N/A

10. I know not every cd wants to be physically a woman but do all crossdressers have fascination to be a woman at least during the time when wearing women's clothes?

Answer - I want to be a woman 24/7 and wish that I was one but when I am dressed I feel like I am the closest to being a female than I am when not dressed.

11. Do all cds wish to be called feminine names outside this forum as well even though it might not be possible in reality taking into consideration the family and the social circumstances?

Answer - I would love to be called feminine names outside this forum and I would love to get all dolled up and go out in public and would't care if people knew I was a cross dresser if I could pull it off but I am not very passable in public and am too chicken to ever do that. I so wish that I was more feminine than masculine but can't change something like that, so I just deal with it.

12. Do for all crossdressers when they see a beautiful, shiny silk or satin garment on a person, the first idea that comes to the mind is to love the person or the garment the person is wearing?

Answer - My first reaction when I see an outfit on a female that I am attracted to is wondering how that would look on my body, its hard to watch tv shows and see woman on it and not be fascinated by a dress or skirt that they are wearing and wishing that I could be wearing that as well.

13. Do all crossdressers wish to have a dominant partner in day to day life and in bed? If yes, why?

Answer - I have only been the passive partner in the gay relationships that I have had with men. I think I do that because I want to be as close to being in that female role without actually being a female and being a bottom I feel is what fits me the best and is so natural. I tried to be a dominant partner once and it just didn't feel right at all.

14. Do all crossdressers go through purging and restarting and finally surrendering?

Answer - My Cross dressing over the years has been very high and very active in it and then sometimes it just goes away and I don't think about it or wear for a couple years. Yet recently I have come to the conclusion that I am transgender and that I am really a woman inside and that I have to accept this and that its not a phase and it will not be going away.

15. This question is not bound to be answered but i'm including it with all good faith. I do see it as a very important question and its effect on crossdressing. Do we as crossdressers relate our crossdressing to some sort of sexual or abuse in childhood? If yes, is there a fascination for most of us for the childhood sexual abuse to be repeated? Why the response as in becoming crossdresser is so similar among all cds?

Answer - Really dont want to answer this

16. Do some crossdressers relate crossdressing to social abuse if not sexual?

Answer - No
Toni_Lynn_P
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Re: Why Crossdressers?

Post by Toni_Lynn_P »

I guess I'm really an odd duck when it come to my answers.

I am a kind and loving person, but more because of lesson I learned from the nuns in Catholic grade school -- ya know that golden rule about loving one another. BUT - I will beat the snot out of any one who messes with my wife or my family or the thing sthat I value.

As to silk and satin -- I love to wear such for my wife, and she loves to see me in such, but on a day to day basis, I'm a cotton panties kinda girl.

While the first girls clothes I tried on where my sisters, within months I bought my own.

As far as seeing something silky and nice on a woman - or say in a lingerie ad for La Senza - yes, I do think about wearing something like that. But -- and here's where I'm an odd duck -- when I go to men's undies site - hisroom, jockstrap central etc, and see stuff there, my mind automatically turns to how hot my wife would look in the men's stuff. It really gets into a fascination with mixing up the genders for me

Which does get to the whole thing about having a dominant partner. My wife is my partner - not dominant partner. As such, when she dresses as a guy for, ahem, fun times, it is a circle where my dressing as a girl turns her on, and her dressing as a guy turns me on, so it becomes a submission in a sense to that which is exciting to the other -- the pleasure derived out the pleasure felt by a partner - my wife.

As to abuse -- I do not and will never equate femininity with abuse or humiliation. That said, my adherence to my crossdressing is because I was abused for doing it -- abused for just being me. THAT goes beyond any sexual aspect for I was just being me.

Hugs

Toni-Lynn
Requal Jo
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Re: Why Crossdressers?

Post by Requal Jo »

SL, Carol Anne and Wendae have my vote. I am just a male who enjoys wearing female Apparel. Nothing else. I really enjoy my "just Requal" time.
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Robyn
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Re: Why Crossdressers?

Post by Robyn »

1. Absolutely, for some that is. Many people are born with both male and female physical characteristic, most obvious a hermaphrodite with ambiguous genitalia. However, the human body is very complex and the overlap of male/female organisms can be very subtle. We must also consider studies done on the brain. There is conclusive evidence that significant differences exists in those with indiscriminate gender boundaries.

2. Perhaps more emotional rather than soft and loving. But for me, as I fulfill my femme needs I instinctively adopt a sweet attitude. I wish to feel pretty, and in dress I’m always amiable.

3. I think we all enjoy the feel of a comfortable fabric. Satin nighties for sure, but I actually prefer more cotton lace panties. Dresses range in material.

4. How wonderful it feels to have the smooth satin gently sliding over the body!!!

5. See #3 and #4.

6. Availability is the key. A young boy doesn’t have the means to go out shopping (or these days online shopping with his own credit card), nor can he ask his mom and dad to buy him a pretty dress with cute shoes for his birthday, lol.

7. Personally I didn’t associate excitement with getting caught. I wished very much that I could share my femme side with another, but I remain very cautious and reserved. Cross dressing fulfills a sense of naturalism. A pleasuring sensation when feeling attractive, and a comforting emotional balance when I’m Robyn.

8. I started very young with a fondness of cute shoes. During adolescents it naturally became sexy shoes and stockings while fantasizing, which quickly brought sexual climax. But, my femme core is not sexually driven. I’m not a prude by any means, you’ll have to take my word on that, but I think my predisposition is related to the last sentence within the response of question #1.

9. N/A

10. Simply put, I am my own woman when dressed. I fancy myself an easy going naturalist with a reverence of nature. We are all human, but we are individuals with complex personalities. I do not wish to be a full time woman, but I respect and admire those who do/are. If I can maintain a kind attitude toward others, even those who are not nice, then I grow. I guess the short answer is my first statement… I am Robyn, a woman when dressed :-)

11. My femme name is solely associated to those times when I fully indulge myself in “Robyn”. By now, after reading my responses you can see that I am unquestionably a CD with some womanly virtues, which is gratifying for me to express, but I remain a male the majority of my life.

12. When I “see a beautiful, shiny silk or satin garment on a person, the first idea that comes to mind” could vary. What I personally find attractive is not the same as the next person. I guess what I’m saying is that I can openly admit to whether or not I find a male handsome just as easily as I can admit to finding a woman as beautiful (in reference to my personal taste mind you). That being said, I can honestly confess to a certain amount of judgement toward others on first appearance, as this is just human nature. Therefore, not only the clothing they’re wearing but how they’re currently portraying their personality would determine if I wanted to get to know them, or I just simply admired their outfit.

13. Question #13 made me grin. Yes, I like to have a dominant partner, what else can I say.

14. Purging, restarting and finally surrendering? If we’re talking about our need to cross dress then no. If we’re talking about eating habits, then that would be a no too. I’ve gradually been able to develop and express my feminine side over time, and I’m fortunate to not have had any eating issues. That’s not to say I don’t have other serious personal issues which require inner change, lol, but seriously I do!

15. This question is very serious, and those with abusive issues should absolutely seek help. There are many things that can have a devastating and long lasting negative effect on one’s life. I have such a personal issue, which unwillingly brought me down to a despairing low. I sought help, and have been given the tools to overcome my hardships. My particular issues will never magically vanish, but with daily acceptance, awareness, and a desire to live I’ve been able to maintain happiness.

16. “Do some cross dressers relate cross-dressing to social abuse if not sexual?” My answer to this questions can be found in the above :-)
Normal, just not average,
Robyn
Domonique
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Re: Why Crossdressers?

Post by Domonique »

I also have to agree with SL and Carol Ann. I have never gotten sexually excited when getting dressed. I have often wondered why I dress, is it genetic or is it something else. Either way, whatever the answer may be, I will never stop.
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Rachel A.
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Re: Why Crossdressers?

Post by Rachel A. »

You raise fascinating questions, Shauna, some of which I have been grappling with myself. Why the overpowering urge? No, I was not sexually abused as a child and no, dressing is not a means of sexual release. I do not get a thrill from a fear of getting caught; indeed, I would love to go public and be known as Rachel all or most of the time. Nor do I think it is genetic as no other males in my family share this. (Well, as I far as I know).

So, why? It just feels so good! I feel alive when dressed. Male clothing is soooo boring, dull, one-dimensional. Not only is female clothing far more varied, interesting, colorful, creative, soft, sensual, and lively, but there’s the bonuses of make-up (!), nail polish, jewelry, and accessories. Really, the advantages go on and on.

But it is far more than sartorial splendor. For me, the “why” is not as clear as for SL, as I do not identify as a woman inside. I am not a woman (unfortunately) but I definitely have a fascination with being a woman, “the better half” of humanity, the life-givers, the fabric of society. I am more gentle and emotional than the “average” male, but probably less so than the “average” female.

The best I can figure is that I have stifled my female side of me for too long. Or maybe my male ego has. Liberating that female side expands my horizons, connects me with more of humanity, makes me more complete. And dressing is a very tangible, visual, sensory, socially blatant, and personal aid to touching that female side. And it feels sooooooooooo good!!!!

So thanks, Shauna, for the great questions. I’d love to hear from more ladies on their “why”.

Rachel
CarrieAnn
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Re: Why Crossdressers?

Post by CarrieAnn »

It is funny Shauna that you say that the brain can cause cross dressing. I am OCD and I take Meds for the problem. One Med caused me not to want me to cross dress at all. The drug that I am on not will cause me not to want to cross dress If I can not stay dressed for long periods at a time and I must be fullly dressed even take the time for makeup. I was under dressing for over ten years I completely stopped. I was dresing about three or four time a week now three or four a month. I know it is from the meds, and the meds are helping the OCD. I just don't know if I will stop completely cross dresing at some point. This is getting me a little depressed I have to see my doctor this week and tell her my problem.
Marissa Mae
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Re: Why Crossdressers?

Post by Marissa Mae »

I feel (semi-)competent to answer only some of your questions. Here goes:

3 / 4. Do most crossdressers like satin and silk ( please take satin and silk as separate fabrics not same)?

Satin yes, enormously, in blouses and underthings especially. Why? Because of its sumptuous glisten, its delicious feel on the skin. Few if any other fabrics seem to me so gloriously feminine.
Silk I also love but it's slightly less comfortable on the skin, so though I have some silk shirts I don't wear them much.
I love jersey, too, for its comfort and cling.

5. Do most crossdressers like shiny and soft garments? if yes, why?

Yes, for the reasons above. Satin is shiniest, very nearly softest, and has a cool shimmery touch, hard to explain, but it's really nice.

6. Why for most crossdressers, the first target is garments of their mother or sister? Is it because the house we live in and accessibility?

Accessibiity, for me, and I'm pretty sure for many others. In my case, undergarments of my mother and of my girl cousin living across the road—who also had access to dresses etc. of her mother. We lived in lonely country or I'd doubtless have found other sources. No sister, alas; I always longed for one. (In part so I could wear her things, probably.)

7. Why for most crossdressers there is always excitement linked with getting caught to the extent that later will find ways to get caught? If agree to this, do we agree that getting caught is linked with further sexual excitement? If yes, why?

A huge question and one that's always fascinated me. Really to get caught would be, for me at least, awful, shaming, a disaster, something hard to live down—so no, being caught is not something that would excite me sexually, rather the opposite. Yet skirting (pun intended) danger is unbelievably HOT. Skulking, lurking just around corners in fem things ... ooo. Want to take that risk!!! But why? I have never quite been able to pin down the reason. I will be very interested to hear what others say to this.

8. Do most crossdressers start from rubbing with feminine garments? if yes, is it because of achieving sexual orgasm?

In many ways yes. But rubbing's not all of it. The entire experience from start to finish is full of delights that are wonderful in themselves. And frankly the real rub is wearing the lingerie, the dress ... for me, rubbing's not how orgasm happens, but the two are inseparably linked of course.

9. ... one is capable of orgasm in teenage yrs.

Age 9 in my case. Very memorable. I had no idea what was happening.

10. I know not every cd wants to be physically a woman but do all crossdressers have fascination to be a woman at least during the time when wearing women's clothes?

I want to be a woman then, and a number of other times as well. Indeed when it's impractical to dress femme I often long to be a woman, not just so I can just habitually wear the clothes I love, but to experience everything a woman experiences, even the less appealing parts. (But as a lesbian, not otherwise.)

11. Do all cds wish to be called feminine names outside this forum as well even though it might not be possible in reality taking into consideration the family and the social circumstances?

I'd love it. I'd love to be known as Marissa Mae by everyone.

12. Do for all crossdressers when they see a beautiful, shiny silk or satin garment on a person, the first idea that comes to the mind is to love the person or the garment the person is wearing?

Very strange and difficult question. I think you're asking: Do a girl's or woman's clothes make that person appealing to you? Yes, very much. If a woman wore no clothes, there'd be a lot less imaginative intrigue and life would be a lot less kinky. But clothes're only one of many determinant. Everything contributes, face, hair, figure ... personality most of all! (I hope I understood this one correctly.)

13. Do all crossdressers wish to have a dominant partner in day to day life and in bed? If yes, why?

Not me.

14. Do all crossdressers go through purging and restarting and finally surrendering?

I used to purge, due to terror of being caught. Probably this happened 5-6 times in my life. (I still miss my first bra, a beauty with a tiny tasteful blue bow in the center ... gone forever.) Then I revealed my craving to my wife and she was wonderfully accepting, within reason. Since then, no purging.

15. This question is not bound to be answered but i'm including it with all good faith. I do see it as a very important question and its effect on crossdressing. Do we as crossdressers relate our crossdressing to some sort of sexual or abuse in childhood? If yes, is there a fascination for most of us for the childhood sexual abuse to be repeated? Why the response as in becoming crossdresser is so similar among all cds?

I was sexually abused, as it happens. I know it has brought an element of "being forced" or "made to" do things to my experience of cross dressing. However I am not of the sissy camp; for whatever reason that doesn't ring any chimes for me. I dislike being forced by anyone to do anything. My particular same-gender abuse in childhood is not something I want repeated, ever! and far from leaving me any same-sex attraction, has made the male sex largely the bane of my life. Notwithstanding that, I do have some male friends, but it's hard to be close to males, ever, any time, whereas for me females are easy and fun to be with (not to mention endlessly attractive).

16. Do some crossdressers relate crossdressing to social abuse if not sexual?

Probably yes, in a more generalized and hard-to-define way. One example: Experience in the workplace where so much is based on dominance and you don't get your own way is something I'm so glad I (finally retired) am no longer subject to. That has a bearing on feeling feminine-as in-unwillingly dominated as well as on wishing to be female and free forever from the male club's hegemony.

Thanks for asking these excellent questions. They go right to the heart of things.

Love, Marissa Mae
Marissa Mae
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Re: Why Crossdressers?

Post by Marissa Mae »

bump

This topic is too good to let drop. More responses, please, ladies!

Love, Marissa Mae
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Anne Bonny
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Re: Why Crossdressers?

Post by Anne Bonny »

1. Is there a genetic component for crossdressing? ( not talking about gender identity). I haven't heard of any genes but do some of us know of clustering of cases with in some families?

As far as I know genetic researchers have yet to give us any answers on this so I would say the jury is still out. As far as I know no one else in my family is like me, I did have a crazy uncle who had pictures of him posing in his wife's night gown but that is not the same, he was always doing crazy things to make people laugh.

2. Are most crossdressers are tender and soft and loving people? Is it because of their feminine feelings?

My personality remains the same. I do believe I am not as ambitious or as confrontational as other men. I do believe I am sensitive and caring sometimes and I do attribute such feelings as consistent with more feminine sentiments but these are not exclusive to women alone.

3. Do most crossdressers like satin and silk ( please take satin and silk as separate fabrics not same)?

Satin and or silk in a night gown or chemise are very nice, or in a slip, or the underlining of a dress or skirt, or lingerie. Yes I do like how these feel but I also wear other feminine clothing of different materials. I do prefer silky lingerie to cotton.

4. If yes to question 4, then why?

The material tends to be light to float over the skin, it can feel airy and cool it feels nice that's all.

5. Do most crossdressers like shiny and soft garments? if yes, why?

I look around at what most women my age are wearing as a clue to what is currently in. I have feminine clothing in all kinds of fabrics but no outer clothing which is shiny or soft they would be far too dressy for me, I believe shiny was more in fashion in the 80's or if really getting dressed up for a formal occasion in a ball gown. Soft is good, most women's clothing tends to be softer or a knit fabric or has some stretch to them and that is for comfort.

6. Why for most crossdressers, the first target is garments of their mother or sister? Is it because the house we live in and accessibility?

Of course, growing up I had two sisters, and my mother and when they were gone the clothing stored in boxes in the garage that had been cast off were there, they were the only clothes I had access to when I was young. As I got older and had a job I began to buy my own.

7. Why for most crossdressers there is always excitement linked with getting caught to the extent that later will find ways to get caught? If agree to this, do we agree that getting caught is linked with further sexual excitement? If yes, why?

Initially it is a hidden activity we can tell no one and when the desire is there but we have no opportunity the desire builds up so that when the chance comes we are filled with adrenaline - fear and excitement because we believe it is wrong, we would be embarrassed if caught and very ashamed because we do not fully understand what is going on ourselves just that we like dressing and feeling feminine the activity is frantic. But as we begin to learn and to understand, and come out to those around us we are able find acceptance and the activity becomes healthy. It is not healthy but sick when you are forced to hide and bottle up half of who you are, some become depressed and some have committed suicide. I believe sexual excitement comes early on because we are a little confused. Later when we are able to live more openly we understand ourselves and accept our gender which may be fluid or we may be trans sexual of opposite gender. Sex returns to it's normal place again. Sex is a part of any healthy life. But how we dress just fits in with our gender. Gender is an intense feeling, and an identification with being Masculine or feminine that is all. So If we are feeling feminine then it is only natural to wear feminine clothing...that's all there is to it. Sex is a separate thing that we have usually in bed with a partner early in the morning or late at night...then we get up...and take a shower and get dressed.


8. Do most crossdressers start from rubbing with feminine garments? if yes, is it because of achieving sexual orgasm?

When I was young, mastribation was associated with dressing because I was driven by the excitement of it all, the adrenaline feeling this is wrong and secret and embarrassing and I would be ashamed if caught and would not live it down - fear but it was extremely pleasurable. I was though confusing sex with all of this not understanding my gender is fluid and it took some years to sort all of this out for myself. The desire to dress according to the gender that is present is only appropriate and not being allowed to be nearly half of who we are is quite unhealthy. But dressing when our feminine gender is present is completely separate from a normal healthy sex life. Gender and sexuality are different things as are gender and sexual orientation.

9. Are there any crossdressers who have not started with sexual orgasm with female garments and never had sexual orgasm in women's garments/clothes/undergarments? I do know from lovely stories from this forum, that some might have started earlier, but one is capable of orgasm in teenage yrs.

Trans sexuals are not aroused by the clothing that matches their true gender, and they have a distaste for the clothing of the sex they were born with. For a male to female trans sexual a dress is just clothing - period, end of sentence.

10. I know not every cd wants to be physically a woman but do all crossdressers have fascination to be a woman at least during the time when wearing women's clothes?

My gender is fluid goes back and forth in male/masculine mode I am just a man. When my feminine gender is prominent it pushes my masculine gender out of the picture and I feel feminine. I think most of us fantasize wishing we could physically be women and wish we were. It is impossible even with surgery and hormones to become a woman, you become a man who looks like a woman that is all, and you may feel like a woman at all times if you are a trans sexual but still you are not a genetic female, you were not born female but male. I know SRS is wrong for myself because I am gender fluid, am already male so half the time my sex and gender match, so why would I endure surgery If most of the time I am centered on the male side of the line? Even so that does not keep me from fantasizing but I do recognize it is just that a fantasy. When your gender is on the feminine side and you are feeling quite feminine, you identify with women and wish you were or could be accepted and taken in by women even though they know you are a male.

11. Do all cds wish to be called feminine names outside this forum as well even though it might not be possible in reality taking into consideration the family and the social circumstances?

When my feminine gender is prominent I desire to be called by my feminine name Anne, and desire to be referred to with female pronouns. I do have friends who know and have seen me dressed or who I correspond with who call me Anne. Family and social circumstances...If I am fully out and I am in feminine mode and dressed I prefer to be called Anne and that female pronouns be used.

12. Do for all crossdressers when they see a beautiful, shiny silk or satin garment on a person, the first idea that comes to the mind is to love the person or the garment the person is wearing?

No. I might think she is pretty, or that is a pretty garment but I have no desire to have sex with a stranger.

13. Do all crossdressers wish to have a dominant partner in day to day life and in bed? If yes, why?

I do feel submissive and would very much like it if my spouse would be dominant, be a (female) husband so that I could be her (male) wife but not dominant/submissive as in a SM relationship at all. What I desire is the normal loving husband wife relationship where she takes the lead and loves and cherishes me, as I love and cherish her. I wished so much that my wife would make love to me but she was physically too large to be on top and never wanted anything other than for me to be always on top and taking the lead. It was so disappointing for me after a few years because I wanted to feel loved too but never got that. Now she has dementia so that opportunity left 6 years ago when all of that died because it would have been improper I felt any longer... she had dementia and could no longer conscent all desire ceased because it would be improper at that point. Realistically the role of husband and wife would switch back and forth because my gender is fluid so when my masculine gender is prominent I am the husband, when my feminine gender is prominent it depends but sometimes I believe I would like to yield to her she would take the lead on occasion.

14. Do all crossdressers go through purging and restarting and finally surrendering?

I think I may have purged once but after that realized these feelings were never going to go away so I never purged again.

15. This question is not bound to be answered but i'm including it with all good faith. I do see it as a very important question and its effect on crossdressing. Do we as crossdressers relate our crossdressing to some sort of sexual or abuse in childhood? If yes, is there a fascination for most of us for the childhood sexual abuse to be repeated? Why the response as in becoming crossdresser is so similar among all cds?

I can say my childhood was ideallic grew up my father was a military officer, our economic circumstances were very good, and My mother and Father were wonderful and loving parents, I suffered no abuse. I did have two sisters, my father worked long hours on occasion and was gone for training or on trips on occasion leaving me with my mom and my sisters did that have something to do with it? I had asthma, was over protected and very shy early in life and surrounded by women? I have no clue but do not believe nurture had anything to do with it, and I was not abused. my gender is fluid (flows from masculine to feminine and all over and in between...) I think I was just born this way.

16. Do some crossdressers relate crossdressing to social abuse if not sexual?

See above, not in my case certainly.
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Anne Bonny
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Re: Why Crossdressers?

Post by Anne Bonny »

Wow Rach...these are key thoughts..."I am more gentle and emotional than the “average” male, but probably less so than the “average” female."

"The best I can figure is that I have stifled my female side of me for too long. Or maybe my male ego has."

Wow I will snip these thoughts and graft them into my thinking. They are really true. I have never been a testosterone infused overbearing aggressor, and I am sensitive and emotional but probably not as much as women generally. I believe this is because I am gender fluid, Its goes along with my feminine gender side or perhaps with a generally blended gender.

I also believe we are forced to stifle the true expression of who we are as a whole person be that a person with a fluid gender or a blended gender. sometimes masculinity is prominent, sometimes femininity is leading me tho think I have two genders or that my gender is shifting back and forth perhaps it is just one blended gender and sometimes we feel one way or the other???
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Anne Bonny
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Re: Why Crossdressers?

Post by Anne Bonny »

Laying here it occurred to me...Rachel stated...the other day and these are key thoughts..."I am more gentle and emotional than the “average” male, but probably less so than the “average” female."

This is an important observation and verifies that I am not alone in this observation based on my personal experience. I have noticed the same thing. I am not as aggressive or ambitious, I am sometimes not as decisive but rather hesitant in decision making, I do not like confrontation, I also would add that I am more sensitive and caring than most men as well but here again as Rachel states ...but probably less so than the "average female"

No,no,no...I had already figured this idea out before! These personality traits are not feminine or masculine because I am a man they are indeed those of a man...you see? As are all of my personality traits and further I am not always gentle or emotional or less aggressive or not as ambitious or hesitant etc... The traits are not specific to our gender because these are shared by both genders you see. They become the traits of someone who is feminine when our gender switches over to feminine. It is gender which makes us masculine or feminine NOT our personality traits! Remember it is only our gender not the person or our orientation which is fluid our personality is always the same!

These traits are not fixed they vary just as our mood may vary...sometimes we may be gentle at other times not. We may tend to be gentle but that is not what makes us masculine or feminine it is our gender that does that because men and women are both gentle at times, or not.

Thing is with a fluid gender is sometimes we feel masculine, sometimes feminine because we are nonbinary, where as with a binary person a man is masculine all the time and a woman is feminine all the time they are binary. And men and women are capable of sharing the same personality traits though they may tend to differ women perhaps tending to be more emotional or gentle for example where a man may not tend to feel that way most of the time.

Gender is nothing more than an intense feeling and a strong identification with being masculine or feminine.
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Alexia
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Re: Why Crossdressers?

Post by Alexia »

I saw the topic title and thought my answer would be: why not?
But now I see I was tricked into participating in a questionnaire and that the above reply will not suffice and that this will take some time.. :?

1) Not that I know of. I am not a geneticist and not aware of anyone else in my family who crossdresses. Unless that is the thing my dad wants to talk to me about.. :-k Nah, I can't see that happening.

2) I do consider myself someone who is almost the opposite of a stereotypical macho man. I am scrawny, I hate confrontation, want to resolve conflicts or avoid them altogether.. Yes, I'd consider myself to be very in touch with my feminine side, I already felt that way before I started to really get into crossdressing about four years ago.

3) Dunno. I don't own anything or much like that. Probably cos it is expensive and because I don't see that many women wearing it. If they did, I'd be all over it, because I have a desire to dress like real women do. I do like panties and bras that are nice and soft and silk like from time to time.

4) N/A.

5) As per three, yeah, kinda, sorta. I have quite a few PU skirts and the like, three of my favourite tops are some kind of artificial fiber that is exactly that, shiny and soft. Why? Cos it feels nice and looks nice?

6) It most certainly isn't and wasn't for me. In fact, I remember a conscious decision NOT to go there. Ever since I started playing with myself, one of the things that really excited me was lingerie and yes, I had access to my mom's underwear. I considered, at various times, to raid her drawers for her drawers even if just to see it and feel it, never mind play with it or do worse things to it. But no matter how desperately I wanted to have access to lingerie, I decided against it every time. Why? Because I didn't want to get caught and because I found it creepy to have anything sexual to do with my mom. That was just a juck factor for me. So just about the only lingerie that doesn't excite me is that of my mom. Disclaimer: I am NOT judging or even thinking anything of anyone who went this route! Maybe the difference for me is that, at least at that stage, my interest in lingerie was very much just a fetish and a sexual thing, not a crossdressing/wanting to look like a girl thing. AFAIK I don't have a sister, so that wasn't an issue. See my first experiences post to find out what my journey was like. Be careful, it is long. Really long. Like really, really long. :)

7) Again, for me, that is a very big no. I don't want to get caught, at all. That is what I dread most of all, to be outed against my will. I have gone outside a few times wearing just a belt or panties (combined with drab, I mean, I am not insane), but the belt was hidden underneath my shirt and no one could have seen it unless I had started doing acrobatics or something. As for the panties, it was at night and I guess I wanted to see if going outside like that did anything for me as much as that it was convenient in not having to change even that. Neither time did it do anything for me. I am going through great lengths to hide this part of me from just about everyone. Only the past few days have I dared buy anything feminine in shops close to where I live, but only after realising that, after all these years, there is still absolutely no one here who knows me at all. I am actually probably safer buying hair clips and the like at the supermarket that is almost next door than buying them in the town over, as there is a possibility I will encounter people I know from work or something.

8 ) I was dressed as a girl at least once and probably twice before ever playing with myself while even having access to women's clothes. I'm not sure what I first did when I got my hands on a few panties and a bra, only that I did end up wearing them sometimes and do things to them that required me to take them into the shower and clean them. I think I've hardly ever used them to rub myself with, as that just seemed to make it a bit more complicated. It feels nice, but ultimately isn't worth the trouble.

9) By now, when I play with myself, it is absolutely unusual for me to not wear at least some women's clothes. Even if I spend the occasional night dressed in men's underwear, if I wake up and want to take care of business, even if I am in a hurry to get to work, I often at the minimum put on some panties and probably a bra. If you mean to ask, did I play with myself before I had access to women's clothes, then that is a definite yes, absolutely, wholeheartedly, often at least three times a day. I probably didn't have access to women's clothes again until I was in my early twenties or so and then only one item or so. That changed very gradually when I was around 25 and dramatically about four years ago.

10) I do, of course, imagine myself to be a woman at least sometimes when crossdressing. At the very least, I imagine myself to have boobs. For me, having boobs, a feminine face and gorgeous hair would be enough however. The parts between my leg, although I am not always happy about it since it has a mind of its own, well, I am literally very attached to it. That said, if the process of transformation involved something else than a lengthy process of hormone pills and surgery, but if it was possible to become a woman in every possible way by just taking one or even a few pills or something similar.. I would probably do so. If it was reversible, without hesitation. If not, then it would be a big decision, but definitely at least a possibility. I probably won't go through the whole process of transformation as I don't really identify as a woman. I know I am not, I have the proof between my legs and have always known to be a man. That said, I am starting to have at least a few flickers of doubt. Some things about me, with hindsight, make me think, if I had been younger, if was in my teens or so right now and at this point in terms of crossdressing and figuring things out, things might have ended up a lot different.

11) This one has me stumped. I started to say no, but then I wasn't so sure any more. I play a lot of games and for the past few years at least, have basically always chosen to play a female character if given the choice, even had a lesbian relationship in a few games. I've also started to use a shortened version of my name to sign e-mails, at least with friends and close relatives. That shortened version could, possibly, maybe be considered a female version of my real name. I could say more on that, but that goes into territory that may touch on my real name, so I won't. Anyway, maybe, I guess?

12) Although it definitely wasn't silk or satin, I had a similar episode recently, see the topic where I ask if you've ever asked a GG what it was she was wearing. Long story short, I saw a woman in passing with a top that made me think: "DO WANT." I then went home and spent an hour or two finding something similar. The woman was attractive and all and would've been welcome to my bed so to say, but my attention was mostly with what she was wearing, that was my priority. That keeps happening more and more regularly lately. In addition, I am more interested in what beautiful women are wearing. If a gorgeous woman has style, I take notice of her.

13) I don't think so. I think I want a partner who is my equal above all else. I think I would be unhappy being either dominant or submissive. But I can't be sure until I actually manage to find someone and that.. just hasn't happened yet.

14) Don't know yet. I have thrown out some stuff yeah, but mostly because it was either dirty, didn't fit, wasn't nice enough to hold on to or similar. By now I have a huge collection, so vast that I think I won't be able to hide it from anyone but the most casual and possibly near sighted observer. A lot of those items I would hate to lose. I recently bought two items again, despite them not being that cheap, because some colour bled on them somehow and I had to have those items in pristine condition. Right now, I can't imagine even putting all of it away, never mind throwing all of it out. I might do that if I was in a happy, long term relationship that I really didn't want to jeopardize, but am starting to think that doing so would be the exact thing that would get me in trouble, by being dishonest with myself about this. I have thrown out some pr0n that touches upon CDs, TSs and the like. That.. didn't last very long? The internet is filled with it, so I made up for that pretty quickly once I started actively looking for it. I have better stuff now. I do guess that I was reluctant to start, probably mostly because I already felt a bit inadequate as a man and didn't want to do something that was so unlike what a 'real' (don't make me laugh) macho man would do. Or because of a negative stereotypical view of transvestites. I may have overcome that reluctance once I realised that crossdressers and transsexuals could look very feminine and hot. I tend to think of them as the best of both worlds at times. Beautiful as a woman, but multifunctional in bed without the need for toys.

15) No. Heaven's no. Most categorically, no. I can recall a lot of things even from my early childhood and I am pretty sure I have zero repressed memories of abuse. I consider myself fortunate in that I've never been molested. Ever. I know the harm it can do from many sources and.. acts like that are abhorrent and life altering in the worst possible way. Children who endure abuse are probably always scarred for life, psychologically if not physically or both. I've had to endure many things in my life so far, but that one I was spared, fortunately. Anyone who would try to abuse me now would, hopefully, find out I know all of their weak spots and quite possibly be incredibly lucky if they made it to the hospital on time. I would not go quietly into that good night. In fact, this might be one reason I don't really think I'll ever be out in public while crossdressing, except maybe at an convention with friends or some such. Not that those places are inherently safe, but meaning I would be there with friends and they would not leave me alone. Ever.

16) Good one. I was thinking the other day that one reason I am crossdressing might be because of my repeated failures to establish a relationship with any of the women I ever liked. A kind of: if you can't beat them, join 'em kind of thing, if that makes sense. Also, I was bullied a lot throughout a large part of my life. This might however have helped in putting off my crossdressing, not wanting to be seen as weak by anyone, more than I already was.

Disclaimer, I do not consider myself to be an experienced crossdresser, I have been crossdressing a bit over four years now. I am currently very active, but only at home. I am certainly borderline obsessive in buying women's clothes. Every time I think I have maybe reached a saturation point, there is a sale and I go off the rails. Or I see a GG wearing something in public that I absolutely must have and forego sleep in order to try and find it.

Here are my thoughts on what turns us into crossdressers. Quite possibly, judging by the topics on first experiences, it quite often relates to early childhood experiences. Without even knowing what sex means, we encounter feminine clothing and something primal is triggered, something sexual. A crucial link is formed in the brain, through which it associates women's apparel with sexual excitement, at least at a later age. If that first experience is actually wearing the clothes, there is a higher chance that a crossdresser is born, otherwise it may just remain a fetish. First experiences are crucial. Hence why sexual abuse of children is devastating. It completely corrupts a person's perception of love and sex and has this effect for life. I think one question you might want to add is if there are any crossdressers who never had any experiences with women's clothes as a child. But even then, exactly the absence of it, might make women's clothes that much more arousing and lead to crossdressing later on.

As for why we are under represented, I've posted on that elsewhere on this forum. See here: http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 16#p179483" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

And you're welcome but please don't do this to me again, that was a lot of questions and now I still need to make dinner.. ](*,)
Last edited by Alexia on Tue Jul 28, 2015 3:57 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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