'The' CD question, for me.

General talk about CD/TGing and gender topics that aren't necessarily fun things we do while en femme, or for gender-driven discussions.

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Betty B.
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'The' CD question, for me.

Post by Betty B. »

Hi, I'm brand new to this forum, let me know if this is the wrong place for this question.

I started wearing my sister's dresses and slips when I was about 8 or 9. It gave me a lot of pleasure, but of course I didn't understand it.

After a few years, the desire (mostly) went away, until about 5 years ago. Since then, dressing has become a more important part of my life. I let my wife know about 8 months ago, and she has been supportive so far.

I have a large family, nine kids. My oldest brother and I were very close. I say 'were' because John became Janet about 20 years ago, now my sister and I are close. Also, my closest friend later in life went from Lance to Lisa, so I have a first hand view of the issues transitioning can cause and some of the reasoning. Both Jan and Lisa went thru their own little hell, but seem happier on the other side.

When I told Lisa that I was a CD, and was thinking of how to tell my wife, she said she felt bad for me, like this was a burden or a trial to go thru. Personally, if I could be 'cured' tomorrow, I would not want it. I enjoy the experience, and it is not adversely affecting my life so far.

As a CD, I know I get pleasure wearing women's cloths, applying lipstick, buying cloths at the store, etc. I also enjoy wearing bras and panties under my cloths in public, and wearing women's cloths that can pass as men's. I have fantasies about actually going out fem, in public. However, I don't see myself wanting to transition to be a woman. HOWEVER, I have fantasies about having larger breast. I was even doing the web search thing looking at breast enhancements. I don't want to loose my abilities as a man, and how would I cope with life as a man with 38C breast? I have read where being a CD and being TS are separate conditions. But are they? Or is it just varying positions on a scale?

I guess the question is, would a CD want to change their physical self to become more like a woman, or stay fully male until the fem side comes out to play?

This might be CD 101 to all of you, but I'm trying to understand myself, I guess. I apologize in advance if I cross any boundaries or said anything offensive.
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CharLee
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Re: 'The' CD question, for me.

Post by CharLee »

Hi Betty and welcome to the forum. to answer your question if there is a difference between being a CD'er and a TG, the answer is YES. A CD'er generally only wants to wear women's clothing and like the look and feel of being a woman. A TG generally feels that they are in the wrong body and wrong gender and the need to wear women's clothing is necessary for them to feel whole and complete.

Whatever your reason for dressing is, pull up a seat and ask any question you might have, the girls in here are only too glad to help and advise you so you can decide where you will go with your dressing. Hope to see you in the Chat Room some time.
Betty B.
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Re: 'The' CD question, for me.

Post by Betty B. »

Hi CharLee. I understand the difference in general. I guess I'm asking about wanting to, for instance, have breast implants, or take just enough hormones to grow breast, but still stay male in function (if that is even possible). Would that make me trans for wanting to be part woman, or is this the same as putting on a dress or makeup, only a little deeper? I already have several pairs of breast forms, why does having 'real' breast seem important?

And I'm not at this point any where near acting on this, just want to understand the desire. At this point I'm not fat, 6'2" and 200, but I'm a 38A+ or 38B- already, so nature already gave me a start.
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DonnaT
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Re: 'The' CD question, for me.

Post by DonnaT »

Yes, there seems to be a scale of different levels of being trans (including trans CD).

Like you, I have this desire (not a need) for larger breasts, but know that would be a burden on many levels, including going topless in the summer.

Some CDs feel the desire (or need) at a greater level, and do take measures to develop breasts. They do not have need to transition.

See http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... =8&t=12804&" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
DonnaT
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Gillian
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Re: 'The' CD question, for me.

Post by Gillian »

I think that there is something in all of us that wants to have our cake and being able to eat it too. The desire to have a hairless body, so we shave, or have breasts big enough that a push up bra gives us some cleavage is a way to be able to look the part. There is a difference between emulating a woman and being one full time though. I admit I would never give up being a guy, but there are times that I would also like to look and act the part of the fairer sex. For me it was finding a happy medium in which I could be me without losing myself in the process.

If only medical science could give us invisible zippers so we could insert and remove gel packs for when we wanted some cleavage for the evening. I think I will have a B cup tonight, but this weekend double D's. LOL Enough with the dreams!
So I concluded that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to enjoy themselves as long as they can. People should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of there labor, for these are gifts from God.
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Davita
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Re: 'The' CD question, for me.

Post by Davita »

Hi Betty, welcome to the forum.
I've told many a person as I explain "transgender" to them because there are basically the two questions. "are you gay" and "do you want to be a woman". Somewhere in the discussion is, " there are three scales -- sexual preference, gender and sex -- and they don't have to relate." For example, you can have a sexual preference for a piece of cloth, a girl, a boy and cow; it's what you prefer. Sex being defined by body parts, then you can have only male parts, only girl parts or a combo -- you can have xx, xy, xxy, xyy chromosones. Gender being a concept of the mind and social mores then you have that scale of manly man, girly girl, and everything between and every possible way of expressing who you are.

Just look at all the people you know. You have girls happy with small breasts, happy with big ones, men who hate their body hair and others that love it. Betty, you asked an interesting question,
I already have several pairs of breast forms, why does having 'real' breast seem important?
When you figure this out, then you might have a bit clearer idea of your future. For now, just relax and let life reveal your direction as you indulge. Just remember as you said, the better half is coping for now. Keep an honest and open dialog as best you can. All your decisions will impact her too.

Now about the girls, I would love to have real girls but then I feel I'm TS without having been diagonsed as it were. The thing is that growing a nice set of girls at my age is slim to none and since I won't be transitioning I live with my "add ons." The nice thing is that at the end of the day, I can lose the weight, sleep on my tummy and not disrupt my life among in laws.
{squeezes}
Davita
Ralitsa
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Re: 'The' CD question, for me.

Post by Ralitsa »

Hi Betty,
I can relate perfectly to how you feel. I consider myself to be "just a crossdresser" whatever that really means, like you said you do. So even though I don't have any compelling desire to be a woman, I do wish I had real breasts as well. I also have to say that I am not exactly happy that I'm a guy, I don't consider my gender to be a defining characteristic of who I am, and probably would be just as happy as a woman. I've heard people talk about being proud to be a man, or a woman, or whatever else, and I just can't relate to that. I can't find any source of pride in an accident of birth, I just am this that I am and can neither be proud nor ashamed.

But humans do have a very real desire for beauty, I'm not sure if beauty exists outside of the human brain, or whether it is a construct of our species, but nevertheless we derive pleasure from what we consider beautiful. I think the most important thing for me about wearing the clothes that I do, is that I like the way they look, I like the way they feel, I like the way they make me look and feel, and I like the idea that beautiful clothes can make me feel special and beautiful. I wear jeans and flannel shirts often enough when I'm working, and feel nothing for them. But there is a very real feeling of satisfaction and pleasure in wearing a beautiful dress out to dinner and knowing that you look good, and feel good about that. And breasts are beautiful, so for someone who wants to appear beautiful, I think desiring breasts is absolutely to be expected. There is no good reason to make the assumption that men shouldn't want something they usually don't have. It's completely wrong to believe that women are the ones who suffer from self-image problems and that men do not. The supposed rules (which I categorically reject) of society would seem to dictate that only women are "allowed" to take measures to improve their appearance, so they can use beauty products but men can't. Well I call that non-sense, I want to be beautiful too, and I don't think I should be prevented from that either by women feeling like I'm encroaching on their domain, or by men thinking I'm deserting their cause and going over to the other side. I want what I want, and I like what I like, and I won't be pigeon holed and I won't be constrained by rules about which I was never consulted and to which I never consented. (I'm beginning to sound like Neitzche now :lol: )

So if you want nicer breasts, don't be afraid of admitting that, you are in company with millions of us. And yeah, I will confess that I've spent a lot of money on those herbal remedies, and am not satisfied with the results, and likely will spend more and never be satisfied. Ahhhh, such is life.
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Paulette
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Re: 'The' CD question, for me.

Post by Paulette »

You are who you are. Labels won't describe you, and may only get in the way.

My own self-concept has changed over the years, always getting more complex. My first big discovery was that "binary" was bull-pucky. None of us are one thing only. My second big discovery was I enjoy being a girl being a boy being me - that the fetish or kink was not being CD, but was trying to be completely male or female.

In some circles this is categorized as being dominant or submissive. In other circles, butch or femme. In still others, sissy or straight, or topping or bottoming, or . . .

And none of this has anything to do with what I'm attracted to, or the state of my physical equipment. So I'm a chimera (a combination of several creatures), and I change. Like the old comic Plastic Man.

What would you like? - I can do that! - I feel like this right now. Etc. As Whitman said, "Do I contradict myself? Then I contradict myself. I am large. I contain multitudes."

My wife enjoys that fact that I enjoy this, but when I get really self-absorbed she makes it clear that my level of intensity or excitement has nothing to do with her, unless I bring her along or invite her to play. My getting hot over my boobs or cock doesn't do a thing for her. But when I use them to excite her, she's all for it. (TMI? Sorry, but if not here, then where?)

I spent most of my life dressing in secret. Now I'm out to family and friends, but still don't go out en femme though I often underdress.

Now that I've come to terms with who I am, I'm pleased to find that I'm proud to be me. I wish the same for you, and for everyone here.
~ Paulette
~ just lucky, I guess.
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KathrynCamfield
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Re: 'The' CD question, for me.

Post by KathrynCamfield »

It is possible to live mostly like a CD but have aspects of TG, too. For example, I am a "no-op, no-drugs" hetrosexual transvestite but I have been living as a woman to an extent for 16 years.

Our plan worked out with my supportive wife, Cindy: I am a woman, Monday thru Friday, and a man on weekends. (I know: just the opposite of most girls.)

I've been a transvestite since 1957. Two failed marriages; one I told, the other I didn't (but she caught me). In 1998, I met a wonderful woman (Cindy) and fell in love. Told her before the marriage. She immediately Googled transvestites, and bought me a dress.
For 16 years, with Cindy’s approval and assistance, I have lived publicly, five days a week, as a woman (no-op/no drugs). I'm a writer (10 romance novels) and I am writing my first non-fiction book, Happily Transvestite, due out in Oct 2014.

Anyhow, you need to do what works for you.

We cannot get through life without someone expressing their opinion about what's best for our life. What's not healthy is allowing other people's opinions to dictate the decisions we make.

Falling victim to the "need to please" mentality nearly ruined my life, causing me to continually second-guess myself. This caused me to live a life that was cut-and-pasted from the opinions of people who never should have been allowed an opinion over my decision-making in the first place.

I'm sorry that it took me until age 51 to start living as an authentic self.
Glad it finally happened.
*-*
Kathryn Camfield
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"Reno, The Biggest Little City in the World."
Betty B.
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Re: 'The' CD question, for me.

Post by Betty B. »

Thanks for all the wonderful responses. I'm still taking it all in.

On a related topic, I have had a lifelong fascination with dresses and skirts that I'm not sure I get. To me, seeing the right (most) woman in the right (most) dress is a magical experience. I'm both turned on and jealous at the same time. Some people say women wear dresses for modesty. To me, wearing something that exposes your inner sanctum to the world, even from select angles, is anything but modest. I haven't tried it in public yet, but trying to sit at home in a short skirt can be anything but modest. It's kind of a game, women wear skirts that sometimes flash more than (on purpose or otherwise) they should, and guys are supposed to not look. Would it be exciting in public?

Lately it seems like less dresses are being worn by women in casual public, and I for one don't like the trend. Does this mean that women, in general, really don't get anything out of wearing something nice and/or sexy in public anymore? Do any women get any of the same excitement I do wearing a dress? When I started working in an office 35 years ago, I had to wear a suit and tie every day. Over time the suit went away, but I was still wearing ties until about 15 years ago. I actually enjoyed ties, because it gave me a chance to wear something colorful, and I definitely had a unique set of ties. Today I don't get any enjoyment buying or wearing guy clothes, I just have to make sure my clothes are acceptable. Women, however, seem to enjoy shopping. Is this fundamentally different from guys, or just from me? Over time, the excitement level for me wearing a dress has somewhat diminished, but it is still very enjoyable.

So I love (and am turned on by) seeing women in skirts, and love (and am turned on by) to buy and wear dresses and skirts. Not really logical, I want to become what turns me on? I now have more dresses than my wife, who almost never wears any, but I wish she would. To me, it's kind of the same feeling as liking seeing women's breast, and wanting some of my own. In this case it's a lot easier to buy real dresses than real breasts. I sometimes wonder if, in a world where women wore only pants and men wore only skirts, I would have been secretly trying on my sisters 501s at the age of 10.

I'm still working this thru.
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Carol Ann
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Re: 'The' CD question, for me.

Post by Carol Ann »

Betty,

It is true what you say to a point about women not dolling up anymore except for party's. going out. or Church
Me. my mother told me early on when I started that if I do this I will dress and be a proper young lady at all times and she seen to it. Something I have never forgotten and when I dress and go out and even around the house I always dress casual nice or dress up proper.

But to tell the truth I enjoy seeing now good I can look without over doing it, business suit or a nice dress with heels going out shopping, I enjoy being a cd'er whole heartily \:D/
Ralitsa
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Re: 'The' CD question, for me.

Post by Ralitsa »

I would observe that to generalize about women who don't like shopping and wearing dresses, is to make the same mistake as generalizing about men who do. The point is that both are stereotypes, and while stereotyping is a natural trick that the human brain does in order to quickly catagorize things, often it is incorrect.
So some guys like me enjoy wearing cute clothes and most do not. A somewhat larger fraction of women seem to enjoy wearing cute clothes, but also many do not. Of course anyone who likes pretty clothes also enjoys shopping for them.
The whole wearing dresses for modesty explanation might apply in a few limited situations, it seems like some conservative and traditional religious groups feel that way, but for me at least and I think for most women, wearing a dress is all about looking and feeling beautiful. For normal daily wear, the effort it takes to get my whole outfit together would be too much, and there is nothing worse than wearing a nice outfit badly, so one goes with a 'casual' outfit that doesn't carry all the expectations with it. It isn't that putting on a dress is hard, but to wear a nice dress nicely does take a lot of work.
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KimberlyS
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Re: 'The' CD question, for me.

Post by KimberlyS »

Betty B. wrote:Lately it seems like less dresses are being worn by women in casual public, and I for one don't like the trend. Does this mean that women, in general, really don't get anything out of wearing something nice and/or sexy in public anymore? ......... When I started working in an office 35 years ago, I had to wear a suit and tie every day. Over time the suit went away, but I was still wearing ties until about 15 years ago. I actually enjoyed ties, because it gave me a chance to wear something colorful, and I definitely had a unique set of ties.
Betty I think you answered your own question. If it is ok for guys to be less dressed up, why is it not ok for gals to be less dressed up?

I was actually thinking with the maxie skirt/dress fashion trend that I was seeing more gals wearing skirts this last year.


kimberlys cd
joe in a skirt
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I am a physically male person that likes to wear feminine clothes at times.
Just trying keep a balance for my self along with keeping my wife and kids in mind.
OliviaM
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Re: 'The' CD question, for me.

Post by OliviaM »

Let'see if I can do this. On the question of women being less dressed up in public, I think Kimberly is correct. Society today is accepting of casual dress in places where it was not before (look at the airport, church, sporting events). Of course there are women and men dressing up, but the trend is toward casual. I wish it weren't so for I love seeing women in nice skirts and dresses, and men in nice suits or sport jackets. I am still dressing in secret, but when the time comes to go out in public even if in jeans instead of a dress(always the first choice) it must be neat with hair and make-up just right. That's how my mother was.
On the question of CD, TG, transvestite, or whatever, I think, after reading things on this fourm, that there are different levels in wearing women's clothes. But it is up to the individual to decide what to be called. I like CD'er. Even if I could, I would not dress 24/7. I like being a man and I like being a women sometimes. So developing real breasts is not something I would consider. But I do understand the desire. The breasts are an important part of looking just right. We can all find different paths to the common goal.
Krissy Lynn
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Re: 'The' CD question, for me.

Post by Krissy Lynn »

Call me a CD or a TG both are correct at this point in my life I want to get the hormones but not redy for the complete change yet don't get me wrong but I do want it but not finical stable for it at this point
Krissy Lynn Conley
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