Re: 'The' CD question, for me.
Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 1:33 pm
Part of my self reflection now is that I'm a very logical person, a computer programmer by trade. I have an innate need to understand things logically, being a DC just doesn't fit that bucket. I'm currently looking for work (hopefully soon), so I've been home by myself a lot. Today, I have no desire one way or the other to put on a bra or dress. Last Thursday I wore a jeans skirt all day, including my wife coming home from work, and it felt natural and good. What is the difference in me from one day to the next? Why do I crave female breasts, when I know it would make living as a man more difficult? Why do I love seeing a cute dress on a woman, and want to wear the outfit? I'm really just voicing my frustrations. I'm probably thinking too much, should just go with the flow and enjoy what I enjoy. When I was in college, some days walking across campus everywhere I looked I saw, and was attracted to, beautiful women. Other days, I didn't notice many, if any. Same set of people, just my perceptions changed one day to the next. Perhaps it's all tied together. I could say it's just hormones, but all men have hormones, not all men dress as women. How can I explain CDing to my wife when I don't understand it myself?
On a side note, my wife and I were talking this weekend about my CDing. She has known for about 8 months and is still dealing with it. She made the comment that when I wear a dress in front of her, like last Thursday, it felt like I was trying to push her away. I tried to explain that the LAST thing I'm trying to do is push her away, and that I appreciate that she is much more understanding than many other SOs, I think that helped a little. On the other hand, I had an interview on Monday, and she was showing me how to apply some foundation to mask some 'age issues' on my face. Not something a wife would normally do, I think. I've been trying to go real slow. As my hair is still blond and full, but my moustache was full grey, I shaved it for my interview and lost about 8 years. It's probably weird for a CDer to have a moustache, I had it since college and I'm 55 now. I've been looking for a good reason to shave it anyway. When I get back to work I can justify buying a wig and finally see how I look full on. Not sure how my wife will deal with that. Baby steps, I guess.
I tend to ramble a little, sorry about that. Thinking out loud, I guess.
On a side note, my wife and I were talking this weekend about my CDing. She has known for about 8 months and is still dealing with it. She made the comment that when I wear a dress in front of her, like last Thursday, it felt like I was trying to push her away. I tried to explain that the LAST thing I'm trying to do is push her away, and that I appreciate that she is much more understanding than many other SOs, I think that helped a little. On the other hand, I had an interview on Monday, and she was showing me how to apply some foundation to mask some 'age issues' on my face. Not something a wife would normally do, I think. I've been trying to go real slow. As my hair is still blond and full, but my moustache was full grey, I shaved it for my interview and lost about 8 years. It's probably weird for a CDer to have a moustache, I had it since college and I'm 55 now. I've been looking for a good reason to shave it anyway. When I get back to work I can justify buying a wig and finally see how I look full on. Not sure how my wife will deal with that. Baby steps, I guess.
I tend to ramble a little, sorry about that. Thinking out loud, I guess.