Trans but Not sure about coming out, because of FEAR.

General talk about CD/TGing and gender topics that aren't necessarily fun things we do while en femme, or for gender-driven discussions.

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Ginger
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Trans but Not sure about coming out, because of FEAR.

Post by Ginger »

I just got back from the doctors and he gave me my Estrogen regimen for the first time.
I am so excited and scared, if that's normal?

I forgot to add, that my doctor said that since I am 48, that my chances of becoming very feminine is much lower then a younger gurl. I still might get a slightly more womanly figure and lost muscle mass and still get breasts but i may not be as feminine if I were younger.
I told him that since I already have a B cup due to working out and have defined pecs, he said I still would get some what larger breasts from his estrogen regimen. Which is awesome. I hope my nipples get bigger and fatter.

I told him that for me to come out to the world in my real life would be extremely hard and
I might not come out. Too many fears. He said that's ok, he has patients who take the estrogen regimen for there mental health but don't come out due to what ever reason.

Is there any one out there like me, who believe that they need to do this for your mental health and not have to show the
world?

Ginger.
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Noeleena
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Re: Trans but Not sure about coming out, because of FEAR.

Post by Noeleena »

Hi,

Ill take the point of age and meds age the later or older you are the meds dont have much effect more so for those or many over 50 on and should not expect changes to take place as they dream of or have perceptions of, because it cant happen , now that does not say for some it cant, very few though,

in my case it really would not have mattered had i or not , though after surgreys what would happen is i do need ether T or E or my case both ,So i have a low dose of E intake, as my body wont make enough of both and yet in some ways my body is making up for any lacks i have, and allso why my body rejects most meds,

my difference is in being intersexed, so works a little different, and does for some other intersexed people,

As for coming out, okay depends on issues you have and i dont know them so wont comment,

myself and im still by a few rejected as female, odd that as i am born female with male and since one can not seperate that they dont wont to accept because we are born different we dont count, im in a neat place here in Waimate NZ and pretty much 97 % of people have no issue with me though a few are not sure i am female this of cause is about facial features allways has and no dought allways be,

So it has nothing to do with my dress or what clothes i wear or dont or work or skirted up those who know me many many 1000's accept what and who i am just a female like most others,

So this coming out is really for myself about expressing who i am as a person first and as a normal female, with in my bodys detail , mind you i go every were over seas and no issues.

Mind you im very out going very wellcoming and get on well with others, so it all adds up to acceptance, plus involved with our many groups, with a membership of over 1000 people and i know every one

...noeleena...
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Anita
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Re: Trans but Not sure about coming out, because of FEAR.

Post by Anita »

Hi Ginger--
Certainly estrogen helps some trans women feel better in terms of overall mental health. For the ones who get that effect, it is very welcome.

I don't know of anyone who is only doing it for mental health relief. But that could be self-selecting; maybe the ones who do that are gals who don't feel the need to go to a support group, either. If you really feel much better taking estrogen, then it's probably worth doing on a long-term basis. You've already dealt with the issue of having breasts, and that's one of the more difficult side-effects to deal with, IF you're not going to "come out."

Without knowing more about your situation (wife? children? type of work?), that's all I can really say.
Ginger
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Re: Trans but Not sure about coming out, because of FEAR.

Post by Ginger »

I am not married, I have a girlfriend. I made it a point to tell her everything and let her decide what she wants to do.
We have been dating for about 1.5 years. She in my mind not 100% supportive and respectful towards my trans situation. She isn't mean or cruel in any way but just doesn't seem to fully understand after explaining myself over and over.

I have no children, I have an extremely dysfunctional family, my middle brother has called me names and won't speak to me, my older brother has extreme anger issues and is very controlling and my mother well she just wouldn't understand and she is a bit frail.

Friends I have 1 and I know he would not understand and for the so called friends I call them. They are extremely phobic. Not ever saying anything nice about the LGBT community.

So I am pretty much alone,.
Ginger
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Re: Trans but Not sure about coming out, because of FEAR.

Post by Ginger »

What I am very confused about, is the doctor told me that most likely I will not get erections, won't have any sperm or ejaculate to speak of and will find it very difficult to have any erections while being aroused and have a very low libido.

He also said my penis might shrink some and my testicles will also shrink...

But when I see picture or movies of trans women, they have erections and ejaculate and having sex and the whole gambit.

So what I'm I not understanding here.
Anthony Simon
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Re: Trans but Not sure about coming out, because of FEAR.

Post by Anthony Simon »

I have read posts elsewhere of a CD who comes on and off hormones in order to retain sexual function. But, honestly, the whole thing seems fraught with difficulty. From memory, a poster called Latanya seemed to use hormones for what seemed like mental health reasons. She hasn't been here for a while, but might post elsewhere (i.e. you could google her).

Given the problems with hormones, wouldn't it be worthwhile trying to address your mental health problems directly - i.e. with a mental health professional or with a support group - rather than via drugs.
Socrates: The highest wisdom is to know that you know nothing.

Bill and Ted: That's us, dude.
Carla Michelle
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Re: Trans but Not sure about coming out, because of FEAR.

Post by Carla Michelle »

I can't really comment on the not coming out part, as I've already come out to the whole world. But I can speak to the HRT. I've been on HRT since January 31. I can still get an erection, if I want to, and I can still ejaculate, if I want to. I've already gained a cup size, from a small A to a full B. Yes my nipples got a little bigger and poofier. And a lot more sensitive.

I can also speak to the mental effects. I am a lot calmer now, much more at peace with myself and generally very happy. I notice each morning after I take my Estradiol I get this feeling of an almost euphoria. I wouldn't trade my life now for anything, where as before HRT I really didn't enjoy life.
~Carla Michelle a.k.a. Mickey~
Ginger
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Re: Trans but Not sure about coming out, because of FEAR.

Post by Ginger »

Anthony Simon wrote:I have read posts elsewhere of a CD who comes on and off hormones in order to retain sexual function. But, honestly, the whole thing seems fraught with difficulty. From memory, a poster called Latanya seemed to use hormones for what seemed like mental health reasons. She hasn't been here for a while, but might post elsewhere (i.e. you could google her).

Given the problems with hormones, wouldn't it be worthwhile trying to address your mental health problems directly - i.e. with a mental health professional or with a support group - rather than via drugs.

I am not sure what mental health issues you think I have?I never said I was on and off from hormones. I merely ask questions as so I can understand things more.
Ginger
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Re: Trans but Not sure about coming out, because of FEAR.

Post by Ginger »

Carla Michelle wrote:I can't really comment on the not coming out part, as I've already come out to the whole world. But I can speak to the HRT. I've been on HRT since January 31. I can still get an erection, if I want to, and I can still ejaculate, if I want to. I've already gained a cup size, from a small A to a full B. Yes my nipples got a little bigger and poofier. And a lot more sensitive.

I can also speak to the mental effects. I am a lot calmer now, much more at peace with myself and generally very happy. I notice each morning after I take my Estradiol I get this feeling of an almost euphoria. I wouldn't trade my life now for anything, where as before HRT I really didn't enjoy life.

Thank you Carla, very well answered. I guess every person is different when taking hormones. I wouldn't if I lose my sexual desires or if it lessens and as well if I lose my erections and all that. I am getting very tired of always being horny and seeking out porn to satisfy me. The regimen I got from my doctors seems a bit more advanced compared to the normal as per his literature. I am waiting on funding so I have not started yet.
As for the euphoria that sounds wonderful. I can't wait to see if I get that feeling.
Anthony Simon
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Re: Trans but Not sure about coming out, because of FEAR.

Post by Anthony Simon »

Ginger wrote:
Anthony Simon wrote:Given the problems with hormones, wouldn't it be worthwhile trying to address your mental health problems directly - i.e. with a mental health professional or with a support group - rather than via drugs.

I am not sure what mental health issues you think I have?I never said I was on and off from hormones. I merely ask questions as so I can understand things more.
I picked up on your comment that this was "for your mental health". Specifically, the way you relate to the one friend you've got, who you describe as not really a friend, might suggest that you have problems with self-esteem/not valuing yourself highly enough. A therapist can help with that stuff.
Socrates: The highest wisdom is to know that you know nothing.

Bill and Ted: That's us, dude.
Ginger
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Re: Trans but Not sure about coming out, because of FEAR.

Post by Ginger »

Anthony Simon wrote:
Ginger wrote:
Anthony Simon wrote:Given the problems with hormones, wouldn't it be worthwhile trying to address your mental health problems directly - i.e. with a mental health professional or with a support group - rather than via drugs.

I am not sure what mental health issues you think I have?I never said I was on and off from hormones. I merely ask questions as so I can understand things more.
I picked up on your comment that this was "for your mental health". Specifically, the way you relate to the one friend you've got, who you describe as not really a friend, might suggest that you have problems with self-esteem/not valuing yourself highly enough. A therapist can help with that stuff.
Everything "One" does in there life is for mental health. I don't do things to myself to make my life difficult. As for my friend, that has nothing to do with me and my Self Esteem. How can you say I have lower self esteem, first off you don't even know me and 2ndly my friend is the one whom if I told would be the negative one here with issues not being able to accept me. So please STOP telling me that I have all kinds of negative issues. I love myself and that is why I am doing things to better my life.

Again like I said you don't know me and my situation. As for valuing myself, I do. But not everyone has tons of choices and not every one can make friends easily. Please don't judge me.
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Paulette
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Re: Trans but Not sure about coming out, because of FEAR.

Post by Paulette »

Ginger wrote:What I am very confused about, is the doctor told me that most likely I will not get erections, won't have any sperm or ejaculate to speak of and will find it very difficult to have any erections while being aroused and have a very low libido.

He also said my penis might shrink some and my testicles will also shrink...

But when I see picture or movies of trans women, they have erections and ejaculate and having sex and the whole gambit.

So what I'm I not understanding here.
--

What you're missing is that these movies are entertainment, and what you see is not what you think it is.

Anyone with a penis can get a three-part inflatable penile insert, and thereby have an erection on demand, for as long as needed. I'm planning on getting such an implant as soon as I can get my medicare approval and payment settled. I have erectile disfunction - can't get it up sufficiently for "normal" intercourse - but the libido and sensation are still working fine, so the implant should "fix" that difficulty. (The down-side is that the implant makes it impossible to have a "normal" erection - but I don't get them anyway.)

Similarly, if I were so inclined, I could get breast implants, facial feminisation, and shift my body fat around to give me hips and a smaller waist. Then I too could be a porn star!

And that is one explanation of what you see.

Unfortunately, I'll be 74 in a few days, and the entertainment market for geriatric sex actors just isn't that great.
~ Paulette
~ just lucky, I guess.
Ginger
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Re: Trans but Not sure about coming out, because of FEAR.

Post by Ginger »

So Paulette, you don't have issues with libido?

My Doctor says I will probably have no erections and won't be able to at all.

I mean I guess it will all show itself once I start. I am waiting for coverage, because I cannot pay for this myself.

It will be nice to start June 1st but that is not likely.

I don't mind the thought of low libido and no erections. I am actually tired of having an erection all the time especially during sleep and waking up with one.
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Paulette
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Re: Trans but Not sure about coming out, because of FEAR.

Post by Paulette »

I'm not taking any hormones and don't want to at this time. (At one time I tried Remifemin [black cohosh] but it seemed to have little to no effect.) My libido is doing fine just now, but I no longer have the intense drives that I did when younger. Keep in mind that CD drives and compulsions are notoriously changeable and quite variable from person to person.

For myself it's very true that the most powerful and active sex organ is one's mind. Mine allows me to be quite aggressively dominant or passively submissive as the mood strikes me or my wife.

There's no telling how things will be next year, but I feel pretty comfortable where I am and don't feel any changes are immanent. I'm also quite leery of permanent or induced change, internally or externally.
~ Paulette
~ just lucky, I guess.
Ginger
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Re: Trans but Not sure about coming out, because of FEAR.

Post by Ginger »

I am so happy things are going well for you Paulette.
Thank you for the chat.
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