I think that I finally get this.
Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2014 10:12 am
It is very much that I enjoy being a girl! When I am feminine after dressing and beautifying...I enjoy living and being a woman. I may not enjoy all the same things...needlepoint...babies...sewing...BUT! I am a cross role'er or cross-live'er and as such I enjoy or would enjoy being thought of included in and being treated in the exact same way as any woman. I think of myself as a "woman" I enjoy being and want others to refer to me, to think of me, react to me, treat me, expect me to be a "woman." Perhaps that is what all my soul searching has been about? So I get it - and especially here I expect to be thought of and considered that way because when I am here I am usually in female mode. At this time I am fully dressed and feel very fulfilled and content. I am happy! This dress is great! so comfortable the A'Kai black knit I also have it in a royal blue a dress that fits cannot be compared it excels the comfort of all male clothing!!!
Another thing is I move freely between feeling masculine or more feminine independent of what I am wearing but naturally I prefer female clothing when I am feeling female and if I am able to I do but it is not always possible for me because my sons want me to be Dad, my wife's sitter does not mind, when my wife was healthy she would let me but would have preferred I did not - it was never complete and free acceptance or understanding sadly. I am wondering if I will have to look for a bisexual woman to enjoy not only
complete acceptance but to have a woman who can actually like it, desire and perhaps even prefer me to be in female mode alot of the time 50%? I am heterosexual after all and the psychologist suggested I might consider women who are bisexual - I do not know but he may be right if I am to find what I am looking for.
Guess I am kind of enthused on this topic today...
I suppose I am never going to feel internally - "I'm not doing that!" Because I feel it's a woman's role, or that something is beneath me, or that I cannot do it because I cannot take direction from a woman. I worked for female superiors for 20 years when I was actively working as a nurse. But I do think because I feel like a woman I don't see any of this as beneath me, taking direction, or doing any task. I do not mind traditional tasks people used to think of as "woman's" work. I could ride on the back seat of a motorcycle hanging on to my girl, or sitting in the passenger seat. No, I don't mind and why should I feeling female inside? Perhaps it does substantiate or verify my gender as being somewhat feminine? Now send me out into the garden or ask me to make a dress or knit none of those things are in me. I prefer sailing, running, mowing the lawn to gardening, driving my sports car to dancing...My basic interests and inclinations are all still masculine pretty much, and male - I have made guns from a gun kit and enjoyed it - have never fired them they are black powder antique replicas a Queen Anne flint lock and a Colt Navy revolver - they were interesting, still are to look at. But tasks requiring me to sit hours on end doing very minute work of any kind and you have lost me after a very short time...perhaps men are adhd? But I suppose I am a blend inside. Babies, parenting, needlework - just not for me. But finding something pretty to wear and I am there!
Another thing is I move freely between feeling masculine or more feminine independent of what I am wearing but naturally I prefer female clothing when I am feeling female and if I am able to I do but it is not always possible for me because my sons want me to be Dad, my wife's sitter does not mind, when my wife was healthy she would let me but would have preferred I did not - it was never complete and free acceptance or understanding sadly. I am wondering if I will have to look for a bisexual woman to enjoy not only
complete acceptance but to have a woman who can actually like it, desire and perhaps even prefer me to be in female mode alot of the time 50%? I am heterosexual after all and the psychologist suggested I might consider women who are bisexual - I do not know but he may be right if I am to find what I am looking for.
Guess I am kind of enthused on this topic today...
I suppose I am never going to feel internally - "I'm not doing that!" Because I feel it's a woman's role, or that something is beneath me, or that I cannot do it because I cannot take direction from a woman. I worked for female superiors for 20 years when I was actively working as a nurse. But I do think because I feel like a woman I don't see any of this as beneath me, taking direction, or doing any task. I do not mind traditional tasks people used to think of as "woman's" work. I could ride on the back seat of a motorcycle hanging on to my girl, or sitting in the passenger seat. No, I don't mind and why should I feeling female inside? Perhaps it does substantiate or verify my gender as being somewhat feminine? Now send me out into the garden or ask me to make a dress or knit none of those things are in me. I prefer sailing, running, mowing the lawn to gardening, driving my sports car to dancing...My basic interests and inclinations are all still masculine pretty much, and male - I have made guns from a gun kit and enjoyed it - have never fired them they are black powder antique replicas a Queen Anne flint lock and a Colt Navy revolver - they were interesting, still are to look at. But tasks requiring me to sit hours on end doing very minute work of any kind and you have lost me after a very short time...perhaps men are adhd? But I suppose I am a blend inside. Babies, parenting, needlework - just not for me. But finding something pretty to wear and I am there!