Non Binary and Gender Fluidity

[Anne Bonny]

Binary Male or Female...nonbinary is existing between Male and Female and gender fluidity flows back and forth or all over the place splashes about in the area between the binary boundaries. Cis is a binary person male or female who stays whatever gender they have one or the other all the time. Hum...Oh and being nonbinary or fluid with documentation under the latest standards does not exclude you from SRS if that is what you believe you need just need evidence of dysphoria I suppose...have been that way for years.... Being fluid I question this definition provided by a gender therapist I saw on youtube because sometimes I believe I revert to fully male (but what do I know...does a colour blind person know they are colour blind? so what is it really like to be "fully masculine" if you are gender fluid?) as I did for about 8 days last week when I was just bummed out by life in general by various stressors. Interesting thought...perhaps I really do exist between the binaries and just do not know it - hum? Who knows. I know personally that if my gender is fluid, and it most definitely is beyond question I do not want more than having my ears pierced, would not mind at all having gynecomastia but I do not have that, so I use gel pads in my A cup bras most of the time when I want to wear one. Anyway I was born male, and do not plan on changing that because it seems to me my center is on the male side of the gender divide but my range is from masculine to feminine 60/40? 50/50?? 70/30? I could be wrong could be centered in the center? My sense of all of this could be clouded by having to conform to societal norms, my lifelong conditioning as a male, the pressure on us from every where to "be a man!" But if we are nonbinary indeed then our gender would be between the binaries...hum.... Well it is just another conceptual model experts have cooked up trying to understand us and I guess I do not buy it entirely.... I know I am male, and that means male hormones, male brain hence process information as men do as opposed to how women process information within their female brains...Pet scans show this difference in areas lit up in technicolour when processing things it is interesting. But Gender is a very nebulous thing to grasp for me personally I think of it as nothing more than an intense feeling identifying strongly with masculinity or femininity more or less, or kind of quasi as the juices flow fluidly....

I suppose these concepts and models can be helpful I believe they are in helping me to gape and think Huh! That is amazing! So yes I am a transvestite...cross dresser...transgender under the big umbrella definition of that term...and I have settled on genderfluid as the best way to describe myself. I'm genderfluid....

Oh well there is some comfort in having a firm grasp on myself...Now it's just "rocking who I am" And today I have just done my nails again, shaved my legs, some under dressing and secret deoderant, my ladie's watch and glasses with my male T shirt, shorts and belt...I am sporting comfortably right where I am this morning at this moment. I can even go out with my shiny clear coated fingernails and Ladie's watch. I am sporting little clues that "one of these things is not like the others." Yeah...there is something different about me that does not fit with your binary concept of who I should be ... you think I'm gay don't you? Of course you do because cis people immediately make such an assumption about us but they have no freeking idea that one's sexual orientation and sexuality is a completely different thing so the little clues I am sporting that make me feel happy just say I am different but you would have to know me better to know...Oh you're just genderfluid but heterosexual. Gay does not mean you are sporting opposite gender clues...necessarily, some gays do but probably not most.

So I believe I am now able to sport such clues in public some may or may not notice makes no difference. The really important thing is to just be comfortable and be who you are, you like having your nails done - have them done, You are comfortable and want to wear a dress in public wear a dress in public...etc.

I am not even now OUT OUT!! or Fully open to the world as in Hello world ... here I am! But I am definitely progressing in that direction. Have stepped out the front door dressed and spoken to someone in plain sight...I have been places with my clear coated fingernails, forget about my shaved legs too been doing that for a while. I do have an inner circle who know which is growing and at some point I do plan of coming out on Facebook, that would be the difference, and things like just being myself all the time especially at home.

[Anthony Simon]

Anyway I was born male, and do not plan on changing that because it seems to me my center is on the male side of the gender divide but my range is from masculine to feminine 60/40? 50/50?? 70/30? I could be wrong could be centered in the center?

Where do you feel when you're quiet and on your own? Not that that necessarily happens that much, but that's how I decide.

[Anne Bonny]

It is difficult I say with all the little stressors and influences going on from day to day. I do know and man I am really on this term gender fluid because THAT NAILS IT!!! I mean wow! I suppose being gender fluid it just depends where I happen to be at that moment when I lay down hahahahahaha!!!!!.... I mean wow from day to day moment to moment or across the day what I wear evolves like a chameleon to adjust to my ever changing feelings inside. I was born male I see no pressing need to change that because sometimes my gender and my sex are the same! I suppose If I changed my plumbing to look and function sexually like a female's it would be the same only they would be the same when I felt feminine because then I would have something that looked just like females sexual organs look. I think because I am heterosexual and love women only it is another reason it would make sense not to have SRS. Am I mostly feminine or mostly feminine...I will have to get back to you on that, but I suppose being fluid I could say I am in the middle or would be all other things being equal on average with all the shifting around.