On meeting a girl for the first time at her place...

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Dack
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On meeting a girl for the first time at her place...

Post by Dack »

I finally have found a girl interested in crossdressers. I found her online. We're looking at meeting for the first time tomorrow, in a public place.

She suggested lending me some of her clothes if needed, and we talked about my going out crossdressed with her. This most likely would require going to her place, which she said she was fine with last time we talked.

I understand it's a general rule of Internet safety that one should have another friend check up on oneself when meeting someone like this. As I understand it, it is often suggested to text the address of a person's home to that friend so that someone else knows where you are.

I tried asking what her address was so that I could get an idea on google maps where things are (I probably need to stay overnight in a nearby hotel anyways); we would have to walk everywhere once I make it in town on a bus, since neither of us can drive at the moment. She said she would text it and the name of the restaurant where we would meet to me but has not done so yet.

I was a bit hesitant to explicitly tell her I wanted to text the address to a friend, in case this sounds overly untrusting. I was likewise worried if pushing for the address for the maps might seem suspicious to her. What is the most reasonable thing to say/do?

My options thus are:
*Ask for the home address (and also the name of the restaurant where we would first meet) again to look up stuff like hotels on maps (I can text the question or ask in the next phone conversation)
*Explain that I need the address in order to have a friend check up on me and emphasize it's just a general rule I would follow with anyone I meet (and that she should do the same if she comes to my place down the line). I can say that I did want it for maps searching, too.
*Wait until I arrive at her place, visually confirm the address, and text it to my friend. She would probably notice this.
*Drop the subject and just go to her place. I'm a male and might have a little less to worry about than if I was female.

I don't really want to mess things up or walk away from a chance like this.
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CharLee
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Re: On meeting a girl for the first time at her place...

Post by CharLee »

To be on the safe side if you are going in drab meet her in a public place to feel her out. Then if you feel she is on the up and up you can go to her place to get dressed.

This way if you don't feel comfortable with her you can leave without any negative situation happening.

Meeting someone face to face that you only met on line and haven't established a relationship with is always a dangerous thing to do. But whatever you decide to do, be careful and on guard and I hope it will turn out OK for you.
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Re: On meeting a girl for the first time at her place...

Post by Trudy »

I agree with CharLee your first meeting should be in a very public setting. Go in male drab, undress if you want but that is up to you. The fact she seems hesitant to give you the address as a safety line throws up a red flag to me. As a female she knows of the dangers out there in the world and with some of the stories about people and their internet "friends" she should well understand your apprehensions. If she remains aloof IMHO you should chalk up her to experience and continue your search. A girl, regardless of her birth gender, can't be too careful today.
Dack
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Re: On meeting a girl for the first time at her place...

Post by Dack »

To be on the safe side if you are going in drab meet her in a public place to feel her out.
Yes, we were already planning to meet up in public first.
The fact she seems hesitant to give you the address as a safety line throws up a red flag to me.
She could have forgotten to text it to me. I asked for it for the purpose of looking up maps (along with the restaurant name) and didn't mention that it was a safety line.
I could ask for it again. The main question is whether to try to ask for it saying I want to look it up on google maps again or just
explain that I need to know the address beforehand (if we're going to her place) so that I can have a friend check up on me.

Does it still sound suspicious to you, or do you think there's a good chance she just forgot to text it?
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Re: On meeting a girl for the first time at her place...

Post by Trudy »

Yes him she could have forgotten, we all do that. Text her again and tell her you need the address so you can get familiar with the area and scope out a hotel as well as find the restaurant. If she she still doesn't respond then perhaps she is protecting herself as you could be an internet stalker. I'm not saying that but as I think about it the safety issue runs both ways. Perhaps you two should slow down a tad and for the first "date" just stick to a public setting and get to "feel" each other out. Then if there is a chemistry make a second "play" date.
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Janet Bern
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Re: On meeting a girl for the first time at her place...

Post by Janet Bern »

Be sure you meet in a public place for lunch or dinner and feel each other out.
Almost sounds too good to be true.
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DonnaT
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Re: On meeting a girl for the first time at her place...

Post by DonnaT »

Dack wrote: She suggested lending me some of her clothes if needed, and we talked about my going out crossdressed with her. This most likely would require going to her place, which she said she was fine with last time we talked.
Having never met, how would she know if her clothes fit you?

Sounds like she playing on your needs.
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Dack
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Re: On meeting a girl for the first time at her place...

Post by Dack »

Having never met, how would she know if her clothes fit you?
Some clothing with stretchy materials and also some lingerie can more easily fit multiple sizes. She may have meant it could be tried.
Perhaps you two should slow down a tad and for the first "date" just stick to a public setting and get to "feel" each other out.
I texted her asking if she would rather just meet this time in a public place and defer crossdressing (saying I wanted her to feel comfortable), but she made it clear I was not rushing anything.

On the phone I finally just explained exactly why I brought up the stuff about addresses. "Nothing's going to happen", she said, which maybe means I made too big of a deal over it. I explained that I was just following a rule 100% of the time. She said afterwards that she understood what I was doing.

We agreed to meet up in a hotel room to handle the main crossdressing work. I'd have to stay in one anyways, since her apartment does not allow overnight guests. It is possible she may still need to grab clothing from her place, though I'll just broach that subject if and when it comes up rather than end up making a big deal about it again.

At this point, I would end up appearing over nervous if I back out of crossdressing help this weekend. She's just as eager if not more than me to have me crossdressed. If I end up going to her place, it probably does make sense to text the address to someone (This is what I said I explained to her above), though maybe it would just be best to look at the street name and address on the building rather than directly ask her.

Now I'm worried if I've irreparably destroyed my chances with her or if she'll never invite me to drop by her place...
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Davita
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Re: On meeting a girl for the first time at her place...

Post by Davita »

huuuummm... nothing is going to happen... Like no one ever lies? Go over... see what her guy wants from you like your money, blackmail, rape....

This person is a stranger. Why are you trying to get hurt? Meet in a public place, don't exchange any info that will be used to find out where you work or live. Make friends over a decent amount of time before you chance any troubles. Do you share everything with strangers now? Why should this be any different? Wait until this person isn't a stranger.
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Re: On meeting a girl for the first time at her place...

Post by SilverLady(SO) »

Hi, Dack, and welcome to the Haven!

May I suggest that you wander over to the New Members... section, say 'hi' and introduce yourself to everyone? :yes:


Having read all the comments and suggestions in this topic, I completely agree with Davita's comments:
This person is a stranger. Why are you trying to get hurt? Meet in a public place, don't exchange any info that will be used to find out where you work or live. Make friends over a decent amount of time before you chance any troubles. Do you share everything with strangers now? Why should this be any different? Wait until this person isn't a stranger.
Let's be honest, here. This girl is a total stranger to you. Yes, you may have talked on the phone, but you have never met IRL. You have absolutely no way of knowing if she's on the up-and-up or if she's setting you up.

Personally, there is no way that I would meet a total stranger in a hotel room. Meet in a public place - a mall, restaurant, coffee shop, etc. - and possibly with another friend tagging along.

If you still insist on going ahead with your plans, then may I recommend that - if you are legally able to - carry some sort of weapon (handgun, knife) to protect and defend yourself in case SHTF (and pray that it's not needed)?


If she is not willing to provide you with the address - regardless of why you want it (maps, security in giving it to a friend) - then that tells me she is not to be trusted. She's not willing to alleviate your fears and concerns; instead, she is trying to belittle them and, in turn, she is really belittling you. [-X


Sorry, Dack, but I would run in the other direction. [-(


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Re: On meeting a girl for the first time at her place...

Post by Eileen (SO) »

Dack, have you been able to voice verify this is a woman? Not that it would matter much if this were a couple.
My gut says that this contact is a man ready to rape you.
The euphoria of finding an on-line girlfriend that wants to dress you up has blinded common sense. Oh, and all the clothing fits. Really? On what planet does an apartment not allow overnight guests?
I'm old school, but now days, nobody 'forgets' to text a reply.
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Heather W
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Re: On meeting a girl for the first time at her place...

Post by Heather W »

I got to my therapy session a bit early so I read a few posts here in the Haven, this being one of them. Right from your initial post Dack I didn't have a good feeling about this situation. I even talked with my therapist about this and of course she asked me how I felt. In reality she agreed with me. Dack you came looking for advice and I think there are some very good responses here. So why are you ignoring it and still trying to justify this questionable meeting?

Dack I want you to remove yourself from the situation and let's play pretend. Let us pretend that it is not you but rather a friend of yours who is going to meet this woman. He or she tells you the whole story as you have related it to us. What would your advice to your friend be? Would you tell them go ahead? After all blackmailers or robbers or murderers or rapists only happen to other people. There is nothing to worry about friend. Just go and meet this person you have never met face to face only talked with on the telephone in a very private and secluded setting with no one knowing where you are or who this other person really is. It's no big deal.

Is that the advice you would give your friend? I think not. Well follow your own advice. I can understand your desire to be in a relationship where you can be truly yourself but is this the one? Like they say "if it sounds too good to be true then it probably is!"
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Re: On meeting a girl for the first time at her place...

Post by Mikaela »

This certainly sounds too good to be true....but I am interested in the follow up and results. I am hoping for the best for you.....
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Diana Michelle
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Re: On meeting a girl for the first time at her place...

Post by Diana Michelle »

I am with Mikaela here. I hope this is for real and you have a wonderful time however the woman in me has a lot of suspicions in her.

Dack this situation sounds too good to be true, almost a fantasy ripped from the pages of some of those stories one can funded posted in various websites. This alleged woman as Eileen very keenly pointed out is acting a bit too much in the shadows. There are a lot of pitfalls to online dating. Never tried it myself but I know a few people who have and it is not all it is cracked to be. Most have not had horrific results but they all have to!d me that a person's online profile does not tell the whole story. Be very careful here and if she is for real then she will be able to wait a bit to see your other side and keep the first meeting to a very public place where you both arrive and leave separately. Then if there's a chemistry get together in a more private setting for whatever your two hearts desire. I am sure all the girls here will agree with me that the old saying is still true.

"You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the prince."
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Dack
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Re: On meeting a girl for the first time at her place...

Post by Dack »

She cancelled the meeting at the last moment, luckily before I took the bus out of town. She said something happened to her but didn't say more.

Since this meeting was cancelled, I can more easily suggest going slower and suggest we only meet up in public some times before worrying about dressing up, as long as she stays interested. It would also be easier for me to resolve my driver's license issues so that I don't have to mess around with buses (it would also let me pack clothing more easily in a car).

If anyone has suggestions about how to proceed with this in the coming weeks it would be much appreciated.

Based on her facebook page and some related items I found in google searches I have no reason to believe she is not a real person. I agree that moving more slowly would be preferable, however.
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