I am a guy, albeit an interesting one (i think)

[DanaJaye]

I have dressed a lot over my lifetime, i should save a lot of my thoughts for how I got here, but I also feel like sharing some of me and my thoughts here. My dressing has always been a sexual thing. Yes I get some calming effects and stress relief, though I have never truly worked out why that is. But primarily my dressing has involved somebody else knowing I am doing it, or actually being there while I am dressed. In all but one occasion that other person has been a woman. Sometimes I worry about my sexuality. I am predominantly straight, but I do have some odd kinks and fetishes. My straightness and being seen by others as a mans man makes the femme attire aspect of me something thats always been kept close. That said, my lady is involved with my alter ego and is fully awre of Dana's needs and wants. She has helped me along with some of my riskier moments. I do t want to be outed, that said I am old enough and confident enough to hopefully handle it if it happened, I just dont want that. I dont want to be a woman, nor am I passable, though I do have good legs if I do say so myself. But being outdoors while dressed is a buzz I cant replicate elsewhere. She has taken me on a number of trips out, some more risky to me than others. On one occasion we went out in the car and she left me to sit and smoke a cigarette (smoking was a vice i have since kicked), the cigarette was a timer, so until it was gone I couldnt leave the (very) exposed place she dropped me at. Only when the cig was finished could I walk back to her car where she was waiting, and at the time taking pics, something I always like her doing as it ives me a visual record of our jaunts. On one such walk we were circled by a car full of guys, I was terrified at the time but she just kept me walking. The mini skirt and high heels i was in were perfect as we went out, but at that moment i really wished i were in jeans and mens shoes. Although scary, and enough that any turn on was emotional rather than physical (i am pretty sure my genitalia was tiny at the time, part cold and part fear), but once safe again I was glad of every moment out there. On one memorable time she decided we should go out and do some new pictures. Initially I was slightly nervous, but by the time we had been put and come home I was desperate to get home, and massively turned on by the experience. I went out fully dressed en femme. By the time we got back home i was down to underwear and a small coat to cover my blushes in the car. But essentially we went around where I used to live as an area fir the pictures. Starting at a park, fully dressed and feeling exposed enough, she took a few shots. It was daylight, albeit early morning and only just gone dawn. But she had shots in mind that i knew nothing of. Nails painted, full makeup. She had me pose on a bench. I should say that dog walkers and early morning joggers were the only real fear here as it was fairly secluded, but she had me remove the coat i was wearing, and also the panties, these were to be explicit then. The next bit was a bit personal so is getting skipped, but my orgasm was both a treat and a punishment in some ways. I am one of those people who feels the need to try and return to male after orgasm, but in this case, not an option. So, back to the car and off to the next place on her list. We went to around nine different spots, at each she was having me lose an item of clothing and pose for her. One of the early ones (thankfully) had a security camera pointing my way. Luckily only the blouse was gone, so i kind of hope i looked respectable. There was a scary moment when a van drove by at one spot and the workmen hurled some abuse. But by then I was totally at her beck and call.

Anyway, in terms of outdoors, that was one of my scariest times out, ut also some of the best pictures. She knows some of my biggest secrets, strangest fantasies. She knows i had one experience with another dresser (i had decided to see whether i would enjoy being with someone like me and what it would be like). That experience took place in a gap in our relationship. She wasnt angry or upset that i had done it, but she did say then and has also said since, that she wished she had been there to see it. On more than one occasion we have discussed the possibility of reenacting that moment of my life, though it would need to be with a new friend solely as the other person moved away. Thats yet another aspect thays probably best saved for another day.

My dressing, Its not a dirty secret to me. Though it is a secret i wouldnt want my friends and family to have to face. So it stays in the closet. In my head, i am ninety nine percent straight,mthat one percent though leaves some interesting options.

Any thoughts in that one percent though have always involved another dresser. Not necessarily convincing, but men as men have never appealed. Yet somehow in a skirt, its different. The fact my lady is a friend, a lover, a mistress and more all rolled into one allows my openness to be total. In the same way as when she is in control I am happy to let her lead in any way she sees fit. My trust in her being absolute. She at times has 'made' me do things I wanted to do but couldnt find the nerve for. My one experience with another dresser was a spur of the moment thing, no time to consider beyond the fact i had agreed to do it.

In a scary moment for me though, my lady asked me to tell her some of my more wild fantasies and secret fantasies.she was gently probing my limits at the time. When she asked how i felt about putting on a show for her with a man i was kind of taken aback. Partly that she liked the thought of seeing it, but also at the fact i am so submissive when dressed that it wasnt phasing me enough to say no. It may never happen, but the fact its been said means every so often it crops up in images. Always and only when i am dressed though. My eagerness to please her when she has me dressed is different to my male personae in every way. I have drifted off topic again.

Anyway, thats kind of me, closet but liking the thrill of outside, straight but a little androgenois when dressed. Do inant male, submissive dresser.

I confuse myself, how she copes i will mever know.

[Ralitsa]

Hmmm, there's a lot there.
First, welcome to the site and thanks for sharing this with us. We are all sorts here, I suppose drawn together by our need to share our experiences and desires in a non-judgmental atmosphere.
It seems like everyone has their own reasons and drivers for what they do, and their own objectives.

All I can say is that it sounds like you have a really great relationship with the lady in your life, and that is very lucky. Now some of the stuff you talk about, walking around town taking off one thing at a time for example, I would never do. On the other hand, I'm sitting in the coffee shop right now wearing all women's styles and am perfectly happy with that.
So you don't have to fit in to any categories here.

[Anthony Simon]

I don't know why, but I found what you wrote engaging. Maybe it was the lack of ego in it, whatever, it did seem to say something.

[Eileen (SO)]

Dear DanaJaye,

Seems you are submissive to a Dominatrix. You are both getting pleasure by her emasculating desires. You would be surprised how many men pay good money for the same experience. If this lifestyle gives you satisfaction, then embrace it without the guilt.

Although, guilt and shame are part of her pleasures. Yours also, or you wouldn't ever want to see her again, or write about it.

Be prepared to have intimate time with a man of her choosing while you're dressed and submissive.

Eileen

[Diana Michelle]

Dana Jaye every girl is different as every woman or man is. Your fetishes for lack of a better word are not unique although it sounds like you have lived through what many only fantasize about. The fact your dressing is very sexual is fine as long as you are either ready for whatever your mistress demands (I think Eileen's post says it well) or you and her have discussed and established your limits and she respects them.

I will caution you though in there may be some circumstances where you are playing with fire. More than one girl has played with men and suddenly found herself in an out of control situation which can lead to violence and/or rape. Please be careful as I am sure you don't want to end up another statistic of transgendered centered violence. I will also caution you that depending on your locale there are public indencency laws and some over zealous Bufford T. Pusser lawman may interpret some of your public displays as public indencency and I am sure you don't want to end up in a jail cell with some redneck type clad in only a bra and panties!

[DanaJaye]

Very aware of the risks, also aware i have to protect her too. Whatever we do, if it involves someone else, it will need to be very carefully planned. All that said, and taking what has been said here into consideration, it hasnt put me off the very real possibility that it can happen.

In terms of me understanding it all, in truth, I dont think I fully understand it at all. I have never tried to rationalise my crossdressing. Its something that works for me, albeit closet. But its a personal aspect that both she and I both embrace. I dressed before i met her and was lucky to find someone who not only tolerated it, but actively takes part in my needs. Any fantasies i had about others were with a crossdresser. Doing anything with a man as a man was never in my head. Yet somehow it didnt horrify me when she floated the idea. Maybe i should have run away screaming, but i didnt. Yet another oart of me that i will likely never fully understand.

[Ralitsa]

I'm guessing that none of us completely understand why we enjoy the things we do. Actually that is probably true of life in general, but usually we never think about that.
Anyway, for myself, I've found that hanging out here and talking with everyone about it helps me come to grips with it. Perhaps I understand things better now or maybe I just think I do. Anyway, we all love hearing good stories, so feel free to share
I've had some fantasies about the things you speak of, but have never done anything like that and probably never will. I guess I just worry too much about all the things that might go wrong.