Can a man with a mixed gender be attractive to women?

[Anne Bonny]

I suppose for men like myself ... a blended or mixed gender in a blender weighted to the masculine side, gender fluid that is a good question as we tend also to like women...I MEAN REALLY LIKE WOMEN...got a good laugh out of our hospice nurse - ha! I mean with the variation in my spectrum of presentation and behavior I can be quite the traditional knuckle dragger but I can also be very ... well even more to the femm side than a metro male as metro males do not tend to cross the barrier between masculine and feminine the way we do...theirs is more fashion, ours is in our make up too!

My opinion is as women learn more about the type of men we are we might find more of a following and be sought after by a segment of the female population. But realistically not by the majority who prefer a solid traditional knuckle dragger, a gentleman, a strong masculine type...leader....etc even though those types do tend to have drawbacks all the traditional ones women have to put up with. hum....

[DonnaT]

Seems there are a number of women who are attracted to men of mixed gender.

Problem is, being brave enough to be out and open in appearance, someplace where such women will notice you.

[Sarah Beth]

All I can say about it is that my wife is pretty attracted to me no matter what I have on.

[Anne Bonny]

Thanks for the tips... my goal is to be out so I can go in public eventually. The sitter I employ tells me the same thing...those women are out there...I think that is the key I had the Nurse laughing the other day...so they have to be in a position to know and to be with you and see you I think then they will come around to see with a few exceptions, we are normal people and hey we are pretty nice people too.

[Anthony Simon]

I had a conversation with a woman when I was buying a wig a couple of years ago. She was an SA who started out kind of suspicious of me, but as we got into it kind of warmed to me. At the end, she quite specifically said there would be women who would be interested in me, but to leave telling them I was a CD until they had got to know me. In a way, that replicated what happened in the conversation - but she did go out of her way to say it and I have no reason to doubt her.

[Anne Bonny]

Well...that is kind of what I intend once I am on my own again. [Gee...I honestly have no clue how long my wife will live is her very debilitated state...she is absolutely 100% total care...severe dementia...must be transferred from bed to wheel chair to potty and back 13 times a day, be bathed, dressed, fed, am and pm care and then she just sits says few words may move her wheel chair back and forth a little when she is awake but that is her current state. I am an RN, she was too. so she receives very... "outstanding care" per hospice which means she would have already been dead several years ago had I put her in a nursing home where neglect and abuse are common...give her her pain medication to keep her quiet...etc then from sedation and not moving or being turned they develop pressure or "bed sores" large cavernous gaping wounds with visible bone and muscle tissue making them prone to infection. Or Pneumonia, or from starvation and lack of fluids where kidneys may shut down or heart attack from electrolytes being all messed up. But no...Objectively on November 30 she will probably surpass my best guess that I did not see her surviving another 18 months...how much of my life will I lose, I have lost 6 years at this point because I am the sole caregiver. The windows do not have bars on them and the door does not have a lock on it but I am losing years off of my life just the same as any prisoner is. Meanwhile life goes on around me, People living without a care in the world. They are making plans...working...going on vacations...going out to eat at restaurants and to see movies and are free to do whatever they please meanwhile we exist as a fleeting thought like two dead people in the minds of all of our friends and family. It is just the most frustrating outrage to be existing as your active life drains a little more each and every day down a rat hole. I have endured 2190 consecutive days of round the clock nursing care and no one cares]

Anyway... Hopefully I will still be under 60 when I get my life back and I will date...and yeah...at some point if the radar tells me it may be ok..I will share this part of who I am it has to be long enough for her to know me and feel a closeness, but not so long that her moving on would be devastating to me.

[Noeleena]

Hi.

Well how about the other way , a female with a mixed ....well i,m not so sure about gender for myself though some may see it that way i,v never asked , whats the perception from a female then ,
I think they see a male likeness yet is really female , i wonder ,

...noeleena...

[Anne Bonny]

I think it works whichever way you would look at it. I am who I am my personality is fixed in place...my body is fixed in place.... my gender is not sex, or my physical body, it is not personality, it is not sexuality (or our sexual orientation I mean)...it is a separate thing entirely which is why it is so difficult for us to figure out. We have moods and variations in our behavior, things we do, likes and dislikes and we confuse all of that with and look for signs of our gender in all of that mess but it is not to be found in any of that because it is a nebulous and separate thing from all of that. It is hard therefore to convey our gender without reference to any of those things but gender is indeed a distinctly separate intangible and nebulous thing and a hard concept to grasp but it is never the less a very real thing. I suppose adding here...there is something about us that is just the way that it is about us and that is our gender... kind of like a thread that is there some how woven in and through who we happen to be. Gosh it is so hard for a dummy like myself anyway, to grasp and convey I am sure I am stupid and perhaps totally wrong and off base by other more intelligent people with a very clear view of it all...so maybe I am silly and stupid and wrong but this is what I believe it to be.

I think of myself as a moderate brew of manhood, and a weak to moderate brew of womanhood. Like to say lately I strongly tend to be moderately masculine, but that I am like a "heavy" woman (not a fat woman). I like to picture those larger, stronger, confident, and assertive women you might see dressed in work boots, dusty jeans and shirt with a yellow construction helmet on out working a road crew, or operating heavy equipment, or driving a large truck...takes a certain woman to work heavy masculine jobs but they are out there ...but if you observe them they still have their locks, hints of make up...and I am sure their femininity comes through throughout the day, or on the weekends hanging out with their girl friends or spouses....with their softer but calloused hands.

Yeah my gender is a blend with masculine and feminine streaks running through it like an alloy. there are more masculine streaks than feminine on balance but I find my interests tend to be more masculine, but I also have feminine interests to a lesser extent. These are tendencies and variation is there...I can be quite as aggressive and confrontational but the vast majority of the time I am moderate in to going along, getting along, working with people, reaching agreeable compromises, and tend not to confront but just to let things be when it makes no difference.

[Michelle Diane]

Well speaking for myself I know my wife likes my feminine side as she think it makes me more empathic she even said one reason she married me was because according to her I'm the most gurly guy she knows. So yeah I think a mixed gender guy can be attractive to women.

[Paulette]

Silly question, Anne.

Younger folks tend to be more receptive and less off-put by gender-fluid folk. So it's to your advantage to go where they go. And be aware of the conservative bias: car shows, patriotic events, gun shows, Methodist or Baptist events, etc., are probably not the best places to meet a gender-fluid-friendly female.

On the other hand, public-supported radio & tv stations, lefty political events, UU & Quaker gatherings, are usually friendly.

There are a lot more friendly gatherings than there used to be, but there's no guarantee that Liberal=Genderfluid Friendly. But don't forget the Log Cabin Club (- probably has subdivisions).

There are at least as many friendly women searching for your type as there are your type searching for friendly women. Fly your flag gently, and test the waters inconspicuously. Smile. Be neither a macho dick nor a Flaming Pink Cloud; and be patient - desperation sucks.

Nice people find each other. Really.

[Anne Bonny]

Thanks for the tip...I do not want to be alone and I need a woman who has absolutely no problem with any of who I am.

[Diana Michelle]

Anne there are definitely women who could be interested in a gender fluid individual. The number of SO's here in the Haven shows that. Obviously they are not a large number but they are out there. Yes allow them to get to know as you get to know them before you drop "the bomb" but bring it up relatively early in the relationship. Remember relationships are built on trust and honesty.

There are a lot more friendly gatherings than there used to be, but there's no guarantee that Liberal=Genderfluid Friendly. But don't forget the Log Cabin Club (- probably has subdivisions).

Paulette I would hardly called the Log Cabin Republicans a "liberal" group. Maybe moderate but definitely not liberal!

It's funny that although there is an acceptance within the gay community for transgenders few are actually "interested" in a TG partner. I have been active in the LGBT community for years and have many friends there. I asked a close friend once why that is and he told me if he wanted a "girl" he would go straight.

[Eileen (SO)]

Dear Anne,

If asked this question a few years ago, I would have laughed and walked away. I'm not too sure the response would be much different if I were younger in today's society. Now that I'm fully supportive of a CD spouse, it wasn't society that changed my views, it was wanting to keep a loving relationship intact.
Today, if found suddenly alone, I wouldn't seek out a CD as my next husband, but neither would I run from that relationship.

Husband and I are conservative and politically active locally. A few of our CD sisters are also conservative. I would suggest you not try to date women outside of your personal views in hopes of better acceptance. When to tell your potential partner depends on each, individual situation.

The dedication you have shown in caring for your wife is inspiring. Plenty of women would want a husband so selfless and loving. With your RN background and acceptance from the hospice ladies, why not start there for future dating choices? The hospice ladies have other clients and know lots of other people in the trade. Something in common helps move the relationship along.

Eileen

[Tamroi]

Just like any guy, you need to make a lot of first and second moves
and accept rejections. There is no need or point to waiting for
your tragic circumstance to end.

[Anne Bonny]

Thanks Y'all...I never say Y'all except in writing..Ha! Well I know once my dear wife has departed this life leaving her awful suffering...yeah...I will and I am sure she would want for me to try to find a new partner so that I can finally enjoy the retired years we both earned together. Went sailing yesterday, got my run in too, and walked the dog...hum 159.2 lbs by the end of it all at age 59! I am very very fit and quite as healthy and as active has I have been all my life so I will definitely seek someone like myself very focused on being fit and active who loves and is not afraid when the boat heels, will run daily with me, and be ready to go out with no other plans than to simply enjoy what remains of my life on this earth.

yep...sure enough she will have to find me attractive and love me and even be supportive and very encouraging of my femininity when I flow to that side. But should I not be able to find such a wonderful woman...hey...I will just have to go skim boarding by myself!