Wondering

General talk about CD/TGing and gender topics that aren't necessarily fun things we do while en femme, or for gender-driven discussions.

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Julia
Miss Crystal Goddess
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 7:01 pm

Wondering

Post by Julia »

Why is it so difficult to share our intermost feelings with one who is closest to us? I got some make up in the mail? My spouse asks what is that makeup? No, it's wrinkle cream I say , Yesterday, Are those women's pants you have on? Yes , I got them for jogging I Say, Both are perfect openings yet I am tongue tied or make excuses , just seems like I could open up after 25 Years
Emily
Miss Platinum Goddess
Posts: 420
Joined: Tue Feb 16, 2016 8:20 am

Re: Wondering

Post by Emily »

Julia wrote:Why is it so difficult to share our intermost feelings with one who is closest to us?
I think it's because they are close to us. We don't want to upset them, or make them feel bad. What if you told a stranger or a casual acquaintance? Would they care? Mostly like not.

BUT... revealing our innermost thoughts and feelings to someone who has invested so much... It is a tough thing to do - I know! Sometimes it just seems easier to harbour the secret and just keep it to ourselves.

I wish I could be more positive, Julia... but my reality is similar. I tried telling my SO once (a long and complicated story). Sometimes, I wish I hadn't said anything at all. But, I've also heard about occasions when the spouse is upset for the fact that there was a secret... not the crossdressing!

I guess the best thing to do is to gauge your spouse's reactions when she asks you about the pants or the makeup. Does she seem open and receptive to the idea? Or... can you hint that certain disapproving tone? If the answer more closely resembles the former, then perhaps consider the opportunity! :)

Either way Julia, I truly wish you luck. It seems as the years pass, it becomes that much more difficult to reveal our most private thoughts and feelings. Seems to me that it should be the other way around, no?
Julia
Miss Crystal Goddess
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 7:01 pm

Re: Wondering

Post by Julia »

Thanks for the response, I tend to get kinda of a sly smile, I am sure I could get away with slacks and tops, sweaters, but. I know skirts and dresses would be out, I just would like to be able to open up, I probably am no different from others, but I despise rejection, and I know my spouse loves me and would listen in the right setting, just wish I had more courage
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Anne Bonny
Miss Diamond Goddess
Posts: 2577
Joined: Sat May 09, 2009 9:22 am
Location: The Gulf Coast

Re: Wondering

Post by Anne Bonny »

I know In my marriage we had absolutely no problems, the bond was very strong, we loved each other. 7 years in I could stand it no longer so one day I sat down and wrote out what I wanted to say to her then gave it to her to read. After that there were many many small short conversations here and there over a period of the next couple years.

She understood this was something I could not help, and it was not going away. All the usual clarifications...no I am heterosexual...No I do not want an operation....I will keep it from our sons (they were young...way under 18)...No I will not go out dressed but yes sometimes I want to be able to dress at home with the blinds closed.

Not full acceptance...tolerance with some degree of understanding...Rules to adhere to...No it was not perfect but if you love your partner and do not want to lose her you compromise. The benefit was another person, the most important person in my life knew...and I would be able to purchase more clothing, get advice, and dress back then in 2008 that was huge progress for me and I was quite happy to have that.

It is difficult to understand why we are not allowed to be who we are and be fully accepted for that...But entering the marriage I did not tell her about this part of myself it was a huge breech of trust so considering I was given the degree of understanding and tolerance I received and our marriage was still strong and intact the outcome was the best that could have been accepted.

No that my wife has dementia we are 11 years down this road, 7 years of total care and she is beyond it all now and the boys are flying the coop...I can dress every day.

Looking ahead I am not sure I will ever marry again, I do want another female partner of course but she will have to know and accept all of who I am enthusiastically and completely. I have no clue If I will ever find that but hey...our sitter, and the Hospice Staff, are all fully accepting and encouraging beyond anything I have ever imagined. I dress probably most days at least in the morning hours, go out in public, and around the house outside fully dressed...

So hope that helps.
Go with the flow
Julia
Miss Crystal Goddess
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 7:01 pm

Re: Wondering

Post by Julia »

Really sorry to hear about your spouse, I am fairly new here, so just learning about the folks here, my spouse is disabled also, nothing as serious as dementia, diabetes and heart issue , very overweight, so I do most everything in the home, cooking, laundry, cleaning house. Glad you shared your journey, hope to keep in touch
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