Need advice

General talk about CD/TGing and gender topics that aren't necessarily fun things we do while en femme, or for gender-driven discussions.

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Laycee
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Need advice

Post by Laycee »

Recently found out that my step-sons girlfriend bought him a skirt. As a prettymuch closeted crossdresser myself, I feel like I should talk to him about crossdressing and how it makes me feel. My S/O knows I have dressed in the past but is not aware of the extent I desire to continue on. Anyway, when she discovered his skirt, we my S/O and I had a bit of a conversation about it. She doesn't think there is a need for a chat. I really want to talk to him about it. Thoughts??? BTW, it doesn't bother her one tiny bit.
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Alisa
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Re: Need advice

Post by Alisa »

Hey Laycee, I'm a firm believer in the idea that parents pass on certain values that obviously contribute to the greater good. When it comes to personal preferences, I subscribe to the philosophy of let them find their own path. If it was me, I'd let you step son find his own way unless he/she asks for your advice. OMG... If that happens its a whole new ball game!
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Noeleena
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Re: Need advice

Post by Noeleena »

Hi,

I would go with your wife on this one she will see things you wont and as said if when a time comes he needs advise then okay till then leave that sleeping dog alone .

...noeleena...
Eileen (SO)
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Re: Need advice

Post by Eileen (SO) »

Laycee, your wife may accept your dressing,("not aware of the extent"? You need to be more honest with her.) she doesn't want others to know. Even her son. You could discreetly let him know you understand his needs, obviously his GF does. Keep yourself closeted to please your wife's wishes.
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Sarah Beth
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Re: Need advice

Post by Sarah Beth »

Let me say that I think at least for now you need to go along with your wife on this. There may be a point at which you should talk to him but I have a feeling that right now your wife has a lot to process about the whole thing and given that you are not that open with her that could be a whole other issue that gets stirred up.

I first read your post yesterday and since then I have been wondering about a few things. First off how do you know your step son's girl friend bought the skirt for him? Does he have other girl's things or is it just this one skirt? Any idea as to why she would buy it for him? Is he really crossdressing or is it just some sort of prank? I know I am not privy to all the details but I have to wonder.
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DonnaT
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Re: Need advice

Post by DonnaT »

Just because your step-son's girlfriend bought him a skirt, it doesn't mean he's a CD. She may have pursuaded him to wear it, for her reasons.

Saying something like, " I heard your girlfriend bought you a skirt. I think that's pretty cool. Have you worn it yet?" might be a way to bring it up.

If he admits to liking it, and being a CD. Then you can admit it, but ask him not to mention it to your wife.
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Davita
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Re: Need advice

Post by Davita »

Laycee,

How did you find out about the skirt? Until I know that, I'm not offering any advice.
{squeezes}
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Anne Bonny
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Re: Need advice

Post by Anne Bonny »

This is fun. Hum...Ah...yes. your Wife's son....OK. Eileen is right and as others have said how do you know it was for him? Are your desires leading your mind to believe this? She is your Wife's son...so right that is a huge caution flag and your wife has raised it! So it is best to leave any talking up to her. But if she has led you to believe she has no problem with her son wearing a skirt I think any talking or careful discussion like tip toeing very carefully it does present an opening to feel out your wife some on this. She knows you used to dress...but you told her that was all in your past?? She has to know that is not true and that the desires that led you to dress are there in your head. You might ask "You have no problem with his wearing a skirt?" that may clarify her thinking for you...perhaps she says something like it's only a one time joke or something...or she might say no it's ok...which would tell you that you could feel her out about your dressing perhaps by letting her know you wish you could too...to which she slams the door or throws it open a crack or fully...who knows. tread carefully. It is wrong for you to have to bottle up half of who you are for the rest of your life. No one has the right to ask that of you it is a horrible thing for her to expect if she knows in any way and is forcing you to live in severe restraint and hiding, if she loves you then she would want you to be free to be all of who you are. That's my thought.

The rest of this I wrote before I saw what others wrote.

"Recently found out that my step-sons girlfriend bought him a skirt." Great! No problems there, if he likes it, is he gender fluid? Is it a lark, something kind of sexy and fun? I don't think it's wrong if and when an opportunity arises in private to ask him about it and go further if the conversation goes further. Does he know you prefer being feminine at times?

"As a prettymuch closeted crossdresser myself, I feel like I should talk to him about crossdressing and how it makes me feel. My S/O knows I have dressed in the past but is not aware of the extent I desire to continue on."
How old is your step-son? do you trust him? If so than a private conversation as above should not be a problem you might find you have something in common, and it can only strengthen your family ties with him.

"Anyway, when she discovered his skirt, we my S/O and I had a bit of a conversation about it. She doesn't think there is a need for a chat. I really want to talk to him about it. Thoughts???" Well if your Step son is someone you can trust to be discrete what is the harm in discussing it with him.

Wonder why your wife wants to just let it go...could be several reasons. Knowing of your past dressing perhaps she does not want to kindle any new desires in you. Or she simply feels it's not any business of yours and hers. Or she simply believes fine...if he wants to wear it wear it after all no big deal is made of shorts. Perhaps she simply feels it's a clothing option and that giving attention to it is not called for for that reason.

"BTW, it doesn't bother her one tiny bit." If you are closeted, well here's your golden opportunity to open the subject with her carefully. You might find she was wondering when you would stop hiding and being secretive about something she knows you are and have been doing. She may be well aware or more aware of your sneaking around about it than you think. Perhaps not. But if she knows you dressed in the past then she knows. If she has no problem with it....then unless you want to live in fear in a deep dark closet you definitely need to talk to your wife. Could be she will start buying skirts for you too?
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Ralitsa
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Re: Need advice

Post by Ralitsa »

Anne brings up some really good points. For example why would it be perfectly OK for the son to wear a skirt (and presumably anything else) but the husband should remain closeted??? If that is actually the attitude of Laycee's S/O then it is inconsistent and illogical. But this really say's more about the relationship between Laycee and her S/O than anything else.

On the subject of a discussion with the step son - it's highly unlikely that anything Laycee can tell him will be the least bit helpful. It's my observation that by this time kids already know everything, and it's not possible for them to learn anything else until they are 30, at least. I can't imagine any conversation that will will be helpful, just painful and counterproductive.

If I were to suggest anything, it would only be that Laycee stop hiding in the closet and be true to herself.

On a perhaps not so unrelated topic, it's rather fashionable now for the younger generation to reject all the gender stereotypes. So perhaps the girlfriend bought him the skirt as a sort of test, to see whether he has the guts to wear it or not. A person could set an example, and demonstrate the courage to come out of the closet and wear the clothes one prefers, perhaps in defiance of the expectations of a S/O. But to say one thing, and failing to live that in ones own life, will not accomplish the desired result.
Emily
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Re: Need advice

Post by Emily »

My first question would be what type of skirt is it?

Is it possible that it's a male kilt? I have a few myself which I've worn in guy mode of course (as I am closeted myself), and I always get the same kinds of questions... "dude... what are you wearing?" "dude... are you trying to be a chick?" "dude... do you think you're a chick?" Kilts are a popular form of fashion in certain scenes (whether it be your traditional Scottish-type kilt, or a black goth kilt... there are many different styles).

Now, if this a flowery, chiffon skirt or maybe a denim mini... then there could be a chance that he (and/or his girlfriend) is exploring... But I'd have to agree with your wife on this for now. I think that it is way too early to form any sort of opinion right at this point - maybe in time, he will approach you if and when he needs to seek advice or support.
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Davita
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Re: Need advice

Post by Davita »

Ooops... I missed the SO discovering the skirt. Well, this still doesn't say anything about who's skirt it really is. The purpose of the skirt and if, in fact the GF got him the skirt. Details please, Laycee. Everyone is making assumptions and giving advice with the only fact that the SO found a skirt.

There is one thing I can inject into the conversation and it has only to do with an SO and the not SO relationship with a transgender person. It's a classic anecdotal observation. A wife is okay with a cross dresser as long as it's not her spouse. The son is not Laycee's spouse. Now having said this, we only have Laycee's understanding of what her wife said about being okay/not okay.

If the son is determined transgender after you get some facts or from parental understanding of him, then so what? If he's not having problems, then what is the purpose of any intervention? Is it for you or for him? Interventions are usually for the other person; not for you. Until you as a parent recognize your son is struggling with something, then leave him alone. This doesn't mean you can never ask him if everything is okay or reaffirm your love and support.

Laycee, if you want to come out without saying a word, then purposely drop bread crumbs. Accidentally on purpose maybe show some panty at your waist for example. Show some obvious bra lines before putting on a sweater or whatever you use to hide them with. There are lots of subtle things you can do. Again, are you coming out for you or for him?
{squeezes}
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Laycee
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Re: Need advice

Post by Laycee »

The best thing I did was listen to my S/O and follow the advice I received and say nothing about this subject right now. Thank you all for your input!
Angie G
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Re: Need advice

Post by Angie G »

I would love to talk to him about crossdressing But I don't think I'd start the talk. (--)
Angie
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