Are all opinions welcome here?

[Victoria K.]

I love this site but there are times when i am not so happy with it.When i have a difference of opinion on an issue here that goes against what is taught here! why is it assumed that i am wrong and what is taught here is correct?Not saying what is taught here is incorrect! but it is not for everybody.Without opinions that go against the grain! we would still think the world is flat and traveling in the sky is a fantasy.My views are my own and work for me! I don't care to have others tell me that i am wrong because its not the way it is done.My views i give as opinions! are just that.If it makes people here nervous or thinks im trying to destroy a way of doing something! it is not so.I just share what works for me! my happiness and my pain.If this is a problem! i will leave this site and leave it in peace!

[SilverLady(SO)]

Victoria -

Yes, all opinions are welcome here - provided they are not of a political or religious nature, that is, because that is not the basis for this forum. However, as with all aspects of society, no one 'has' to agree with your opinion, or mine, etc. and different opinions and points of view are always welcome . . . especially when they are based on the personal experiences and expertise of the author. That would be the BTDT factor - Been There, Done That, Have the T-Shirt (or the Scars, as the case may be).

I have been following all of your posts and topics, and the responses from other members. If others are telling you that what you are doing is wrong, or there are better and 'accepted' ways to accomplish your goals, it is obviously based upon their personal experiences and expertise, and also that of the medical and psychiatric community. Why on God's green earth would you not welcome their assistance?


Your continued abuse and excessive use of the exclamation point makes it extremely difficult - if not downright impossible - for anyone to take you seriously, mostly because only fantasy and fiction writers tend to write that way; in other words, people who are not firmly grounded in reality. We've had this conversation before - shortly after you joined here - and your use / abuse of the exclamation point has only gotten worse. So, no, most of us do not take you seriously, because you're not taking any of us seriously. We're just waiting for the crash-and-burn fireworks show that we know will happen when you wake up to reality.

Are you afraid to discover that what they are telling you is true, and that what you are doing, or how you are going about it, is not only wrong but possibly harmful - if not to you, but to anyone else who believes all of what you post? If that is the case, you need to stay in your own little safe space where life and reality can not possibly touch you.

Right now you are living in a huge Pink Fog. You think everything is sunshine and roses, but in reality it is not. You are conveniently ignoring the advice from everyone in the BTDT group, thinking that you know better than everyone else. Guess what? You don't. We've been around this world - individually and/or collectively - a whole lot longer than you, so we're speaking from many years of experience, across the spectrum of our being CD, TG, and even the GG/SO's as the case(s) may be.

Your world is going to come crashing down on you, and it's going to crash hard. Very hard. Hopefully you will not be too badly physically or mentally injured in the process, but you will be injured. How good is your support team? You've been ignoring and discounting everyone here with all their help and advice, and overall that's not a good sign. Again, speaking from years of experience.

You seriously need to get a grip, get your head out of the sand, take off your 'rose-colored glasses', and put on your 'big girl panties'. In other words, it's time you started to face reality. In the reality called Life there is no 'participation trophy'. Life is tough; it's not all sunshine and roses, unicorns and rainbows. Deal with it ... just like an adult. It's also called taking responsibility for what you say and/or do. Yes, being an adult.

While the above paragraph(s) may seem a bit harsh, I prefer to call it Tough Love with a huge dose of Reality . . . and, yes, I stand by everything I have said.


- SL

[Victoria K.]

Thank you! i know exactly what i am doing in my life's journey.I just like to share it here with all.This girl just had to get this off her chest.I am so happy and proud of what i have done to my life and got carried away in my emotions.Live in peace, my girlfriends ❤

[Lacey Hadley]

Victoria, yes, it is best for society to be allowed to express and defend any and all opinions. We have to be able to take other's opinions too. Surely adults should be able to give and take opinions without being at each other people's proverbial throats. But being humans we can get emotional and it can show up at any place we may discuss and share our thoughts and opinions.

A forum such as Crossdressers-Haven is a much more narrow focused forum, with a very small segment of society visiting it. It will have the individuality of each of us, from our natural conscious being, to our upbringing and our social, political and economic aspects as well as each of our own natural past histories. So even though this forum is heavily based on crossdressing, typically male cding, the greater trans community, and wives/SO's experiences of these aspects and as such we all have likely strong similarities, we each are our own persons. Our lives follow and unwind down the road of life, each of us will experience it differently but will have similarities.

There are many web forums designed to be provocative on many life's issues, this forum is less so in design and more so in support and just talking. That said I certainly do not want it to be only a hi- fivin love in, that will be boring quickly. I view my participation here as expressing my cding side and life in a casual and hopeful friendly but more honest ways. I enjoy reading others life stories and cding/tging /SO/wive's POV's. Shared ideas and advice is fun and it's ok to have differing opinions as long as we remain tasteful and less catty! This place needs not be acrimonious. Cders, TGers often have plate full of issues in life, we do not need to make it harder on us here. But we should not be only kid gloves, counter opinions can help expand our minds, or at least help us to think, think outside each our own box.

Our lives shape and reshape as time and experience pass by. Outside my cding side and being Lacey when I dress many thoughts in my life have been shaped and reshaped. Sometimes for the better, other times not so. In recent years oh probably in the last two or so years I stopped a long time taking of the 'Blue Pill' in life and I finally took the 'Red Pill' and it's like a reawakening for me. I now look to see life, the good, the bad, the indifferent more as truths and search for truths along with the understandings of such. It's like being free to more find my liberty and not like when I took the 'Blue Pill' which gave me more answers of comfort, belief in security, a lot of like-mindedness with others, a Kum bay Ah, lets hold hands and make Smores by the camp fire, with a search for more and more bliss.

Bliss can be fun, but I like the chase for reality and truths now. It helps me make better decisions in my life and accept my faults and mistakes with more maturity.

In the end we only have a responsibility to be lawful in our lives, all others are choices.

Right now though I feel like

Peace Out.

[Victoria K.]

Thank you, Lacey! That was Beautifull ❤❤

[Anthony Simon]

I don't know how to put this, but I think you're too "up". That's a long-term opinion of my mine (like months). My parallel worry is who you're going to call on when you're in trouble (because everyone gets in trouble).

[Heather W]

Thanks Anthony. I thought it was just me.

[DeniseL]

Thanks Anthony

Every one needs professional help at one time or another and every one has different needs

We all need some one that we can call on in time of need, and i know that all too well

Denise

[Victoria K.]

Some here are not hearing what i am saying or i just need to clarify.Yes, we all need someone to go to at one time or another in our lives! being transgender is not any different.For myself, i put my trust in God or talking a good friend.I have seen a therapist! a few times in my life and even a few psychiatrists too.I use them when i feel i need too.No way am i anti-professional help! i just like to trust and rely on myself first before i go running for help.We are all different on how we handle emotion and stress! what works well for one may not work as well for another.Yes, i feel on top of the world right now and feel i can do anything! wouldn't you! knowing that the real you hidden from view much of your life is now free and you can now be yourself without fear or guilt.I am so proud of what i have done and very happy to share with others how i feel.I feel hurt sometimes but i respect all opinions liking them or not.Love you all!! Victoria ❤

[SilverLady(SO)]

Victoria -

Oh, we are definitely hearing what you are saying, but you are ignoring everything that we are saying because you are not ready to accept the helpful comments and advice from those of us with years of experience.


Re-read my post above, and after that do it again, only more slowly to give it time to sink in ... if that's even possible?


Tough Love, from all of us in the BTDT World of Reality.



- SL

[Victoria K.]

I can not say more! I have said all that i can say on this! I will do what i feel is right for me! Enough said on this. Peace!!

[Victoria K.]

I will no longer be giving my opinions here.Life is too short to spend it arguing on opinions.If i crash like some seem to think then so be it! at least i did things how i felt it should be.I chat as i feel! no more no less.

[Diana Michelle]

Victoria, this is not a matter of opinion, yours, mine or anyone else's. Opinions are about politics, religion, what color you like, red or white wine, etc. This is about your life, your health, and your emotional well being so suck it up girl!

You have admitted to self medicating and to be honest I believe self diagnosing in the face of tried and true practices in place to help you understand, cope and get you to that next level if that is the correct path for you. You seem to want to run from the truth and hide in your own world lacking a proper support network there to help you. Yes friends are good to have and they can help you over some of the bumps in life's road but if they have no idea as to what you are experiencing how much can they really help? It is like calling your doctor and ask them to help diagnosis the problems you are experiencing with your car. Trust me girl, been there and done that! Is that putting it plain enough to get through to you?

If you lack concern for yourself and your well being that is your option to choose. I think you know what I and others think about that path so enough said. However there is the issue of what of others? What about those who read your life is a bowl of cherries posts and think they can do it that way? What about the consequences to them? Are you really sure you want to be telling them the lone wolf route is the way to go? Think about that.

I think I speak for the vast majority of the people here in the Haven we are all here to help you accomplish your dreams if that is what is right for you. However I believe that your attitudes toward the system as well your outright spurning advice with an almost "I am right and all of you are fools for doing it the other way" attitude will turn most off eventually if it hasn't already. What are you afraid of?

I can imagine right about now you are saying to yourself "they just don't understand." Nothing could be farther from the truth, we do understand. The question is do you? If we didn't care we would not continue to reach out to you offering advice and help. I have seen more than one girl try it your way and the results are always the same, failure. Some eventually see the light, take a step back, and go down the right path. The others? Let us just say we have had enough statistics in the TG community and I and everyone else here doesn't want you to add to that tally.

[Victoria K.]

OMG!! I have had enough of this.This is the only site that i go to and find such resistance to what i say or do.Sorry to say this but i have talked to others on this site and find them very supportive in what i do as well as other sites.I know that self-medication would be an issue with some but i do not believe in hiding what i do.Maybe it was wrong in what i did but i did it and it's over.I am now doing as my hrt doctor tells me to do.When i make a mistake i learn from it and move on. No way do i condemn the practices and experience of others here.I listen and will take the information in heart, I may use it or not.I was never great in english! so please excuse my poor writing at times.I really do appreciate the advice given and know that you care, but it is my choice to make on what to do with it.We are all human here and as humans, we pass and we fail.Never again will i delay or ignore action on what i do or how i feel.That in the past kept me from being happy and living not as my true self.I have talked to therapists about all that i have said here! and the answers from them are be and know yourself.You may not believe me! but i do know myself and doing all i can for a happy life being who i am.

[Heather W]

You talk of other sites Victoria yet you fail to name them. There are 100's if not more sites out there in Cyber Land aimed at the CD community, some better than others. However this is the only I ever found where there is the vast array from CD to TG.

As for everyone else at the other sites being so supportive, what are they? Are they CDs? TG wannabes? Or are they TGs who to steal SL's term "been there and done that"? This is the only site I have ever found where there is this vast an accumulation of knowledge concerning transition and GCS. I know back before I transitioned I sought as much knowledge and guidance as I could find and I found a tremendous amount here and the support and encouragement here from many members. I am puzzled why you seem to spurn that help and information?

If you have read my diary here and I know you have at least read one of my posts you know I recently had my GCS. There is no way I would have gotten through it all without a solid support network. I know how blessed I was to have the support of my family and friends, both those I had prior to my transition and those I met here, as well as my therapist. I have no idea how I would have gotten through all of it with all of them being there. I know most of my posts were upbeat however there were many downtimes. There is rejection and most of it is not blatant. It is more the friends who call less frequently eventually not calling it all. It is the sideways glance you get as they pass you in the hall at work. Trust me you can talk about how they don't bother you but they do and even if you won't admit it publicly inside you know they do.

In spite of how widespread your support network is they can't be there 24/7. Those can be the worst times. The loneliness, the empty evenings, the wondering if all this will work out as you hope, the nights crying yourself to sleep asking why me, that is where the therapy comes into play. Having someone to talk about it all who knows how to help you explore your inner depths and find that peace and strength to face it another day. It is there to help you cope with the mental and emotional changes you will go through courtesy of HRT. I know my therapist was almost as excited as I was with each milestone I passed. Therapy is not about lying on a couch and answering questions. It is about self discovery, learning to adapt to a new life, thought processes, and emotional responses. It is about celebrating your victories and helping you get through your losses.

My final question to you Victoria is why with the vast array of knowledge (the Been There Done That individuals) here which has been offered to you do you continue to go contrary? Thus far your answers to that are shallow, egotistical, and lame. Search deep within before you answer because it certainly isn't "you don't understand." There are many who do understand, you are just not listening.