Noeleena, I do understand there are different things to talk about. Just go to a support meeting with CDs and TGs and it is very different there are different support issues. That is one big reason I have asked "what would you change" on this forum. I am open to creating new areas, changing areas. Maybe we even need to create a Guys talk area? I have thought about separating the CD / TG talk area into two area's as any example. I know we have had people do fashion blog types of posts. Thought those were fun but both times it has stopped. I liked the Hats thread, but that seemed to get little activity. Do I need to pass out some firecrackers? I could reorganize this whole site and some would not like it because it was so different. I would rather work with the members here and see where we can take this site going forward. But working on change as a group is more than just me and what I want. I could take a response like "i do not like something", and make a change to this something and make it even more of something they do not like. I do not think that is a good way to do things. Now if a member sends me "i do not like something and think it should be renamed to Wonderful Thing and create a second are called Pretty Things", that gives me some serious direction for change. Now that does not mean a specific change will happen as I have a group of people I have been bouncing changes off. But I will serious consider any reasonable change that someone want to bring up. I am a believer in brain storming sessions. A group gets together, several good ideas and maybe some bad ones are thrown out for review. All the ideas are reviewed, changed, modified, throw up in the air, stomped on, throw in some color, twist them all around, review, change, modify and come out the other side with something even better.
kimberlys
Site Administrator
I am a physically male person that likes to wear feminine clothes at times.
Just trying keep a balance for my self along with keeping my wife and kids in mind.
I would be one of those who don't like change, and wouldn't like to see any major reorganizations of the site. Which is not so say that I'm against adding new area, perhaps dropping some that may not be visited often, or other small revisions.
The thing I like most about this site is the atmosphere, the causal, sincere, helpful and honest place where we are safe to talk about our struggles. When that changes, then this site really is dead. Until then it's just relaxing.
I suppose if you look at the website metrics like new members, posts, new topics, how much time people spend on it........ all that, you might think it's not a super dynamic, awesomely popular place to be. But is that what it's trying to be? Or is is trying to be a safe and relaxing atmosphere where people can share their struggles and get advice from each other? I think it is handsomely fulfilling that last goal, and is therefore a success.
On the other hand, if it's a question of getting enough revenue to maintain operations, well that is another subject we can discuss.
Unlike Ralista I am one that welcomes change and embraces it. Perhaps I am this way because my job relies on change and not only welcomes it but is always trying to think ahead and in a way guess what change the general public wants or at least is open to. That said change just for the sake of change is not necessarily good and it doesn't mean we can't go back should a change have zero or even negative results.
When I first joined here I thought of myself as a CD however for a multitude of factors I came to realize I was different and took the appropriate steps to make those changes in my life. The one thing that struck me about this forum as opposed to others out there it is it not only accommodated those who were both CD and TG but also welcomed them Many of the others out there in cyberspace are more limited in their scope and appeal to one or the other. That said it doesn't mean changes can't or shouldn't be made.
While it wouldn't stop me from reading all the new posts I do like the idea of separating some subjects into ones more narrowly focused on the issues facing CDs versus TGs. I will say here though they should be open to all to read and comment on. While each group has some issues specific to them there are issues common to both. Also most TGs at one time thought of themselves as CD and have experiences and knowledge they can offer.
I do like the idea of a fashion blog for we can always learn from others. My question is how would they be handled? Would pictures be allowed in them or links to the gallery? Would it be aimed at the CD or the TG or both? Would it be open to all to post to a single general topic or would it be separate blogs for each individual? For that matter would it be just limited to specific individuals to post or open to everyone? I realize I may be opening of a can of worms with these questions but like at work many circumstances have to be considered before a design gets approval including viability. One suggestion I would make here is like with certain topics it be limited to registered members for obvious reasons.
One area I think may be of help to at least some members who question if they are more than a CD would be one where they can ask questions of TGs and possibly if it can be arranged professionals questions. I have received PMs and emails from several members with questions like "How did you know?", "What should I do if I think I am TG?", "What is it like?". etc. Again IMO this topic should be visible to only registered members.
My last suggestion may be more difficult to accomplish however I am going throw it out here anyway just for sh1t and giggles. Rather than going straight to the index page there is an intermediary page where the benefits of becoming a member are outlined in bullet points. One would need to scroll down this page to a choice of proceed to the index page without access to certain subjects, register, or log in.
There for what they are worth are my ideas of some possible changes that may elevate the number of members and the activity of this invaluable resource. I don't profess to have all the answers and obviously some thought and discussion needs to take place among the powers to be to institute these or any other changes before they actually take place. As I have said before the activity here has diminished in the years I have been a member here. We know what we have for whatever reasons so what have we to lose by trying to expand our base and bring this back to the vibrant, active forum it once was?
The time is always right to do what is right
Martin Luther Ling Jr
I agree with Heather that it might be useful to maybe have more definition around CD or TG topics, but that both should be open to all members.
So even though I'm happy with the way things are, I do see that activity isn't as high as years ago and agree that we should consider that. I don't have any good advice on that topic though. Well the best case would be if society has moved past their problems with gender issues and that this site is no longer needed. Somehow I don't think that is actually the situation.
I really, really, REALLY, REALLY!!! do not want to see this site infested with advertising for trampy, CD crap. I absolutely despise that about most of the other places out there. Aside from that one, I would go along with any new ideas for livening up the place.
Over the years I have seen many websites aimed at the CD/TG community. Some pretty good, some not so good, and even a few more like meat markets for the tranny chasers. While there are still a couple I visit occasionally even sometimes leaving a comment or two this is the one I very regularly visit and participate in. In my never to be humble opinion this site is head and shoulders above any other one out there. It isn't even close.
While I have several thoughts as to the diminishing amount of activity here and a few of them may be controversial I believe there is a primary reason. Let us be honest here there is a wide array and huge of quantity of information out there on the net available to those questioning or those who have accepted and seeking to learn more. Granted some of it is better than others and some of it is even pure garbage but that is a discussion for another time. Still many of these sites offer complete anonymity and there are still many who feel ashamed of who they are.
Now add into this proliferation of "resources" that there is a vastly greater acceptance than in days gone by. Yes there are still the haters and bigots out there and always will be but in at least most locations here in the US a girl can find somewhere to go, something to do, and in a lot of cases someone to do it with. Back in my day there was one bar that openly welcomed us, a couple of restaurants that we felt comfortable in, and at best a handful of stores where we could shop in. The ability to go mainstream rather than sneak around in the dark alleys of some questionable neighborhoods adds to the potential demise of sites like this and others.
Right about now I am sure at least a few of you are thinking Diana says sites like this are dying and even irrelevant. Nothing could be further from the truth! While there is a wide variety of information out there for consumption with a few simple mouse clicks and some of it quite good how do you know what is good and what is pure rubbish? Who do you turn to after reading this information and thinking "Hey maybe that is me"? How do you share the joys of a successful adventure with an article in cyberspace? Can a webpage offer you a shoulder to cry on and console you at a failed excursion? What site will give you the proverbial kick in the butt when you fall into "poor me"? That is where sites like this one come to play.
I do not purport to having read every single post here but I have read many of them and do keep on the new posts. What I have found is a wide range of CDs, TGs, and even a scattering of GGs all with unique experiences, questions, answers, and knowledge. It is almost as this is the Wikipedia of being transgendered. I do not claim to know it all or have experienced everything personally but more than once I have read some girl's comment or experience or even question and chuckled to myself "been there done that!" I am sure I am far from alone in that feeling.
Hopefully through my opining and random collection of thoughts I have just spewed you can see I firmly believe sites like this are not only healthy for the CD/TG community but also crucial. I commit to all of you to do what it takes to not only see the Crossdressers Haven survive but also grow back to its previous vitality and beyond. In that vein I challenge all of you to become more active and post more but also get a friend of similar ilk to join as an active member.
Remember Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did only she did it backwards and in high heels!
The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls and tenement halls and whispered in the sounds of silence. Paul Simon
Well, I guess it is safe to say, I cannot totally stay away.. .
A few thoughts:
The issue of a pro-transgender outlook, compared to one more generally catering to cross dressers is an admittedly, complex one. Not to mention, the idea that there is no simple answer to the problem.
First let me say, that when I first clicked on the site tonight, I was sure I was in the wrong place. I had to actually look at the topics before I was sure that it was the same site. Nice change though.
So, lets consider the issue for a moment. What are the new members doing? How many are making a single hit and run post, never to return? That was always a problem, but it would be nice, if we, as regular (funny to hear that from me eh?) users, had some idea what the actual numbers looked like. How many new people are signing up? How many make a single post and then disappear? How many make the average wild troll post with some absurd story that is clearly Bee-Ess? How many of the older users have completely dropped off the face of the earth and not posted in years?
Then how many are professing an interest in just cross dressing, compared to considering or expressing the idea of wanting to actually change their sex via SRS? We do need the information on who is doing what, and in what kind of numbers. Perhaps a continuum question for new members asking where their mindset is? 0 to 10 with 0 being only Cross-dressing interest, to a 10 being absolutely committed to Transgenderism with a goal of SRS.
I SUSPECT one of the things we would discover (And I may be wrong) is that many of the younger new members are more inclined to explore TRANSGENDERISM than Cross dressing , and as they age, the discussion shifts to SRS. . .I think with the current direction and attention of society, the proverbial "Overton window," has moved well past mere cross dressing for younger people.
Consider, the whole CD/Transgender issue has now become predicated on Transgenderism/SRS, and cross dressing seems to not even enter the conversation. More kids are exposed to the concepts at a younger age, and anyone who attempts to dissuade the young person from embracing transgenderism and the goal of SRS is classified as a hater. Even mentioning the idea that an 8 or 10 year old child should not be allowed to start gender blocking hormones or even undergoing SRS results in Social castigation these days.
I fear the matter is already lost due to the whole WOKE crowd. Who cares if undergoing hormone therapy and SRS at age 10 is not a wise move, after all, is all about how someone FEELS, not what is in their best interest.
By that same token, I fear that those people who used to come here for Cross dressing discussion have been ran off. Consider the pushback on my previous posts. (no, I am not blaming anyone for expressing their thoughts, just pointing out that the discussion can become heated and strongly emotional! Most young people who are not that sure of themselves don't want or need that level of DRAMA. . .And we have all done it.) The reality is they want to come to an anonymous place on the internet and be assured that if they are a 14 year old boy who feels compelled to put on a bra, they are NOT CRAZY. . NOR DOES IT MEAN THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH THEM, OR THEY WILL TURN OUT GAY. . . pretty strong concepts for a young kid.
They come here and find MOST of the discussions are about Transgenderism. . what would they conclude? They just want to know about wearing a bra and panties. . That was how I felt the first time I started wearing such things under regular cloths at that age. . .
Those kids need to know the real story, good and bad, about cross dressing and even Transgenderism. . They need to know how others will accept their cross dressing, what happens when mom discovers a bra hidden in their room. (I was terrified when that happened in 1973. . .) They want to know how to get the cloths without getting in trouble. . .and we are squabbling about CD vs TG issue??
See where I am going?
They need to know the downside of starting Hormones as much as some need to know about the regrets in later life that you may have that you started cross dressing. . I came to terms that it was ok. . but as I have explained to way too many women in my life, Cross dressing was not something I just woke up one day and decided that I wanted to do for the rest of my life.
They need to reassure their girlfriends, friends and family that just because they wear women's clothing that they have no desire to become a GIRL or WOMAN. . (believe it or not, this is an important concept to many cross dressers who want their girlfriends or wives to understand. AND clearly at total odds for a Transgender person..
They really need an unbiased person to explain the difference and understand that converting someone from CD to TG by not an ethical thing to do. . (Yes, I am aware of some that have tried, not on this forum, but it does happen)
We need a sub board for persons who are just discovering they are different in this respect. Someplace that considers, "Why do I want to dress in girls cloths?" Sure the site is called Cross dressers forum, and we need to remember that, but we also need to honestly answer questions. Like it or not, we are to some degree therapists by answering young persons questions. Certainly not licensed, but we must be ever vigilant of what they ask and what we tell them.
We also need to be aware that something motivates people to cross dress. . we really don't know why, and I don't believe that it is all genetic or behavioral either. We need to recognize that sometimes getting a person to see a regular therapist may be the best thing we can do for them. . .That sometimes people carry substantial pathologies that we certainly cannot understand or help with other than to get the person to someone who can.
First let me say it is good to see you back Wesley. You always raise interesting and thought provoking points and I hope you don't stay away as long as you have in the past.
I have said it before and will here again perhaps the worst thing that was ever done to the community was lumping everyone from the panty wearer to post operative individuals together under the umbrella term transgendered for each step on that ladder has unique issues and those need to be addressed individually not as a "one size fits all" solution. Yes there are threads that run through each group that are alike however there are far more differences than similarities IMO.
Are there more "out in the light" transgendered individuals today than in times past? Most definitely but I attribute that to several things. First it is "more acceptable" today not that it isn't still difficult but far better than back in my day when the vast majority suffered in silence rather than face the potential ridicule, the stigma, and even potential physical harm. Secondly with the growing awareness to the community so has the research into it thus the knowledge has grown which can and does lead to an increasing number. Last but not least as it has grown to at least somewhat acceptable in certain circles to seek help and answers and find their true self. There are others but IMO these are the main ones.
Now there are drawbacks to this growing awareness. One is many who are higher on the TG scale may "feel" they are more and will shop around for a therapist who will tell them so, all the time refining their responses to fit the image. That brings us to the next issue TG Therapy mills, think puppy mills here. I cringe anytime I hear of a practice that "specializes" in gender issues. Not saying all are that way however there are some that are so focused on telling people what they want to hear, give them a script for hormones, and point them in the direction of the closest surgeon so they can bring the next one in that they forego actually taking the time to understand if an individual is truly TG or just a wannabe. Last and although I hate to think it exists I know it does is "peer" pressure. I don't believe this is as widespread as you believe it to be however yes it is there Wesley. I do not personally know any TGs who do this or ever would and I believe I may know a few more TGs than most here but I have heard of instances where this occurs.
Never thought of it as the "woke" culture being part of the issue but it does make sense. For those who are truly TG it is a God send. I am using TG here in the sense of the top rung of the ladder, those who are at the very least candidates for GAS. However it can lead to issues for just confused or questioning or similar and serious ones. I am of the belief that while an 8 year old can be TG it is very difficult or even impossible to determine for while they may be aware of the physical differences of the genders I question whether they truly know and in the rare case they do actually understand. Also the younger an individual is the more prone the mind is to being shaped and I fear that could be an issue. Now if we are talking one say 12 or so that is a different issue. I don't want to define a specific age as it is dependent on many factors and even for adults the mind is a mysterious and dangerous place.
I like your suggestion of a section of what drove you to first dress, how old were you, even why do you continue to as well as a new members section beyond the current introduce yourself. I would like to see an "Ask The Old Pro" section where questions could be posed from how did you develop your "style" to perhaps how do I tell my SO or literally anything else. Maybe a section "Ask The TG" where those questioning where they fit can look for advice. Not answers but advice!
I firmly believe one is "pre wired" to crossdress same as people are to be left handed. I do not understand why that is but as an old boss used to say "its not right, its not wrong, it just is." I also believe that while one is this way from birth you cannot make a crossdresser. Yes it can manifest itself at varying ages and it can be triggered from a wide variety of stimuli but it was always there. Lastly I do not believe one can be "cured." The desire may ebb and flow at different times due to circumstances but like an alcoholic one cannot be cured. It is always there and while you can suppress the urges and abstain it doesn't go away.
One thing you intimated at Wesley though not sure you came out and actually said it is why does it seem there are more TG individuals yet the number of crossdressers hasn't increased accordingly? IMO the number of CDs has not changed though I am not sure we have a true grasp of the exact number. I am far from an expert but my thoughts are the stigma associated with CDing. In a way it has almost become fashionable to be TG however CDing is different. While the vast majority of CDs are heterosexual males who just happen to view it as a "hobby" same as other guys view hunting or fishing what is the first thing that pops into many minds when they learn someone is a CD? OMG he is gay! He wants to be a woman! Even he is going to try to convert me! I certainly hope all the members here know nothing could be further from the truth however we all know this is the "truth" for many.
Remember Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did only she did it backwards and in high heels!
The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls and tenement halls and whispered in the sounds of silence. Paul Simon
Thanks for the welcome back. Oh gosh, this issue is becoming anything but more concise and easy to comprehend! Where to even start?
I think we all have our own biases, and I am no different. . Having said that, I think it is of great import that we, collectively here at Crossdressers-Haven.com have a responsibility to those who do come to the site to give them accurate answers to their questions and honest opinions which are free from bias.
I think I had noted, that I have not seen anyone in this forum trying to lure anyone to cross the line from the cross dresser to the transgender. . .I have seen it on other sites certainly, I know I have retold the story of how Tri-ess was co-opted in many locations. Needless to say, I don't know the specifics, but don't want the same thing to happen yet again. Cross dressers and those who are just discovering a fascination with wearing "forbidden" items of clothing, need a place to go to get honest answers about CROSS DRESSING. . and I acknowledge that some will progress on and decide they want to radically change their bodies of their own accord. I also think that there should be some moderating force to help people realize that they need not cross the line to becoming Transgender to be happy. Not to outright discourage someone's decisions, but to help people realize they need not make the big leap to have a happy life.
I am reminded of Rod Sterling's line, "That's the signpost up ahead, you are entering the twilight zone." There is no warning from the first time someone innocently dawns an article of feminine clothing or tries something on. Or the magic or revulsion that accompanies that simple act. It is often transformational. The question is why do some take it only so far, while others end up modifying their bodies greatly to fit a mental image they develop over time?
We can generalize, but I think it is safe to add that most all of were immediately made aware of the significant sexual response if we started cross dressing around puberty. Of course the natural reaction of a young male is to reinforce that reaction with actions that lead to an orgasm, and by default establishing the classic STIMULUS--->REWARD--->REPEATE cycle. Of course, it leads to TOLERANCE, and the need to increase the STIMULUS for the same REWARD. . and this is what causes us to progress up the chain of cross dressing from a single item in our adolescence to underdressing to fully dressing later in life.
And, I recognize this is not the only modality that people follow in either Cross dressing or becoming transgender, but is probably one of the most common.
DIVERTING to a SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT AREA . . .
We are all aware of cross dressers of the previous generation (I am a babyboomer) from the greatest generation (that fought the war and often built America into what it is) WHO simply put, never told their spouse or those around them that they cross dressed. When it was discovered, it was catastrophic to the relationship. And, logically so, as it was considered a MAJOR violation of trust. I think many of us learned from those stories. .
In my case, I made sure that every woman I was involved with was aware that I cross dressed, (WHEN the relation became intimate.) I hate to admit, I have been married 4 times, and each knew BEFORE we married. . Most reacted well, and even encouraged my cross dressing. One (who I did not marry) attempted to destroy me by telling everyone that was a friend, that I cross dressed. But it worked out in the end as It forced me to be honest with close friends, and of course, none cared.
I think, looking back, I may have told a few girlfriends too soon. I even told the last wife's adolescent children that I cross dressed. . But once again, it worked out in the end.
What is my point here? Cross-dressing is beset on all sides by daily risks. The considerations one must undertake, some which can expose a person to danger at the worst, and embarrassment is a given. Had I spilled the beans to my Junior high classmates from '70 to '77 (Age about 11 to 18) it would have been a major mistake. Adolescent boys are incredibly insensitive, unthinking and outright cruel. I really don't think that has changed since then, no matter how WOKE society insists it is. Boys of that age are programmed with Testosterone to be competitive, fight with others, and start to embrace manhood. Not the best time to share ones love of wearing a bra and panties. . .
No matter how much society has progressed, that is not the time to share cross dressing.
So, I think we are all quite sensitive to those issues in that age. Those of us who grew up before the internet did not have the resources of today to give a kid a clue that cross dressing was not something that made a person a freak, or even "weird." My gawd, A kid can gain access to some pornography that would have totally revolted out parents on a common service like REDDIT today. Who knows how much misinformation is out there? I would wager quite a bit.
We have an obligation to provide correct information. . .
I don't have all the answers. . clearly. Maybe it is OK to consider Cross dressing and becoming transgender in the same discussion.
I agree with Diana, maybe we should have a new, "Ask an old Pro" section, and a "More interested Transgender issues." Pin a few posts by a few people with things they want a young person to know" and then open forum. . . see how it goes for a year. . .
I was reading some of my old posts and responses last night, and when clicking on the respondent, notice how many of the old guard have fallen away. We are never privy to why they leave or if they have lost interest or passed, but it might be nice if their profile info with a post reflected when their last post was. Maybe send out a note to all users that just requires a brief response to remain active on this forum. (to keep the user list correct and dynamic.) IT does not have to be something from "Crossdressers-Haven" but maybe CH users group. . something that would not tip off a person who was not familure. . .But a "hey, we need to know if you are still around and interested" sort of thing.
Wesley everyone has biases from red or white wine to lifestyle. There is nothing wrong with that, it is human nature. What is wrong iis attempting to "enforce" one's biases on another. You can express an opinion but as my grandfather used to say "Opinions are like a$$holes, everybody has one." That said I thank you and agree with you no one here that I have ever seen anyone trying to push their opinion on another and should it ever occur Kimberly or one of the moderators would step in.
Interesting point about informing an SO about being a crossdresser and in a way I have a bit of experience in a way in something similar. Telling someone you have been intimate with that you are a post operative transgender is not a subject that doesn't come up in day to day conversation. In my experience is do it as openly and honestly as possible and as soon as you see the relationship of having legs. Again from experience not saying it is going to turn out well but IMO honesty is one of the key building and for some women being CD is a relationship breaker. No it shouldn't be but it is.
I will admit most turned tail and ran, some after some cruel remarks, with others it was "I have to think about it and call you." Whatever their initial reaction the result was the same, I was left alone. As many know I have been married twice and before any "I love you's" were said with either I told them of my previous life. My first husband took me in his arms and told me that was what I was and made me the person I am, the one he wanted in his arms. The second one needed time to think about it but he was the one who sought me out. You see it can work out! I have already posted about the night I told Frank in my blog and will eventually get to the time I told Jim.
Wesley although it is probably none of my business I do have a question, like that has ever stopped me. You say each of your wives knew before but in retrospect did your CDing have something to do with the demise of those marriages? Perhaps not the primary issue but an effect?
Remember Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did only she did it backwards and in high heels!
The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls and tenement halls and whispered in the sounds of silence. Paul Simon
I can honestly say that none of my marital failings had anything to do with cross dressing.
I would offer however, that there is a difficult balance to maintain with regards to where the relationship stands on all other fronts before sharing one's cross-dressing with a perspective mate. Not to mention, it takes a careful explanation of how you got there, where you are Then, and where you expect things to go in the future with the person.
I can't say for sure what the contemporary thinking on cross dressing is. But for the average person just starting into adulthood, it would stand to reason, that most people at least marginally better understand of the concept today, but not always. It was always important for me to emphasize that, I was not gay, and did not want to become a woman. Not to mention that I was quite content to be a guy.
There were also things that I felt the need to emphasize, such as the idea that my cross dressing was not something that I just woke up one day and decided I would rather wear a bra and panties than just, "tighty-whitees" At which time, my explanation required a significant trust in the person to explain how it came about, and that it took time to develop (cross dressing). Only one wife really had a bit of a problem understanding it, and to this day, I am not totally convinced that she really did, but she did accept it and even humored me.
In addition to the wives, I had explained the issue to several serious girlfriends over the years. With but a single exception, all were accepting of my cross dressing. Without a doubt, though, honestly was always the best policy. The cross dressing has not inhibited me in any relationship.
Wow. Just Wow. I'm certainly one who hasn't been here much in the last two years. Does anyone care why? Probably not. In case I'm wrong about that, I wasn't sure anyone could do as magnificent a job of policing the site as Silver Lady did. When my modest financial contributions were no longer enough to make it affordable for her to continue, change was inevitable.
Change has certain happened. The most obvious thing is that fewer people are posting. Facebook may have something to do with that, as I find myself reading posts and wanting to click the like or love button. But more ominously, another change is that people who are posting are less supportive, and far more argumentative.
Facebook is a great place to go to find someone to argue with. This site was not founded with that in mind. At least the site I remember was for SUPPORT. I confess this thread was "TLDR", but I got a healthy dose of what could easily be be described as a pissing match. Were I in need of support, I would find this thread not helpful. The Covid pandemic may be another factor in the demise. We have all had to endure some significant external stress, and this has no doubt caused some of us to deal with it in unproductive ways. I don't come here offering any answers. I wish I could. This site, for better or worse, is what we make of it. Remember that when you comment.
Don't know who said it but the only constant is change. Yes the CDH has changed over the years I have been a member but there are a multitude of reasons for that and I and others have cited them elsewhere. Are the changes for the better or the worse? I will leave all of you to decide that for yourself but I like what I see.
Because of my job I see change everyday. To use an analogy from my career everyone criticizes an aging car model because of outdated features and design. Then the new model is "leaked" to the press and the buzz and excitement rises until intro day. The everyone starts panning it because they changed this or that and it is not like the model it replaces. If there is a new feature they like it is all raves then a glitch in that feature pops up and watch the cries of "they had something that worked why did they change it?" top the headlines.
I went from what I thought as a CD earlier in my life to a high level CD until I realized I was more. No one told me, no one coerced me, I came to the realization on my own. I was fortunate in I had an excellent support network as I wended my way throught transition and beyond and I am forever thankful for that. Yes it included many of my friends, family, even people I worked with but it also included many here.
The interesting about support is it is not about 100% agreement or letting people do things you know is wrong. Rather it is about offering the best advice possible and hoping someone will hear it. It is about challenging one's beliefs and ideas if for no other reason than to help one truly understand themself. It is even about telling a loved one they are wrong when they are. As a dear friend says if you want to talk to someone who agrees with you all the time talk to the mirror.
Yes Silver Lady did an excellent job of leading the Haven however Kimberly is doing just as good a job. She took it over at a rough time and led it through to new updated software which was thrust on her by Microsoft's refusal to no longer support Flash. Yes there has been a hiccup or two along the way but she and her team has addressed them as they have come up and solved every one IMO.
You raised the point Bernice so I will ask. Why don't you come here as much as you used to?
The time is always right to do what is right
Martin Luther Ling Jr
When I was taking care of my second wife I was pretty active. After she died I think I was even more active as I had the time and needed the help this site offered.
After I met my third wife all my free time was taken. I will try to be more active now as I do have a little more free time since she passed.
I have thought about separating the CD / TG talk area into two area's as any example. I know we have had people do fashion blog types of posts. Thought those were fun but both times it has stopped. I liked the Hats thread, but that seemed to get little activity. Do I need to pass out some firecrackers? 
I could reorganize this whole site and some would not like it because it was so different. I would rather work with the members here and see where we can take this site going forward. But working on change as a group is more than just me and what I want. I could take a response like "i do not like something", and make a change to this something and make it even more of something they do not like. I do not think that is a good way to do things. Now if a member sends me "i do not like something and think it should be renamed to Wonderful Thing and create a second are called Pretty Things", that gives me some serious direction for change. Now that does not mean a specific change will happen as I have a group of people I have been bouncing changes off. But I will serious consider any reasonable change that someone want to bring up. I am a believer in brain storming sessions. A group gets together, several good ideas and maybe some bad ones are thrown out for review. All the ideas are reviewed, changed, modified, throw up in the air, stomped on, throw in some color, twist them all around, review, change, modify and come out the other side with something even better. 
