First Therapy session tomorrow

[Estefania]

Finally I decided to start therapy. My first session is tomorrow at 3.

While it is very much tied up to my cd/tg issues, my main goal is focused on resolving some issues in my marriage. While I’ll do my best to keep an open mind, I believe that I don’t have self-acceptance issues, or feel a need to go “beyond” my dressing.
One secondary goal has to deal with my being a shopaholic. Oh yes, I am. And it kind of has a vicious circle effect... My wife rejects my dressing, which makes me feel down, so I go for retail therapy, which makes me feel guilty because I know she would not approve, brings more feelings of rejection, etc.

So... wish me luck?

Love
Gaby

[Anthony Simon]

Hope this goes OK.

[Amanda R]

Congratulations on your decision to enter therapy Gabriella. The first step to addressing any issue is admitting there is an issue, the second one is to seek assistance in dealing with it. I can fully understand how your "hobby" has an effect on your marriage and how it affects other things but am going to resist the urge to offer opinions here.

Any relationship worth having requires work and that work must come from all parties involved. I believe we have all seen a one sided relationship at one time or another. IMHO those are truly not relationships but more arrangements or perhaps alliances not relationships. Hopefully I am preaching to the choir here but you and your wife have "discussed" things and are at an impasse as to where to go from here haven't you?.

As your primary reason for going to therapy is to improve your marriage though no one else's business and you need not answer this question needs to be asked if by no one else other than yourself. Is your wife also seeking some form of counseling on your marriage? It takes two to make a marriage but only one to break it. No I am not recommending "couples therapy" here for in my professional opinion they are nothing more than an orderly "he said she said" debate.

Rather then wish you luck I am going to wish you success in finding the answers that you seek that are best for Gabriella.

[DonnaT]

Hope it helps.

[KimberlyS]

I hope it goes well for you Gaby. So much better than the anternative of .


Kimberlys

[Estefania]

Thank you all.

We had a good conversation. Kate (my therapist) made me feel at ease, and well, it is just the start of this process.

My wife has always said (in the past) that she doesn't believe in therapy. So, not counting on her participating at some point. But I hope that once she realizes that I am seeing a therapist she will at least be interested in knowing why and that will re-start our conversations about these subjects.

Gaby (have to run!)

[KimberlyS]

Glad your first session went good. Hope it continues.

Kimberlys

[Estefania]

Thank you Kimberly. I have my second session on Tuesday, then close to the end of the month. I get 8 "freebies" (work insurance) but will very likely continue after those.

I think that my therapist was a bit surprised that my focus was more on my relationship than on my gender issues, saying that I seemed to have a good grasp on things. (But we all know I'm just crazy as they come! Ha!)

[KimberlyS]

I hope the therapy can help you with things. I know it helped me.

[Amanda R]

Glad to hear your first session went well and you feel a connection with your therapist for in my opinion that is critical to the success of any therapy. A couple of points I would like to raise here.

First don't expect instant results! I am sure it has taken months if not years to reach this point, to expect a "miracle cure" is just not there. Next while your marriage is your primary focus do not close your mind to other issues and limit the sessions to strictly that or become offended if your therapist wants to explore subjects outside of that for many times there are a wide variety of issues that lead to the volcano exploding. Last but not least in my professional opinion while there are many issues that lead to marital problems IMO your gender issues play at least a part in your particular circumstances. How large or small is up to you and your therapist to discover.

I wish you success in finding the answers to your issues. There may be some uncomfortable times and difficult questions to answer on your journey but they are worth it.

[Estefania]

Thank you Amanda.

I will definitely keep an open mind and will allow her to steer the conversation to any topic. And will answer any questions she may ask. I know that even if she lead me to discover things about myself that I may be keeping under the rug, everything is important. I don’t want her to focus only on one thing. Took me 54 years to decide to seek therapy, so I know very well that immediate results are just a fantasy.

Will keep you all posted.

Love
Gaby

[Anthony Simon]

With my second analyst, there would be quite a few times when I would get angry at something he said. And then I would try to get control myself and over-ride the anger and listen to what he said. It came out of a basic respect for the guy. A lot of good stuff came out of that.

[Estefania]

Somehow, I have the feeling that my therapist may be thinking that my ulterior motive for therapy is so I can move on with my life so I can really be who I am... Well, I'm going to be patient with her. That may be what everybody tells her, so, she may not have realized yet how odd I am...

Anyway, third session is on Tuesday. I'll try to focus on my reason for therapy... finding a way to make my marriage improve for both of us, eliminating or at least reducing some of my somehow negative "coping behaviors" (Like Shopping -with the capital S) and allowing myself to gain weight when I know I will not be dressing for a while.