The End Goal

[DanteCarrie (FTM)]

no no end goal here I'm just a bit queer lol and like dressing masculine makes me feel powerful. I don't try to pass as male as i know i can't but just dressing and don't want to do anything more like wear facial hair or anything. I guess I'm a little dissapointed if people don't mistake me for a boy or don't think i like boyish but then again i get mifted if my partner says i do look like a boy as i know he doesn't find that sexy. so I'm just contrary.

[Elizabeth]

Renee,

I always knew the end game. From the moment I read about the man who thought he was a woman born into a man's body, I knew that was what happened to me. Transition was some experimental thing and no one even knew if it was solid science or not, at that point. So the very first time I ever dressed, it was to acknowledge I was a girl.

I consider my desire to be a pretty girl, no different than any other girl's desire to be a pretty girl. While I do like sexy clothes, I am a 48 year old woman, I have to be realistic. Do I really want to attract the attention an overweight 48 year old woman in sexy clothes would attract? No, I don't. So I dress more like women my age. I don't put on all my makeup to go to the grocery store. Perhaps just some lipstick, unless it's Sunday or some other occasion where one would be expected to be dressed more formally. I like dressing nice on Sundays because most people just assume I have been to church. For me it's an excuse to dress nice and not attract unwanted attention.

The end goal? To wear women's clothes as an acknowledgment that I am a woman. As I become more comforatable with my role as a woman, I find the need for the clothes evaporates and they become just clothes again. I like to dress according to my mood and be the woman I always wanted to be.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Andrea Elise]

The only goal I have had / have is to look like who I am.

I am cold and gothic in a classical sense. Not what Goth is in this day. That may be a contrived view on my part. Or not.

Or, maybe, I am just crazy. Because none of what I look like is based on fact. It is just how it always ends up and that is comfortable for me.

[Susan]

No end goal here. I am happy where I am and have no wish to take it further at this time.

Things do change with time and I am no prophet. I don't know what the future brings.

[Angela Newel]

I can't say that I ever had an end goal in mind. Even now I really don't have one. Though since I have come to terms with the fact that I am a crossdress, I am definately interested in taking it further than I ever had before.

Not that I was ever able to dress to fully, steeling moments when I could. I'm excited that I am going to be able to get fully dressed and head to a CD mixer next week!

[Kittie]

I have an interim goal to go out in public as a girl. I am not sure if I will ever achieve it. I do it most day at home!

[Davita]

My end goal? be me as best I can as often as I can.

[Paulette]

End goal? Who knows!

At first I never thought of it as a possible transition, just this weird and embarrassing thing that I was, and that periodically possessed me. Only later, after my son grew up did I think there might be more than secretive dressing and a barely contained compulsion to exhibit myself in drag to strangers.

My first two wives knew, but didn't want to know, or help. My new wife thinks it's a bonus. So, while I haven't yet gone out in public, I know that I'll want to do that when I feel I can. It's not a matter of passing, or of getting closer to surgical sex reassignment. An androgynous look, as well as a feminine look, are what I want to achieve. I already know I'm a very masculine appearing man, and I still get approached at 71. I am who I am, and I enjoy being a girl, and being a boy, and getting to choose. Now that I feel accepted and loved for who I am, I no longer feel a need to exhibit. (I have other kinks, but that's not the issue here, and this isn't the place.)

The in-joke "what's the difference between a cross dresser and a transsexual: about two years." I don't think so. Some know what they want from the earliest days. Some very gradually find out and progress until they arrive at their comfort zone and stay there. Some never find out. Some spend years vacillating. Almost no one has a choice of the path to follow or the goal ahead.

My wife would regret losing our current relationship. She would feel that she lost me to another women. In a sense, she would be right. I don't think our relationship will change, but only time will convince her. I'm very glad that I love her and love making love to her as whomever I feel like at the moment in whatever degree or proportion, in whatever garb I'm wearing. I can't imagine ever not.

I feel very lucky. I hope your partner does too, and I wish the best for you both.

Paulette

[Anne Bonny]

Dear Renee,

How we dream of sensitive, caring and understanding wives. I am sure you would much prefer a strong somewhat dominate man, when what you have is more of a part time sensitive man who's intrests lean toward the feminine direction. This journey of self discovery, an exploration of the feminine desire in men like us truly varies. Unless he was dressing vertually from the cradle playing with dolls, wanting to wear girl clothes and relate to girls feeling very definitely that his male body does not match who he is, then there probably a limit to how far this goes. Although for some desiring hair removal, hrt, testosterone blockers, implants, and perhaps even transition, again for most crossdressers this remains and should definitely remain largely a fantasy a line they should not cross which is why psychiatrists specializing in gender set the bar for surgery very high. I fall into the range of crossdressers who are certain that complete or irreversable procedures would be wrong for me. I believe we know we do not have the bone structure, the organs, hormones, or brainstructure of genetic females. I at least understand that no matter what I do I will never ever be a real woman. Speaking for people like myself I know that I am heterosexual, I know also that these "feminine desires" may not be true but rather desires that both some men share with women or not. I for instance do not really enjoy competetion, or leadership of others, I would even on occasion entertain desire of feeling special, of some role reversal and submission allowing my wife to take the lead and become more of a "husband" while I become somewhat of a "wife" for a while and would find that pleasurable, enjoyable. We are all different like a fingerprint. Speaking for myself I have no idea how far your husband desires to go with all of this, but if you are willing to allow and perhaps even suggest things I am sure he would probably not be put off by this. We do not have the small shoulders, narrow waist, and wide hips and thighs, the narrow cranium, smaller hands and feet with slinder dainty fingers and toes, and fine pretty features women have. But slimming down, tips on how real women apply make up to merely accentuate their features and look natural. Tips on plucking brows, on allowing hair to grow out and how to style it, how to do nails, etc. How to choose clothing appropriate for his/"her" body type that match contemporary styles women his age would wear in appropriate settings, like around the house, vs dressing up for an evening out, or just going out in the world if he/"she" desires to go out into public at all. He may be perfectly happy just dressing in various styles without ever leaving the house. It can really be a thrill for us when we can look in that mirror and see a woman staring back, and we would want to be admired, made to feel special, and loved and encouraged that we do look pretty and nice. I would suggest one book that can be purchased cheap on amazon which is very straight forward I would rate it 5 stars for crossdressers - THE LAZY CROSSDRESSER BY CHARLES ANDERS greenery pressISBN 1-890159-38-7. It is lighthearted, yet serious and straight forward, like helping exploring crossdressers of all types get over their body shape, and help them to optimize their presentation with practicle tips and dissussions of all areas.

Renee, do not be afraid, I am sure your husband/"wife"/"girl friend" however you want to think about him loves you, and will indeed love and prize you even more for loving him just as he is, kind of like in that movie Bridget Jones' Diary, and the sequal Bridget Jones beyond the edge of reason.

I call myself Anne I sincerely hope I have not offended, and have provided helpful information.

One last thing some crossdressers are very squirrelly or skidish and afraid it may take time for them to become comfortable even discussing this with you before they are able to accept the facts of life about theirself.

[Sarah Ann]

In the beginning, around age 4 I simply knew I liked dressing like the other girls, liked girly play more than boy type play, and so on. After a lifetime of false starts, bad decisions, and collateral damage leaving wreckage in my wake, I have come to understand that I'm much happier and appreciated by others as Sarah, than as my male persona. Because I live in the woods without considerations of outside work, etc., I currently lack many of the concerns and problems others here are struggling with. My close friends and family accept me as who I am, and the dogs and livestock don't care if I'm a "real" girl or not. Neither, by and large do people I sell or barter crafted items to, and some other ladies of my ilk are around the county as well, though we seldom meet. My current goal is to be accepted as one of the charming, slightly eccentric little old ladies like the ones used as sources in the Foxfire books and pass in that sort of role. For this, at least, my looks, hopefully, are adequate .

[Paulette]

Hi all. This is a question for the CD'ers.
. . . At times he seems disappointed with himself when finally dressed, like it didn't turn out how he wanted it to. I've told him that it will take time for him to master all of the techniques that go along with transforming into a woman. This process has been hard for me at times but it makes it harder when I see him frustrated. Any advice would be appreciated.

Yes, many of us feel disappointed at what we discover in the mirror when we dress up, even when completely shaved, made up, tweezed, padded, corsetted, wigged, and heeled.

Some common reasons we give for dissatisfaction are age and our coarse or masculine features. At least in my own case, I think there is a much more deeply rooted reason for dissatisfaction than that.

When the development of any aspect of oneself is halted for any reason, that aspect pretty much stays at that level of maturity until it is released from whatever is binding it. Then development can usually proceed again, though often awkwardly because all the rest of the person was learning and growing and also compensating for the bound up aspect. When we leap forward we have to learn from scratch how to cope with the world in our new-found bodies or personas, and unlearn our compensations.

We never learned how to "be" girls, or how to play cooperatively with other girls. We didn't have the opportunity (or permission) to play out the roles of mother, housewife, nurse, secretary, runway model, movie/TV star, teen idol, adult temptress, or any other girly play-practice roles. We quickly learned that boys must instead emulate masculine roles or suffer unpleasant consequences.

(At the house of a woman I was visiting, a pair eight-year-old girls suddenly tromped dramatically through the living room wearing their mothers' long dresses and heels, with lipstick smeared across their faces. When asked what was up they simply raised their noses in the air and said "We're hoors," and then tromped out.)

What we see in the mirror now, as adults, is not the beautiful young girl or woman that we once wanted to be, but an awkward-looking old guy in a dress. It can be a crushing disappointment. "I finally get to put on all the lovely clothes I've always wanted to wear and the mirror doesn't show me the lovely young woman or girl I thought I'd be."

We never learned how to be her. We've had no practice. And worse yet, we've no experience of slowly growing up, seeing our bodies become women, and adopting new styles and new patterns of behavior while we mature. We never learned how to leave that little-girl-image behind.

We only know the image we had as a child, with a child's understanding, of an adult women. That image is often hyper-feminine or over-sexed, a child's image of a glamorous movie star. A drag queen. We are no longer children but adults, and what we see in the mirror hurts and disappoints us. Another reason to hide.

With expert guidance and instruction, and lots of practice, we can learn. Or at least we can learn to compensate. But we may always regret not being who we thought we would be.

Growing into a mature male who periodically enjoys imagining and dressing himself as a woman is difficult. It's even more difficult to present oneself as a woman all the time. The further one goes down the road toward full-time physical feminization the greater the potential disappointment at finding that it isn't what you thought it would be. Some do it quite successfully. Some don't.

For myself, it was better to accept my physical, social, and psychological limitations. To recognize that I really didn't want to attempt to re-live growing up - it was hard enough the first time!

So that was my choice and I'm sticking to it. I have only minor and occasional regrets, but who doesn't have those?!

[Mikaela]

Certainly no real "end goal." It's really more of a journey than a destination for me. I kinda go where the road leads, although I'm not afraid to take a look down the side streets and see whats there as well.

[Anne Bonny]

Again to Renee - some additional thoughts I have had, and perhaps to Paulette as well. To Paulette, women grow older, heavier, have wrinkles, yet women apply their skills taking cues from other women of similar age and body type. There is skill involved in making up, wigs vs growing your's out, dressing appropriately for the shape of your body, learning how to visually wear tops which make arms and shoulders appear slimmer, skinny hips look broader, waist skinnier. I think you might look better with a fuller head of hair I know for myself I was surprised how it makes your face appear more feminine especially wth just enough make up to appear "natural" So at any age we can achieve femininity, we may not look twenty, but we can appear as rather nice looking mature women with practice - we only live once.

Further thoughts to Renee - if she is still around?? Thinking about your husband and communication, it may be fine and all in the open - if so fine, If not speaking for myself I find my desire to crossdress is a caprecious thing that comes and goes. At times there may be some self disgust, or loathing, guilt, or embarrassment, humiliation, denial - we may feel sick even discussing it. At other times the green light is on full blast and we are fully open to discussion and receptive to tips, help, small feminine gifts. So you may have to sense when the time is right. Sometimes I am quite masculine, or feeling and wanting to saver feeling very feminine.

I believe society believes if you are A or B then you do not want to be anything else but A or B, and that being a B desiring at times to be A breaks the rules and is hence perverted because it may potentially fool the other A's and B's. I suppose if you A loves their B no matter how they are presenting then it is not perverted between a couple of consenting adults, just aburrent to societie's rules. But society is slowly accepting LGBT as a fact of life, not as a psychological disorder but as normal for those who are like us.

[Diane Hoffrau]

I'll echo the sentiment that while it is OK to think that you know what you ultimatly want
This whole experience is all about self discovery

Women start learing to be women the day they are born
For those of us who were brought up male we are a stranger in uncuarted territory

While I think I would have like to have started my journey more seriously at a younger age - when I was lighter and spryer
I actually think that it is easier to pass as a sixty year old woman
the expectaions of what a woman of the age is supose to look like are much less stringent

I can't tell yo how many time I see woman in stores, airports and around town and I think to myself
I look better than her when I am presenting as a woman.

I do not compete with my wife but sometimes she thinks she must compete with me -- that is all about her self image

Enjoy the journey - savor every moment of it - each small success or skill mastered is the opportunity to become more self confident and become a fuller more robust person.

Love your self - not at the expense of the love you share with those around you - but know that you are special and complex
and worthy of all the happiness the universe can bestow upon you

Be mighty
Diane

[Carol Ann]

Diana,

Hon I am with you as 90% of the time I know I look better then the avgery women on the street.

Todays women just doesn't want to look good as most think it's to much of a problem, one exception are the office women who must dress for the job.