I know some of you people see me as the enemy because of what I say and the things I can't accept in my family.
Jennifer I do not see you as an enemy I see you in a situation where you are struggling to deal with the way the world is, struggling to accept reality. We all at one time or another have had to struggle with like issues. Some times more often than we would like, as we are forced to face new realities. Some folk never get beyond that and waste their time pointing out the wrongs of the world.
I do appreciate the time all of you take wasting on me,
I don’t feel that it is wasted on you. What you don’t find helpful, others who pass by may well benefit by what is written.
It's obvious there are some very brilliant men and women here who care very deeply for others and that in itself teaches me something valuable. When I read some of the things you all write in the forums I'm just blown away.
Some of those whom you are referring to have grown through experiencing circumstances that were not as good as your current situation. You are at a place where you can choose to go through this or grow through this. The former lets others control your life, while the latter takes responsibility for your life. The former leads to an unsatisfied life and the latter leads to a fuller more rewarding life. You have the power to make that decision.
I just sent you another message. I hadn't realized you were posting here still.
For some reason, I thought I'd come back here and unbury an old thread.
Much to my surprise...Here You Are!
My message is long enough without my usual wordy posts to add to it.
I'lll try and keep this short...er!
I'm glad you're back here. I'm glad to see a sign of hope in your writing.
I also see you are still pouring out some pain and grief.
Recognize the difference between the two sides...pain/grief...and Hope!
I've felt all along the strength you have inside.
As long as you do not shut yourself up with pain and grief, I believe you will work through this just fine.
At some point, I hope the rest of your family can find their own strength and work through all this too.
I figure you know how I feel. Please stay in touch for as long as this place...these people...can provide you with the support and help you need.
Gee Chris ( is it alright if I call you Chris, Ifeel I should be calling you Mrs ?) what you've said sure hit a spot. I've felt like I've been standing in the centre of a multi street intersection and every street I go down I run into a dead end and finishflat on my bottom. From what you've said I know what your daughter and son are going through and it's sort of joined a couple of dots together for me if I can say it like that.
I don't know how it's been in your house but I grew up where we all said what was on our mind and we talked things over as a family and I always thought there weren't any real great secrets between us. Of course as I grew up there were things which I only ever talked about to my best friend and her and I share some secrets which only we know, but they're nothing on the scale of what hit our family last year.
Do your children talk about your husbands crossdressing openly to you and can you have real quality talks about it. I think that's what's missing for me as my Mum sort of skirts around it and really doesn't come out openly and talk about it with me like we always have with other things. I think at times that maybe she's trying to shield me from it by what she says and does and maybe that's because I really haven't handled it all that well I suppose, but I'm sort of walking on egg shells right now so I don't send Mum off the deep end again and she tries to do something bad. It's hard to know what's real and what's not anymore as there is that feeling that all the trust and faith we had in each other seems to have been washed away. I know at my age I should maybe be a bit more adult with it but I've got to where I doubt even my feelings and sometimes I get all game and say I can face anything and in the next moment I want to run and hide in my Mums arms and she'll make it all go away like she did everything else bad as I was growing up.
I can't talk with my father anymore, once we could talk for hours but he's changed too. I can feel it that he blames me for what's happened to our family and I suppose he's right too as he usually is with everything and probably if I'd handled it all better from the start then Mum and Sis wouldn't have gone off the deep end so much. I know in a way I'm a hypocrite as my father says because I'm cool with people outside our family being different but believe me, I've tried my hardest to the point where I think I'm going mad, to convince myself that it's ok for my Dad to go around dressed like Mum, but I always eventually freak out. I know that it would be best for us all if I just went away and never came back but I've tried that and I just can't go away with all this hanging over our heads but on the other hand I can't see how it can be fixed.
I know what you mean how you felt when you were writing that letter. I've tried to write letters to my Dad and pour my heart out because we always end up wanting to kill each other when when we try to talk face to face about it, but when I see the words on paper my emotions run away with me and I can't see my pen on the paper. I guess it'll just have to go the way it goes but can life really go on like this, something really must happen to either make things a little better or the opposite big time, we've just hit a wall and as brilliant an academic as my father is he's not able to put all the pieces in the right spot with this one.
Thanks for your kind words, you have no idea how nice it is to see others are like me and I'm maybe not the mean cruel person I sometimes think I am and I'm told I am.
I think that's what's missing for me as my Mum sort of skirts around it and really doesn't come out openly and talk about it with me like we always have with other things. I think at times that maybe she's trying to shield me from it by what she says and does and maybe that's because I really haven't handled it all that well.
You've probably hit the proverbial nail DIRECTLY on the head here. Your mom (and I'm guessing your dad also) has done her/his best to shield you from most of the unpleasantness of life up to this point in time. Your dad's secret was unexpectedly and awkwardly uncovered, and consequently it wasn't possible to shield you from that. Sure, it was traumatic experience and not only for you and your sister, but for your mom as well. It could be possible that you mom feels that she's 'let you down' by not being there to shield you from the unpleasantness and shock you were inadvertently exposed to.
What I'm going to say here is merely my own opinion so take it for what it might be worth to you. Since your mom seems to be skirting around the issue, it's probably because she knows how YOU feel and is still trying to avoid any discussions about the matter. It's also quite possible that since she hasn't tried to learn more about crossdressing the way YOU have, that you are now far more educated about what it is - and even MORE importantly what it ISN'T. She probably doesn't realize that it's estimated that 10% of the male population crossdress, or that it's NOT a mental illness, or that crossdressers aren't the perverted individuals they are sometimes percieved to be, or any of the thousands of other facts that YOU have learned over the past several months. This is the time for YOU to take the initative and discuss it with her. Gettin it out into the open where you can talk about it with each other without being 'squimish' about it would be a BIG step in helping her to heal the hurt she's feeling. And by healing HER wounds, you will also be helping her to heal YOURS thereby making her feel better about the whole situation.
You could begin by explaining to her that you want to help and that open discussion is paramount in you providing that help. Keeping her feelings and thoughts bottled up inside her isn't going to help at all and if you can GENTLY ease her into being able to talk about things with you, you can be the very instrument that could restore her happiness.
Like I said, this is nothing more than my own personal thoughts, but I sincerely hope that I've said something that makes sense.
Dixie
"If you're going to LOOK like a lady, then ACT like one too!"
Jennifer, I hope you're still here and I hope your Mum is doing better. We do care about all of you. Very much so.
I joined recently and just ran across this discussion, and the tears have been running down my face as I've been reading it. Let me first say, I don't think any of us see you as the enemy. I see someone who's in tremendous pain along with the rest of your family. You have every right to feel angry and deceived, to feel like something has been taken from you, and your father's actions since the discover have simply been wrong. What you've been describing is not only your worse nightmare, but the worse nightmare of any CD. You've handled it with a grace and wisdom far beyond your years. And I can only aspire to have the wisdom your Gran has.
I'm not married and never had children, so take the following for what you may think it's worth.
As I've said you have every right to feel deceived, and unfortunately you found out in the worse possible way. Hearing from other CDs, accidental discovery is far more traumatic on everyone than if a CD voluntarily comes out to their loved ones. So I'm won't try to defend your father's decision to be closeted, but will try to give some insights why he may of chosen to make it.
As you go through life, you'll discover sometimes people make bad decisions for what they believed to be good intentions. First off, when your father married your Mum, he may have been in denial himself. Remember this was back before the Internet made it easy to find information about CDing, so many CDs thought they were the only one in the world who had those urges. Many of them married and prayed it would help those urges would go away. As others have said, that just doesn't happen. Your Dad may (or may not) have thought about coming out to your Mum earlier, but sensed that she would react negatively and went back in hiding.
Unfortunately, many of us are ruled by fear and shame. I haven't been to Oz in years, but I remember there was a "manly man" culture that may have heightened those feellings for your father. Shame that he's doing something that at best society considers odd. Fear that he'd lose your Mum and his family. Fear that he'd be outted and face ridicule and the loss of his friends, job, etc. While it's likely most of his fear was self-centered, it may also have mixed in with a fear of the impact on your Mum, your sister and you. "Man as family protector" is something that's drilled into our heads growing up, so in that sense not telling may have been an act of love -- denying part of himself for the good of the family.
As far as telling the children, that's a question wrestled with almost all CDs who've come out to their spouses. As someone else said, parents sometimes have to make hard decisions and pray they made the right one. For what it's worth, on another forum there's a SO who actively sought out a CD to marry. But yet she and her husband have decided not to tell their daughter. They're rationale is that children, especially young ones, often say things without realizing the larger consequences, so it would be easy for their daughter to let slip that daddy likes to appear as a woman. And they're worried about the social repercussions that could have on their daughter, since kids can be merciless to other kids that think are abnormal. Is it the right decision? Only time will tell.
You father's behavior since the discovery has been appalling. Again I won't even think of defending it, but let me try to explain what may be happening. Unfortunately, his self-centeredness is something that sometimes happens when CDs come out. After denying part of themselves for so long it seems like they can become blind to anyone else's needs. It's sort of like an abused child who becomes an abusive adult. Hopefully this passes over time.
From what you've said, it sounds like your father was already strong-willed and stubborn, so that probably is worsening the next things I'm going to talk about. His insistance on the "rightness" of his position probably is in part a defense against the terrible guilt part of him feels inside. To admit he's wrong means accepting the damage he's caused. As someone once said, it's a lot harder to forgive someone for being right. You've done nothing that requires forgiveness, but I think the point is similar, it's lot easier to lash out at others than accept your own wrong-doings. When you hear your father's anger at you, you're really hearing the angry he has at himself that he can't yet accept.
As others have said, you own nothing for your high school education. When you were conceived, your parents took on that responsibility. Let me repeat: You owe your father nothing. Take that money and use it for university.
What's important is that you don't let this get in the way of your plans for your own life. I realize at the moment, you may not feel emotionally ready for university and if so, you may need some time -- but don't give up your dream.
My father died of an incurable disease while I was in university. It was tremendously hard being away from him in his final months, and to this day I'm not sure if it was the right decision. But he was insistent that I finish school and in a sense that was his parting gift to me.
After he died, someone told me something that proved to be one of the most valuable things I learned in coping with his death. Namely that you can't let the dead bury the living. My mother went to a widows' support group for awhile and saw other women who's lives had just stopped, even years and years after their husbands had died. My father never would've wanted that.
In a sense, it will be harder for you, since your situation will be on-going, much like watching my father die slowly over many months. But the principle is the same: it will be painful for you but you can't let it destroy your life.
As someone else said, it's likely you'll find yourself going through the five stages of grief and that (as well as any on-going emotional drain) will make university a challenge. Myself, I became extremely depressed around the anniversary of my father's death and nearly failed out of several classes until I talked with the professors to let them know what I was going through. But with help I was able to pull it back together, in part because I knew that's what my father would've wanted. I'm sure your father for all his failings also wants to see you realize the potential of your life.
You are stronger than you'll ever know and you need to use that strength not only to support your Mum and your sister, but also yourself. In a sense, you've been forced into the position of being the man of the house and that's tough. It's not fair, but unfortunately, you'll find that life isn't always fair. Life can knock you down, but it's up to you to decide whether you'll stay down. The silver lining of getting knocked down is that we learn how to pick ourselves back up again.
You've already shown strength and wisdom far beyond your years, so I know you can do it. You may want to wait until you're more centered until enrolling. But do enroll sometime. If you don't a plane-load of us will head off to Oz to smack you around with our purses until you do.
Beautifully expressed, Darla, It can be extremely stressful and I think your advise is right on!
Jennifer, this is what we are here for darlin!!!
Love ya,
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
I tried what you said about drawing Mum more into talking but she just shuts off and says she's fine and it'll be alright but it's up to me to change my attitudes and everyone will be fine.
Carrying on to what Darla says, well a couple of things ring true. For years my father and I have pitted our wits against each other and I always come off second best. As Darla suggested, he is a very dominant person in a quiet way and is used to always getting his way. In his profession he's the head of an institution which consists of a large number of people and my father doesn't take no for an answer. He also has an intelligence quotient about 50% above the normal average for people and he's very very difficult to have any sort of discussion or debate with. He's very adept at planting thoughts in peoples heads so they believe they have come up with the idea, it's very much like mind control and he very seldom doesn't get his way eventually.
There's also a couple of other things which are causing concern. Although I've had it said to me over and over that just because he crossdresses it doesn't mean he is perverted and I agree with that. He's never done or said anything so far which would cause me to believe he's perverted but I'm having ahuge struggle with some things. What I mean is, my best friend told me when we were 10 that her father got into her bed and did things and ever since until a year or so ago he's done that. I'm the only one she's ever told but I can't believe her mother doesn't know but she's never shown any signs she has. We were talking about it last weekend and I told my g/f that I can't get it out of my head with the association of her and her father, and my father and his wearing womens clothes. I know people will say there isn't any correlation between the two, but it's easier to say that than it is for me to get it out of my head. But that's only a part of the problems.
My father and I haven't really spoken for weeks now, we acknowledge each other in the morning and last thing at night but that's about it. I'm really having a hard time saying some of these things, but our last encounter was fairly lively and it became that way because during our discussion about things he brought it up that for some time he's had doubts about my sexuality. This came as one big shock to me and he said he thought about it because it's not normal for a healthy girl of nearly 19 years not to have had at least one boy friend and some sort of relationship. I mean if that's how you gauge a persons sexuality then heaven forbid. he can't get it in his thick head that he was part of the reason I rejected all the advances I've had from boys because he drilled it into my head that any sort of romance at this time in my life would be an unwanted distraction from obtaining my goals in life, since I was intending going down a road which would demand 100% dedication and long long hours of study for years. he said I could blow it all if I became romantically involved and I took his word as gospel. I rejected a boy last year who I really had a thing for and it tore me apart for ages, but my fathers words kept ringing in my head and as I said, he is expert at making people believe they want what he suggests moreso than what they think themselves. I mean it's nothing if I was gay and there are several gay people amongst my group of friends, but I had trouble convincing him I wasn't and things got very lively and ended on an unpleasant note and has stayed that way.
Lately I've thought that it'll never be alright. Am I to be an outcast because I can't come to terms with all this? I think maybe I am and maybe I should be able to, but what if I can't, is that wrong? I'm me and he's him, isn't that correct? If it is then I have to live with it for now and deal with whatever comes my way. I know I should be a good daughter to my parents and conform as I always have in the past, but with this I just can't control my thinking and it's awful, maybe it'll get better in time but I won't know that until the time comes. I guess next year when my best friend moves away to uni then I'll go live somewhere near her as we've been friends and supported each other for as long as we can remember.
Thanks for allowing me to waffle on, it feels better not letting it all build up as it does. I guess if I've got onto things which aren't right with you people here then I'll get told, but I'm writing more from my heart than my mind and all this sort of gushed out, so if things have come out which might offend someone then I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it to be like that.
In part JenniferMu. wrote:
Carrying on to what Darla says, well a couple of things ring true. For years my father and I have pitted our wits against each other and I always come off second best. As Darla suggested, he is a very dominant person in a quiet way and is used to always getting his way. In his profession he's the head of an institution which consists of a large number of people and my father doesn't take no for an answer.
Jennifer the kind of people your father is capable of leading are followers. You have the makings of a leader, and most leaders don’t follow all that good. There is nothing wrong with that. I really liked Darla’s comment namely that you can't let the dead bury the living. I hope you don’t allow that to happen? This kind of thing can consume all of your time, rendering you a cripple preventing you from obtaining your goals in life.
I read Darla’s post last night after coming home from visiting friends who are struggling with issues in their family. I phoned my friend and shared that information with her, she asked a few questions and then immediately understood, and thanked me and told me that she would be able to sleep well last night.
Hi Jennifer, I'm glad you're still with us, but sad to hear things aren't going well.
I confess I'm little confused by what's happening in your life. It sounds like your Mum is pressuring you to act like everything's fine. Is that correct? (Just trying to make sure I understand where you're coming from.) If so, I'm a bit dubious based on your Mum's previous behavior that she's really come to terms with things -- it's more likely she's still in denial. Being a good daughter doesn't require being untrue to yourself.
Over time you may become more accepting of your father's CDing, you may not. Aside from the CDing, there's certainly been a lot of appalling behavior on his part that's tough to accept, let alone forgive. Unfortunately, both issues may put some distance between you and your family. But it's not you've anything done, it's your father's fault. And no it's not fair. If you continue to feel estranged from your family, you may need to create your own, much as your gay friends may have had to do.
Speaking of which, your father insinuating that you're a lesbian sounds like he's playing mindgames in a despictable way. Since there were already power struggles in your relationship and he's used to getting his way, I have a sinking feeling that he's going to feel he needs to get you to buckle under. So don't let it get under your skin or into your head. You're not coming off second best if the other party isn't willing to fight fair, so don't play his game.
As far as CDing and child molestation, I can only assure you that there's no link. But I can see why you're wondering. Both your girlfriend's situation and your's involved feelings of a major betrayal by your respective fathers. BTW, my heart goes out to your girlfriend. Her father belongs in prison - for a long, long time. I know that this is really difficult for her, but if she's got younger siblings she really need to report her father to the police -- since fathers who molest their children will often molest more than one. I used to be a journalist and covered the courts for a time, so I've seen a number of cases like these. It's possible that her mother truly doesn't know, since monsters like these are often very careful not to be discovered. It's also possible that her mother didn't want to know. I'm sorry to burden you with this as well, but I'm extremely concerned for both your girlfriend and any other children who may be in that house.
In the meantime, hang in there. And we're not letting you off the hook for going to uni yourself.
Dear Jennifer,
I am so sorry for the pain , and anguish you, and you'r familly are going through . You have recieved some very good advise , and you need it .I have all the sympathy in the world , for you ,I don't think I can add a great deal , but I can tell you a few things , that have helped me.
I found out that my husband cd 'd 6 weeks ago , so I am new to this as well .Once I had got over my shock , hurt and pain ,of lies etc .I thought to myself ,I WIL NOT BE A VICTIM ! Iwill not let this put me into victim mode. I found out all I could about transgender issues ,it REALLY isn't a choice , they have to dress !
Annother thing I did (which may sound odd) was to do a gender test myself. Boy was I surprised at the result ! I thought I was a hundred % female , no such thing turns out I am about 35-% male .The reason I did this was to try and understand , my husband a little bit .If I had male in me , he must have a great deal more female in him for him to want to wear female clothes , make up etc .
Another thing that helped me , was to go onto a different site on the internet . I came away thinking how lucky I am ! I still have a husband
that loves and cares for me ,you still have you'r father !
I read a very good book , by a lady called Peggy Rudd ,Its title is
"My Husband Wears MY Clothes " This helped me a lot , to understand why ,to understand ,that cd'ing is NOT that uncommon .
You , you'r Mom , sister ,Granma and you'r dad are not alone , there are thousands and thousands of people in just the same situation --honestly there are .
I understand how shocking this discovery has been for you ! You'r tough macho "in charge " dad was a facade .You feel as if you'v been kicked in the stomach and you'r world as you know it has ended .If you don't want that . Try to be brave ,TRY to see this from you'r dads point of view ,I know that seems impossible right now , but its not , if you truly love each other a way can be found with love and respect for each other ,
best wishes to you and you'r family----Patricia (SO)
Ummm.. Wow! I've been totally floored by advice here before and it totally happened again with Patricia(SO).
omg! What a great post Patricia. You are so wonderful. I love it when people won't be the victims. Jennifer is so strong that I think you may give her a jump start she needs to snap out of what could turn out to be "becoming a victim" woes. Jennifer is one of the strongest spirits/souls I've ever met on the web in my decade of being on the web and she's only 19. I'd hate for her powerful momentum to be stopped by anything. I hope Jennifer that you are moved by Patricia's post because if I would have thought of it, I sure would have said what she said, big time.
I agree with others that I have nothing I can really add anymore Jennifer. You know how much I feel for you, how much I respect you, and how much I care about you and your future. I'll be here in spirit and my prayers are with you always and forever.
Beauty
Have you tried printing out some or all of these posts and leaving copies for both your Mom and Dad?
Perhaps if they have these in writing and available to them anytime, they will eventually pick up the papers and start reading.
Another thing is allowing us to send you a book on the subject that you might give your folks.
There are several books that cover this subject well.
My favorite is, "My Husband Betty". This is written by a spouse, but covers the subject quite well.
Of course, you already know I think alot of the book, "Dress Codes", but this one is from the daughter's viewpoint.
I have both of those books and am willing to send them to you free.
I would imagine we could find other books to give you or loan you from within our community here.
I'm trying to find ways to reach your Father and Mother beyond talking.
It would certainly be nice if both of them were Internet types and would visit here so we can all talk and listen.
Can you rent videos there?
Probably a silly question I'm sure.
Here's a couple of movie titles that cover crossdressing in various ways...mostly respectable.
Ma Vie En Rose (My Life In Pink)
- this is a movie about a young boy who believes he is supposed to be a girl. It covers his desire to be a girl, his struggles with his family and friends, and his family's struggles with the issue.
I like it because it really illustrates how crossdressing and/or transgenderism is dealt with by society and what the individual imagines other people would feel about him if the secret were found out.
Just Like A Woman
- this movie is strictly about a crossdresser in England. It also shows some of the troubles these men(and women?) face or imagine they will face if their secret were ever exposed.
It also shows how some people can be accepting of this part of a person's life.
The only part that might be a problem if your father saw it could be the sex scenes (not porno type, just your regular Hollywood scenes).
I imagine this might give some men the idea that their spouses should be accepting enough to have sex with them when dressed in women's clothing.
From what I've seen here on this website, this is not a common occurance in relationships where crossdressing has been exposed after being hidden for a long time.
Anyway, glad to see you still posting!
You are indeed one strong individual!
I really think there are enough of us here that would like to drop by and 'abduct' your father for a little while and have a serious CD'r to CD'r talk!
There's plenty of us here who believe we have a fairly good understanding of what he may have been going through all these years.
Speaking for myself, I would really rather he learn to appreciate his crossdressing and learn that you all need time to work out your feelings about this.
I wish he could begin his move toward acceptance of who/what he is in a healthy way and leave you out of this part of his world until you come to him about it.
He really needs to meet some other crossdressers and that this is not a fight or a battle, but a coming-to-terms for him.
If you are concerned with him reading everything we have posted AND everything you have posted here, perhaps we can start a new thread entitled, "Advice for Jennifer's Father".
When that's done, you can print that out and have your comments completely your own here.
I have faith in you Jennifer! Keep up your spirits as best you can, DO NOT take on a self-depricating point-of-view.
From everything I've read here so far, you are a fine person who's facing a very difficult challenge right now.
I didn't mean to give the impression that Mum has really come to terms with things, far from it actually, but what she's saying is that she feels she's got over the worst of it all and she'll do whatever it takes to keep her marriage together as hard as it may be for her from time to time. What she's saying is that if I get my head straight and act as if it's ok then we can all start to regain some semblance of our lives again. I guess it's got that feeling that I have three pairs of eyes staring at me with anticipation that I should conform, but as hard as I try, and believe me I'm trying as hard as is humanly possible and taking on board a lot of what you people tell me, but some things you can do and some you can't and that's what cuts me up because it's me who is the one stopping us all moving forward, even if it's just a little bit.
This morning has been real sh...y for me because last night I said to mum that we're all going round in circles looking at each other out of the corner of our eyes and our home isn't a home anymore, it's a cold construction of bricks and wood and it's about time we sought outside help if we're ever going to get through this. I told her to look around her and see where we're at. We don't laugh or sing and dance anymore, we don't have Strauss Waltzes echoing through the rooms anymore, we don't have gatherings and fun times in our house anymore and if we don't get someone to show us the way through this then we're going to fall apart for good and rot away as a family.
Well you should have heard her reaction and then my father came home and wanted to know what was going on and when mum told him, well, didn't he jump up and down and make me feel like an idiot. They say we don't need any outsiders sticking their noses into our family business and we don't need professional advice as we can handle it ourselves, given time. Well at this stage I started to get my dander up and told them to take a good hard long look at where we're at and you know what mister know it all said then? He made the earth shattering statement that with things like this it has to get worse before it can get better. Well of course I couldn't let that doozie go and I asked him how much worse does it get than not long ago we almost lost our mother and of course that really set things alight, and mum and I burst out crying and I finished up leaving the house and ringing my g/f and she took me for a drive and a long talk, because all our life we've done that for each other when one of us has needed a big hug.
Patricia, thanks for your kind loving words, you're terrific. This is the first really big upheavel we've ever had in our family and I guess none of us have handled it well but I'm at the stage where I don't know where to turn next. I've read so much on the internet about this sort of thing and my g/f and I have spent countless hours surfing the net about it. One thing which struck me not long ago was when we found another site called Crossdressers Discussion Forum I think it is, I don't know if you know it or not, I think it's on Parsimony, but that forum sort of floored us. I've been told a number of times that crossdresssing is this or it's not this, but some of the things I read on there sort of shocked me a bit and I'm not so sure now about it being this or that or not this or that, if you know what I mean, some of the things I read were a bit sicko if you follow me.
Anyway, I ended up at my Grans house just after midnight and she got up and we had a cup of tea and another long talk, which always makes me feel better because my Gran knows most things about most things and even if she doesn't have all the answers, she has a way of making it seem better. I guess one of the things she said this time which made me think
was when she said that in life there are some things which you can live with and make the best of them even if they don't sit well with us, and there are also some things which you'll never be able to accept and she said the hardest thing to come to terms with is accepting the fact that you'll never be able to accept something, if that makes sense. There was so much else she said and I guess now I've got to work through it all and see where it leads me.
The thing which I'm finding so hard to deal with is that as long as I can remember, when someone had a problem in our family, that problem became the problem of us all and that person had the rest of us to lean on and was given all the help and love to get through it which was needed. However this damn thing has made everyone do the opposite and driven a wedge between us and that's why I wanted them to now seek outside help before it's too late, but they just drove the wedge deeper and I feel like an idiot for bringing it up, even though I think I might still be right, but being the child, what I say isn't being taken serious, but at the rate things are moving I'll be old before my time and the days of being a child will be long gone.
I've told mum a lot about some of the things I've read on here and elsewhere on the internet about this transgender thing and I've also told her there are plenty of support groups here for her and dad either separately or together and I've told her there is untold amounts of literature and books on the subject, but she just shuts off and says they'll handle it themselves. I'm sick and tired of batting my head against a brick wall so I'm giving a lot of thought to the things Gran said and if I can put a plan together I'll go back to her and run it by her and see what she says.
Sorry about all the ranting but it does help some to know that someone out there knows how it feels and it's not just me. Sometimes I just want to scream. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH there, now that feels better.
Crossdressers Discussion Forum is defiantly not a site that I would recommend to anyone. In my opinion your assessment is accurate.
As for your statement that it's you who is the one stopping us all moving forward, even if it's just a little bit? That is a pile of crap.
Your family’s refusal to entertain the idea of accepting out side professional help signals denial. And is an indication that your family is presently a very unhealthy place to be.
You might want to take a good look at the roll (in your family) To which you have been assingned.
