We Can Do Better

[Lauren]

Had to go to a funeral yesterday. It was surprisingly a large crowd, probably 125 give or take. I wore a black dress with black hose and black and white spectator pumps, quite appropriate for a funeral IMO. What surprised me is the number there in what I consider less than proper attire for the circumstance. Jeans, t shirts, there was even one guy there in shorts and a woman though in a skirt wearing a cami top.. Not everyone but probably 25 or 30 of them. As I looked around the offenders in my mind were probably more men than women but both genders were guilty IMO. Yes there were other women there in dresses and guys even wearing sports coats but other than the immediate family no guy had a tie on.

I realize this is Southern California and we do our own thing but seriously? Have we gotten so wrapped in comfort and casual we have lost basic respect? I am not saying women need to wear hose or heels even a dress but what about a nice pair of dress slacks and blouse? Guys you can't tell me khakis are that much more uncomfortable than jeans? Please don't even try to tell me you don't own anything but jeans and t shirts. I will even bet you own at least one pair of shoes that aren't Nikes or Adidas!

I am not saying we need to go back to the old days and I for one welcomed the original corporate casual culture but we have slid a long way down the rabbit hole from where that started. I am not dissing those women who eschew hose. I admit pantyhose is not the most comfortable thing to wear many times though as I am getting older my legs are not what they once were and do wear them with a knee length skirt more nowadays. I even am not harping on women for not wearing heels. I generally wear them a couple of times a week but am probably not the only one who kicks them off the minute I walk in the door and search for my comfy slippers. I'm not saying guys have to go back to wearing suits and ties but I do admit I find a guy a man dressed like that sexy.

IMHO we have gone too far and I see a lot of blame to go around here. Parents who grew up in the 90's and 2000's who never really taught or understood what proper attire for certain functions is. The rise of the "me generation" telling the world it is all about them and just deal with it. The rise of the untraditional corporate executive like Mark Zuckerberg and his hoodie being put on a pedestal as the "up and comers." Even the pandemic with its work from home and and self isolation has a hand here. I admit to more than one video conference where from the waist up I had on a nice top complete with jewelry, my hair and make up done yet out of sight was sweat pants and my slippers but I would never think of leaving my condo dressed like that with the possible exceptions of taking the trash out or running down to the mail box.

Ladies maybe it is time to start a movement to dressing at least a little less carelessly. I am not saying when you are out en femme here for I have full faith you are appropriately attired then and if anything over dressed. Then again I have always believed it is better to be overdressed than underdressed. I am talking here when you are out in drab. Definitely leave the sweat pants at home where they belong! Unless you are actually going to a concert leave the concert t shirt in the drawer. For the hour it takes you to run to Home Depot suck it up and no shorts! It won't kill you to put on big boy pants or at least a decent pair of jeans. If you're running to the grocery store or out to eat ask yourself could I wear this to the beach? If the answer is yes, change! One last thing which is a pet peeve of mine. Guys if you have a beer belly don't wear your pants below it so you look 7 months pregnant! Buck up and buy some pants that fit properly!

Is this going to bring about instant change? Probably not but we have to start somewhere. If you can get even one person to change their attitude about how they appear to rethink they appear in public it is a start. The time has come for a grass roots movement here and I am not talking a hula skirt!

[Diana Michelle]

I have bemoaned similar in several posts from some of the things I have seen people wear to church to the reactions and looks I got simply wearing a skirt and heeled boots visiting someone in the hospital. I understand times have changed and I don't want to go back to the days of old but I swear it is like some people go out of their way to dress in what I consider very inappropriate for the situation.

My brother is in the hospital and I am staying with my sister in law for a few days to give her someone to talk to, help her and him as much as I can, and drive her back and forth to the hospital. The other day I came out of my room to go and Janet was shocked at what I was wearing, a maxi dress with a denim jacket, it was a bit cool in the morning but supposed to warm up throughout the day. She asked wouldn't I be more comfortable in jeans or slacks. No I told her I was quite comfortable and I would be fine. As it was the day of his surgery there was a lot of sitting around waiting and at times heading off for coffee I thought about what she said about being more comfortable. No waist band digging in as I sat, no worries about a top creeping up or rolling in back, fully covered yet free to move, able to sit or stand or even sprawl out yet look feminine. Tell me again how pants are more practical?

[CharLee]

..

I'm with you on that Diana, I wish more women would dress in a skirt & blouse. or a dress and in heels. And please wear hose so your legs look their best.

[Diana Michelle]

I think you missed my point here Charlee but perhaps I didn't express it properly. Yes there are times a nice dress or a skirted suit are appropriate complete with heels and yes even hose though hose is a different discussion IMO.

Let us be honest here many dresses or knee length skirts present issues in many situations, think sitting around for hours, bending and reaching, even unwanted "peep shows" on a windy day all easily avoided with slacks. Also heels are not practical in a lot of situations and even the most comfortable and well fitting heels become uncomfortable after 12 hours in them. Add to that the additional strain they can place on your back, calves, hips, knees, and other body parts. In many ways wearing a skirt and heels is like a bra. There is a hell of a difference between wanting to wear one and having to.

Now don't get me wrong here! I love getting all dolled up and do when the situation calls for it. I have even been known to wear a skirt and heels around the house for no other reason than I just feel like it. For me if I am feeling down on myself it helps lift me out of that funk. More than once I have gone to a meeting or met friends for lunch and been the only there wearing a skirt or a dress and even if there is someone else there in a skirt I am generally the only one in heels.

Back more than a couple of years ago my second husband and I were headed to mass one Sunday morning then joining some friends for a brunch sail on a catamaran on the bay one of them had won in some radio contest. As usual Jim was ready long before me and was shocked when I came downstairs. "That's definitely a different look for you for church." I was wearing white jeans, a nice t shirt, and my boat shoes. "There's no time to change after mass and I am not about to go sailing around the bay in a skirt and heels." While not my usual attire for mass it was appropriate especially considering what I have seen others wear and definitely appropriate for the later activities.

Having been in sales of a sort all my career I can tell you that was one of the last professions to adopt corporate casual and once it did both genders welcomed it with open arms. Yes pants suits had become acceptable for women however even those demanded heels and while I wore them at times I also continued to wear skirted suits. It was funny I was talking with a male co worker a while after casual attire became acceptable and he said he was so glad it did because he always questioned how wearing a tie made him appear so much more an authority. I told him I was glad too and could finally leave the skirts, heels, and pantyhose at home at times. He asked why, they made me look so much more professional. WTF?

I fully support anyone wearing what they want if it is appropriate for the situation. While I will usually go with a skirt or dress for things like Sunday services, funerals, even a dinner date I have no problem with a woman opting to wear slacks as long as they are of an appropriate style and fit. I really do understand the desire all you girls have to dress in feminine finery and support you. I do believe what each of you view as "appropriate" attire is driven by your generation and how you were raised same as it with women.

My original post as well as this one was not to promote women wearing dresses or skirts any more than it was to look down at women who opt to wear slacks in certain situations rather to point out there are a variety of options even in a casual setting. What I or you or someone else chooses to wear should not be not subject to criticism if it is appropriate for the circumstance.

[Ms Jane]

I have a faint recollection of a parable involving a guest turning up at an event in his working clothes. He was refused entry and told to go home and change. On returning he was seen putting food into all his pockets. When asked what what he was doing he replied that it was his clothes that were invited not him.

[Diana Michelle]

Lot of truth to that one Jane. While I nor I am pretty sure Lauren were not advocating returning to the days of old there are times your jeans and t shirts are not appropriate.

Perhaps because of the road I took to be the woman I am today as well as of being of a bygone era I tend at times to dress to accentuate my femininity more than many other women do in similar situations. Not to brag but both my husbands as well as more than a few others have told me my best physical feature is my legs. Armed with that knowledge as well as understanding what men like more than once on a Saturday evening when we would be going out to dinner even if it was just burgers and a beer at a local bar I would change to a skirt knowing it made the man I loved happy.

I have no issues with dressing comfortably and love my jeans and leggings. Also there are times they are definitely more practical. However there are times jeans or leggings are not appropriate IMO, understand those times and dress accordingly.

[Ralitsa]

I personally prefer wearing a dress rather just about anything else. I hate pants and only wear jeans if I'm really doing something that's impossible to do without ruining my dress. I think dresses are a whole lot more comfortable than anything else, and in truth one can get dresses in denim or khaki that are just as durable as jeans. A friend of my son came over during the summer to help me with the duck pen and she commented that she was surprised I could work while wearing a dress. She is young, so I had to remind her that out here on the frontier more work has been done by women wearing dresses than by men wearing pants - ok maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration.

Maybe I drifted from the original point of this topic though which is more about taking the time and effort to look nice. Yeah, well some people are just slobs and I wouldn't demand they try to be anything different from what they are. I'm not interested in associating with people like that, but that's just me. I'd guess most people though are either intentionally "rebelling" from the expectation that they dress according to some standard, or they are emulating the rebels because it's fashionable to be a rebel. And that part I find really ironic, because as soon as it's fashionable then it's not rebellious; but they haven't figured that part out.

All this is fine for me, because now when I'm wearing something really nice at a rather mediocre event I get all the attention. And everyone else just looks like a bunch of photocopies of a Levi's ad. I confess that it gives me some evil satisfaction that my 50+ y.o out of shape self can get more attention than some younger women.