Wow, thinking back I was around 10 or 12 when we lived in a small townhouse. That place had a main bathroom that had two doors. Little did I know at the time that would be the start of it all. The start of crossdressing and the turmoil it brought to my life.
I have always admired my mom's sense of style. She would transform herself from the typical frumpy mother and housewife to this beautiful, classy woman that was ready to take on the business world from Monday to Friday. I was totally mesmerized. I would always come up with a reason to watch her get ready most mornings. I was pretty close to my mom back then and I don't know whether that was the reason I like to crossdress today or not. I was and still am a boys, boy. I loved to get dirty, make forts in the woods with my friends, play with dinky cars for hours pretending I was the A-Team, Dukes of Hazzard, or Simon and Simon chasing the bad guys all over the backyard. Today I still like playing with vehicles and I still play in the dirt for a living. So why in the hell did I also like to dress up in clothes designed for the opposite sex?
Back to that bathroom, it was great. One door went to the hall the other to my parent’s room. One day I was sitting there and looked over at the foot of the bed and saw my nemesis to this day. Pantyhose. Curiosity got the best of me and I grabbed them and tried them on. From that day on my life changed. In my teens it was a guilty pleasure, loving and hating it and myself all at the same time. I thought I was a freak. I even thought I was gay but I loved girls and guys did nothing for me. I thought I must be though because ‘normal’ guys would never put on women’s clothes and enjoy it. I struggled for years trying to find my place in this world. That bathroom was my happy place, easy access to my mom’s stuff and a quick way to disrobe when someone came home. As with anything it progressed to full out dressing and I got bolder. One day I thought my parents were not home; I went into their room and rummaged around in the dark to collect an outfit and go back to my room down the hall. Unknown to me they were home, in bed actually and I didn’t notice them while I was in that pink fog. After a bit of time I was in a pair of panties, pantyhose, a skirt and was in the process of putting on a bra when I heard my dad’s footsteps coming down the hall. If a kid could have a heart attack it would have been then. I ran to the door and jammed myself between the bed and the door. My dad tried to open it but my knees where locked and it wasn’t moving. He started to yell at me to open up and I said I’m changing. His response was “What are you changing into, a GIRL?” All I remember after that was my dad leaving the house and my mom going down to the kitchen. I placed everything back and went downstairs. Nothing was said. I was scared off of crossdressing for awhile but it eventually came back.
In my late teens my parents would go places for the weekends, they trusted me so I was allowed to stay home alone. I was in heaven; I could dress to my hearts content. In those years I had a girlfriend that dressed me up fully one weekend for fun. It was the first time anyone ever saw me dressed. I enjoyed it too much I guess because I was dumped shortly thereafter. The next serious girlfriend had no idea I dressed, I even abstained from dressing for that year but I was miserable. The next serious girlfriend I decided at the ripe old age of 20 something that if we were to get serious then she would have to know. I was not going to go through life being miserable and lying to the one I loved. I told her, she stayed and we have been together for over twenty years.
Even though I still have my problems with CDing. I am in a better place in my mind about it. I don't hate myself, still have mixed emotions about it but I've learned to embrace it not loathe it. I am a Cross Dresser and that will never change, I just wish the world around me would.
