the long Myrdin road....

[Myrdin]

Let's start off with saying that im quite new to this, only recently discovered the joy of crossdressing. This by no means means that i only started doing it just now. I can't even remember when it started, always been like this. And as any kid i snooped around in my moms closet and so on. I never thought there was anything wrong with me what so ever. That all changed when i was 12. One day i came home and found a very disturbed and angry mother in the living room, tears in her eyes and everything. "How could you do this to me" were her exact first words she used, can still remember it. So i asked what the problem was and she threw 2 foam paddings in front of me. The paddings i used to fill up a bra. Before i go on, you have to know that i used to live in a small country village, katholic to the bone, if you didnt go to church weekly you were not a good person, that kind of town. And my mum went ballistic on me, 'how could you?' and 'there has to be something wrong with you' were the more nice terms i got tossed my way that day. So the secret was out, but it also ment in my situation that my mum started cleaning my room weekly, offcourse cleaning was the excuse she used, poking around in my closets was the real reason, every week my closets got cleaned out and everything put back in place neatly. Went on for years like that. Did that stop me? No it didnt. We had a lesbian couple living in my appartement building that heard the fight with my mom about it and they came to tell me that they never used their cellar, so if i wanted to hide my things there, i could. Wich i did and it kept out of problems with my mom for a long time. Then the first girlfriend appeared. Came from a strict catholic family, not really openminded. But one day she asked me to wear her garterbelt...so i thought YES....but no....she found it horrible, i was not her man anymore, big bummer on my part but i thought it was better to not tell her about my feelings about it. And then came the day she found out anyway...and everything ended. 2 months later we broke up. That was the start of the time i almost got convinced myself that maybe those women, including my mom, were right, and just maybe there was something wrong with me. So i basicly forced myself to stop doing it. But the urge never went away. Needless to say i didnt become a really joyfull person in that period. Then i met the woman that was to become my wife. She was the first one i told about my urge to crossdress, and at first she didnt say anything about it, she even bought me my first corset for example. But after years she started making problems about it, about how she didnt like it and never did and all that bla bla, at wich point i asked her why she bought me a corset if she didnt agree with it. And she replied that she hoped it would pass, that it was only a phase. Obviously she didnt bother to listen to a word i told her. So we ended up in a divorce, and not a pretty one. Once there are kids in play a divorce turns into world war 3 so it seems. This was about a year ago. Ever since the breakup i gave in to my urge to crossdress, but never with makeup, never a wig or something, just the clothes. And then i met my current girlfriend and everything changed. In the beginning of our relationship on a drunken night, i told her about my crossdressing, and she told me she figured that much. She had a peek in my closet and saw some clothes in there that were not mine, and my ex wife would never have fitted into, so she put 2 and 2 together and ended up with the right idea. And she didnt seem to mind. But i never dressed up when i was with her, felt too weird for some reason. But she took it upon herself to find out how far my crossdressing went so she started talking with my about it, hours and hours.... until she said 'well, then show me....get your stuff and show me'. And she didnt laugh at me or anything, wich for me was a plus. If i found the one woman that were to 'look the other way' i was happy enough, but she didnt stop there. Went on for months like that, dressing up every now and then, but never for long periods of time, i always had the idea that it went far enough after an hour or 2 and then id take em off again. But my girlfriend had the feeling something was missing (so she told me a few days ago). So one day she asked me if she could fix me up the proper way, instead of just clothes, if she could do my hair and makeup... I didnt know what i heard. I never thought about makeup in the first place and here was a woman that asked me, the 'weird crossdresser' (wich is what i still thought of myself up to that point), if she could do make up on me.... Took a while for me to get past the point of shame so to speak, eventually i agreed. And what happened then is a moment ill cherish for the rest of my life. The moment she started playing with my hair (yes i have long hair) i started feeling .... 'right' if thats the term to use. I loved it, absolutely loved it. Then came the makeup, and just her putting it on me...i loved it. And then came the moment, when she was all done... she took a few steps back and just smiled at me. 'Gorgeous' was her first word. And then i looked in the mirror...and everything just fell into place. It all felt right. I thought i looked 'silly' at first (so i thought), it felt right. I was complete at last...and thats how it felt. And my girlfriend absolutely loves it aswell. And this forum (yippee for internet anonimity) is the first place i shared my story with anyone. And last night when i wanted to sign up here...i asked her for a name...'give me a name sweety'....and she called me Myrdin :D It took 40 years of wondering in dark places in my mind, but finally, 2 months after my 40'th birthday...i feel i am who i wanna be. And im not a 24/7 crossdresser, i dont want to be a woman neither, i feel perfectly fine being a man, yet there is a side of me that just needs to reveal itself (or herself, call it what you like). There are days i walk around dressed all day, and there are days i dont... Either way, the full person being 'me' now for the first time feels complete, all thanks to my wonderful girlfriend, i cant thank her enough.

[Anthony Simon]

That's a touching story.

[Rikki]

Wonderful story. So happy for you and your GF. As everyone here says, "Take it slow, baby steps, toward discovering who you are as a person and a couple." Hopefully, that will lead to happiness.

Rikki

[Kiera]

wow...lovely story and name also ...reayyl hope it works out for you i really do i can relate to about 80% of wat you wrote about(including the long hair lol)....as i say best of luck and keep us informed...xx

[Davita]

Happy belated birthday, Myrdin

What two lovely gifts - your GF and your completeness.

[Kayla Myrdin (SO)]

As the girlfriend of Myrdin I would also like to give my point of view, from the moment I met Myrdin I felt a special side to him and felt very intrigued.
Never had I met someone so open and yet so closed , and I wanted so bad to get through to that mysterious side wich I couldn't get a grip on...
As we grew closer and I came over to his place, I noticed some femme clothes wich I knew couldn't belong to the ex-wife...
So on a drunk evening I saw the perfect opportunity to start the conversation about CD , and for a brief moment I felt that there was an opening wich I had to take hold of and told him I knew that he had a feminine side and that there was no need to hide it from me...
Myrdin tried to denie it but I knew that moment that the first step was taken...
We talked a lot about it but always when I wanted him to show his femme side he closed op again and I lost my nerve to tell him that I didn't mind...
One night I told him very firmly that I wanted to see the femme and after a bit of doubting he went to dress...
The first thing I thought on that moment was this person is not "complete" ...
We had a lovely evening but I felt Myrdin was very hesitant and everytime he put on the clothes it was like a relief and a burden...
After hesitating for 2 months I told him now is the time that I want you to embrace it and make it complete, but with a smal hesitance from my side because I didn't know what the full make-over would mean for "us"...
So with fear in my heart but proud to do it, I started with the hair, make-up and when I finished it looked so complete I had tears in my eyes and felt Myrdin felt the same... And the best feeling ever was that I had a part in the transformation, made Myrdin happy and we can leave all the misery from his past where it belongs ...
This is a beautiful new beginning for the both of us, and my love grows stronger each and every day

[Anthony Simon]

Thanks for posting, Kayla. You probably don't understand this, but from the point of a CD, you're pretty close to a dream come true. I mean, from what you write, you were just doing what came naturally with Myrdin - like trying to get to that special side of him that intrigued you - and which you brought out.

But for many CDs (including me), that idea that there are women out there who think like you - want to know this side of ourselves and even bring it out - brings hope. Which is probably embarassing to you and I'm sure not why you came, but there it is.

With your relationship with Myrdin, so far your instincts seem to have stood you in an extremely good stead - and there's no reason to suppose that shouldn't continue to be the case. But the general advice is to take it slow. The whole process of finding someone in front of you who looks like a woman - or for Myrdin finding that she looks like, maybe acts like, a woman - can be disconcerting and bring up conflicts. Like stuff in the head that needs sorting out - and that takes time.

[Leeza]

Myrdin and Kayla, your stories are very touching.

It is so refreshing to hear stories where the two of you seem to be so attuned to each other.

Go slow as we say in here baby steps, and keep the lines of communication open.

[Anna]

Hi Myrdin and Kayla. Welcome, both of you, to our home in cyberspace.

This is a lovely story, thank you for sharing it with us and as Anthony has written, would be a dream situation for most of us who are still in the closet!

Hugs to you both...

[KimberlyS]

Myrdin and Kayla welcome to the site and thank you both for sharing your stories. Myrdin I can so relate to your story as I am just a guy who likes to be more feminine at times. I look forward to hearing more from the both of you.

[Kayla Myrdin (SO)]

Thanks for all the support and I'm sure you'll hear more from us
love Kayla Myrdin (SO)

[DonnaT]

Hi Kayla, to the forum.

When my wife and I were initially exploring this part of me in our relationship back in '75-'76, she was fine with it, gave me a wig and thought I was quite pretty after I did my makeup the first time.

Now she prefers I don't wear the wig or makeup, which is ok with me, as long as I can still dress up.

[ArleneMcCarthy]

Welcome to the Forum darlin.

[Carly]

Kayla,
It is always good to hear that people like you and Myrdin exist. I hope that you both grow into a loving relationship.

[Ralitsa]

This is such a nice story.
The first part is so much like mine, and many others. But the ending is perfect.
Welcome to both of you and we will enjoy having you here.