Okay, so I'm a crossdresser, and...I like it

[Ms Fiona]

Hi. I'm new here. Nice to meet you. Forgive me here, but I'm a little nervous, but allow me to introduce myself and tell you where I am so far. Also, please take my words with a grain of salt as I have to this point only shared my new activity with a few people and still know very little about it. I figured that being somewhat anonymous on the internet would be a good start, and maybe I won't remain that way, but without further ado:

So, I'm in my early 30's. I've always taken interest in women's clothing, but you probably wouldn't know it by looking at me. I'm a decent looking man with an athletic build. I have many hobbies, almost all of them bordering on the hyper-masculine, including weightlifting. My form of dress in my typical male attire is youthful with an attention to detail, usually some fitting jeans and a tight fitting shirt - tight but not too tight. I have medium-length brown hair and I'm lucky enough to have smooth, pale skin which I hear is very good for "dressing up". In all honest, I like being a guy, most of the time, which we'll get to that part. And I'm also heterosexual - not for less or more - I am only attracted to women. Speaking of women, I have been with the same lovely lady for over ten years.

She is what you would say, and forgive me for being somewhat sexist, but the perfect woman. Intelligent, good looking, hard-working, and understanding. She has multiple hobbies as well and we both enjoy an extremely active lifestyle. We are very healthy emotionally and our love life is excellent. Things have only improved since we've moved forward in the professional world. That being said here's how it started:

I've had the urge to dress up since I was a child. I had a dream once that I was in a dressing room and that there were girls clothes everywhere. I tried them on and woke up extremely fascinated. Dreams like this continued until I was about 14. At that point, I wasn't the large, muscular hulk of a man that I am now. I was thin and rather effeminate. I had long hair, and as I mentioned earlier, pale, smooth skin. In addition, the body hair I did have was still very smooth and short. The family was gone for almost the whole weekend. It was summer time. I raided my stepsister's closet (and I still feel somewhat guilty about that as I care for her very much but was too cowardly and shy to get my own clothes). The first thing I wore was an orange and pink bikini. Since she was right under six feet, her clothes seem to fit me quite well. Anyway, the bikini. I took a shower and slipped it on. Chills went all over my body, and I looked in the mirror. It fit better than I thought and from good distance if I had a bust I probably could've pulled it off if I tucked it in. But, I pranced around in it and laid stomach down on the bed. It felt very nice hugging my body, and I just felt extremely relaxed and excited at the same time. I tried on a variety of panties, bras, and other girly underthings that day. But I was too scared to dry on a dress, or makeup, or you know....to go "all the way". I was afraid I would get caught and get stuck.

Eventually I was caught....while not dressed up they caught on quickly....I quit for a quite a while and put it in the back of my head. I also, up until my age now, used to feel very guilty about it. I thought that I might be gay as well. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Certainly not. But I was confused, because, here I was, extremely eager to feel a woman's touch, yet I had an urge to dress like one quite often, perhaps a few times a week. I had my fair share of girlfriends, but none of them knew. One had offered to dress me up, not knowing that I had the desire, and embarrassed, I lied and told her that I had no interest, while hoping that she would dress me up make up and all. So that opportunity passed.

It wasn't until my early twenties that the desire resurfaced. My girlfriend, who is my wife now, wore very alluring outfits and undergarments. Calling her beautiful is an understatement, and to this day she turns heads if she wears anything that draws even slight attention. We were on a vacation, and we had our own room. Everyone was asleep. She had two dresses which were similar in style, and I asked her to let me wear one. She let me. It was very underwhelming and I was too nervous to enjoy it. She took no thought in it, and we didn't even talk about it for years.

Hard times came and went, and here I am in my thirties. The lovely lady is still here, and I am more comfortable with myself in general. I've traveled, fought, battled quite a bit for my relatively young age and have learned not to worry so much. The wife was gone. I had all Saturday off. I caved into the urge. Being notably larger in size than my spouse, I squeezed into the largest bra and panties I could find. Some of her dresses actually fit quite well, and I had lost quite a bit of weight due to less weight training and engaging in multiple cardio sessions each week. It felt very nice. I left the clothes on for quite a while and did some cleaning around the house. I did this off and on for several weekends and found it relieved quite a bit of stress. I always made sure to have the clothes off. I still at this point had never worn full makeup, shoes, hair, etc..

One evening, I asked my wife to let me wear her panties. She did. And we started doing this regularly. She commented that she liked the way they fit me, but I still felt nervous, and also quite shocked that she wasn't too offended by it. And if she was, I was going to stop. I love dressing up but nothing is as important as our relationship, first and foremost in all cases. She even asked if I would like to wear her bra one evening. I declined.

Another year or so passed. I grew up a bit. Got medicated. Stopped worrying so much. I quite taking work home with me when I didn't have to. I quit worrying about non-trivial issues as often and started worrying about things like whether or not my spouse is happy, whether or not the icemaker works...grown up stuff. But a few people passed away. It changed me. I realized that this might be my only turn here.

I don't want to hide my urges. I want someone to know. I can't hide this my entire life. Late one evening or morning, in the middle, the wife and I were quietly awake. I finally let it out. "I want you to dress me up. I want to go to the store, I want to buy girl's clothes, and I want to put them on. I'll pay for it". She was a bit surprised. This wasn't just a fetish. But she said yes. I was so excited that I had butterflies throughout the whole next day. We showered up, put on our Sunday's best, and went to a big dept. store. We took a buggy and filled it up with things for the both of us. It was extremely scary, but equally exhilarating to be in a store and picking up girly items. Some for her, some for me. We spent several hundred dollars. We went to another store, and then she spent several hundred dollars.

Went home, closed the blinds, and we picked some dresses and tops out from her collection. We dressed her up first. Then me. We sat together and drank wine, after each glass she let me try on a different outfit. I thought I had maybe passed away and went to heaven. Sitting there, dressed up in the most ridiculous feminine garb, next to my Goddess. I still didn't have shoes or a wig or makeup. But the rest. It was dark. She said that I wore the clothes very well. They certainly felt nice, and I stayed dressed up for hours. I eventually took them off. We did this again the next weekend, but the next time she put makeup on me as well, and I enjoyed that so much that I can't even describe it.

I mentioned it again this weekend, and she didn't seem as for it. She said I certainly could, but we're having quite a bit of company this time around. But I told her that I would dress up today while she was at work and asked her to call me when she got back. I told her that if she needed anything while out today to just call me and I'll be right there. She then told me that I can leave the clothes on for when she gets back. She's not exactly into this, but she's very supportive and I don't want to let my little discovery interfere with our relationship. She was a bit thrown off by my purchase, a brown wig and pair of shoes, and took a few days to get over the shock. After that, we uh...made amends if you know what I mean. We did have a funny conversation though. I haven't put them on, but I'm going to, and I'm going to try and put on some makeup without making too much of a mess. It will be my first time in full drag. I haven't even picked out what to wear. The shoes are nice and hopefully the wig fits. I'm excited and nervous.

More than anything, my relationship is the most important, and I don't ever want to jeopardize that. There are many women/men here who haven't had the luxury of a supportive spouse, some who have even been abandoned, and to those, I share my sympathy. It's not easy coping with the fact that you like to dress up as a lady or maybe even identify as one. I'm sure there are many different kinds on here, gay, bi or straight, casual x-dresser or full on transgender. Well, now some of you know.

I like dressing like a chick. I'm okay with being a guy most of the time (in fact it rocks), but sometimes, I wish that I were a lesbian? Yes, it's confusing for me too. I find it extremely comforting, and I'm about to dress up like a lady and clean the entire house. And as far as lady clothes go, I like really frilly, girly clothes. I like pink and violet for colors, but am open to others. I also like wearing a tight fitting skirt and the way it presses my legs together. Maybe I'll wear that. Anyway, if I crossed the line anywhere please forgive me. I am a bit self-absorbed, by I'm overall a nice guy, eh lady? Like I said, I'm new to this. I'm open for tips here and wish me luck on the makeup. It's going to get messy today.

[Cassandra Lynn]

Wow, what a wonderful post Fiona and a big welcome to you, enjoy your stay here at the forum.

First of all, congrats to you for finding that your lovely wife appears to be fairly accepting, and i hope that you both can find a suitable and fulfilling way of incorporating this part of you into the relationship.

I certainly don't want to sound like a debbiedowner here but those of us who've been around on the forums for awhile and also have some time in dealing with this 'thing' that we are with our loved ones can give you some gentle advice.

Go easy, give her lots of room, be honest at all times, communicate (and then communicate again).

Best wishes.

[Leeza]

with what Cass said.

My wife of almost 37 years knew about my cding before we were married. Although I can't say she was supportive, she was accepting.

It is very important o keep the lines of communication open and be sure to pay attention to what she is saying. I have seen a number of cders that got caught up in the "pink fog" and have moved beyond where their SO's comfort level and that has caused problems.

We use the term "baby steps" meaning go slow. Sometimes what we think is slow is like a race for the SO.

Welcome

[Ms Fiona]

Thanks for the reception and the advice. I think you are both right with the whole 'giving her room' thing. It's a bit much, and if she were doing the same thing, I bet it would a shocker for me as well. I definitely plan on slowing things down. Take care.

[KimberlyS]

Ms Fiona welcome to the site and thank your for sharing that story about you. It is so great your wife is doing ok with it so far. Glad you have decided to slow down as you do not want to over load her. Just remember how long it took you to get to this point and accept your self. Communication will be key for the two of you to keep moving forward in a positive way.


Good luck and enjoy.

kimberlys-cd
joe in a skirt

[DonnaT]

Hi Fiona, aboard.

I agree, take things a little slower. Let the grow on your wife before introducing her to the wig and any makeup.

My wife was quite impressed with my appearance, but became disenchanted later. This was well before the Internet.

Now I usually wear an outfit around the house, but without the makeup and wig. It helps that she can still see her husband instead of Donna.

[Emma-A]

Thats such a lovely story and I'm really happy for you. As others have said, welcome to the forum and feel free to ask for advice any time, or just ramble about how you are feeling. we all need to do that sometimes!

Its good to see your lady accepting this but be careful. My wife was initially supportive but once she realised this was more than a passing fad for me, she turned vehemently against it, to the extent I can't even dress when she is around. I nearly broke down because of this. I sincerely hope this doesn't happen to you, but always be prepared to deal with -that possibility.

with love,
Em

[Tina]

Ms Fiona,
Welcome and may I say having a supportive wife is everything. My wife and I have been married for going on 5 yrs. She was the first person I ever told and I told her before we ever slept together. I hope you two have a long a happy relationship together. And I agree, take it slow. So at snails pace for you, well most likely be supersonic for her.
Hope to see your future threads,
Tina

[Ralitsa]

I like dressing like a chick. I'm okay with being a guy most of the time (in fact it rocks), but sometimes, I wish that I were a lesbian? Yes, it's confusing for me too.

well I understand that just perfectly!

sounds to me like you have the right attitude about it now, you like it and what difference does it make to the rest of the world...
As the other girls have mentioned, sometimes the wife will backpedal if she feels like you are losing interest in her, so I guess just be careful you don't let her feel that way. From what you said I think you won't.

[Ms Fiona]

Thanks for the advice and the support everyone. I did get caught up in it quite a bit and she has been nothing short of awesome. I know that she needs her knight in shining armor and I need to be there for her at all times. It is definitely time to tone it down, at least when she is around, as I can see that the girls on here speak from experience. Have fun everyone and thanks again.