Your beginnings??? mine might be starting again

[LyndaLoves]

Well as most mine started at 12 yo with sneaking into my mothers sisters drawers.
My earliest memory is when I was 6 we went to the lake for a week and my PJs were forgotten
I ended with wearing my sisters extra nightie and I can remember wanting to go to bed so I could put it on.
I dressed in private for all theses years, trying to stop and then giving in to the need.
I have bought clothes, purged, bought more, purged and the cycle continued till late last year as its now 2013
I discovered facebook and went alittle crazy with it and one day left it open....on purpose...maybe deep down mentally it was my way of coming out.
Anyway crap hit the fan. Therapy was my only choice or leave.....I am the one that is broken.
Since being there we have talked and talked and cried but the main outcome is I am not a crossdresser but transgendered.
HRT is being discussed and in way I really want to start them,,,,in others,,,,welll I have spent more than half my live struggling to be a man and do the man things.........getting married having a child etc...... but Lynda has always been there, wanting to be the one that was pregnant, wanting to wear the brides dress.
The therapist laid out a HTR treatment for me and I started crying, I want so much to be Lynda but am really woried about disappointing my daughter, wife and family.
Transitoning at work although would be a hard I would hope to retire within the next year but if the wife and I divorce then I have to stay until 65 which means 10 years more and that could pose a problem then of doing a transition.
My therapist's main point is my well being and not of others
OMG probably said more than I should of but theres my story...............so far

Lynda

[Ralitsa]

Hi Lynda,
first, thanks for sharing your struggles. Second, slow down. It's hard enough for me to try to keep up with everything you've gone through in the past several weeks without having to deal with it, process it, understand it, and evaluate it's long and short term consequenses. But you have to do that, your family has to do that, your wife has to do that, your kids have to do that, you co-workers have to do that.

Buying youself a really cute dress and some heels and having a good time is one thing. HRT and SRS are way beyond that. I won't pretend that I have the answer, I don't know what is right for you, but you really, really need to spend some serious time evaluating that. The explanation you gave seems to imply that it's all rather sudden and almost sounds like the therapist is pushing you into HRT.

So now, let's start over. Have you been dressing all these years in secret? Do you really want to BE a woman, or is it just fun to wear pretty clothes? Have you come to grips with what it is to be a man that wears womens clothes, or are you just skipping over that? You know, I hope, that you don't need the label of transgendered to give you permission to wear the clothes you like?

There is a whole lot of stuff here, and I have a bad feeling like you're being stuffed into a pigeon hole just so that someone can check off their "diagnosis" and "cured" boxes.

[DonnaT]

Well, seems if you really are struggling to be a man, but would rather be a woman, and it's more about being who you believe you are than the clothes you wear, then your therapist may well be right.

Good luck and best wishes with your decisions.

I'm under the impression that you being in Manitoba, you have the right to transition on the job.

The Manitoba government gave royal assent to passed Bill 36, the Human Rights Code Amendment Act to add gender identity to the list of protected characteristics. On June 14, 2012, the Bill received royal assent; it is now law and in force.

[Jenny J]

My sister was on the HS drill team and had practice twice a week. Since she wasn't old enough to drive my mom would take her to practice and then bring her home. The two of them would be gone for well over two hours and while the cats were away, I got to play.

I would wear my sister skirts and sweaters whle practicing walking like a girl. She had a pair of slippers the barely fit but I made them fit. My only worry was that I would not replace everything where I found it. She was a neatness freak and knew where everything should be.

I finally started a growth spurt and quickly out grew her stuff and I had to let it go dorment for a while.

But only for a little while and now I'm back enjoying it immensely.

Jenny

[Paulette]

Hi Lynda,

Just stopped in for a minute, saw your post and had to reply.

I know several people who have difficulty "deciding" who they are. Women who have successfully transitioned only to find that they are still attracted to women (go figure!) or still like working with their hands or driving the tractor around the farm or racing formula one cars. And then there are some who are still in the closet, still hiding from their spouses, and still buy mail order and periodically purging. You'll find the same range in this forum.

The fantasy among many of us is that if we simply leap into the air without looking, someone will catch us. That truly is a fantasy. We are the only ones who can catch us! And sometimes we stumble too, don't we?

So yes, don't leap into something you haven't explored already. Leap, certainly! Take that chance! But have a very good idea of what it means to do so, and exactly what you will do if things don't work out.

Yes, there are White Knights out there who will assure you that they will make everything alright and keep you safe. They rarely know what they're in for and will themselves leap to "rescue" another needy person if that one satisfies their self-image better than you do.

So be careful out there, but be out there. Your feelings are urgent, but your life lasts all your life. Take care of yourself.