A Brief History

[Christine.Lolita]

I had a feeling from a very young age that there was something different about me. It was not until I was in my early 20s that I realized what it was. I wanted to wear dresses and femme undergarments. Even though I had the realization that I was inclined to wear girly clothes I tried very hard to suppress this feeling and it worked for a while. However, the feeling soon became more than I could resist so at the age of 32 I reluctantly gave in my desires and bought my first dress. It was a French Maid dress from LD fashions.

I clearly remember the day I got the dress and tried it on. I knew I had discovered a new facet of my personality. I officially was now a crossdresser and knew my life from then on would be different.

When I decided to follow my desire to crossdress I preferred to wear sissy little girl style dresses with petticoats and frilly panties. I bought several dresses like this and wore them regularly. Eventually I discovered Lolita fashion and just obsessed over the many style of Lolita dresses available.

Oh by the way I forgot to mention that between the sissy dresses and when I started wearing Lolita dresses I got married. I love my wife as does she love me, but she cringes at the thought of me wearing a dress, so I once again tried to suppress my desire to crossdress. It does not work for long I went six months before I gave in and got out my sissy dresses and started to dress in secret.

In Jan 2012 I decided to expand my wardrobe of Lolita dresses and within 3 months I have bought eight new outfits and plenty of femme accessories including panties, nylons, shoes, make up, several wigs and a petticoat. I have been doing my best to look as femme as I can when I dress.

I just took stock and I now have 32 dresses, 6 petticoats, 3 pairs of shoe, 1 pair of boots, not sure but I think 15 wigs, 12 pairs of pantyhose, at least 24 pairs of panties, 1 bra (I just realized I want to have breasts) and a very good stock of makeup, plus various other accessories.

With all of these clothes I should be content, but I am still driven to buy more and more. I am not sure why I keep buying more and more.
In one of my therapy sessions I told my therapist that I have always felt that I was supposed to have been born female and that I feel ripped off to be forced to live as a male.

Maybe I am trying to over compensate by buying all these dresses?

[TammyT]

With all of these clothes I should be content, but I am still driven to buy more and more. I am not sure why I keep buying more and more.
...
Maybe I am trying to over compensate by buying all these dresses?

Sounds pretty womanly to me!

Do you mind me asking what you wife says now about your vast wardrobe and you continuing to dress? Am I right in assuming that she doesn't know that you've "relapsed", so to speak?

[Carol Ann]

Well Christine to a womens world ,
I have been dressing forever and I am always seeing an outfit I want and my wife saids I have more cloths and shoes then a womens store .

Tammy ask a good question, what about your wife?.

[Rikki]

Christine,

So happy that you joined us here. I hope we get a chance to meet up in the chat room from time to time. I love your photos in Flickr, but it will be even better to talk and share notes on petticoat fashions with another like-minded girl. Some here think I'm a nut, but you understand the addiction.

Welcome,
Rikki

[Christine.Lolita]

Some here think I'm a nut, but you understand the addiction.

You are no nut. We all have our own ways of expressing our femininity. I think a petticoat is one of the most feminine things a person can wear. You are totally cool in my book.

[Christine.Lolita]

Do you mind me asking what you wife says now about your vast wardrobe and you continuing to dress? Am I right in assuming that she doesn't know that you've "relapsed", so to speak?

My wife has accepted that I am TG, once I went to therapy and she understood that I am not mentally ill, and that being TG is a normal part of the human condition. I dress when she is at home and she gets that I will continue to buy more clothes. We have agreed that I should not spend more than $200.00 per month on Christine's clothes. I think this is reasonable and in fact I have curbed my spending to much less than that.

[Anthony Simon]

I had a feeling from a very young age that there was something different about me. It was not until I was in my early 20s that I realized what it was.

In the light of the other stuff you've written, that you didn't try dressing up till you were over 20 struck me as kind of odd. I'm guessing, but I think maybe the conscious suppression of the CDing you tried for the next 10 years of so was acting unconsciously before.

When I decided to follow my desire to crossdress I preferred to wear sissy little girl style dresses with petticoats and frilly panties. I bought several dresses like this and wore them regularly. Eventually I discovered Lolita fashion and just obsessed over the many style of Lolita dresses available.

It seems conceivable that part of your preference for little girl styles has to do with the fact that you didn't dress up as a child. Like if there is a female side to you she never got to express herself as a child - i.e. a girl. So it's a little girl that pops out when you finally dress up.

To speculate even more violently, maybe part of the reason for your subsequent and current interest in Lolita-style has to do with that being a somewhat older girl.

I love my wife as does she love me, but she cringes at the thought of me wearing a dress, so I once again tried to suppress my desire to crossdress.

You posted some stuff here after saying this which gives a different slant on your current relationship with your wife - as does your mini-blog on the flikr site. I guess this was true when she married you, though.

I just took stock and I now have 32 dresses, 6 petticoats, 3 pairs of shoe, 1 pair of boots, not sure but I think 15 wigs, 12 pairs of pantyhose, at least 24 pairs of panties, 1 bra (I just realized I want to have breasts) and a very good stock of makeup, plus various other accessories.

That you "just realized [you] want to have breasts" fits with there being a slow maturing of the femme persona you want to present.

With all of these clothes I should be content, but I am still driven to buy more and more. I am not sure why I keep buying more and more.
In one of my therapy sessions I told my therapist that I have always felt that I was supposed to have been born female and that I feel ripped off to be forced to live as a male.

Maybe I am trying to over compensate by buying all these dresses?

I've gone through a similar splurge of buying since I started up the CDing again 4 years ago. With me the clothes etc seem to express the potential to express my female part. Like there's this great wodge of female energy inside of me waiting to do something, just as there are all these clothes.

[TammyT]

My wife has accepted that I am TG, once I went to therapy and she understood that I am not mentally ill, and that being TG is a normal part of the human condition. I dress when she is at home and she gets that I will continue to buy more clothes. We have agreed that I should not spend more than $200.00 per month on Christine's clothes. I think this is reasonable and in fact I have curbed my spending to much less than that.

awww, that's nice. It sounds like some significant progress has been made, and I hope that you two continue progressing to a happy, healthy, and accepting marriage. Have you ever bought any clothes for your wife? It might be a sweet, no-strings-attached gesture to express part of your femininity towards her, or even just to say 'thank you' for accepting you.

Your Flickr photos are so colourfully adorable, too!