who am I ?

[Jamie Lynn]

Ive never spoken or written these words, but here goes.
In the beginning, there was a bath night. The bathroom was on the third floor, way up with the stars.
The little boy gets in the bath and at some time during his washing, he reaches down and pulls part of his appendage, closes his legs tight, and forms a V shape at the tops of his thighs.
Im sure this was the earliest action, although it might have been the simple act of trying out some of the lady underclothes in the laundry box. And very quickly too, because I knew it was wrong, even at that age. I had a very very strict father and I was a very naughty boy sometimes, and I certainly dreaded being caught like that. Sadly, he died when I was 15. After then I dressed more, and have a life story that continues to evolve. But that’s another story for another day.
I do think I am more than just a crossdresser. I believe that given the choice pre-conception, I would have chosen to be female. I am also physically more feminine than the average guy, but not to a massive degree. But there were significant events before age 16 that made me more aware of who I really am. I just don’t seem to be able to put a name to it.

Jamie Lynn


***Post edited to remove color text, as per: http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 65&t=10059" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; - SL

[Kelly]

Does it really matter, Jamie? You are who you are. Be happy with yourself and your needs.

I know, that is easy advise to give. It seems vacuous to receive. But in reality, what you think and how you feel isn't going to change. So roll with it.

A really interesting thread the was active about a month ago was titled "gender" it is at http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... =8&t=15533" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

You might find it helpful.

Kelly.

[Jane D]

" because I knew it was wrong, even at that age."

Don't prejudge yourself as being in the wrong. Gender and sexual orientation are not just automatically assigned at birth based on your sex. But, that is what society expects. Just because many people are out of sync with what our culture expects doesn't mean they are in the wrong. Also, gender and orientation are just 2 facets of an individual. Try not to let concerns in those areas overwhelm you and limit your overall life experience. Such seems to be the case with too many people here.

[Diane Hoffrau]

Jamie
There is no wrong if you are what you are
Every human being is unique and different
Society more easily accepts a broad spectrum of behaviors as being normal.
Just because a certain society has not yet deemed portions of the transgendered society as being acceptable
that doesn't make them correct.

Gender is not binary it is a continum
You challenge in life is to first accept and love yourself
Be proud that you are special
Be proud that you are willing to expore the full width and breath of your robust personality
You will be better for the effort and the world will hopelfully become enlightened some day

Diane

[Carol Esme]

Take it all at your own pace. I spent 50 yrs knowing I was a crossdresser and determinedly denying there was anything more. Now I am acknowledging there were indicators of something deeper and since January this year have been off and running pursuing my dream.

[Jamie Lynn]

Thank you everyone for your words...........of course I know theres nothing wrong now..........but back then? Anyway, Ive been past that for awhile

[Martine Amance]

Jamie, we carry around the baggage of our past. We own it, if you will, and there is no escape from it. On the other hand there is no need to constantly examine it. It's like bed-wetting, you did it as a young child and may as an old man. In between is what matters. The question is, what do you need now to make you happy. I could say that I need a million dollars in the bank. It might help make me happy but by itself, it has little bearing on my happiness. I can make myself just as miserable with a million as I could with one dollar. Some of us need a bit more time to figure out just what actions make us happy. I love to read and love to write. If I could write the great American novel I would be happier than hell, but if I don't it won't diminish my love of writing. I was a failure in the public school system, a high school drop out. Yet I read what I wanted, learned a great deal on my own and across a wide range of subjects and very deeply. I build my personal library book by book and have as many now as Thomas Jefferson had in his home. It took a little time to figure that I was making myself happy is so many little ways. Leave the suit-case of your past closed and in the closet. Look and see what you have done to create your own happiness. I am sure that you have done so much more than you might realize.

[Nicole Rose]

Hi Jamie, you are you Jamie, smart, funny, outgoing, giving, sincere, did I mention smrt smrt, Remember it takes all kinds, and you are as special as the next person, Go Man City xxx Nicole

[Jamie Lynn]

I know youre all right, and thanks for your sweetness Nicole xx
Having a place to come every so often to 'fit right in' is very nice.
Im very blessed in many aspects of my life, and fully appreciate that. This other part of me, well these days its more a nice thing than a darn right confusing thing (now I know all my sizes, now I dont really care what folks might think)
Thanks everyone see you in chat x

[Nicole Rose]

I totally agree with you Jamie, soooo nice to have a place like this to learn and appreciate every part of our special gifts we were given, I personally wouldn't change a thing. So nice to let out our inner feelings cdrs and tg girls seem very giving and caring people. Jamie you are sooooo special, xxx sweetie Nicole

[Martine Amance]

Jamie, you might as well ask why you prefer one flavor of ice cream to another or a particular color over another. We just do, nothing very complicated about that. You feel that you should have been born a female, all well and good. But your cards have been dealt, genetically speaking and you must play them to the best of your ability. The question becomes, then, how do you play your hand? You can take the hormones, have the sexual reassignment surgery, and all that, but you will never become a genetic girl. Just what are your options? That depends on your needs. One very good positive step is that you have joined a web site where you will get support and encouragement to discover what your needs are. You have become a member of a group where your goals and values are shared. So, keep posting your comments and questions. We have a lot of support to give you.