The beginning

[Shauna_M]

Episode 1.
Fascinating to read stories of all of you. I'll write my story in episodes.

My story started when I was 14. I remember since very young age, may be 4 yrs old, I had attraction towards smooth and soft things. At that age i remember playing on with plastic sheets but nothing about clothes.

Coming back to age 14, I remember coming back from school one day. I saw washed clothes stacked on bed. My sister used to wear satin and silk clothes often. I always liked them on my older sister's body but had never thought of playing them. That day just by accident I saw turquoise colour silk trouser of my sister in the stack. I don't know why I picked them, play with them until I came in them. That was my first ever release and you can imagine if the first release is in silk clothes, it became my first sweetest memory ever of such practice.

The first day, I did it twice with lot of pleasure and guilt phenomenon. Then it became a ritual, stealing my sister's silk clothes, wearing them, using them and then returning them after washing them. I tried all of her silky clothes but the turquoise color trousers were the best. I remember my first encounter when I was loving them, the thin, soft and smooth material caressing my body and flowing against my skin especially when the fan was on. I used to love them as if they were my girlfriend. Yes it was such an effect.

But I was lucky enough my sister kept buying silk clothes and I kept trying them. I was smart enough never to be caught :-). Perhaps too afraid but now I think I should have been. But later i started liking satin more, I'll talk about that in another episode.

[Shauna_M]

The first panty i ever wore was that of my mother not too long after I started wearing silk clothes. It was black in colour made of mixture of silk and nylon. Very smooth and sensual. I found it in my mother's cupboard when I was actively browsing through her clothes. It looked very beautiful on me and gave me too much of excitement. I still remember the feeling.


** This is all the same topic - your beginnings - therefore, these posts have been merged into one topic, as per: http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... =65&t=9195" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; - SL

[Paulette]

>>>>.

[Paulette]

It has taken me several years to recognize the connectedness of the several stories I've told here in CD-F. All true - as much as memory and re-telling allow.

My earliest relevant recollection was of my mother and her girlfriend, Millie, in the early 1940s, getting dressed to go out. My father was stationed in India during most of WW II, which was the first four years of my life. They, Leona and Millie, would dress up using leg make-up because silk was not available and nylon had yet to be used for stockings. I'd help them spread the cream on their legs, and enjoyed doing it. They enjoyed me doing it, and made a joke between them of how much they enjoyed it, I guess assuming that I wouldn't remember or understand. I didn't understand then, but I remembered. Then they put me to bed, presumably to sleep, while they went out dancing and drinking.

When the war was over, my mother divorced my father and married again, into a family that accepted me, but that was the extent of it. She then had a child by my stepfather and nursed him, and another, and nursed her. I remember smelling her breast milk on the nursing bras in the laundry hamper, and holding them against my face. I also smelled her panties, and they reminded me strongly of when I would smooth the cream on her legs, all the way up to her butt and crotch, and she would tell me how good it felt.

The smell was exhilarating, and because she was raising new infants it was as close as I could get to her and the relationship we once had. I can't remember putting her clothing on, but I know I rubbed my face and body on them.

There was a period of several years when I think I stopped doing this. Then, with puberty, I found that the best sensations for me were of rubbing female clothing on myself, and wearing it and smelling it. Because I was in the JHS orchestra, I discovered the costume locker in the Jr High auditorium, and learned how to defeat the locks and enter the auditorium at night, get into the locker, and put on various dresses and nightgowns, and go out onto the darkened stage. It was wonderful, and to me that was how one achieved orgasm, though I didn't know until later what orgasm was, just that it felt great.

Then we moved about five miles away and I no longer was around the block from the JHS auditorium. So I went back to my mother's clothes in the laundry. But I knew I couldn't continue doing this with her clothing, so I began going out at night, through my bedroom window, and raiding clotheslines in the neighborhood. I stored my finds in the top of my closet. The thrill of going out at night and stealing clothing and putting it on in the dark in someone else's yard, became associated with the joy of dressing and masturbating, and the association with my mother faded. I had become a sexually oriented cross-dresser addicted to the risk of discovery.

And then one night the police caught me, brought me home, and my parents made me show them my stash. Shortly thereafter I was put in an asylum and given a long series of frequent electroconvulsive shock treatments. They didn't "cure" me, but they were a powerful negative reinforcement to not cross-dress. So, until well into my twenties, through High School, the Marine Corps, and my first marriage, I didn't.

For the next 45 years I bought or stole, and periodically purged, and tried to quit cross-dressing. Of course, I couldn't quit.

I never really wanted to be a woman. I first want to simply be close to my mother. And then I wanted, more or less, to be her, despite having a very rocky relationship with her which got so bad that we didn't speak for over 20 years.

Now, with an accepting wife who loves me no matter whether I dress or not, enjoys a loving adult nursing relationship (ANR) with me, and doesn't care whether I'm masculine or feminine. I can be who I am: a man who occasionally loves dressing as a woman, who is a switch but is always himself, and, at least now at 73, has no desired to transition though I consider myself 'trans'.

I have found a balance, an equilibrium, that is accepted by my family, that encompasses my marriage and my love life, and that does not endanger my livelihood or my position in the community.

I don't blame my mother for making me into a cross-dresser. I do blame her for neglecting me for her own interests and for sending me away to be tortured. Had she paid attention or accepted me as I was, I doubt the cross-dressing would have developed or continued. But she didn't, and it did.

This is not my life story, only the major parts of my life concerning my cross-dressing. I feel that here and in MHB, I'm in good company.

Life is good.

[Shauna_M]

Hi Paulette,
I'm surprised you were given ECT for crossdressing. I though liked your story about rubbing with female clothes. It's amazing why there is remarkable similarity between crossdressers. Would like to know more of your cd experiences.
I'll write more of mine in further episodes.
Regards.

[Scottie]

Hi all,
I've been away from this forum for a while, but still love to get dressed up in women's clothing. I can certainly relate to the feeling of silky fabrics being such a turn on. So light against my skin. I've had to clean lots of borrowed clothing before returning them to their drawers and closets. I like to wear tight jeans with pantyhose too. They just feel nice with heels or boots.

My beginnings, however, didn't include the clothing. I was into crossdressing before I had access to any women's clothing at all. I remember being like 9 or 10 and fantasizing about being a girl. <snip>

This moment stayed between us until we both moved away and lost touch. When I was 13, I used to get out of the shower and wrap up in a big towel, coverring my boobs. I'd fix the towel so that I had the illusion of breasts and look at myself in the mirror. <snip>

I began to acquire clothing from my girlfriends and anywhere else I could, and would go out for long walks. <snip>

Married now, but still love to fantasize about dressing up, and still do. Just not as much as when I was single.



** Post edited to remove sexually-explicit references as per our rules. - SL

[Shauna_M]

Hi Scottie,
I love your story. I liked when you said you get turned on by silk. Do you like satin as well?

<snip>


Regards
Shauna



** Post edited to remove sexually-explicit references as per our rules. - SL