Not quite the beginning

[Linda]

Like most cross dressers I tinkered with dressing up in my early teenage years but it was not until I got married when the temptation increased. It was actually while on honeymoon while we were lying at the beach when I went back to the hotel room and my wife had laid out her clothes on the bed for that evening. Well, she had a nice pair of black patent kitten heels, an irresistible pair of natural shade tights and a flouncy skirt. I just had to try them on and I felt wonderful. Over the years I borrowed her clothes and played with her extensive make up collection whenever the opportunity arose. With the ease of buying clothes make up and wigs anonymously via the internet I put together a nice outfit with a shoulder length blond wig, blouse, pencil skirt, several pairs of tights (I just find them so erotic) and a lovely pair of black patent court shoes, I even bought a panty girdle to keep my manly parts in check. And between my wife's make up and items I purchased I was able present a decent female appearance. I took some photos and posted them on flickr but quickly removed them for fear of recognition. It was around this time that I confessed to my wife, I suppose she took it well and has said she does not mind but wants no involvement. I really envy those whose wife's are happy to get involved. If I am being honest I would rather not have my cross dressing urges and would like to stop, I threw out all the items mentioned above months ago but I am now feeling an overwhelming urge to dress again. Would love to hear any of your thoughts.

Linda
X

[DonnaT]

First thought, never purge!

Second, the urge very very rarely goes away for good, thus read first thought.

Third, respect your wife's wishes, but keep open the lines of communication to discuss your needs as well as hers.

[Requal Jo]

Being honest and open is the first step Linda. Keep those lines of communication open and take things slowly.

You will never rid yourself of the urge to dress. The experience and feelings are always with us and the visual cues and reminders are consistently around us.

Enjoy and cherish the time you have as Linda.

[Davita]

There are only two good things that come from purging. Hopefully your stuff was donated and 2nd. you will need to shop again. Sorry you decide to purge.

As the others have said, talk... but don't force conversations on the better half she doesn't want.

Good luck. and welcome to the Forum.

[Jina James]

"has said she does not mind but wants no involvement"

Respect her wishes. Do not try to "encourage" her involvement.

I agree on keeping open lines of communication. I suggest being as low key as possible in doing so.

Best wishes.

[Nicole Rose]

I agree with the other girls never purge, even though most of us do at the beginning of our cdrsing journey. The URGE to dress NEVER goes away, and comes back stronger each time we try to stop and start again. Self acceptance is a must, plus we are the lucky ones to be chosen to be special women! Best of luck Nicole

[Ralitsa]

I can sympathize with your wish that you didn't like it so much. In many ways life would be a lot easier and there wouldn't be all the relationship stress caused by it. Of course we don't get to choose what difficulties we are given to overcome in life, and it's easy to say that other problems are a lot worse. I suppose we all go through that phase.
My fondness for wearing womens clothes bothered me for a long time as well. My ex-wife claims (but I don't believe her) that it destroyed our marriage; most of my family is uncomfortable with it; I have very few friends that are willing to tolerate it. So it has been difficult in a lot of ways.
On the other hand I've learned a good deal about life and people from it. For one thing you find out in a hurry who can be trusted and who cannot. It's helped me overcome some of my own prejudice. It's helped me reject other stereotypes and rethink many of the standard assumptions in society, and conciously choose my own path.
But all that stuff is really secondary to the fact that it's just very satisfying and I really like it. So the most important thing it's given me is the determination to permit myself to enjoy some things in life.

[Linda]

Ralitsa,

Thank you for your very sensitive response. I think my difficulty is, can the urge to cross dress be overcome? If it can, then this is the path I would prefer to take. I do enjoy dressing up when the urge arises, I get immense pleasure and satisfaction from my femme side. I have been married for over 30 years, I am 53 yrs old, I am also in good physical condition for my age. Without going into too much boring detail my marriage is not in a healthy state for various reasons. I confessed to my wife because I thought it was the right thing to do, I also took a gamble and thought it might reinvigorate our dead sex life, sadly it had no effect. I signed up to this forum to correspond with others and hopefully gain a better understanding of myself.

Linda x

[Kelly]

Hi Linda,

I'll start off blunt. You're not going to get an answer about overcoming the urge to crossdress here. The consensus is that I can't be overcome. It is probably correct. If by chance it can be overcome, then anybody that has succeeded isn't posting here.

So just be at peace with yourself. You have gotten the 'get out of jail free' card from your wife, so take it for what it is worth. Your current relationship is what it is. Your wife's libido may have just atrophied for her own reasons. Your gender related urges were probably not a contributor. So don't sweat it.

Just be happy, be yourself, and have fun. (and quite purging!) Anyone that has passed the big 50 mark deserves as much.

Kelly.

[Rhanda]

For what it's worth, I have been crossdressong for about 75 years and have not wanted to be mistaken for a woman at any time. I just enjoy being what I feel is very attractive. I have never worn a skirt in public and don't own one. My wife doesn't care what I have been doing and only wants me to be happy. I have always outdressed her because she doesn't care to dress up and I have had to go along with that. She is still my greatest achievement. Don't push your wife to participate. She still probably will do things for you that you can't get anyone els to do. You probaly don't even have to ask, she knows what you like.

Rhanda

[Anthony Simon]

I think my difficulty is, can the urge to cross dress be overcome? If it can, then this is the path I would prefer to take. I do enjoy dressing up when the urge arises, I get immense pleasure and satisfaction from my femme side.

So you've got an urge which you'd like to overcome. But it also gives you "immense pleasure" to satisfy it.

That you say you'd "prefer" to overcome the urge suggests you could live with not overcoming it but that you wouldn't be that happy.

It is unusual for people to come on here - or other CD groups - to give up CDing totally. I know of one person (looking through the archives here) who gave it up because she was no longer able to create the female image she desired.

You do get people who've had it recede in importance in their life but with it still hovering around in the background. There was also one person who gave it up under duress from her wife, but eventually started up again secretly.

Quite a lot of people report having done it in teenage (and earlier) and it disappearing from their lives for decades only for it to return strongly in middle age and turn up here. That raises the possibility of others who don't have it return at all - but we don't hear about them. And, given the social stigma about CDing, they might remain hidden for the rest of their lives.

The thing is, so far as I know, there are no real life cases of people giving up CDing and it being made a public thing about - i.e. in the press and everything - except for ones that have turned out to be not so. That's despite a significant effort from the psychological profession to "cure" CDs.

Lots and lots of us have had - or still have - the same desire to give up the urge. But there's only so far you can go with that. Sooner or later the vast majority of us here have decided that this isn't something that's going away.