My beginnings

[Deanna]

I honestly don't remember the first time I tried on any women's clothes, but I do remember sneaking my mother's stockings as well as my sister's panties on occasion prior to puberty. I remember feeling very aroused by these items as I reached puberty, but I never tried on other clothes until I moved in with a girlfriend when I was in my early 20s. When she moved out I kept some of her clothes and really enjoyed wearing them. However, I felt awkward when I thought about it later and I was convinced this was a mentally unstable thing to do so I thew all of the clothes away. Of course I soon had the urge again and I felt upset that I threw away the clothes.

When I met my wife I would occasionally sneak items of her clothes, but knowing how she has an eye for detail I was terrified of getting caught so I kept the activities to a minimum for several years. We have been married just over ten years and in that time I have bought a few pairs of nylons and underwear only to throw them away a few weeks later. I have struggled with these feelings for many years and every year I tell myself that I will explore the feelings only to back out or convince myself it's wrong. Earlier this year I made a game plan that included slowly cutting body hair (I have always maintained the unmentionable area), eyebrows, as well as shopping online for clothes and decided to explore it this fall. I finally bought a few dresses, a pair of shoes in my size, a wig, makeup, and other items to help me appear more feminine and I am loving it!

[Requal Jo]

Thank you for sharing Deanna. Most of us at the Haven have been where you are at this time. I understand the feelings and frustrations associated with cross dressing.

I to had difficulty coming out to my wife and when I mustered the courage and confidence to do so it was a weight of my mind and shoulders. Probably of hers too as I think she had a feeling that something was happening.

Sure she was confused and angry and emotional, however by talking through the issues with her and giving her time, she has begun to accept Requal. I pointed out to her that I am just a man who enjoys the comforts of female apparel and by being Requal does it really change who I am.

Although still somewhat reluctant, my wife is more accepting as time goes by. (I now get to hang Requal's washing on the line with the family's and that is a great advance on her part).

[Deanna]

Requal,

Thank you for the reply. In the first few weeks of exploring this I wanted to tell her very badly, but I just want to be sure about a few things before telling her. I know once the cat is out of the bag there is no way it's going back in. My wife was brought up with traditional family upbringing and I'm not sure she would react very well to this. However, I have begun to shed some of the "manly" acts and showed my feminine side to hear over the last few years as sort of a build up for this.

I am happy your situation has worked out and I hope that my wife accepts who I am underneath!

[Penelope Carol]

I can relate to so much of your story Deanna. I've never been married so I've never faced the dilemma of whether to come out to a wife but it took me years to accept myself for what I am. Two years ago I decided to stop all the purges and embrace my feminine side, and what a strong side I've found it to be - I may be biologically male but the girl in me is by far the greater part of my personality and the more freedom she has the easier that is for me to see. About three months ago I began to tell my friends. Now most of them know and not one has given me a negative reaction. I'm now able to go out and meet them in public places and I'm having a wonderful time!

[Emily]

Thank you for sharing your story, Deanna.

I can totally understand where you're coming from. I'm in a somewhat similar situation and its a tough situation to be in. We wish our wives, girlfriends, partners could just easily accept us for who we are quirks and all, but it doesn't always work out that way. There's always risk involved whether we decide to tell, or not to tell. But try to introduce the topic slowly... try to "feel it out" and hope that you can accurately gauge her perception.

When you have decided that the time is right, maybe introduce your wife to this forum... It could help her to gain some insight and understanding. Just a thought... something that has been suggested to girls in the same boat as you before. Could be helpful!

[Deanna]

Penny and Lexi,

Thank you for your insight, I honestly do value your input and experiences.

[Martina Hall]

Deanna, I have not stolen or "borrowed" someone else's stuff since probably age 12. First place, they probably won't fit. I also learned a lesson about purging all my fem stuff. It does not cure you, it costs you, cuz you are sure to spend again for replacement. But culling is something I should do more often. Toss the things I would not likely wear.

[Deanna]

Martina,

I have been lucky since my ex-girlfriend and now my wife's clothes fit me for the most part. Although now I am ordering in my size and have finally bought my own clothing other than undergarments for the first time just a few months ago. I do regret the purging of everything although the clothing cost me little to nothing as most were leftovers from exes. I did have a great pair of thigh highs that were a few bucks that I nearly got caught buying by people I knew that I tossed out years ago. Now that I realize this is a part of me and I have accepted it I am now exploring everything through the eyes of a shopper instead of a sneak.

[Martha]

Hello Deanna,

I also went though the stages of buying things and later getting rid of them for fear of being caught. One morning my wife caught me while I was getting dressed and she noticed I was wearing one of her thongs. It took about 3-4 days of some deep down discussions with her about what I was feeling when I grabbed her underwear and put them on. I really had to convince her that I was not gay, and that I had no desire to be with a man, or that I wanted to be a women. All I wanted was that sexy feeling that I don't get with men's clothes or underwear. Years ago I did find some men's thongs at Dillards and that satisfied the feeing for about 10 years.

Now, she helps me buy clothes and we play dress-up about twice a month. This coming summer she wants to take me out to dinner with me dressed up. Only I have to buy some clothes that are a little more conservative as I only have in my collection at the moment short skirts and shorts dresses and all of my shoes are high heels.

Getting it out in the open with your wife will be very hard, but well worth it in the long run.

Regards,
Martha

[Hanna]

Deanna,
Don't know if this may help.
Last spring I finally admitted to my wife that I dress. What help me to talk was I ordered a movie from Netflix "My new Girlfriend".It kinda summed up a lot of feelings that I had.
She said do you really have those feelings--- I said yes I do..and the conversation went on.
So she now definitely knows, she still does not care for it, and I don't dress when she is around. But I have to dress, and I do go out a few times a month. It keeps me a little sane.
Bottom line though is, I felt like a huge load came off my shoulders. I did not want her to find out by someone else saying something to her.
Nor do I want any friends to know either. (Small town syndrome)
Good luck.

[Estefania]

Hanna,

I always thought that maybe the best "coming out to a wife" would be "Just like a woman". But it all depends on what the coming out is really about. I thought that "My New Girlfriend" can be a bit more scarier since (unless I'm mistaken) there is reference to her being attracted to men.

In any case, Deanna... I do hope and pray you will eventually have better results than me!

Gaby

[Stephanie M]

Martina,

. Now that I realize this is a part of me and I have accepted it

That right there is the hardest thing to do.
I repressed Stephanie for 40+ years, she is finally allowed to coexist with Steve and I feel wonderful. My wife is really been great through this evolution of Stephanie, for years I was pretty much just Steve in panties and nighties, but recently Stephanie was unleashed.

[Victoria K.]

I told my wife a few months ago about my secret life and it did not go so well.Now that the shock is over and time has passed she is slowly adjusting.She would rather see me the way i was before but that wont happen anymore! that secret life was killing me and i had to set myself free.