My Wife Said This

[Ralitsa]

Well I don't have a problem with thinking of it as a hobby, maybe that only works for me and other people feel differently. For many people, their "hobbies" are one of the most important things in their lives and I don't see anything wrong with that. We have jobs to make money and pay the bills, sometimes they are satisfying and often not; but where we invest our free time, effort, attention, and emotion is really what defines us.
I have a friend who is more fanatical about trains than I am about clothes. For him, anyone who cannot accept that just will not be part of his life. He had a gf once who told him "it's either me or the trains" and she got an answer she didn't very much like. So it is possible for a hobby to mean more to a person than a relationship.
And maybe that is hard to accept or understand. Maybe it's easier to compete against a different person than to feel like one is competing against something that seems like it shouldn't be important.

[Rhanda]

Boy! After reading all this, I think that I should be able to get my license to practice psycietry. I do like the thought that a man's hobbies are aften more important than his work and can seem more impertant than his marriage. I had a friend who went fishing every day after work and his wife waited every night by the fish cleaning station to do her part. I asked her once if she really liked to clean fish. Her answer " I don't even like fish, but I just adore my husband.
In this country, if you want to fish every day you have to fish thrue the ice for about three months and one year the Ice broke and he drowned. She told me that she would really miss cleaning the fish. I thought she was only kidding but later she married his widdowed fishing partner. I often wandered if she did this for the right to clean fish.
This is a real storry.

Rhanda

[Tasi]

The comments are getting interesting. It's perhaps easier for a non-TS crossdresser to explain crossdressing as something like a hobby, except it's a hobby that we won't ever lose interest in. I was a model railroader was I was younger for many years. If a GF had given me the ultimatium of her or the trains, yea well, goodbye sweetheart. There's the axiom that men marry women hoping they will never change and women marry men thinking that they can change them. neither is true of course.

My wife was remarking in a conversation with friends today that we did a summary of what we liked or didn't like about each other and some 40 years later, not much has changed. Perhaps this hobby of ours is more difficult to accept because it does change the binary relationship, but it is who we are. So if you love the person, our women need to learn to at least adapt if they want the marriage to survive.

Hugs.....Tasi

[SilverLady(SO)]

So if you love the person, our women need to learn to at least adapt if they want the marriage to survive.

::mutter, grumble, mutter::


Oh, Tasi, you know that is just so wrong, shame on you!!

It's not "our women" (meaning the GG/SO) who must do this.


It's a 2-way street, and compromise comes equally from both parties in the relationship.

So if you love each other, then both parties in the relationship need to learn to adapt if they want the marriage to survive.


Period!


- SL

[Rhanda]

Just so everyone gets the meaning of my previous post in this thread.Here is what I was trying to put across.

This couple had something going that every marriage needs. They were deeply in love. I never knew what that special thing was for it was private. It is probably something like my wife and I have. We know that we are not perfect and I am even less perfect than she, but we never miss a chance to tell each other how much our love meens.

The couple in the story overlooked their imperfections and let love show. That's what it takes. If you love each other tell each other. Not only with words but in all the little things that come up. Enjoy each other. Be best friends. Surely there are some things that your partner does that you wish they would not. Overlook those as often as you can. Give that special person a little extra time and give it with a hug.

Find out what drives her and try to understand it. After all aren't you attempting to get her to do the same thing?

I just told you how my marriage has lasted for sixty five years this January 29.

Rhanda

[Tasi]

You are quite correct my friend and of course it is a two-way street; never meant it otherwise. Both parties must adapt. I've written on this point many times but obviously didn't do well this time. My point was that you can't claim a loving relationship and not try to adapt. Some CDs are so narcissistic that they won't and some wives simply can't live with the fact that their husband wants to be a woman part-time. It's not an easy road for either husband or wife and relationships are forever changed once the CD comes out. Every couple has to find their own balance in the marriage, some survive and some don't. My experience among those that I know personally is that there are far more cases where the wife says goodbye Charlie, even when the husband is willing to compromise/adapt. It's heart-breaking to me to see this happen because no one ends up a winner. So you can stop grumbling at me now
Hugs......Tasi

[Anthony Simon]

In terms of Eileen's "If CDing isn't a hobby then what is it?", I like Tasi's:

...their husband wants to be a woman part-time.

This kind of hints that CDing is more like a job than a hobby, and this would make sense, because for a lot of men their identity is defined by what they do. So then, if they want to be a woman part-time, it's like their identity is in part woman (and for TS's fully woman).

On the other hand, I know there are CDs like Ralitsa (and I liked her post), who don't look at CDing as being about wanting to be a woman, so...

[SilverLady(SO)]

So you can stop grumbling at me now

Okay, you've redeemed yourself!!




- SL and Virginia

[Leigh (SO)]

Hi Kimberly,

I would have to agree with Stormy.

Personally I would hate my partner to be unfaithful, I could not think of anything worse. I did not find out that my partner was a TS while in a relationship, I knew before I even entered a relationship with him/her. This gave me the time and space to ask questions and get my head around what this means to me.

I still think the only way to go in a relationship is communication. I am sure you have both talked, but it all may need revisiting. It can be very hard to listen to a partner when they come across as blaming you, but sometimes just being able to express true feelings helps the healing process and brings people closer.

Kind regards

[Dionna]

I could not take being cheated on so do not get the rather be cheated on. As a GG partner I agree it takes talking and getting on the same page. In our relationship.....I knew from the get go so had a leg up. Fell in love with both sides.

[SilverLady(SO)]

Hi, Dionna, and welcome to the forum! You might want to wander over to the New Members section and introduce yourself to everyone.

It appears that you are a GG/SO and not a CD? Your user name must be amended to reflect that status, otherwise everyone will presume you're a CD.

Overview of Forum Rules: http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... =65&t=4640" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

User Name Tag Definitions:

We ask that all Significant Others and Genetic Girls add either the (SO) or (GG) tag - and any Family/Friends to add only the (F) tag - to the end of their user name so we may identify members more clearly.

At this Forum, the (SO) tag is used by the genetically-female wife or long-term partner to a CD/TG, while the (GG) tag is used by genetically-female girlfriends.

Send me a PM and we'll work on correcting your lack of a 'tag' at the end of your user name.


- SL

[Rhanda]

It's not that she cannnot understand that you are a little different than most other men. It is a matter of priorities. Who do you love the most, your mate or your ulterego?
She needs to know where she stands and this may be tuogh to explain to her. You are the only one who can explain this to her and she, the same to you. You must convince her that there is nothing that would be able to seperate you from your devotion to her. only you can know how to express this. Once she knows that she will never lose you it will be easier for her to alow you to participate in something as harmless as dressing in feminen clothing and wearing makeup and a womens style wig. If that makes you happy she probably will be a willing partner. She is not going to lose you to that other woman in your life. After all, it's you.

Rhanda

[Tasi]

It's a little more complex than that, Rhanda. Priorities notwithstanding, I know several girls who were absolutely devoted to their wives and would do most anything (even try to give up crossdressing although we know that won't happen), and yet the wife was far from a willing partner and both ended in divorce. You might want to read this article from Sister House that addresses the problem (written by a GG) http://www.sisterhouse.net/familyroom/2 ... /#post-615" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;. It's harmless in our eyes, not necessarily theirs.
Hugs.....Tasi