Dear GGs

[Anne Bonny]

I am kind of disappointed that no GG's have weighed in. Seems Women through the millinia have mainly been the ones to adorn themselves to attract a mate who would then drag them off by the hair to a nearby cave perhaps? But Are there ANY women who understand men like us who are essentially speaking for myself - have to limit that - normal - because CD's are a very varied crowd. Anyway essentially normal heterosexual men most of the time, but on occasion perhaps 40% of the time revel in their feminine sides all the way while still being attracted to their wives. I am a faithful husband and will be having in a few years (my wife is terminal in the advanced side of early onset Alzheimer's Disease, currently yelling in the back ground probably down to 18 mo to two years??) to find another life mate to hopefully marry. Are there women who when their mate is fully adorned and made up and feeling very feminine - are able to still be aroused and find their mate attractive and kiss them etc? No matter what their presentation which would be either presenting as a normal female, or their manly masculine selves? Can they accept full equality? I believe I can and at times enjoy a more submissive following role allowing my mate to lead on occasion equally??

My full thread on this can be found on Dressing again under Crossdresser talk.

[Anne Bonny]

Hum I am either a pariah on this forum for some reason, or the answer is a flat out no. I am actually a fairly normal guy ladies talking to the genetic females here. I sail, mow lawns, fix things and frequently tear up and bruise my body moving too fast and banging into things on my boat. I do cook Some, do laundry, vacuum occasionaly and like to watch the news. I have deployed to Saudi, wear my booney hat when I am a yard warrior, use a chain saw on occasion when a large limb falls off one of our ancient oaks - it just happens that I suffer from - enjoy rather dressing on occasion but not publically. prefer blondes like Felicity Kendall see the You Tube Ad for See Africa Differently - still gorgeous in her 60's. Once my wife is gone - which will be hard I have no intention to delude myself about it part relief yes but will take a while to work through the grief - I am a little teary writing this 21 years!!!!! Yes we loved each other, she loved me so much I know my crossdressing was a blow but she stuck by my side. Oh well......

[Eileen (SO)]

Dear Anne,

I keep coming back to reread this post and not sure how to respond. Since this is an old post, I was going ask how the wife was doing. I read she's gone now. It's hard to deal with a terminal loved one, if they must go, pray that pain is minimal.

The first line states that you are 'disappointed that no GG's have weighed in'. Weigh in on what?
Seems that your concern is whether a spouse accepts and loves her Cd partner the same when dressed female. That I can fairly answer. The affection is the same. He may be timid dressing in front of me, I give him private time and stay out of the way. Possibly, I should help more to show support. I do offer suggestions on attire after 'she's' all done up I get a little jealous when 'she' goes out. I have gone with, but it's not a couples night, all the girl friends are fun people though.
I'm not aroused seeing my guy dressed as a woman. She can look good enough that although I know who's behind the make up, a kiss seems a little lesbian for me.

Hope this helps out.

Eileen

[Noeleena]

Hi,

This ? has come up on many of the forums im on. both dresser's and trans , im allso on women only forums, as well.

I can not answer from a male point of view though i have listened to many men & women on thier thoughts, the main point is what i see will be can a dresser or trans person be accepted with thier difference from another female / woman in reguard to a friendship view to marrage ,

The women i know, nothing less than a 1000 seem in the main not to wont any thing to do with dresser;s because the bottom line is its about being male a man being manly & what it takes to be that man, in how they are seen i wont say every thing about the man is what a woman needs in a man & that will depend on the woman concerned, you have to look at what attracts a woman to a man. what is there that the two can tune in to each other, okay sex for the male & yes for the woman what i see it does not stop there there is so much more involved for women ,

one reason i know is men dont in the main understand us in how we think & what makes us like the way we are, so create's a lot of problems and issues hard for men to see through this let alone wont to.

For a male to dress its like the woman is not good enough she has not got what it takes to be that woman so the male dress's to compensate for that lack. so its a put off .

Okay how do i see this the can of worms .im not accepted as a GG never will, that has been made very plan to myself over the years, from most on the trans and dresser forums else where in the real world of people im accepted as female though not from the hard liner lesbain groups .

I see a male as a male yet when he trys to be like myself to the point of using breast forms makeup that is to disgise himself so he looks nothing like a male trys to act like a woman does voice training & no dought a lot more, to the point of fooling others, wonting to go down the road of dateing men & where ever that leads, & after he's done changes back into his normal male self,

Is it any wonder women have a i dont wont to get into this , i need wont desire a man who will remain as one. i know i would struggle greatly with this ,

Now i do know of other women who would accept a male who dress's & would be very happy in a relastionship and marrage,

I have had 3 men who based on my profile & a few emails between us who where looking for a prospective partner, i wrote back in each case a nice letter and said they would be very disapointed in myself because i could not give them what they would expect of a normal woman ,

im not normal lets face the facts i know and ill never lead others on. im very up front, though it was lovely of them to ask of myself, in fact there were two others who were nice to me as well.

When your born different its very hard to live a normal life, i know iv had 56 out of 66 years,

Im not sure if any of what iv writen is of much value . dont know, in some ways i still feel like a fish out of water,

...noeleena...

[Anne Bonny]

Thank you for your honest answers, that is all we can expect on this site and it is appreciated. Basically it would be a very small and very special group of women who would not care how we are dressed and still be attracted and excited even though who we are underneath everything remains the same. I can understand the revulsion a woman would feel "lesbian" the same way I would feel about being with another man for sex, kissing, etc. We are expecting alot but finding that is not impossible just very difficult.

[Jane D]

"Basically it would be a very small and very special group of women who would not care how we are dressed and still be attracted and excited..."

I think most hetro women merely tolerate cross dressing because for one reason or another they can see beyond it, that is the relationship has some other aspects that are much more important in creating a lasting partnership.

Do you really think a hetro women would find a CDing SO attractive or physically exciting? I think not because by definition that means she is not hetro at all - but is bi-curious, bi or same sex oriented.

Imagine if you had a wife and she craved to dress male and you were the typical straight male. Maybe you could accept it, tolerate it, be helpful and suggestive because you love her and knows it floats her boat - but you would not find yourself attracted to the look or be excited by it. As a hetro male you wouldn't be attracted to other males or facsimiles thereof, but to young women of child bearing age (not trying to offend anyone here but it is what it is).

Does this make sense or am I off base here?

[Judith(SO)]

I've been exchanging views with another SO here and we both agree that it must be so difficult for a guy to admit his crossing to the girl he loves, we both feel that it must be one of the most difficult things he would ever have to face up to, and of course there are valid reasons for his fear of her reactions.
Having said this, I still would have preferred to know before we walked down the aisle, instead of finding out some twenty years later.
From my side, I don't agree with some who say that the reason men don't tell us is because they love us so much, that just doesn't add up. I know that my man loved me deeply (and still does I believe)but I believe the prime reason he never told me was he was terrified of my reaction and that I would end the relationship, it was out of fear of embarrassment and possible loss that he kept it from me.
In more settled times I can now appreciate the difficulty he had and what he's lived with all these years, the fear of being found out must have eaten away at him and the fact he couldn't share his feelings with anyone is quite sad.

I agree with you in that I'm prepared to live with it because beyond what he does he's my husband and father to our children and he's a good man, and although what he does is not my thing and it makes me decidedly uneasy, I would never do or say anything to belittle or embarrass him, I want our marriage to survive and thrive and for us to eventually grow old gracefully together, and I'm not prepared to allow clothing to jeopardise it all, I can only live in hope that just dressing up is all it'll ever be and hope there isn't more to it in future, but we mustn't cross our bridges before we come to them.

What you've said certainly makes a lot of sense to me, and I commend you for being forthright, sometimes people don't necessarily want to hear the truth, but as you say, it is what it is, and to be honest, the mental picture of my man in a dress certainly doesn't excite me, it has the complete opposite effect, even if I wanted it to be different I can't make it be so, it just gets back to the fact that there are aspects of our psyche cannot be changed. I would never ask him to stop, because I don't believe I have the right to dictate what he wears, we're mature people and he has the right to make his decisions, albeit he has to bear the responsibility of what may occur if it became general knowledge within our community, usually if there's a possibility of something happening, sooner or later it will, but I'm getting back to those bridges again.

Thanks for your input, I found it had a refreshingly honest tone to it.

Judith.

[Noeleena]

Hi,

Yes Jane it does,

As iv grown as a woman .

How i saw things from a female mind set . in how i think.i did not have to look at the difference between males and females i saw it as i was growing at the time it was not about growing as a woman then age 24,so matters of this kind did not come up what did come up was could i ever get married, because i was born different.

over the last twenty years age 46 on as i was matureing as a woman and more so the last 10 years details became more to the fore, i then had to search my inner most being and ask how would i approch this ? of could i marry a male would i, and will i , oh dear this is when i had to look very hard how does a female come to terms with a trans or dresser. with in a marrage,

to be very honist i knew i would struggle, now i have friends who are trans and dresser.s , to me they look as male as you can get, in every way. i accept them as they are, okay, myself as a female i would hit a brick wall. im putting aside my other real thoughts of what happened in our family Mom and i , concerning men , and just seeing this as a normal female,

could i live with a male trans or dresser i know im effected so its hard, again ...no...

To tolerate maybe more like no, attractive, well iv seen men who look very passable to the point of fooling others in fact far better than i, now phyically exciting oh heck dont know i really cant answer that, other than say no way .if with in the marriage or you married this man in the first place and nothing was said about dressing or trans issues then no ,

im not bi or same sex oriented, yet im contridicding myself here, because of being intersexed, how do i answer this im not sure i can, theres no answer well i dont know how best to answer this,

this is the very reason ill all ways say if you are trans or a dresser, then speak up lay your cards on the table if your interested in someone with the view of marrige .

My issue was i knew myself what i was i just could not explain in words as for the words we did not have them did not know any any way, so go back 66 years, you would have been put in the nuthouse, the place of fear and you were or would have been distroyed in mind, and at the age of 10 -11 i was told about this,

...noeleena...

[DonnaT]

There are women out there who enjoy this aspect of their partner, some even prefer it.

Trouble is, there aren't that many. To find one, you'll have to put yourself out there from the get go. However, age may be a factor as well.