Checking and Checked out.

[Kelly]

This is something my cross dressing coach told me.

All women are 'checked out' by both men and other women. The men checkout (in no particular order) face, boobs, butt, and legs. The women checkout hair, make up, jewelry, and attire. The subject of this scrutiny will end it - maybe unconsciously - by eye contact and a dismissive, but pleasant, smile.

Since, I have been playing armature-cultural-anthropology-field-researcher. Though I can't tell exactly what someone is looking at or what they are thinking, their behavior seems to bear this out.

Certainly, the one time I have gone out dressed, that dismissive smile was effective.

So the question to the GG's out there is, can you corroborate any of this? Either from the perspective of the checker or the chekee?

Thanks,
Kelly

[Noeleena]

Hi,

Im a bit different , not a dresser or trans, or male, i come under fire looked at seen in many places been around over sea's & i stand out some what apart from that very well known.

body wise female in shape size weight and height, i'v left one detail out & that is my down fall thats why im looked at and scrutinised so much, had i been born compleat then no one would notice me other than a normal female ./ woman, so yes i get checked & rechecked .and really im a mismatch,

so there you go, oh i have no hair dont use makeup very little jewelry, now i do wear my head wear of a scarve wraped around like a turbin so that denotes my appreance and the first thing men see is that then my face, then look away,

Women will see my head wear face then look harder, so most get a smile from me & a hi .
so now youll no dought understand why. my facial features are quite male, like some other women i know except they are compleat im not yet still female from birth, its harder in some aspects yet in other ways easy, any way i have been seen by many 1000's of people talked to many 100's been on TV nation wide, did interviews so i had many come up to me & say they had seen me on TV so said Hi.

The other detail is if you look or are a little different then expect to be looked at, i do & knew i would, just a part of my world i live in every day, all the time, not like a dresser who can change or change clothes, at any time, i dont have that no cave to rush back to,

What people need to know is we are normal in our own way just different thats all. cant change how we are born ,that was fixed before birth,

...noeleena...

[Carol Ann]

Sorry I don't let any of that brother me as I stand in line like anyone else and yes you get checked out sometimes.

I stand tall and act like a women, truth is you have to stop worrying about what people think and be WHO you are, a women.

[Kelly]

Both Noleena and Carol Ann address two sides of a broader are I am thinking about, the art of passing. There are two sides: what you need to do to succeed and what to do when you are read.

The second is actually easier to deal with. You deal with it with confidence and dignity and don't worry about it.

What you need to do to succeed, it seems, is not be noticed. Easier said than done. When your out and about everybody looks at everybody. But not everybody is noticed. When thinking about what it takes to not be noticed it led me to the examination of just what about a woman is checked out by those around her.

Thus my original question. If there are indeed two constituencies, then one has to pass the initial scan test of each. If you are out of the ordinary - or as Noleena describes it a mismatch - then there is the double take.

I know from personal introspection and conversations with other guys what is in the male initial scan. What I'd really like to hear from the GGs is if I have the right understanding of their initial scan, or if they think there actually is one!

Secondarily, the whole thing about the eye contact and dismissive smile. I've been a life long people watcher, and have seen too many instances to not conclude that there is some sort of protocol going on.

Kelly.

[Noeleena]

Hi,

Acting like and the art of passing.

Acting like a female or woman , i dont do ether, because i am female and a woman, its real life .

The art of passing , that would leave me dead, what would that involve, is it clothes makeup shoes hair, all the add ons to look the part, okay thats what i get told .

Now the manisims how you interact with, = male and female this is very different between the two, if your a female youll understand, there are things going on that males dont see or not tuned in to so miss our interaction between two females,

An interesting detail from another woman about 5 year ago was, at a meeting she looked at myself saw in me another woman, till i spent time telling her about myself, she knew my voice was a little different yet accepted im just a female, so yes for some i pass as a normal woman,

Now the thing is i never tryed to be other than who i am except one miner detail in wearing my wig, for 11 years, till id had enough of getting headache's so no more, only will for our Edwardian group for a few hours, at our meetings other wise nothing,.

Sorry i have not put a pic of myself up yet till i get my main computer back, i will then . put my name on the net youll see a pic or other forums im on ,

I know this is different again yet part of what we are talking about .

The mind set = how we think the differences between male and female okay i dont think in male because i dont know how to, my wireing is / Has been female, hence my lack of understanding males , yes iv learned about & been told , its about experanceing what its like being a male that is beyound me, spos as well is i feel as female my emotions , nothing as male, though as i was growing i thought i did a bit, nothing,

So my ? is i wont get it yet any way you see things as males feel as male know as male so how do you see things in female no not quite = like how you think you see it like a woman,

For myself its my inner most part of my being, sorry if im not explaining it quite correctly, any way iv tryed,

...noeleena...

[Eileen (SO)]

Dear Kelly,

You have a cross dressing coach? How does one qualify for that job, and does it pay well? I'm thinking that would be a very interesting business card to receive in exchange.
Now, keep in mind that my opinions come from long talks with my CD hubby and some of 'her' friends. These talks also made me think about how I view other people in the general public.
As an amateur cultural, anthropology researcher, you know that each gender looks at the world with different eyes. There are so my scenarios to discuss, but for ease of discussion, we'll stick to two people passing each other at a mall.
Yes, guys check out the favorite body parts of a woman, with a casual glance at the face. Unless the face is really bad or stunning in appearance. I found myself checking out first if the person looks clean, then if the clothing is neat and fits. That doesn't mean that someone in work clothes puts me off. There is a difference from someone dirty from hard labor and those that have bad hygiene. Oops, I admitted to checking out guys. Ahem, seeing other women, same thing about clothing, then how the face or hair is done. One thing, I so wish women would wear clothes that fit. I could do a whole page on poorly dressed girls and women I see at the check out lines.
If eye contact is made, women do a disarming smile. If you are not confident in portraying the gender you are dressed as, diverting your eyes is a giveaway. So, walk with shoulders back, knees straight, and smile if someone gives you a glance.

Eileen

[Kelly]

Hi Ellen,

Yep, I have what I consider a coach. Actually she is one of the hostesses at a make over service I used the first time I went out. She was more than a (excellent) makeup artist and tour guide. She instructed as she went along, gave all kinds of tips and hints, and is sincerely interested in making sure her 'girls' have a great time and are successful. I'm sure it doesn't hurt repeat business either, but if she weren't honestly sincere she wouldn't have been so open and sharing.

We still exchange emails from time to time.

So I think of her as a mentor or coach. So that is how you get the job.

Thanks for your insights, that is exactly the kind of feed back I'm looking for.

Kelly.