passing or just ignored

[Janet Bern]

When I go shopping enfemme I wonder whether people dont notice me or just ignore me.
I am 6'2 and wear flats but dress appropriately. They don't seem to pay notice but I sometimes
think that they just dont want to attract MY attention.
Do you think they are too busy to notice?

[Eileen (SO)]

The problem with passing, Janet, is that nobody notices. Going by your avatar photo, you look very nice. Would you rather other women give some kind sign or secret handshake? There are other tall women out there, you are just one more.
Being ignored is passing. I had to learn to pick out 'girls' in public before I was aware, and sometimes might still be wrong. Who cares, really.

Eileen

[Carol Ann]

Oh I agree 110% as when I get out nobody cares or seem to pay attention, I guess that's why I love going to Wal Mart as everyone has their mine on something else other then another women walking around pushing a cart.

In fact I can stand in line waiting my turn to check out and people are always looking around but no one has ever said a word or looked at me twice.

Now one afternoon I was shopping at JCPenney and the sales women said to me in a soft voice "for a man you do make a nice looking women'

I believe people could care less as they have their own problems

[Rhanda]

I kind of get a buzz when someone notices my dressing, but I have never had anyone say anything about my makeup. Usually no one says anything when I m totally fem. All of the comments come when I dress mixed which is most of the time because I always wear high heels. (4 in. or higher)

Rhanda

[Davita]

Janet, Do you spend a lot of time looking around to see if people are looking? You missed some lookers. Now, whether they know or not is immaterial until they get stupid about it.

I am one of those lookers regardless if I'm drab or drag. A tall good looking woman will get seen no doubt about it. If you have a nice gait and a good smile? All the better to attract a look. Honestly, I'm sorry you don't wear a heel out now and then. They will help your legs just like a less tall person. If I'm out strutting in my heels, I can be 6'3" or 4." Well actually I save those struts for an event and not the mall, but I don't wear a flat if I don't to.

I digress. Some people are ignoring us as they will ignore anyone. Some might have an idea and still choose to ignore us as they don't have time to do much one way or the other. Sometimes we get good enough to pass and then same thing -- we get ignored or we get looked at then ignored.

This girl doesn't spend a lot of time trying to not be seen. It's not my nature; I'm outgoing -- I look people in the eyes, I smile, I talk to anyone when I am waiting for something to take place. Even I am ignored at times.

[Rony]

Davita
I look all the time fact is SO will kick me under the table "don't stare"
With the exception of one individual who was dressed like a drag queen I don't see any CD's that I can identify. I must be blind in one eye and can't see out of the other.
It might have something to do with the fact I live in the dark closet.
Ronnie

[Lacey Hadley]

I think that passing in general does not mean we are mistaken for being genetic girls at least up close. But like others said we are either not noticed, ignored if noticed or if read and I think most of us would be no matter how good we try if we interact with others in a one to one situation, is that the other person(s) treat us respectfully as the gender we look while being dressed and out.

In reality most people in life are too polite to intentionally go out and offend. So even if you are read when interacting with others, be they men or women these people will treat you respectfully and kindly as the lady you are trying to portray. But again in most cases others are too steeped in their own affairs to bother to notice and/or if they do it's a fleeting noticing of a CDer. Of course how you dress will affect the level of notice, just as a GG does. A GG dressed more fancy, or showing more skin so to speak and /or in dressy shoes or boots especially heels will in of herself be seen and noticed more by both sexes. This is not necessarily a good or bad thing as said GG may wish to have said recognition. So if a CDer dresses in similar ways, being noticed will be greater. But still, most of this, will be a fleeting noticing by said people in public and most will not interfere or act belligerent to you.

Yes, one can have some ignorant knuckle dragging blowhards of either gender especially a group of like minded dweebs who get a kick or a thrill out of reading a CDer and making some ahole comments, but they only speak more of themselves and their ignorance, lack of etiquette and compassion for others... THEY WILL GET THEIR COMEUPPANCE ON DAY!

In today's world I feel many others out there will if noticing a CDer be at most intrigued and fascinated by a CDer, especially if a CDer tries to look as best she can when en-femme. The said reading of CDers by others is a interesting tweak in what would probably be other people's often drudgery -like daily life and at least be an interesting topic of conversation later on with others...

Person A:" Hey, honey, while out guess what I saw today?"
Person B: " What did you see today?"
Person A: A cross dresser (tranny)!
Person B: Oh wow really, what did (he, she, they) look like?
Person A: Pretty nice, (he, she, they) looked good and to try very well at being the girl (he, she, they) wanted to portray.

the discussion above could go on and on...


Looking good and hopefully more but maybe accepting less passable when out en-femme is a desire that CDers picture in our minds. But being treated as the gender we portray regardless of being read or not is what we truly desire when out and interacting in public.

[Noeleena]

Hi,

Passing or ignored.

This depends where you are and what your doing lets look at over 200 people all in the same building and over 40 are on stage and only a few feet away from those in the front seats lets even get closer .

those watching are sitting 3 feet away about 6 people who i did not know and many were watching us and myself for an hour and 1/2 . enter our 4 bands 3 Brass and Scottish pipes and 4 drummers ,

As you know i play the drums and percussion plus i was slightly unsetteled as we had another drummer who we together played and we then did independent some parts,
once on my section doing the march i let rip ...well... thats my forta and i did talk to some at 1/2 break and after ,

My detail was we drummers had never played together or knew what the other was doing this is why i was some what unsettled ,Im used to a full on drumcore and knowing what the others are doing ,

any way to ? at 1/2 break i did talk with one of our Brass members and she did not know my background yet has known me as a member for two years did not know wether i was / am male or female she knows now im female ,

so i think many would not know, most if not all from the Sally Army know though i doubt all from our Brass band know what i am so they quess or say him her male female , so i dont really pass in the sence of what am i really though they know i only use female loos ,I have not bothered to say much about myself only if asked my name , i dont mind how im addresed though out side of this group and groups im known just as a normal female .

I,v come to i wont say any thing un less i,m asked because im just known i,m a brass band member and play percussion same with our Youth Orchestra i dont think its importaint they wont me there and no issues , as we,d say im just part of the wood work ,

...noeleena...

[Deidre Taylor]

The real question is there really a difference between passing or blending in if you prefer that term and being ignored. I know when I was part time and out and about I was always happy if I didn't draw stares. It told me that I fit in (there's perhaps even a better term) the situation. Did it mean I hadn't been read? Maybe yes or maybe no but to me it meant I had dressed and acted appropriate for the situation and environment and that was my desire. Well usually it was!

If you are seeking to stand out and be noticed then overdress, wear those huge breast forms, and 5"heels to the grocery store. If just being accepted is your goal then just fit in and accept the fact no one will give you a second look.

[Karen Ski]

In a way this is kind of a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation. I can remember my early days out and yes I wanted to be noticed, seen as a woman. I know in those early days I drew my share of attention, probably for all the wrong reasons sadly. As time went on and I perfected the look and mannerisms as well becoming more comfortable in a wide of variety of situations I noticed I was "notice" less. Not sure if I was passing back then but rather more accepted.

Isn't that what you want Janet? To be accepted in the situation as you choose to present yourself? So maybe your question has a 3rd possible answer - passing, ignored or accepted?

[Janet Bern]

That is exactly what I am aiming for. To blend in and not be noticed as anything but a female
doing what females do when shopping and having lunch.

[Virginia]

For "us," it use to be like going out for a drive, the other drivers were in their own little world with the radio, cell phone, whatever, they never saw us, (pass or not). That has now transferred to virtually anywhere you "walk." If you can separate yourself from your own cell phone for a couple of minutes, notice most everyone else has one stuck to the side of their head! They would not know if someone was running through the store waving an AK-47 or dropped dead of a gunshot to the head right in front of them. Most would just step over the body and keep talking!!!

Thus the status of what we have become!

Virginia

[Trudy]

Well said Virginia although it is a sad commentary on the state of the world around us. I have seen people walk into other people and even once a parked car because they were just too occupied with their phones. Between phone calls, GPS and Facebook we have generations out there who don't seem to be able to disconnect.

MY BF and I were out for dinner a while back at a nice restaurant. Sitting at a table near us was a family with 2 teenagers. I swear the 4 of them never said a word to each other or looked up. Instead all of them stared at their phones oblivious to their surroundings. Is this what we have come to as a society?

[Deidre Taylor]

Amen Trudy! As a waitress I have many times seen the scenario you discuss. Many times I have had to endure people who order by pointing at the menu because they cannot take 10 seconds from their precious conversation then get aggravated when you ask "How do you want your eggs?" And these are generally the people who call you over to order because they are in a hurry to get out. I realize to them I am just a lowly waitress and not worthy of their time but what happened to common courtesy? I can remember an old boss tell me "No one will ever know how stupid you are until you open your mouth and tell them." Well sometimes actions speak louder than words.

[Kim D.]

Going back to Janet's original comment I have wondered the same thing. I'm 5'10" and even though I don't look too bad in my opinion there is no way anyone is going to mistake me for a beautiful woman, maybe a tall, fat, ugly old woman but not much more. In a way the fact people ignore me tell me that there is maybe at least tolerance for girls like us. Not sure it is acceptance but just an attitude of it is OK for me to live my life as I want as long as I don't involve them. I do try to dress appropriately for the situation, sure I am more apt to wear a skirt than slacks but I do dress and act age appropriate, I'm 67.

Don't try to over analyze the situation Janet and enjoy!