Eileen - thanks for the invite! I am in a new relationship and one of the current issues that we are working through is the thought that the more female I become (not only in dress terms - but also in terms of surgery / hormones), the more the relationship takes on a lesbian hue for my partner.
Now actually - we are openly discussing this and she appears to be adapting to this strange new world very well - but I wondered how other SO's felt / dealt with this issue?
Hugs Ginny xxx
Relationship Issues - TG & SO
Moderators: CathyAnn, Eileen (SO)
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Ginny Jones
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 266
- Joined: Sat Apr 21, 2012 6:53 am
- Location: United Kingdom
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Eileen (SO)
- Moderator
- Posts: 1082
- Joined: Mon Sep 02, 2013 10:29 pm
- Location: Near Chicago
Re: Relationship Issues - TG & SO
Ginny,
You have a special lady! My perspective is that I wish to be married to a functional male. As long as he doesn't make us an embarrassment in the neighborhood, he can dress and get his 'girl' on. I know everybody is different. My guy does not wish to transition, I believe so because he says he enjoys his male role as husband, father, and in his work. Had he been born female, would he be happier? Impossible to say.
We have this life now and enjoy it. Him dressing female has added a twist I never could have imagined before. However, if he were to start hormones or consider surgery, that's a deal breaker. I love him, but I love 'HIM'. I have needs too!
Just my opinion.
Eileen
PS. Ginny, if you wanted to eventually transition, why did you commit to a female partner in the first place?
You have a special lady! My perspective is that I wish to be married to a functional male. As long as he doesn't make us an embarrassment in the neighborhood, he can dress and get his 'girl' on. I know everybody is different. My guy does not wish to transition, I believe so because he says he enjoys his male role as husband, father, and in his work. Had he been born female, would he be happier? Impossible to say.
We have this life now and enjoy it. Him dressing female has added a twist I never could have imagined before. However, if he were to start hormones or consider surgery, that's a deal breaker. I love him, but I love 'HIM'. I have needs too!
Just my opinion.
Eileen
PS. Ginny, if you wanted to eventually transition, why did you commit to a female partner in the first place?
Not only a wife, a girlfriend too!
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Rader
- Miss Silver Goddess
- Posts: 44
- Joined: Sun Feb 09, 2014 7:16 pm
Re: Relationship Issues - TG & SO
My wife was OK with my dressing; As long as I staid in the closet
and not an embarrassment to her.
My Brother transition about 20 years ago. She and her wife still live together,
They seem happy, but will not talk to anyone about their life.
One thing I know, from fixing a closet door for him, they still sleep
in the same bed.
Rader
and not an embarrassment to her.
My Brother transition about 20 years ago. She and her wife still live together,
They seem happy, but will not talk to anyone about their life.
One thing I know, from fixing a closet door for him, they still sleep
in the same bed.
Rader
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Ginny Jones
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 266
- Joined: Sat Apr 21, 2012 6:53 am
- Location: United Kingdom
Re: Relationship Issues - TG & SO
Hi Eileen - thanks for getting back to me. I think you are right - she is a special lady!
You asked why I got into a relationship with a woman if there is a possibility of transitioning - um, OK - here goes!
I am attracted to women and not men. That whole "last chicken in the shop look" - not so much!
I have always felt that getting into a relationship meant being straight about this stuff. This is who I am - I don't want to be in any kind of relationship where I have to hide that.
Consequently, in my head I couldn't see me getting into another relationship! I do have a number of GG friends however, and I am open with them about what is going on for me. They are very accepting / encouraging - but a relationship is a whole other level!
Then one day - a female friend that I was attracted to made it clear that she wanted to get into a relationship with me! Go figure! She knew about Ginny before hand and had spent time with me dressed in both "modes". She also knew that I am still undecided about how far to transition.
Now you might think that she is hoping to change me, but in our conversations it is clear that she is expecting me to go "full time" on retiring (5 years) and that hormones / surgery are likely. Now OK, acceptance is a process - but she's working through the issues and certainly doesn't seem to be burying her head in the sand! We have the most amazing to the point conversations!
Hence my original question - potentially she is going to wake up with a woman in her bed one day! My transition doesn't change my sexual preference - but it certainly impacts on hers!
Where I go with that is to no longer see transition as an individual thing. It's not all about me! We are both transitioning in a very real sense - and as you quite rightly pointed out, partners have needs too! To date we haven't walked into any "deal breakers" ... but should they arrive I feel confident that we'll work through them. Working through them means being creative, respecting both of our needs and even includes an understanding that any point in the process might feel like a step too far! It's just as much my responsibility to compromise as it is hers. At the same time - since this is a process, I'm sure that we can't know all of the implications in advance.
Bottom line I guess is that I want it all! I want to fully express who I am and I want to love someone and be loved in return! How feasible that is ... well I'm working that out as I go and so the conversations I have on the forum are very useful to me!
Hope that answers your question
Hugs Ginny xxxx
You asked why I got into a relationship with a woman if there is a possibility of transitioning - um, OK - here goes!
I am attracted to women and not men. That whole "last chicken in the shop look" - not so much!
I have always felt that getting into a relationship meant being straight about this stuff. This is who I am - I don't want to be in any kind of relationship where I have to hide that.
Consequently, in my head I couldn't see me getting into another relationship! I do have a number of GG friends however, and I am open with them about what is going on for me. They are very accepting / encouraging - but a relationship is a whole other level!
Then one day - a female friend that I was attracted to made it clear that she wanted to get into a relationship with me! Go figure! She knew about Ginny before hand and had spent time with me dressed in both "modes". She also knew that I am still undecided about how far to transition.
Now you might think that she is hoping to change me, but in our conversations it is clear that she is expecting me to go "full time" on retiring (5 years) and that hormones / surgery are likely. Now OK, acceptance is a process - but she's working through the issues and certainly doesn't seem to be burying her head in the sand! We have the most amazing to the point conversations!
Hence my original question - potentially she is going to wake up with a woman in her bed one day! My transition doesn't change my sexual preference - but it certainly impacts on hers!
Where I go with that is to no longer see transition as an individual thing. It's not all about me! We are both transitioning in a very real sense - and as you quite rightly pointed out, partners have needs too! To date we haven't walked into any "deal breakers" ... but should they arrive I feel confident that we'll work through them. Working through them means being creative, respecting both of our needs and even includes an understanding that any point in the process might feel like a step too far! It's just as much my responsibility to compromise as it is hers. At the same time - since this is a process, I'm sure that we can't know all of the implications in advance.
Bottom line I guess is that I want it all! I want to fully express who I am and I want to love someone and be loved in return! How feasible that is ... well I'm working that out as I go and so the conversations I have on the forum are very useful to me!
Hope that answers your question
Hugs Ginny xxxx